by Neil Wilkie | January, 2022 | Neil Wilkie, Relationships
Remote working is damaging workplace relationships, here’s how to tackle it The pandemic has created a seismic shift in the way in which people work. Both employers and staff are in a difficult period of fear and uncertainty. For employers, there is a lack of clarity on whether to embrace remote working or to stand firm and call people back to their expensive offices. They are also experiencing huge problems in recruitment and retention. In the USA it has been called the great resignation with 4 million employees a month on average putting their jobs. The availability of staff is significantly reduced as is their desire to return to commuting to their previous 9 to 5 existence. Employers are now realising that they can no longer buy the presence of office staff with swivel chairs, fruit bowls and a coffee machine. Staff have experienced, overwork, overwhelm and overcommitment throughout Covid,T hey have had to cope with a barrage of communications and online meetings at home, with little opportunity to switch off. They have also had an opportunity to reflect on what is important to them and decide on a different rhythm of working in the future. Remote working has kept the world ticking over but Zoom and telephone are a poor substitute for raw, messy human interaction where we can touch, smell and feel. We are social animals, and we need healthy interaction with others outside of our immediate family. Work is often the epicentre of people’s worlds outside of the home and gives them money, purpose, status, fulfilment, and social contact. It gets them out of the house...
by Neil Wilkie | November, 2021 | Neil Wilkie, Relationships
The four different attachment types and what this means for relationships. Attachment theory says that for their social and emotional development, children need to form a relationship with at least one primary caregiver. This attachment normally develops through four stages from about 6 months up until the age of about 3. Dependent on the child’s experience with their parents, they will fall into one of four attachment styles: Secure; where there is a positive view of themselves and others. This will come from a caregiver who is emotionally available and responsive. Anxious; a negative view of self and a positive view of others. This will come from a caregiver who is unpredictable and critical. Avoidant; a positive view of self and a negative view of others. This will come from a caregiver who has not met their emotional needs Anxious – Avoidant; An unstable view of self and others. The caregiver is unpredictable or frightening. These patterns are likely to continue into adulthood unless there is a significant self-exploration to help people understand their patterns and want to change. If you want to check your attachment style click here. How it Affects our Relationships We all have baggage from our childhood. We cannot change what happened, but we can change how we allow it to affect us in the future. A relationship is built on 3 main characters, You, Me and Us. For it to be a strong relationship, each needs to be built on strong foundations and to exist independently rather than co-dependently. People with secure attachment normally have more satisfying and longer-lasting relationships than those with other...
by neil wilkie | October, 2021 | Neil Wilkie, Relationships
What does the state of our rubbish say about our relationships with ourselves, our communities and our planet? Why is it that some people take pride in how they leave places that they visited and others could not care less? What impact do these different values and behaviours have on what we see and what we feel? Our rubbish says something very deep and symbolic about our society. I am very fortunate to have come back from a month in France. A whole month sailing, walking, and cycling in Brittany and the Vendee. In all that time I saw 3 pieces of rubbish, all single cans of energy drinks squashed by the roadside. In 10 minutes yesterday, on a short walk along the well-heeled streets of Lymington, I counted 103 pieces of rubbish, including face masks, plastic packaging, beer cans, paper. This made me feel very sad that I am living in a community where too many do not care. What is the difference that makes the difference? We both live in beautiful parts of the world with similar demographics and income levels. We are both countries of intelligent and caring people. Is it provision of bins? In France, litter bins were very rare, on many pristine beaches, there were none. Was it about signage, exhorting people to keep the place clean? I saw none in France. Maybe it was about regulation, but I saw no evidence of threatening fines to litter louts. Was it about supervision? Police and officials in high vis jackets were noticeably absent. So what is it that enables the French to have...
by Neil Wilkie | September, 2021 | Neil Wilkie, Relationships
What will make us truly happy? There is a lot of pressure in the media to look beautiful. Do we just age gracefully and accept the inevitable impact of time or do we want to make the best of our body and brains? How do we judge what is acceptable and what is not? Are we dependent on validation of our own beauty and value from ourselves or from others? Where does the pursuit if perfection, by standards decreed by others, end? What is a Tweakment? Tweakments are non-surgical or ‘aesthetic’ procedures such as Botox and fillers to smooth wrinkles, soften skin and create subtle changes to the face and head. Here are five important questions to answer. 1, Should couples have ‘tweakments’ together? The important questions that they both need to ask are: How do we feel about ourselves as individuals? If we are significantly lacking in self-belief, then this is unlikely to be the sHow strong is our relationship? If it is weak, then again, there are more important things that we should be doing first.Is this something we both really want, or is one going along with some reluctance? If so, it may create an unhealthy imbalance. What is the outcome we each want and are these coherent and compatible? Is this a one-off or will this become a never-ending journey of improvement? Is this driven by our own internal feelings or are we seeking external validation? 2. How does ageing impact someone’s mental health? Couples are on different journeys of ageing and at different speeds. A female will be affected by the...
by Neil Wilkie | July, 2021 | Neil Wilkie, Relationships
Are you in a great relationship or are you hoping to start a new one? If you are looking to start a new one, here are some thoughts contrasts with the animal world and the whole dating process laid out simply. We have been in and out of lockdown and uncertainty for the last 16 months. Fear and frustration have been building up and dating has been difficult. We are now almost free and can burst out into the sunshine to perform our mating rituals. Potential partners will be wanting to find someone too and there will be a flurry of activity, so the sooner you are ready to date the better, as the best will be going fast. The ancient belief was that the purpose of dating is to find your ideal partner, procreate and ensure the survival of the human race. Maybe now we are higher up Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and are looking for self-actualisation. Are we wanting to have a loving and fulfilling relationship and have fun and great sex along the way? It also used to be, incorrectly and arrogantly, claimed that Humans were the only species who had orgasms. Maybe someone should tell that to male pigs as their orgasms last, on average 30 minutes (and that is with a man in a white coat and stopwatch timing them) and as long as 90 minutes. Here are some other aspirational examples from the animal world (With thanks to Clifton Mark). Are there any ideas there that we could model? Adelie penguins – A stone is a Girl’s best friend Male Adelie penguins...
by Neil Wilkie | June, 2021 | Neil Wilkie, Relationships
In this video, I talk about how one small ripple can have a huge positive or negative impact on a relationship. If we can recognise when our relationship has changed and what the ripple was, then we can either replicate the positive or deal with the reason for the negative. This will help our relationship to be resilient and to flourish. Read more about Neil Wilkie and his other articles HERE ‘We Are The Positive Psychology...