Dreams have become deeper and more vivid during lockdown. These are being called ‘Quarandreams’

Dreams are the natural and safe way that our brain uses to process thoughts, memories and possibilities to make sense of them.  The brain can then let the detail fade away and focus in on what is important. Once the dream is over, the brain has done its job and it can be forgotten.

The reasons for the changes in dream patterns during lockdown are:

·      Being woken up naturally rather than the alarm clock

·      The stress and uncertainty of lockdown

·      Fluctuation in hormones

·      Being trapped indoors with less natural light

·      Different work and sleep patterns

·      Heightened emotional states with more for our brains to process


Broken sleep and waking naturally, rather than by the alarm, means that we are more likely to recall our dreams and, if we wake during REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, the dream is likely to be stranger and more bizarre.

Your dreams can give you an insight into your relationship and what is buried in your subconscious or unspoken and unresolved. Here are some dreams that people are having about relationships, what they might mean and how to deal with them:


Taking revenge on your ex


If your last relationship did not end well or you feel that you were treated unfairly by your ex, then there may be buried resentment that might surface in vivid dreams.

How to deal with this?

Resentment is like drinking the poison yourself and hoping the other person will die.

It may be helpful to write your ex a letter, stating what you were glad about in the relationship and what was not good.  Having written it, take it and burn it safely


Getting back with your ex


Was the breakup not your choice or was there unfinished business?

How to deal with this?

Look for the positives in your current relationship and reflect on why they were your ex.

Understand that going back rarely works.


Making love with your ex


Was love making with your ex better than with your current partner? Or are you wanting to show your ex what they are missing?

How to deal with this?

Discuss love making with your current partner and talk through what they have enjoyed and what could be even better. Express your feelings too so that you can make love with your current partner in different and more mutually fulfilling ways.


Having a blazing argument with your partner


This is likely to mean that there are issues that have been festering and that you have not been able to talk about.

How to deal with this?

Create the time and space where you can both talk about how you feel about this issue and see if there can be any resolution.


Breaking up with your partner


This might be you catastrophising. Your relationship is likely to be under stress in lockdown so you might be fearful that they will leave you, or you are fed up with them and want to be in control.

How to deal with this?

Focus on what you can do to connect with your partner and improve your relationship.


Your partner dying


About a third of dreams are about misfortunes. If you dream if your partner dying this may be anxiety of losing them, as you may have lost people that you loved in the past.  This loss may still be resonating with you.

How to deal with this?

If you are happy in this dream; that is a worrying sign!!

If you are sad and upset, focus on what you love about them and be in the moment rather than worrying about an indeterminate future.


The cheating dream; having an affair


This is a form of escape from the current difficult situation to an exciting place of fantasy.

How to deal with this?

What starts as apparently innocent fantasies can quickly become a desired reality and will cause a disconnection, physically and emotionally. Focus on what is missing in your current relationship and what needs to change. Talk to your partner about this and get their feelings. Then agree what you will both do to improve your relationship.  It might be really helpful to inject more fun and variety.


Making love with several people


Maybe this is you exploring a repressed desire or wanting to have a different perspective on love making.

How to deal with this?

If your partner is one of the people involved, you could, gently, talk to your partner about this and explore if this is something they would like.  If they are not involved and it is just strangers then enjoy the fantasy and let it go.  Then do what you can to inject more variety and challenge into your love making.


Making love in different ways with your partner


Maybe your love making has plateaued and you are bored and frustrated.

How to deal with this?

This is incredibly simple; talk to your partner about your dreams and help them to express theirs. Then agree what you are both going to do to test out those different ways.


Read more about Neil Wilkie and read his other articles HERE


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