The Wisdom of Loneliness

The Wisdom of Loneliness

There is understandably an increased concern since the Covid-19 pandemic that more people have been left feeling lonely. However, is loneliness all it seems? It is defined as a perceived lack of social relationships but research has found loneliness is more complex than that. This post looks at literature that has indicated that there is a correlation to wisdom and cognitive function and feelings of loneliness. Fortunately for us, wisdom can be cognitively developed, and in turn help us experience loneliness in a more healthy way. What is loneliness? If you listen to the news, read a magazine, or read a journal article, loneliness will be described as a painful feeling of being alone. Sometimes it is linked to social isolation although most research makes a distinction. Loneliness is the feeling of being alone but not always physically being alone, like social isolation. There is even a Minister for Loneliness (UK) as the prevalence of feeling lonely is increasing.  It is always seen as distressing and unwanted and most often linked to wanting more social interaction than is currently available. Interventions to alleviate it tend to be around improving social connections, social prescribing, or cognitive therapies to help a person reframe their thoughts about their circumstances. Interventions that are based around social prescribing are not always very successful however. Something else is going on.   Thinking about loneliness- cognition There is a growing body of research that is looking at the role of cognition in feelings of loneliness. Not everyone who is lonely is without friends and family, and not everyone who is alone feels lonely. It is becoming...
Language Feeds What We Believe

Language Feeds What We Believe

Language feeds what we believe, which shapes what we think and feel- let’s take back control! Have you ever thought about the words you use, the information you absorb and how you make sense of the world around you to shape your beliefs? It may seem that what see and hear and how you learn and feel is the same for everyone, but it is not. Our brains build up snippets of information through words – spoken and written- and this builds a picture for us that we do our best to put meaning to. Each of us has a different picture. By getting to know our own picture we can refine it by re-skilling ourselves in new words, new information and new beliefs.  This post will share some of the ways we are unconsciously influenced and how we can take back control. The power of language You may think words are simply a way to communicate something to someone else, but they are much more powerful than that. Words shape how you think. Most people know techniques such as thinking positively to feel better about something. Many of us have also been around people who spend all their time complaining, and by the time we leave we feel exhausted and fed up! Words can affect us greatly. But it’s far more complex and fascinating than simply a word influencing your feelings. Different cultures and languages show us that people work out problems and experience the world quite differently based on their native tongue. In other words they have different conceptual maps for working things out. For example, if...
The Gift that Keeps on Giving: Building Your Conceptual Knowledge

The Gift that Keeps on Giving: Building Your Conceptual Knowledge

In previous posts I have written about emotions and how they are constructed by us rather than fixed within our brains. This gives us a great deal of freedom and opportunity to construct many different emotions to build a healthy emotional life. To do this we need to have a rich body of conceptual knowledge. This post will look closer at what this means and how we can do this through skill development, so we can start the New Year by giving ourselves the gift of healthy mental health and resilience.   The importance of situation We experience emotions within context, meaning with each moment of the day we are doing something, with or without another person, at a particular location, for a particular reason. All of this is data is gathered by our brains, alongside the feelings we have about the situation (it’s good or bad), and ends up as an emotion, thought, or behaviour. We therefore have the potential to have an infinite amount of emotional experiences as each moment is slightly different to the next. These differences may be subtle, but they are different and if we want we can develop the skill of constructing emotions that are specific to each of those moments. This is called ‘emotional granularity’, or the ability to be really specific about the emotion we experience for that particular situation.   Why a skill, isn’t it just what happens? Even though we all have the ability to experience our emotions very specifically, we are taught to experience them in a more general way. In our culture, we talk about basic emotions...
Embracing Our Multiple Selves in Coaching

Embracing Our Multiple Selves in Coaching

Do you ever think about who you are? Do you say you are an introvert, extrovert, creative, energetic, or some other descriptor? Often we speak of wanting to be our ‘best selves’, or we might say we ‘we weren’t at our best’. That indicates that who we are at any given time is not fixed, yet we often give ourselves a label as though we are static. People who recognise that they are more complex than a simple label tend to learn and grow more easily than those that fix their identity. This post looks at the psychology of the multiple self and how it is a far more accurate and healthy to think of ourselves as organisms with complex brain networks that live within context. Starting with our brains Recent neuroscience has demonstrated that the brain and the neurological network that operates it are very complex and multifunctional. Out of this complex network comes our thoughts, emotions, memories, perceptions and actions. Importantly this is possible because we make meaning from our experiences. The brain doesn’t have pre-programmed parts that trigger things like emotions, thoughts, or actions. Instead, each of us constructs ‘categories’ that have been formed by the experiences we have. We have many of these categories that are used to predict which one is more suitable for the moments we have. Our brains are primarily a predictive organ that makes sense of each moment and does its best to find the right thought, emotion, or action for this particular moment. Living in context It would be more accurate to see ourselves as beings that use predictive categories...
Social Reality and How to ‘emote’ Wisely

Social Reality and How to ‘emote’ Wisely

Our world has changed significantly over the last few months. This post looks at emotions from the lens of social reality. At a time when everything feels as though it is out of control, now is the time to take stock and reflect on what we can control. We may find ourselves worrying much more than we have done before, struggle with life’s meaning, and feel pressure in our current circumstances. Although we cannot change the circumstances, we can change how we interpret it and react to it. Social reality What is social reality? Philosophers often debate this question and different people have different perspectives. My perspective is that of a constructionist. By taking this perspective I define social reality as something that at least in part, I construct from my own conceptual system. That is, my judgements on what I see, what I experience, what I do is based on what I think is the ‘truth’. My truth is created from my experiences, so although there are similarities and overlapping beliefs, mine is different to yours because we have not had the same experience in life. When I see a crowd of happy revellers you might see an aggressive mob of rascals. Meaning-making Our social reality is formed from the meaning me make in what we experience each moment. We predict what the likely meaning is based on what we have experienced previously. So if my boss is always having a go about my work, I will see in my boss’ face that admonishing look, hear the tone and interpret the words in a less than positive way....
How to Develop Meaning and Life Purpose

How to Develop Meaning and Life Purpose

If you want to have more meaning and stronger life purpose, develop and love your mixed emotions There is a growing interest in the role of mixed emotions. Until quite recently it was considered that mixed emotions cannot truly exist. This understanding is changing, yet there is still a pervasive view that we need to accentuate the positive and reducing the negative ones. Research using neuroscience techniques however are starting to demonstrate the value in having mixed emotions. This blog looks at how mixed emotions are useful in having a strong life purpose, and how we can all develop our mixed emotions. What are mixed emotions? Mixed emotions are the co-activation of both positive and negative emotions at the same time. For instance, research has demonstrated that it is possible to feel happy and sad at the same time (Larsen, McGraw, & Cacioppo, 2001), and that this can be beneficial rather than be a negative experience. They are part of the complex emotions family, and some theories posit the experience of mixed emotions aid the person to absorb multiple information at a given time (Cacioppo, Larsen, Smith & Berntson, 2004) to enable better decision-making. The extent to which people experience mixed emotions varies, such as within different personalities. This suggests that mixed emotions can moderate (reduce or increase) the negative consequences of stressful situations, depending on whether you perceive them as beneficial or not (Berrios, Totterdell & Kellett, 2017). This moderating effect has even been seen in conditions such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (Bodner, Hoffman, Pagli, & Shrira, 2018). Differences can also be seen in different cultures, where...