The Currency of Love and Happiness

The Currency of Love and Happiness

In a bustling hall at the World Happiness Summit in London 2024, Dr. Arthur Brooks, a renowned scholar and speaker, captivated the audience with his profound insights on redefining happiness and love as the ultimate currencies of life. With a blend of wisdom and simplicity, Dr. Brooks challenged conventional notions of happiness, urging us to transcend the mere pursuit of pleasure and instead embrace a holistic approach to fulfillment. Listen to the audio version of this article     “Happiness is not merely a fleeting feeling,” Dr. Brooks emphasized, debunking the common misconception that happiness is synonymous with momentary joy or elation. Rather, he proposed a deeper understanding of happiness as a state of being, one that encompasses three essential elements: enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning. According to Dr. Brooks, these macronutrients of happiness must be in harmonious balance for true fulfillment to be realized. Drawing on neuroscience, Dr. Brooks delved into the intricate workings of the human brain, highlighting the three distinct parts: the reptilian brain, the limbic system, and the prefrontal cortex. He elucidated how these components interact to process external stimuli, translate them into emotions, and guide our actions accordingly. Through this lens, Dr. Brooks underscored the inherent dangers of prioritizing pleasure as the sole objective in life, warning against the pitfalls of addiction and misery that inevitably follow such pursuits. “Satisfaction in life cannot be achieved by avoiding suffering,” Dr. Brooks asserted, urging listeners to confront adversity head-on rather than seeking to evade or suppress it. In a world that often seeks instant gratification and comfort, his words served as a poignant reminder of the transformative...
Honesty Equals Health and Happiness

Honesty Equals Health and Happiness

So many of us do not speak or live our truth with honesty. We might think that it’s no big deal. Sometimes it is OK or even necessary to put on a happy face, to keep your cards close to your chest, to just keep quiet and muddle on through for a bit. But, doing this continuously is ill-advised. “How are you today?” “I’m fine” Except, you’re not fine. “Let’s go for a drink tonight” “OK” But you don’t want to go for a drink tonight. “Can you lead this new project?” “Sure” But you’re already overwhelmed and overloaded. When we keep hiding how we feel, saying ‘yes’ instead of ‘no’, building whole careers and lifestyles around things that don’t really fulfil us, this causes a great deal of inner pain. In an attempt to avoid conflict outside of ourselves, we end up causing a war inside ourselves. Dr Gabor Maté’s book ‘When The Body Says No’ is full of case studies of people who were never honest about how they really felt or what they really wanted in life. And sadly, this led to much mental and physical illness for them. The distress caused by not being honest, by holding things in, by living a façade really does take its toll. It creates dis-ease. One of the top regrets on the death bed is “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me”. We also need to understand that what you suppress will express itself in perverse ways. Suppressed sadness can turn into a deep depression, suppressed...
How to be Happy: Four Myths Debunked

How to be Happy: Four Myths Debunked

The question of how to be happy, and how to live a good life has been kicking around for aeons. Back to when the Ancient Greeks were shooting the breeze in Athens, debating what type of happiness was best, there are written records of people discussing happiness and the ‘good life’. Even earlier than that, Confucius and Buddha were exploring their thoughts and teaching their ideas on these subjects, so it seems reasonable to assume that ever since homo sapiens has been thinking and talking these subjects have been up for discussion. More recently, mainstream psychology has embraced the idea of ‘Positive’ Psychology, investigating the science of happiness and what makes life worth living – a change of viewpoint from a previous focus in psychology which often looked how to ‘fix’ us when things aren’t going well.   What do we mean by happiness? Everyone has their own idea of happiness, and one of the interesting things I’ve found as I talk to people about it is how much the idea of happiness varies from person to person. Say “happiness” to some people and it makes them think of a transitory emotion, the feeling of excitement on Christmas day, a good night out with friends, or the warm contentment of feeling of the sun on their face. Others see it as something longer-lasting – the feeling of being content with their lives that they are meaningful and rich. In psychological terms, these two types of happiness are often referred to as Hedonia and Eudaemonia respectively, but a more accessible way to think about it may be to think about...
Hard Times

Hard Times

Imagine you were born holding the script of your life in your hand. Imagine if you, your mother your loved ones could erase all the bad things that were going to happen to you. Imagine if your life were to be one of total bliss and happiness. Imagine if nothing bad ever happened, the accidents never happened, the bad relationship never happened. Imagine you met the perfect partner first time round, lived in your dream home and had perfect kids who went to a perfect school and had perfect friends and everything in your whole life was just day after day of complete perfection. What an amazing happy, beautiful, blissful life you would lead……….Or would you? I remember reading an article from a retired Jew about how happy his life was, and how much he enjoyed his life with his family and where he lived. How much he enjoyed waking up each day, how much enjoyed feeling the hot sun on his face, how much he enjoyed spending time with his family and friends. He also stated that if he had his time again, he wouldn’t change anything. What was so remarkable about this article was that it wasn’t written by someone who had lived a happy peaceful life, it was written by an Auschwitz survivor. Someone who had been through horrors so terrible its hard to imagine how he could ever feel like he did. Overcoming the odds I love to read autobiographies, from people who have made something form their lives, about how people became a successful artist, musician, a leader in their field, or just an...
Choose a Happy Winter

Choose a Happy Winter

Choose a Happy Winter We are beginning to get the first hints of winter, but before we start hibernating I’d like to take time to appreciate the autumn. What a beautiful autumn it has been. The season never fails to delight and by directly and consciously focusing on its ever-changing features, we are able to enhance our experience and add richness to our lives. Somehow, I feel closer to nature when I experience change and movement. The daily transformations of the colour of the leaves, the lengthening shadows and the change in temperature, such as that slight undercurrent of a chill heightens my sense. I feel more awake, more alive and I have a stronger sense of connection with nature.   Autumnal Savouring There are many ways to increase savouring such as taking time to deliberately stop and look around you. Take a deep breath and absorb the slight chill in the air, take in the wide range of colours as the trees put on their last display for the year, witness their multitude shades of red, yellow, orange and brown.  It is as if the tress are putting on a grand display, like a firework finale, keeping us outside for as long as possible before the chill of winter drives us indoors.   Walk Through the Seasons The best way to experience seasonal changes in nature is to take a walk. If you live in the countryside the delights of nature are easily accessible. However, if you live in a city you can still savour the changing seasons in many ways. You can go to a public park,...
What Am I Good For

What Am I Good For

What am I good for? I recently attended the International Meaning Conference (IMeC) in London (July 2019), which held many inspiring talks by inspiring people. It led me to reflect on the journey of positive psychology and how it has come a long way from being all about finding happiness to a place that also values having a meaningful life. This blog reflects on a statement, inspired by Viktor Frankl, which is: Ask not ‘what makes me feel good?’ instead ask ‘what am I good for?’ Origins of positive psychology Most people with an interest in positive psychology will be aware that the seeds were planted by the thought that we should be studying the outliers of data that seemed to buck the trend of what most people experienced in life. These outliers were individuals who, despite difficulties and challenges, still flourished and thrived. Usually psychologists would ignore these oddities (they upset their charts!), but in the late 1990s Seligman, Peterson and Csikszentmihalyi decided to explore them further. What makes me feel good? Most of the researchers under the umbrella field of positive psychology wanted to understand what made people happy and satisfied in life. This was important to create better well-being in society. However over time this first wave of positive psychology was challenged by researchers and critics who thought this was far too superficial and limited. Many studies began to emerge that demonstrated that chasing happiness as a means to an end in itself led to more unhappiness. It seemed that happiness was always out of reach, like the end of a rainbow. Positive psychology had attracted...