by Pinky Jangra | August, 2018 | Pinky Jangra, self-growth
I went to an amazing workshop a few weeks ago by one of my favourite humans on the planet, Dr Gabor Maté. I wrote pages of notes as he shared wisdom on psychosomatics, child development, trauma, addiction and healing. Many things he taught struck a deep chord with me. What stuck out in particular were two things he said about the seemingly elusive experience of self-love: 1. Self-love is not a gooey proclamation of self-appreciation Those are my words, not his; but, the message essentially was that Gabor had never experienced self-love as a gushy feeling about himself. I resonated with that because neither had I. Yet, I was seeking that kind of self-love, I thought that was what it is meant to look like. You know that feeling you get when you look at another human or animal that you love? I thought I was meant to feel that way when I looked at myself. I also thought I was meant to become so self-assured and believe that I was worthy of all the goodness in the world. I thought that was self-love; and for the most part, I was trying – but largely failing – to achieve it. Maybe that is part of self-love but, Gabor awakened me to something much more subtle, profound and less gooey: his experience of self-love was being able to be present with his own pain. Instead of trying to avoid pain – which is not just sadness/ hurt but could also be insecurity, anxiety, fear, frustration, shame or anger – or, trying to wangle out of it with the latest self-help...
by Fizza Shah | July, 2018 | Fizza Shah, self-growth
What does positive psychology say about self-belief? Positive psychology advocates human flourishing (Seligman, 1998), which also directs us towards changing our bad habits into good habits for the purpose of optimal wellbeing. Thus building self belief into a pro active self efficacy human trait is an imperative tool for positivity to take place in society today. Depression has overcome individuals to such an extent that is has become a growing epidemic disease. How do you overcome such unhealthy thoughts and what does positive psychology present to us to overcome this epidemic? The most pioneering self-efficacy theory advocates that “people’s beliefs in their capabilities to produce desired effects by their own actions” (Bandura, 1997, p.vii). The whole process of cultivating self efficacy takes variant pathways that entail adaptive psychological skills and self regulated behavioural modification strategies. These two distinctive positive pathway methods cultivate positive belief behaviours within humans. Thus postulating that these strategies actually allow humans to accomplish their core psychological and physical well being, Evidence based research has found self efficacy as a core factor in changing unhealthy behaviours into healthy behaviours (Maddux & Rogers, 1983: Rogers & Prentice-Dunn, 1997). In light of some recent high profile cases of high depression resulting in diminished well being have explores some self help measures. Some present day thinkers advocate that the following strategies must be practiced in accordance for self belief to be accomplished: demonstrate adaptive behaviour, be reflective in events of mistakes, avoid blame, self compassion, act confident and above all practice these in your daily life (Hope & Butler, 2007). Furthermore a lack of self belief has strong implications...
by Dan Collinson | July, 2018 | self-growth
Wow!! What a roller coaster of a week, full of highs and lows, its all overwhelming. I saw a good friend of mine for the first time in 15 years. I was made Vice President, which means I am the future President of an association I love and respect a lot. I was signed exclusively to a global speaker management team and I ended a long term relationship with the love of my life and the cherry on top …. I was told I have a terminal kidney condition that would end in dialysis and /or a kidney transplant in the next 5 years…. Breathe. Yes, that all happened in the past 7 days. Now as you know I am the laughter lady and I always say to laugh at life and sometimes that is a real challenge. Oh boy, that was put to test this week. Did I laugh? Actually No I didn’t at first BUT I would like to share how laughter did help me and how it will keep on getting me through this: Getting through the initial shock Being able to feel the joy and the sadness of all is very important and laughter has helped me be true to my inner feelings. I think the best thing to do when you have an emotion is to feel it, understand it and yourself and then process it. For so many years I just planted my emotions and hid them but seriously there’s is only so much a human can take before they will over flow with unprocessed baggage. So laughter has helped me do just...
by Julie Ostrow | July, 2018 | Julie Ostrow, self-growth
The satisfaction of getting something done. I love the feeling of accomplishment—big or small. I recently purchased large dry erase sheets that easily adhere to the wall. They make checking the to-do boxes even more fun. And, using bright, colourful dry erase markers adds a bit more beauty and fun! Why shouldn’t getting stuff done be fun? It’s easy to get caught up in the minutia of working endlessly until a project is completed. But, where is the fun? Are you allowing fun to seep into your day? Are you allowing fun to even seep into the mundane details, too? I get such satisfaction out of seeing my walls filled with my colourful hand-writing and with projects I have chosen to do—writing projects, projects for clients, marketing projects, timelines for conferences and speaking engagements. As I write this, I am thinking that this blog is about finding colour in the dull places. Creating colourful moments in the seemingly mundane activities. Colourful opportunities Instead of seeing my to-do list as a massive amount of daunting tasks, I see it as a list of fun and colourful opportunities! Although I so enjoy seeing the colour on my walls, I also get such a feeling of gratification when I erase that items from the board, which indicates the project or task is completed. I keep the completed to-do item on my wall for a day or two so I can stand and revel in my accomplishment. And get that feeling of “Aaaaahhh…you did it!” And, a chance to pat myself on the back for a job well-done. But, not for too long....
by Julie Ostrow | June, 2018 | Julie Ostrow, self-growth
A friend of mine, whose husband died less than a year ago was recently asked, “How long are you supposed to keep grieving?” I was compelled to share my reaction to the question. My first answer was, “What a stupid question. That is all I have to say about that…for now.” Then, I pondered the question for a few moments and formulated this response: I am not going to go into too much detail on my grief story but, rather, how I was a volunteer grief counselor in the 1990’s at Children’s Memorial Hospital of Chicago’s Heartlight program, a bereavement support group for children and their families. I was trained to honor where each grieving child was in their journey, that each of us has the innate ability to heal (that, in itself, is another term to ponder), and that everyone grieves differently. Grief journey I was honored to have been selected to speak at Heartlight’s annual fundraiser and talk about my grief journey and the loss of my mom. I likened my grief to a dark blob that encased and oozed around my heart and whole being. “Perhaps,” I said, “in time, the shape and size of this dark, sad blob will change and morph into something other than grief and only grief.” When I gave that presentation, I was 27 years old. Two years since my mom had died of breast cancer. Yes, I still grieve the loss of my mom. No, I never wanted to hear, “Oh, she’s not in pain anymore.” That is just reasoning that someone says to the griever to make themselves feel...
by Julie Ostrow | May, 2018 | Julie Ostrow, self-growth
How do you keep on being positive when you encounter or work with someone who is negative? Being with someone who exudes the opposite of your positive, bubbly, hopeful, optimistic attitude is challenging. At one job I was told not to laugh. No, I did not work in a library. No, I wasn’t laughing incessantly all day long. If I heard something funny, I would laugh. The voice inside my head told me, “Well, maybe they wish they could laugh as freely as I can.” And, “Maybe they wish they were happier.” Those thoughts give me possible insight into someone else’s struggles. (maybe.) In a different position, I was in charge of training a new employee who would be my counterpart. She never smiled. I don’t smile every single second of the day but, when I was at this job, which involved constantly interacting with customers, I always made eye contact with people, smiled, and perhaps engaged in a friendly chat. The Bad Seed Years ago I attended a presentation of Bryan Dodge, whose focus was about finding your light, your positivity. He demonstrated what he would do when he encountered an extremely negative person. He’d make the motion with his hands as if he were casting a spell and say, “Bad seed! Bad seed!” Some audience members then shared their experiences with bad seeds in their lives. Then the whole audience together cast the “Bad seed! Bad seed!” This new employee was definitely a bad seed. Her negativity, bitterness, harshness, and competitive nature would ooze from her. At the end of the day after her shadowing me, which...
