by Bryony Shaw | December, 2020 | Bryony Shaw, compassion
Christmas brings mixed emotions, it can be a time of joy, of people coming together, of sharing and thankfulness. However, it can also be a time of pressure, conflict and stress. Sometimes it can seem that there is that unspoken requirement that everything needs to be perfect at Christmas; presents chosen carefully, delicious food, feelings of connection and bonhomie. That is a lot to expect, and a lot to take responsibility for. Therefore I suggest you give yourself a gift, the gift of self-compassion. Covid Christmas In more ‘normal’ times this would be a precious gift, but in these times of the additional stresses due to Covid-19, it is even more valuable. We may find we are unable to see loved ones, or unable to give the presents we have planned and saved for, we may need to care for those who can’t be physically with us and this can all add to our stress levels. However, this can also provide us with the opportunity to be more inventive and you never know we may enjoy Christmas in a way we didn’t think possible. Self-Compassion Kristen Neff, who is one of the world’s leading researchers of self-compassion proposes that to be self-compassionate there are three elements we should consider which are kindness, common humanity and mindfulness. I have found that each one of these is powerful, however the combination of the three together has a dramatic positive impact on well-being. Kindness Christmas can be a time of ‘shoulds’, ‘ought tos’ and ‘musts’ and we can use these to judge ourselves. We ‘should’ have sent this present off by now,...
by Bryony Shaw | October, 2020 | Bryony Shaw, Strengths
How do we know when we are using our strengths? It is when we are feeling energised when a task is easy and enjoyable to complete. It is when time passes quickly when we look up and think where did those two hours go. It is when we have a feeling of satisfaction in the task itself, not just in the end product. Research on strengths repeatedly shows that using our strengths is good for our well-being. We experience more positive emotions like joy, serenity and inspiration. Barbara Fredrickson’s Broaden and Build Theory of Positive Emotions explains how this can improve our resilience as these positive emotions have a buffering effect, protecting us at times of stress, enabling us to deal with the stressful situation in a more controlled way. Overplaying Our Strengths This buffering effect is wonderful and much needed, however, there can be a dark side to using our strengths. This is when we use them too much when we do not have balance in our life. Here’s an example, take the strength of loyalty. This is a quality that many of us value, we want our friends to be loyal, employers want their employees to be loyal, we want our partners to be loyal. It all sounds good until that loyalty is overplayed, it can have a detrimental effect on the person whose strength it is. Remaining loyal to a partner who does not value and undermines you can have a dreadful effect on well-being. It can lower our confidence, create poor self-image and eventually disable us. Similarly, remaining loyal to an employer who has poor...
by Bryony Shaw | September, 2020 | Bryony Shaw, Uncategorized
Who would have predicted the changes we have witnessed and lived through over the past few months? Certainly not me. While it has been an appalling time with much suffering and fear, the beauty of human nature has once again revealed itself during these unprecedented times. Take your mind back to the first few weeks of lockdown. We were told to stay inside except to exercise and do essential shopping. We were not able to see friends and family and loneliness for some, especially those who live alone, was an unwanted and unexpected experience. Novel Connections It was during this time that I noticed how we are connecting in novel ways. People who haven’t seen each other for years are connecting by phone or zoom. Taking the time to listen and share their life again. Reminding themselves of shared past experiences and possibly planning new ones for when life becomes socially normal again. Families and friends who live apart started connecting with group online meetings and joined in with quizzes and choirs together despite being geographically remote. The underlying need for positive connection with others is a deep-seated driving force in the human psyche. Care and Consideration Outside I have noticed care and consideration between people. For example, at the park I have observed people and how they stop at a safe distance and carry out a conversation. The conversations can be lengthy, they don’t seem to want to move on, it’s as if they want to draw out the company for as long as possible. Neighbourhood support groups were set up, making sure the most vulnerable were supported...
by Bryony Shaw | March, 2020 | Bryony Shaw, Positive Psychology
I have just returned from a weekend knitting festival feeling completely rejuvenated and raring to go. Why do I feel so refreshed? I believe it is because I have been using and witnessing many Positive Psychology principles in action. Mindfulness The benefits of mindful activities where you slow down and focus on a specific task, such as knitting, are well documented. It quietens the mind’s chatter, allowing mental space to let the mind wander, to let thoughts come and go without the urge to do anything about them as you are concentrating on the knitting in hand. Additionally, because your attention is focused on the knitting, it also reduces the volume of thoughts in your head, a double benefit. Strengths The festival certainly engaged the strength of curiosity in many ways. The location of the festival had labyrinth type qualities with large halls containing a rich range of stalls comprised of wool producers, pattern designers and artists who create jewellery and wall hangings through the medium of yarn. Moving from stall to stall you became immersed in a world so different from the everyday. Then, sprouting off from the large halls were smaller rooms full of stalls, workshops and fascinating people. What is round the corner? How did they develop that technique? What sheep does this wool come from? How clever of the designer to put those colours together. Such thoughts stimulated my curiosity. Connection To Nature Many of the stallholders sold wool from their own herds of sheep or alpacas. There was even yarn from angora rabbits. This means that there was a wide range of textures and...
by Bryony Shaw | November, 2019 | Bryony Shaw, Happiness
Choose a Happy Winter We are beginning to get the first hints of winter, but before we start hibernating I’d like to take time to appreciate the autumn. What a beautiful autumn it has been. The season never fails to delight and by directly and consciously focusing on its ever-changing features, we are able to enhance our experience and add richness to our lives. Somehow, I feel closer to nature when I experience change and movement. The daily transformations of the colour of the leaves, the lengthening shadows and the change in temperature, such as that slight undercurrent of a chill heightens my sense. I feel more awake, more alive and I have a stronger sense of connection with nature. Autumnal Savouring There are many ways to increase savouring such as taking time to deliberately stop and look around you. Take a deep breath and absorb the slight chill in the air, take in the wide range of colours as the trees put on their last display for the year, witness their multitude shades of red, yellow, orange and brown. It is as if the tress are putting on a grand display, like a firework finale, keeping us outside for as long as possible before the chill of winter drives us indoors. Walk Through the Seasons The best way to experience seasonal changes in nature is to take a walk. If you live in the countryside the delights of nature are easily accessible. However, if you live in a city you can still savour the changing seasons in many ways. You can go to a public park,...
by Bryony Shaw | September, 2019 | Bryony Shaw, Nature
I have often written about the many benefits of being in nature which include increased feelings of well-being and happiness, reduced stress levels, improved concentration and lowered blood pressure. This summer has offered many opportunities to explore varied outdoor environments and I was fortunate enough to return to a favourite place, Stourhead Gardens in Wiltshire, U.K. This garden was created nearly 300 years ago by Capability Brown, the garden is mainly set around a lake and has been carefully designed to incorporate different views of magnificent trees, stone buildings and reflections in the lake itself. Appreciation of Beauty Whilst at the gardens I thought how beautifully they incorporated many of the main principles and tools of positive psychology. It is very hard not to use the strength of ‘appreciation of beauty’ as you look across the lake towards the Temple of Flora, or when you stand beneath the towering trees. It is hard not to slow down and enjoy savouring details such as the sun reflecting on the water or the scent from late flowering rhododendrons. Wonder The thing that struck me more than normal was wonder at the planning and patience that has gone into designing and maintaining this beautiful garden. The original designers and gardeners had a strong vision to enhance nature’s natural beauty. However, they would not have lived long enough to see the plants fully mature, yet they designed the garden knowing that it would develop and continue to give pleasure to benefit future generations. Random Acts of Kindness This led me to think about the things we do in our lives and how I...
