by Lynn Soots | December, 2015 | self-development, Strengths
For me, the holiday season is all about mixed emotions. On the one hand, I love the wrapping of gifts, the decorating of the Christmas tree and the smell of yummy goodies, while joyful music plays in the background, silenced only by the sound of merry laughter and the occasional sibling squabble. But then there is also the stress of endless socializing, from end of the year parties at my children’s school to social evenings designed to help employees step out of office roles and to connect through celebration. Although I do appreciate their purpose, I shy away from this form of large scale socializing. Quite honestly, it makes me feel vulnerable. The Isolated Introvert I’ve often shielded myself from this vulnerability by excusing myself from a fair share of the parties. I’ve justified this by reaffirming my belief that as an introvert, I’d rather be in the company of silence and solitude. However, the resulting feelings of isolation and loneliness have begun to remind me that its not introversion that’s holding me back. It’s the fear of social judgment that plagues the shy amongst us. To feel whole again, I need to bring down the walls I’ve been building around me, and embrace my vulnerability instead. Research shows that this may be the best gift I give myself and others this holiday season. Brene Brown’s work highlights a common human vulnerability that we all share, and claims that it is in acknowledging it that we connect with others in the deepest way. The Vulnerable Extrovert The realization of this collective vulnerability dawned on me in a coaching session...
by Julie Ostrow | December, 2015 | Community, Julie Ostrow, Positive Psychology, Relationships, Uncategorized
What does it mean to ‘go home’? I recently had the opportunity to visit the town where I grew up. I haven’t lived there in decades, yet, I visited two weekends in a row. One weekend was reconnecting with the past—my high school reunion. The following weekend was spent sharing my present—leading an improv workshop at the Grand Rapids Improv Festival and being interviewed on a local morning show. Funny thing…and believe it or not, I was somewhat shy in high school. I didn’t take a single acting class or ever performed on stage in high school. Yet, decades later, I appear on TV and teach an improv workshop in my hometown. Attending my high school reunion brought unexpected connections and friendships. New and renewed friendships. Classmates I was friends with before are now in my life again. We shared laughter and stories of old and new. It felt like I never left-sort of Having been away from Grand Rapids, Michigan through the years left me with a constant longing for home. Being uprooted after my freshman year of college and embarking on an adventure to Raleigh, North Carolina with my mom and dad, this youngest of six was forced to make a home wherever she was. Moving from a Midwestern town to a Southern town was a culture shock for this once 18-year-old. I was told I talk funny by people from all over the Southern United States. For those of you not aware, just like there are different Midwest accents—from Illinois, Michigan, and Minnesota—there are various Southern accents—from the mountains to the beach of North Carolina, Georgia,...
by Lynn Soots | November, 2015 | Relationships, self-development, Strengths, Uncategorized
Back in Canada, I knew a lovely Spanish lady whose kids were in the same school as mine. We were talking about parenting one day, and she said the secret to a happy life was to raise children with all your heart and expect nothing in return. It sounded like wise advice, and given the genuine peace and joy that she radiated, I decided to use her words as my own True North. In the years since, it’s not been a perfect journey by any means, but for the most part I’ve managed to hang in there. Lately though, I’ve begun to wonder whether the advice now needs a bit of tweaking. Human Doubt We all have our share of moments where we question what we do. For me, one such moment was a couple of weeks ago. I had been feeling unwell, and not seeing the level of care and compassion from my children that I would’ve wanted, I began to feel rather hurt. Give the mind an inch and it’ll take a mile. It took advantage of a weak moment and instantly presented me with a legal case of my endless giving and their general ingratitude. Needless to say, the hurt soon turned into anger. True, they had upcoming exams and a lot on their plates. Also true that they had tried to show real concern in certain ways. But I could see that it was not easy for them and I began to question my friend’s advice. By being indifferent to reciprocity, was I making them less kindhearted people? By not expecting gentle words and caring...
by Lynn Soots | November, 2015 | Education, self-development
I set forth on the journey into Positive Psychology for two reasons. First, to stop looking at everything through a muddy lens of what is wrong with people. Second, to far distance myself from the self-help homogeneous world of “you can do it—just put on a smile, and for $29.99 I will show you how”. Rightfully and thankfully, many professionals have banned together and published all sorts of great material related to happiness and well-being to provide insight into their area of expertise. However, not one, individually, can they address the uniqueness of every human experience; we cannot walk another person’s journey and find our destination, only find value from the insight. This in itself becomes a double-edged sword when a person compares themselves to the outcome of a ready-cook process. In many of my classes, I ask my students to ponder or to think of what it means to them— simply because there is no one size fits all. I cringe at the sight of “5 easy steps…the secret to…and revolutionary break-through” It makes life look mechanically easy, and to be frank, at times it just isn’t. The word easy means: relaxed, calm, cool, stress-free… I can’t speak for all, but I know my life is never truly “stress-free”. The facade of easy steps then becomes a mirror to disappointment and sidetracks finding meaning and love for the perfectly imperfect self. Thus I propose each person must find their own compass to guide them; find what works for them, what generates happiness and meaning along the path and not fault themselves when “one” program, process or method does...
by Lynn Soots | October, 2015 | Positive Psychology, Relationships, self-development
I have always harmonized with the idea that authentic or genuine lessons are often those lessons not taught in schools but realized from watching a true master craft their skills in everyday life. I would like to share a story about “Grandma Jennie” that is not only a story about wisdom, grace, and beauty but one that is a life lesson on how to truly make yourself memorable in the most meaningful way. Often my son and I are invited to join in festive celebrations at a neighbor’s house. Grandma Jennie lives there with her daughter and son-in-law, and family and friends visiting are a regular occurrence to generate a wonderful reason for an impromptu gathering. At the beautiful age of 95, Grandma Jennie is never a shadow or left-out person at the gathers; on the contrary, at times it is hard to get a moment of her time. Jokingly, I once said, “I have waited in a shorter line to get Billie Idol concert tickets.” So what makes this amazing woman so memorable and so special? Well, I have sat back and watched her, and her recipe is quite simple. A Simple Recipe to being Authentically Memorable: • 1 large dose of mindfulness • 1 large discarded bag of ego • 5 minutes of listening When you walk in a room, Grandma Jennie makes you feel like the party is for you and you now stand on the red carpet as the guest of honor. You are greeted with the warmest smile and a flicker of “girl giddiness” that hints something special is afoot. Then she asks you...
