Women and men can learn from each other how to de-stress
Are you aware of the fact that women and men de-stress in entirely different ways? Now this is one piece of important information. Research shows that women tend to release stress through doing chores while chatting to others. They enjoy brewing coffee or tidying up while talking to each other about a zillion of emotional issues.
This was quite easy to accomplish in traditional settings of living in extended families or tribal societies in natural surroundings where women spend a lot of time in the company of other women and shared some burdens of housekeeping.
In today’s post modern societies with their large numbers of single households or married couples without children, de-stressing that works for both partners seems to be a massive challenge.
Most people know that many men de-stress by going into the famous cave. A state of mindlessness is the preferred mode. Perhaps this is a state women could benefit from understanding and cultivating within themselves.
The Importance of the Empty Box
A stressed man is not exactly well equipped to deal with a stressed out woman who wants to chatter a stream of words into his ears while she moves many items around. This is likely to become unsettling for the standard stressed man and can easily aggravate him.
Mark Gougon brilliantly brings this message across in his “Tale of two brains”. He cracks people up with his poignant truths. His term of that particular part of men’s brains says it all: “The Nothing Box”.
Men can be completely braindead for hours, he says. And this particular box in their brains is their favorite (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Huy-oOiDMLE).
In stark contrast “womens brain’s are made up of a big ball of wire and everything is connected to everything”. Like the internet superhighway and driven by the energy of emotion. ”
Their minds never stop”, says Gougon. And nothing irritates them more than seeing a man in his Nothing Box. Now such a situation is obviously not conducive for effective stress reduction in both partners.
What can men and women learn from their stress responses?
Books on the differences between men and women, such as the Mars and Venus series, have become very popular. And many know already that men and women are so very different from each other. However, how many of us took all this information that has emerged during the past decade seriously enough to aim for a change of communication styles?
To take an honest look at how we generally communicate as men and women takes courage. What will emerge is not exactly a rosy picture. Such an examination is particularly relevant when reducing stress is an essential goal.
One of the essential feminine strengths is nurturing. And it seems that in order to get in touch with the feminine side within, getting out of the noisy realm of the mind is pertinent. It simply nurtures the soul when we think and do less of anything – such as sitting in silence, listening to uplifting music, taking a bubble bath, going for a walk or attending a yoga class.
Laughter is another awesome way to go beyond the mind. You can’t possibly think about anything while you are really laughing your head off.
However, it doesn’t really matter what we do to reconnect to what some people have called “the bliss field”: this ultimately inexplicable inner realm of peace and joy. What matters is the conscious choice to do it, again and again.
Nurturing inner peace & communicating with kindness are essential
Cultivating more states of inner peace and silent joy then seems particularly worthy to learn more about for women who suffer from their relentlessly spinning minds and also make others around them suffer from it.
Instead of stone walling from within the cave, many more men could quite easily calm their stressed partners down by acknowledging their presence through learning how to gently say a few kind words or even sentences. Sounds very easy, doesn’t it?
It seems clear to me that we could in fact quite easily fundamentally improve men-women relations when more of us would learn some of these essential lessons ingrained in our genders from each other.
Just imagine how different this world would look like if we were more conscious about our reaction patterns to stress. Imagine most of us would learn simple and effective ways to reduce stress and communicate more gently with each other.
About the author: Ute Devika Meinel is Life Coach, certified trainer of the HeartMath Institute and teacher of Laughter Yoga who facilitates workshops internationally. She was born to German parents in India and lives in Egypt.