by Pinky Jangra | June, 2018 | Happiness, Pinky Jangra
Have you noticed that when you remember a happy event, you don’t experience the memory of that event with the same level of joy that you experienced at the actual event? Four weeks after your glorious wedding day, your memories can only bring you a smile and a warm glow. Four years later, they may not even bring you that. You know it was a happy time but, you can’t fully feel it anymore. Happiness seems to have a way of dissipating fast. Painful emotions however, tend to behave a little differently. This doesn’t apply in all situations but, it’s not unheard of for a middle-aged adult to have a full on emotional break down due to a difficult childhood experience that happened 30 years ago. Similarly, we all know that people can harbour intense anger and hurt many years after a relationship break up and, a person can easily be reduced into shame by bringing up that embarrassing thing they did 10 years ago. Why is it that happiness quickly leaves us, whilst negative emotion can burden us for a lifetime? All emotions are made of the same stuff – chemicals in the body, so why don’t we experience them all in the same way? Is it instinct? We are wired to avoid pain as a matter of survival so that might explain why it has such an impact on us. However, our survival is also maintained by a drive towards pleasurable emotion – such as through eating, procreating and building close bonds with other humans. In this respect, there doesn’t appear to be a reason why negative...
by Pinky Jangra | April, 2018 | Pinky Jangra, self-development
I am a believer in the power of our thoughts. I am a believer in changing our life experience by changing our thoughts. But, I am just not sure about the simplistic way in which these concepts tend to be banded about. People tell you to ‘just think more positively’. Whilst I believe our thoughts are powerful, if changing and controlling them was that easy, we’d all be doing it. “First you make your beliefs, and then your beliefs make you.” – Marisa Peer Everyone gets caught up in the latter part of that great quote – that what we think makes who we are and our life experience. BUT, the bit that rarely gets talked about which I think is actually incredibly important is the first bit – ‘first you make your beliefs’. Or, more accurately, we should say ‘first the environment makes your beliefs’. For the most part, our deepest, biologically and sub consciously ingrained adult patterns of thought, emotion and behaviour were programmed into us in the earliest years of our lives. Through no choice of our own. We had no conscious control over our brain development Because my work involves helping people who’ve experienced childhood abuse, I’ve had to look much more closely at child brain development and understand its complex and personal nature. You see, most of our brain development happened outside of the womb and in response to external stimuli – i.e. the environment. (Although, in utero brain development is also affected by the environment). In our formative years, not only were our beliefs being shaped by what was going on around us,...
by Pinky Jangra | March, 2018 | Pinky Jangra, self-development
Recently I was getting nervous about job interviews and starting a new job. Kind and supportive friends said to me ‘just be yourself’. This is great advice which I wholeheartedly agree with. I both give and live this advice as much as possible. As a ‘what you see is what you get’ kind of person, I struggle to fake being something I’m not. The inner tension created by that kind of inauthenticity is too much for me to bear. But, I do fall into the trap sometimes. We all do and it’s because of one simple thing: We believe that ‘being ourselves’ is not enough Just be yourself really is enough If we knew deep down that being ourselves, that who we really are is enough (and it is), we wouldn’t feel the need to be something else. But, we live in a society that reminds us every day that who we are is not enough. That’s why we amend photos with filters and Photoshop, because apparently our real face and body is not enough. We pretend that we know or do more than we actually do, because our real achievements aren’t enough. We get in to debt so we can show that we have more stuff than we can really afford. We hide or change our interests, our relationships or our personality quirks, because who we are and what we choose is not enough. None of it is enough, according to some arbitrary standard and other people’s opinions. If we knew that we were enough, we would freely be ourselves. And that sounds like an amazing way to...
by Pinky Jangra | February, 2018 | Pinky Jangra, self-growth
The world of self-help has gotten very complex. There are umpteen theories and tools to increase your wellbeing, happiness and success. I use mind-set tools, emotional processes, behavioural practises and frequently I dive deep into the spiritual world. For me, personal growth is both psychology and spirituality, it is both an art and a science. And that’s just the way I like it. But, one thing that has gotten a little lost in the world of self-help, personal growth, personal development, self-improvement – whatever you want to call it, is common sense. When common sense has the answers This risk with self-help is that we can end up getting too deep, analytical or philosophical, when actually the best course of action is simple. For example, some self-help says: Accept and forgive those who are hurting you Choose more positive thoughts about that bad experience you just had Visualise your dreams so they can manifest in reality Acceptance, forgiveness and positive thinking… is this bad advice? Not at all. Even visualisation is known to be beneficial in training your brain and can impact results. But, that doesn’t mean they are always appropriate methods. First and foremost, you may just need to follow some simple common sense. For example: If people are hurting you it would be healthy for you to not be around them If something bad just happened, it’s normal to feel sad, give yourself space for that emotion Take action daily towards your dreams if you want them to manifest Sometimes, it’s really just that simple. Don’t create problems that aren’t there I did exactly this. For the...
by Pinky Jangra | January, 2018 | Pinky Jangra, self-growth
Recently an ex Facebook employee said the platform is ‘destroying how society works’. Even Facebook has now admitted that too much use of its platform can damage people’s mental health. This applies to various social networks, not just Facebook. Social media is addictive and contributes to negative social comparison, which leaves people feeling insecure, anxious and even depressed or suicidal. Some say it reduces the in-person social interactions that are critical to individual and societal well-being. And what about cyber bullying? And the physical implications of damaging eyesight, posture and quality of sleep due to squinting at bright screens late into the night and first thing in the morning. The world of social is not looking pretty. Now let’s flip the script I have experienced many of the above. But, I have also experienced exponential personal and professional growth due to the abundance of online content available to me. Social media has enabled me to build a global network of meaningful connections and relationships. I can share my work far and wide at the click of a button and take advantage of the huge career opportunities presented by social media. It’s pretty amazing. What a time to be alive! This is an unprecedented time. But, for the sake of our own health and wellbeing we’ve got to deal with the negative side-effects. Fast. Whose responsibility is it? I don’t mean deal with it by getting Facebook to implement tools to help people interact with the platform in a more healthy way. That’s good but, what we need runs much deeper than this. How social media is affecting us is...
by Pinky Jangra | December, 2017 | Pinky Jangra, self-growth
If you’re thinking of making a New Year Resolution I don’t want to throw water on your fire but, the odds are against you. 80% of resolutions fail by February in America (1) and about 60% of people who make resolutions in the UK will quit within 3 months (2). The common belief is that failure is due to things like not setting clear, measurable goals or planning bite-sized stages of progress. Oh, and not having enough will power. If you fail, it’s because you’re weak. You can’t handle the pain of change. Nonsense I don’t believe we fail because we don’t have will power, plans or clear goals. Maybe that happens in a few cases but, there’s a much more important root cause of failure which is rarely mentioned. It’s this: your goal is not YOUR goal. What I mean is, you’re setting goals that are not aligned to your own core values. Instead you’re buying into extrinsic values. You’re doing what other people think you should do. Society makes people think they should lose weight because ‘slim people are more attractive’. One’s parents can make them think they should save money because ‘not having money makes them unsuccessful’. Their friends make them think they should travel more because ‘not travelling means they are missing out’. So, off they run into the New Year sunset with these goals in tow. But, pretty soon they’ve given up. This is because humans are inspired to act in accordance with their own deepest values, NOT in accordance with the values of other people. “If there is something that you believe you...
