Forgiveness Part 2
In the previous “forgiveness” blog I discussed the process and the influencing factors that make forgiveness such a difficult road in some cases; it is not hard to understand why strength is needed to move us through the journey. The depth to which the cut extends carries equal burden of emotional turmoil. Sorting through those emotions is a difficult and a challenging process that includes reasoning, thought-battling, denial, facing each emotion, and then the decision of if one can un-cup one hand and release the emotional turmoil behind what begs forgiving while holding on to the value of seeing the self through the lens of their strengths to endure. In Robert Enright’s book Forgiveness is a choice: A step by step process for resolving anger and restoring hope, he discusses the pivotal point of choice to choose forgiveness solely for self and reparations of one’s own mental and holistic well-being. This is not only withr forgiveness of others, but of self as well. The forgiveness of self often accompanies forgiveness of others but can stand alone when we condemn our self for actions or an act that has cause another pain, sorrow and suffering.
The release, like the process of forgiveness is not a quick-lock switch where all negativity is gone in an instance and one uncloaks themselves from all negative feelings. The choosing to forgive is like standing at a cross roads and deciding the next path of the journey; the journey of coming back to self while making peace with the negative feelings inside. To do this, a commitment must be made to accept that the journey will not deny rebirth of negative emotions but will be dealt with deliberately and balanced with conscious choices to move the negative weight platform upward by unloading the burden of shame, guilt, hatred and anger and bring into reach the positive weight platform that brings back joy, happiness, peace, love and contentment to life.
The conscious effort to move the scales can include a number of purposeful thought and actions. While this list is a start, it is not inclusive of all that can be done during the second leg of the journey back to self. First, there must be an acceptance that we are ready to start the forgiving process. Second, there must be an acknowledgement that some control over the situation and evocation of feelings will not be predictable at all times. Third, the thoughts that have kept us in the realm of despair and ruminating feelings must be challenged daily by counter active measures that push out the negative thoughts and pull in the positive thoughts. For example, acceptance of self, actions and outcomes as part of the whole, not as pieces thrown away. Positive acceptance can be seen in the light of personal introspective thoughts that is two-part, to let go and to hold on:
To let go:
- I chose to forgive but not forget; I honor myself with love and the gift of a happy life; I let go of destruction.
- I will hold on to the memories that created so much love and happiness in my life and I will revisit those memories as a way to keep a legacy alive: I honor the person which meant so much to me and is now gone; I let go and open myself to love and memories.
- I forgive myself for human acts and know that from this day forward I have the opportunities to live life free of self-doubt, fear and condemnation; I honor myself by creating a life that is good and worthy of happiness of self and to others; I let go of blame.
- I chose to forgive and move forward knowing that I cannot control the acts of others; I honor myself by not carrying another person’s bad actions around with me; I let go of being consumed by hatred.
- I chose to forgive myself for actions during the process of understanding that I needed to move forward to forgiveness whereby I negatively impacted another and myself; I honor myself and others by allowing them and myself to see me in a way that brings joy and happiness to all of us; I let go of self- destruction.
- I chose to forgive myself for past action that I cannot take back; I chose to honor myself by moving forward with sincerity to replenish good where I have depleted it; I let go of self-imposed suppression.
- I will honor myself by allowing myself the time to heal and by not pressuring myself to be, act, or feel anything than what I am capable of at the time; I let go of structured expectation.
- I chose renewal and acceptance over negative rumination: I honor myself by denying anything that acts to undermine my journey back to self; I let go and accept the unknown.
To hold on:
- For my loved one passed, I will take the time to grieve and re-grieve your loss and to remember what you brought to my life. I will allow my tears to flow and I will do what I want to bring righteousness your memory; I will not deny myself holding on to a part of you~ I release 100 balloons for each beautiful thought you have in my head; I hold on to love.
- For a damaging act that was incurred, I will never condom or forget what has been done to me. I will recognize and celebrate the strength that pulled me through the rough times and I will focus on my ability to empathize and connect with other who are going through rough times; I chose to hold on to my ability to strengthen myself and be supportive of others who need my strength. Each day I see myself I will remind myself “I am strong, I endured, and I will chart my own path. I will not allow another person or event to take control of my destiny”; I hold on to my strength.
- For my actions that caused pain to others, I will strive to make things right, or to live in a way that shows change in my heart and in my actions. I will not be the keeper of my own gate, caging myself within the walls of regret and self-condemnation; I am human, I have fallen, but I can get up. I hold on to hope.
- For a past that I cannot change and a future that I can change; I will hold on to forgiveness for myself and my own well-being.
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1 Enright R. D. ( 2001). Forgiveness is a choice: A step by step process for resolving anger and restoring hope. Washington DC: American Life Tools
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