Balance doesn’t come easy, at least not to me, and just when you think you have things on an even keel, life happens! The pulls on our time and attention shift and evolve.
Becoming self-employed this year has highlighted this for me. I no longer have a contract with set work hours, annual leave quotas or sick leave and carers leave allowances. So I find I am in need of a new balance, one that I have to create myself.
Knowing the ideal isn’t easy, but we can recognise when we are veering off course;
- The feeling of being ‘stressed’ doesn’t lessen after a stressful event has passed.
- We feel frazzled, short-tempered, tired.
- Our good routines around sleep, food and exercise go out the window.
- We lose our ‘mojo’ and the fun seems to have seeped out of life.
When you start to feel like this, getting through the essentials of life is all you have energy for. Keeping all your balls in the air becomes harder and harder!
What Works For You? Finding Your Equilibrium
When you don’t have a good work-life balance, it can feel like one area of life is taking over the other. It becomes overwhelming trying to meet all the roles we, and others, expect of us. The downtime we allow ourselves for relaxation and fun are often the first casualties.
It’s more complicated than ‘work’ and ‘life’ though. We fulfil many roles inside and outside of work. We are parent, partner, carer, volunteer, friend, manager, employee, mentor, colleague. And then there is time for hobbies, keeping healthy or simply doing nothing, just ‘being’.
Balance is about getting this mix right for you.
Do A Life Balance Inventory
Spend some time thinking about what you have in your life and what’s missing. There are lots of tools on line you can use. They will help you reflect on how you are doing in the different areas of your life. Google ‘Life Pie Balance’ for some exercises to help you pin down the areas that are overwhelming you and the ones that aren’t getting enough time.
Think about all the roles you play. Which areas are important to you, which keep you well? What brings you happiness, what energises you and gives you purpose and meaning? If you are working on a project or life throws you a curve ball, you might have to put some of these areas on hold. But knowing what they are will make you more conscious of this and make some changes if you feel your wellbeing is starting to suffer.
Make Time For You Priorities
The basics for all of us are pretty much the same; eat well, get enough sleep and do some gentle exercise. When it all feels too much, prioritise these, keeping that time as sacred as you can. Maybe commit to getting to bed at a good time or keeping one healthy activity going for yourself like a daily walk or a run. Remember this is basic self-care, it is not selfish to make this time for yourself.
Notice what activities and people energise you most, the activities that fill you back up when you are running on empty. Is it time on your own, time to reflect, date nights, friends, a hobby? Notice how you feel after different activities. Once you get to know your own essentials, you will notice more easily when they are starting to slide.
Boundaries
With priorities established, you may need to set some boundaries. These might be external, with others, and internal, with yourself, because we can be our own downfall when it comes to balance. Be honest with yourself about this, who is it that is keeping you from the activities you know keep you well?
If you are feeling exhausted by the end of the day, any motivation for positive self-care is tough. Watch for those easy, go to, addictive activities that sap time and energy. Be kind to yourself here, you may need some of this down time, but numbing activities are easy to get lost in, so if it is becoming ‘every night’ try setting yourself limits on screen time, wine time, etc..
Use a friend for accountability if that helps, but finding something you really do want to do instead is the best solution. So check if the activities you think you want to do really are the ones you need right now to support you. If you are struggling to exercise, is it the right exercise, at the right time of day? Would doing something with others make it more fun?
The best things for us may take some effort and are not always instantaneously rewarding. With things like eating well, volunteering or exercise, it can take time before you feel the benefits. Honing in on your real goals and why you want them can build the motivation you need.
Relationships
If it is external boundaries you need to work on then remember it is OK to say no! Think where you could delegate tasks or ask for help. Is there give and take in your relationships or does it feel more one-sided?
Of course, not all relationships are simple. Parental and caring responsibilities require a lot of give, but check you are getting the support you need.
If you work with the public you may end the day in need of quiet time but if this is making you pull back from time with friends and family then look at how you can get more balance. We are social animals and time to connect with others is important. Time with family or with a group doing something you enjoy, with people who share your interests or passions are great ways to get grounded and feel more like you again.
Stay Flexible
As you put boundaries in place for yourself you may need to be more protective of a daily routine for a while but try not to set yourself a strict regime or it can quickly become another to-do list. Check-in with yourself, ask ‘what do I need today?’ You won’t always be achieving your desired balance and that’s okay. Remember, be kind to yourself.
Read more about Tracy Bevan and her other articles HERE