Usually a little J-Lo will do the trick. I take her Let’s Get Loud literally, crank the stereo and wonder how her “block” could ever have resembled mine. But though Jenny’s love might not cost a thing, deep down I know my own self-neglect might be costing me dearly. And as I pull into my driveway and the synthesized drumbeats fall silent, the whispers roll back in. But I, the daughter of fear and procrastination, brush them off as the wind. I ignore the persistent clues and masterfully stuff my consciousness down with Netflix and comfort foods. Later when my stomach gurgles uncontrollably I chalk it up to the extra ladle of gravy I poured mindlessly over my fries rather than the undigested truth of a life unresolved.
Listening to your inner-self
I know what needs to be done but instead I pull on my barely worn Lululemon pants and go for an impromptu jog, legitimizing my exorbitant exercise-wear as though suddenly inspired to be fit and fabulous, as though….well, as though that ever happened. But though the endorphins and calf cramps might momentarily distract me from myself, my heart rate settles and I hear it pounding again, my breathing labored not by hypoxia but by unfinished business and wishes unfulfilled.
My body murmurs what I already know. It hums of facts I have ignored, words I have not spoken, feelings I refuse let go and decisions I have yet to make. It speaks of leaps of faith I know I need to take but have convinced myself don’t matter.
Germinating below:Finding inner-strength to grow
It’s not the wind but fate’s incubation that sneaks up on me as I stare blankly out the window, scrubbing that last encrusted saucepan. And late at night, as I rinse the excess toothpaste from my brush and take a last tongue-swipe over my polished teeth, I recognize in my reflection a woman who knows more than she lets on.
They’ve been there the whole time, my wishes germinating. And only when I stop to tend to them and the sunlight allows me to see them for what they are, does new growth come.
About the author: Maia Aziz P.S.W., C.H.P., C.L.Y.L. writes and speaks on living a life of love and laughter. President-Elect of the Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor (AATH), Maia hosts a weekly talk radio show Morning Moments With Maia…Conversations of Love and Laughter, Sundays at 9am EST on blogtalkradio where she speaks with an eclectic lineup of guests who live their lives with positive intention.www.withloveandlaughter.ca