Love it or hate it, Christmas is upon us once more! As I get older I find myself more often in the ‘love it’ camp but I still have to watch that I don’t let things don’t slip over into ‘The Season of Too Much’. If I do, I start to feel overstretched and it can become hard to enjoy even the good times. Too many late nights and parties can leave me exhausted before I even get to the big day. I know for some, time with family can be a celebration, but for others it can be fraught with trying to meet expectations, negotiating difficult family dynamics or a reminder of those we have lost. At times, Christmas can also feel a very lonely place, especially when, if you are to believe Facebook, everyone else is basking in the warmth of their harmonious families!
On top of this, we add the financial strain that a commercial Christmas brings. We can forget to take time for ourselves and savour the joy of what can be a very special time of year. People are often kinder, more open and more generous. If we take a step back and keep mindful of the simpler moments then we can reclaim this season as a positive chance to connect with ourselves and with others.
A Christmas Wish List of Your Own
It used to be that by the time I finished work for Christmas I could generally expect some form of illness. My batteries had been drained and as soon as I stopped my body collapsed! I would spend much of the holiday recovering. Now I aim for a lot more balance in my Christmas, easy to say but less easy to achieve. After years of charging around the country, hauling tired kids from one grandparent to the next, and feeling guilty about the family we didn’t get to, I’d had enough. It wasn’t fair on the children, they wanted to be at home and so did I! Spreading yourself too thin does nobody any favours. No one gets the best of you, not even you.
Before things get too busy, think about what a good ratio of going out versus staying home looks like for you. It isn’t a straightforward calculation. Some friends, colleagues and events can draw a lot more from your reserves than others! Do you know who and what the special ones are; the ones that energise rather than drain you? Take stock of how you feel after social events. Try to notice when you are reaching your limits before you get there. Stay mindful rather than slipping into automatic pilot.
We are perhaps more used to doing a financial inventory and this can be as important as your energetic inventory. How much do you want to spend and if your funds are limited who and what would your priorities be? The two processes are not so different.
Boundaries
Once you have an idea of your needs then the next, and for many of us, the harder step is honouring them. Maintaining boundaries and not being coerced into doing too much is not easy but if you have thought through how much time and money you have to offer then that will make it easier to say ‘No thanks’, even if that’s the self-discipline needed to say no to yourself. By making your decisions more conscious you can make active choices that are easier to keep.
Remember, it is OK to say no, or try a ‘Mindful Yes’; one that you are prepared to sign up to. Family Christmas with my in laws now happens the weekend before Christmas, leaving Christmas day free for our nuclear family. After a few years, it no longer feels like a compromise but a new tradition, a tradition that is easier for everyone to manage and enjoy.
Have Yourself a Compassionate Little Christmas
The holidays can be a difficult time for many. Routines and the regular connections that we rely on to keep us well are disrupted. If it does all seem to have got out of kilter and you find you are looking forward to the steady routine of the new year then don’t be hard on yourself. Give yourself the space just to be, whatever that feels like.
Life is one big learning opportunity. If like me, your memory of the good (or bad) is short-lived then journalling can be helpful for sifting through to find your favourite moments as well as the ones that you could do without next year. What were the Christmas highlights you will savour, and how can you build those experiences into your new year?
If you are making New Year Resolutions this year, instead of focusing on want you want to stop doing, consider instead what you want more of and make some plans for how you will start to create that in your life.
Wishing you all a harmonious and joyous Christmas and a New Year filled with hope and optimism.
Read more about Tracy Bevan and her other articles HERE
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