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How Does Being Kind Benefit You?

 

We generally think of kindness as something we offer to other people but there is growing evidence to show that, in fact, there are benefits to you as well. Being kind has a positive impact on the ‘giver’ too. Even witnessing acts of kindness can have a positive impact. How is that?

The Science of Kindness

Dr David Hamilton is an expert in kindness. His research shows that offering acts of kindness can trigger the release of oxytocin within us. Oxytocin has a number of health benefits such as reducing blood pressure and cortisol¹ as well as giving us a sense of connection and affiliation to people around us. These findings are supported by further research².

Other beneficial chemicals such as dopamine, endorphins and serotonin can also be triggered when we are kind. These affect us positively in different ways; dopamine gives us feelings of reward and motivation, serotonin helps us with mood and emotions and endorphins give us a rush of pleasure and act as a natural pain killer.

All these mechanisms boost our desire to do good acts which is great because we know kindness strengthens important relationships, helps us to build new relationships and also gives us a sense of belonging.

Kindness As a Strength

In positive psychology, Kindness is one of 24 Character Strengths identified by Seligman and Peterson³. As a Strength, it is defined as being ‘caring, compassionate, nurturing, friendly and altruistic’. Acts of Kindness may involve helping others or offering gifts, kind words or affection all without expecting anything in return. It is this altruistic element that separates it from pro-social behaviours that we might do for more selfish reasons like seeking approval, financial gain, improve our position or out of duty.

Enacting a strength that features high in your profile offers satisfaction in and of itself, so there is an added benefit to being kind for those strong in Kindness. Helping others, whether they are family, friends or strangers, is rewarding for those high in Kindness. They have a natural respect for other people and a desire to help them. Offering care, compassion or generosity comes naturally because they are orientated toward the other; they are looking outwards to see where they can support and nurture others.

Shifting Your Focus Outwards

For me, it is this orientation towards the other, the looking outwards, suggests one reason why being kind can improve anyone’s wellbeing, even if you aren’t high in this strength. Being kind builds our connection with others. It helps us recognise our common humanity and gives us a focus outside of ourselves. All of which create perspective and give us meaning.

And of course acts of kindness go beyond those to fellow humans to include all creatures, plants and the planet itself. So even if it not a top strength for you, by practicing Kindness and developing that aspect of yourself you will see some positive benefits.

Ways To Practice

From small acts; a smile, a compliment or holding a door, to larger offerings such as volunteering, a surprise gift or donating money, blood or clothing, it all adds up.

Find the ways you enjoy being kind. I’m not great at buying presents, I worry too much whether people will like them or not, but I do enjoy cooking a meal for someone. You may not have the money to treat a friend but your time and attention is the greatest gift you can offer anyone – bar a kidney of course. That is, if they need a kidney and you have one to spare.

A classic positive psychology exercise is Three Kind Things. It works like this, make a note last thing at night or first thing in the morning of three kind things that happened that day. These might be things you did, or kind acts you saw or read about that touched you. Do this for a fortnight or build it in to a regular practice that you do once or twice a week.

Try different ways of being kind, be imaginative. You might find some suit you more than others but the variety keeps the feeling novel and keeps those feel good hormones circulating.

Savouring

As with many positive psychology interventions, you can deepen the impact by reflecting on and savouring the kindnesses you do, witness or receive. How did it make you feel, what value did you bring to another’s day, or they to yours? These little (and big) things add up and build our sense of our purpose and the value we bring to our families, communities and the world.

By giving your attention to the good things that have happened you are providing an antidote to our brain’s natural bias towards the negative.

Don’t Forget Yourself

People with Kindness high in their strength profile can, at times, feel they have given too much. This is often because they have forgotten one thing, kindness must include yourself.

Kindness connects us to others but as with any relationship, if that giving is all one sided then you can let yourself be drained. Kind people are like wells of goodness that others want to be near and tap into so make sure your roots go deep and keep yourself nourished. When you remember to keep your own cup full you can maintain that caring, nurturing part of yourself.

Kindness is not self-sacrifice, it is not putting yourself last. You are part of humanity so treat yourself with the same respect you offer to others. When you respect your boundaries this way people are better at recognising and appreciating the special magic you bring and you also become an excellent role model. Everyone benefits in the end.

Trigger Some Positive Neurotransmitters Today

The cherry on top of any positive psychology practice is being aware of the positive impact it is having on you. When you realise that being kind makes you happier you will get an added bonus each time you recognise that you have proactively generated the release of a feel good hormone within you. You recognise that you have a role to play in how you feel, that you can support a more positive mindset and you are able to regulate your emotions.

So give it a go, see how you feel and notice the benefits.

 

References

1. Hamilton, D. R. (2021). The five side effects of kindness: This book will make you feel better, be happier & live longer. Hay House, Inc.
2. Curry, O. S., Rowland, L. A., Van Lissa, C. J., Zlotowitz, S., McAlaney, J., & Whitehouse, H. (2018). Happy to help? A systematic review and meta-analysis of the effects of performing acts of kindness on the well-being of the actor. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 76, 320-329
3. Peterson, C., & Seligman, M. E. (2004). Character strengths and virtues: A handbook and classification(Vol. 1). Oxford university press.

 

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