When life is difficult for us, we sometimes wish it away. We will sometimes pretend all is fine. We will exercise our right to smile through the pain. We sometimes stand to flee or fight it, depending on our natural tendencies. The pain, isolation and loneliness of difficult times is shadowed by shame, doubt and even fear.

We can taste the briny nature of fear. There’s an actual feeling, a chill in our awareness that someone or something out there is going to harm us. Fear however, is our friend. It keeps us alert of danger. When we befriend the fear, it is our guardian. So true is anger. Or despair. Or any of the other negative emotions. We think that they are unpleasant so run from them. We think that they make us uncomfortable, unsafe. But in reality, they are the part of us that gives us hope.

In the moment that misery knocks on our door, we open to embrace it as a welcome member of the family or we push the door closed, deciding to turn or own emotions into our enemy.

How can any part of who we are be our own enemy?

I lived with fear, and failure, and sorrow for long enough that the taste of it became as familiar as the hands typing this page. The very thought of not knowing what was to come next was a bitter taste on my tongue, a queasy feeling in my stomach. I have lived with the palpable hatred of someone wanting to hurt me so that my emotional state was always on edge. I lived with the absolute insensitivity of the world not being able to see how my mind was shouting out for it to just STOP. BEING. HATEFUL …… so much that I shut it all down.

That is what PTSD feels like. That is what trauma does to a person. It renders them afraid of their own shadow. Sometimes, they bristle up toward everything and everyone as a knight’s armour to give the illusion of protection.

It is in the grace of hopes, dreams and wishes where we can create the tiny delicate steps of healing.

But we must befriend our negative emotions as we do our positives. Some people live with the negatives for so long that the positives feel foreign. They become afraid to feel anything at all because our emotions are the most intimate of our whole person place in the world.

To have clarity is to embrace our whole self as a single glorious orchestra of being.

We wouldn’t be able to appreciate Pachelbel’s Canon in D major without the string section. Why then do we too often fight our own emotions? Lean into them. All of them. Feel the warm caress of familiar friends. They are part of you. The emotions we feel may sometimes challenge us, but when we own them and respect what they are telling us, we live stronger, happier more fulfilled lives.

My personal favorite all time tap into the good life begins and ends with this piece of magic.

About the author: Karen Henry-Daly is a transitions life coach, writer and speaker. She specializes in working with people who want to create positive changes and savor who they want to be. Her full bio can be found at:  wings13326.wix.com/wings13326#!about-karen-e-m-henry-ma/c11k

 

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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