Recently, I’ve moved to a new location. Somewhere bigger. Somewhere that appreciates a more urban lifestyle, more arts and sciences, more…. everything. We (our boutique business) needed bigger. We hoped for some things to stay the same. However, we knew it was time for a change.
Change can be terrifying, no matter what the change is. It depends on our perspective of the world. Change such as marriage, can lead people to get into what I call “the wedding web”. It’s a tunnel vision perspective about the impending wedding. Everyone’s thrilled about the wedding itself (it seems more women than men, but that’s debateable). They focus so hard on the wedding itself with all of its minute details, that they don’t think too much about the ‘morning after’, which is my metaphor for life as a married couple, when all the flowers fade and the guests are back in their own world. The couple must relearn how to do things as a now, legally binding couple.
Change for the better can be as difficult as any traumatic change. We can look at it as a recovery of sorts. Recovery from anything is truly difficult, but if we put a slightly different twist on how we perceive that equally traumatic event, we can also ease the discomfort with a new awakening of discovery.
When we look at either our horrible or wonderful experiences through the perspective of discovery, we can navigate the choppy waters of our emotional adjustments toward a calmer, more peaceful human experience of changing times.
Just the other day, I was telling my now 16 year old about her birth experience. I spared the unpleasant 36 hour commentary of how this perfect ten pound child came into the world. It was painful, and traumatic, and bittersweet. But then, as I adjusted toward being a Mother for the second time, with so many variables unknown to me, I focused on how alert and curious she was. I watched this new person gaze in wonder at the things around her. Her personality was clear from the first hour. Sixteen years later, that curiosity brought her to a successful Rotary exchange year in Paraguay. The change for both of us was traumatic, but it was manageable because of how we turned our year away from each other into a discovery, rather than any other way of looking at it.
I discovered a great deal about her, but perhaps more about myself in that year.
Discovery is a tool that we can use in most difficult situations. Even when we think there’s nothing but smiles and sunshine ahead, if we accept that roadblocks are going to be there and all of our emotions (good, bad and ugly), will be tagged for the experience, then, we dive head first into them, realizing that we are our own best coach, when we become aware of ourselves in detailed clarity.
Karen Henry, MA – Positive psychology beyond the boardroom or classroom
About the author: Karen E.M. Henry is a transitions life coach, writer and speaker. She specializes in working with people who want to create positive changes and savor who they want to be. Her full bio can be found at: wings13326.wix.com/wings13326#!about-karen-e-m-henry-ma/c11k
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