How can positive psychology help with confidence, isn’t it just about
being happy?
Wrong! Positive psychology is much more than a ‘happyology’. It is about
focusing on the good in yourself, in the work you do and in the
community around you. It is the scientific study of what makes life
worth living, focusing on our strengths, values, and wellbeing.
The key study areas in positive psychology all support confidence:
– Self-Awareness – helps us notice our skills and the good in ourselves
and others,
– Strengths – helps us better understand ourselves and our best
qualities,
– Values – supports our understanding of what is important to us,
– Positive Emotions – focuses attention on the positive and helps
correct cognitive biases,
– Motivation – building a growth mindset through action and practice,
– Self-compassion – because you aren’t going to get it right first time!
Positive psychology will support you to build your confidence in so many
ways. It gives you an optimistic but realistic view on who you are, and
nurtures a trust in yourself and your abilities.
What is confidence and why is it important?
Confidence is key to our mental wellbeing, increasing our resilience,
supporting goal attainment and building better relationships. It isn’t
about being successful, happy or good. Those things come and go. It is
about trusting in your abilities.
When you ‘have your own back’, you are more willing to give something a
go because the risk isn’t as great should things not go exactly to plan.
We will be kind to ourselves, making us more willing to try again, and
so, gradually expanding our abilities. As EE Cummings tells us,
‘Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous
delight’.
Confidence as a Skill, Not a Trait
When you see confidence as a skill that can be learnt, rather than a
trait we either have or don’t have, it’s a game changer. Because
confidence is built from the inside. It isn’t in the money you earn or
the degrees you achieve, but in recognising the ability within yourself
to achieve those things! That way it can’t be taken from you.
Start to recognise and value your abilities
Confidence is a feeling of certainty or a belief that you can rely on
something, and when it comes to self-confidence – that thing you can
rely on? well it’s you! You trust your ability, your judgement. You
recognise you have the skills to either do what is needed, find out how
to do what is needed or find the right person to help you. You are
capable.
When you are confident you think, feel, talk and act differently as a
result.
It is a positive spiral, because when you are more willing to take
action, you are more likely to get positive experiences of success and
more likely to take the next step, and then the next!
Are some people more naturally confident?
Some people start out in life more confident, perhaps due to the
positive support from parents or teachers, or because they are more
naturally optimistic. As we get older we internalise these ‘supporters’
as an encouraging inner guide.
If you didn’t have supporting relationships in your formative years then
developing this inner guide may need more conscious effort but with
attention, encouragement and practice you can build that internal belief
in your own abilities. By challenging yourself you stack up the evidence
of your successes.
For me walking was the thing started out my confidence building journey.
It created a trust in myself that I could keep at something. I was
already good at persevering in work situations but when it came to my
own personal goals, especially my health goals, I would let myself down.
Fads would quickly come and go. Establishing a regular walking practice
was a first step in changing that and so much has grown from there, way
beyond my health.
That self-confidence has spread to running my own business, showing up
on social media, public speaking, standup comedy. Now, if something is
important to me, I’m prepared to give it a go!
How do you build confidence?
Practice – and then, practice some more. A single workshop on public
speaking won’t make you a proficient speaker, you have to keep building
on what you have learnt.
Review – we have a tendency to gloss over our achievements, jump
straight into the next thing without a pause to notice and congratulate
ourselves. Don’t play down your successes, especially not to yourself.
Own it! Keep a list of all the things you do, big or small, towards your
goals.
Be Aware – Notice what needs work. Be honest about your strengths and
your weaknesses, without judgement. Confidence grows when you know and
accept yourself. How can you improve in the areas you want to develop?
Pick the right goals – Make sure they are your goals, not someone
else’s! Having goals that mean something to you is the best motivation,
and have some fun ones too, things you want to achieve simply because
you enjoy them.
Mind your language – Watch out for negative self-talk and gently correct
yourself when you need to. If you find it hard to spot the negative talk
then try writing things down or saying them out loud. It will help you
notice your inner voice.
Remember ‘Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can’t,
you’re right.’
Take it one step at a time – Thinking too far down the line can leave
you overwhelmed. Want to run a marathon? Start working towards your
first 5K. Break down goals into to small steps and stack up your
progress, recognising your successes as you go. Keep checking back and
noticing how far you’ve come.
Self-Compassion – Remember progress is not linear, there will be hiccups
and setbacks. Keep going. Being compassionate with yourself as your
stretch your comfort zone is a gentler and more successful way to move
forward.
Pick your support team – surround yourself with supportive people, chose
some who are on the same path as you so you can encourage and give each
other useful feedback.
Use Your strengths – lean into your character strengths to motivate and
support you.
Believing in yourself is your greatest asset
Recognise the agency within yourself. Be prepared to take action. And
practice, because that is how confidence is built – through action and
practice.
You’ve got this!
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