This is of course, a sliding scale based on culture, location, values, and other demographics. The term ‘illness’ is something experts are working toward changing, since it isn’t exactly true of everyone who lives on a spectrum of mental health. Think about the “Big Five”. Openness, Conscientiousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism. 

Our mental health is as much on a sliding scale as our physical health. No two of us are exactly alike, so why shouldn’t we apply what we know in our positive psychology to the categorized ‘illnesses’, which in some cases, are simply states of being? 

Adaptation of the term “Illness” 

No two individuals experience the world in the same way. This is true of those who live in abundance and those who live in a depletion of resources. There are times when higher levels of neuroticism is simply a cultural trait, rather than an individual red flag. 

The same is true for a lack of openness, or a mindset that is more collective, rather than individualistic. 

Experiencing traumatic events over time, as an environmental event, can skew our perception by tricking our brain into thinking that we need to be on high alert much more often than we actually do. 

Applied Perception of Mental Illness  

I imagine that there is a great deal of proactive, determined, grit filled thinking going on right now in the citizens of countries in war. Will they have an optimistic, positive thought filled day? Perhaps. But then, perhaps not. 

Does that make them any less positively proactive? No. Will positivity be called for? It depends on the person. I try to put myself in their shoes. How can we? How can we possibly know the carnage, fear and chaos that is laying the foundation for chronic post traumatic stress disorder? 

Our reality is not an illness as much as it is our reality. It is how we live our life, how we think and how we behave. Some of us have experienced hardships that are unspeakable.

Applied Psychology

We all chose this field for one reason or another. Rarely is our choice an impersonal decision, and it’s certainly not one for those who have never experienced any sort of suffering. 

There is no negative thinking or positive thinking when you also live with a mental health issue. It means your brain is wired differently, which means you are wired differently.

To know the strengths of character, the science of our subjective well-being and our institutional health, is to know our mental health on a continuum. We chose to be here so that we can help others align their social and cultural reality to one of living their best lives. 

We have to also honor our own realization of our biases and use of the terminology around this idea of mental health on a continuum.

In peace and defining mental health,

KH

Author: k.  Aren Henry has a masters in community psychology and an advanced graduate certificate in mental health counseling. The Light Life is part of her “happiness noir” series, copyright 2021 ©  She’s a private practitioner and researcher in the United States. Henry Healing dot com is her calling card.

“We Are The Positive Psychology People”

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This is something I’ve been contemplating for several years now. While working with people who were truly suffering, I attempted to apply positive psychology. I was in a place where the focus was on the pathology intertwined with agency policy over people.

It didn’t go well. In the immortal words of Marty Seligman, on the state of psychology,  “It’s good, but not good enough”.

That statement stuck with me for the past thirteen years. When I worked for that agency, they were still using the same model of pathology under the same supervision of someone who had never professionally left her position for twenty years. The agency reflected the leadership. I knew I had to leave. The worldview would never be eye to eye.

Darkness

The challenge was, “Can we make miserable people less miserable?”. Beyond the pathology, there is another option. This was the seed planted in 1998. In today’s world, many of us have suffered loss in unbelievable ways. The darkness of the global pandemic turned us toward each other. The virtual world. 

The indelible lightness of being one with hope continues to hold on to those who believe the power of the mind. Something that has been tested and challenged for most of us. 

The more struggle and hardship someone has, the harder it is to buckle down on seeing the good in people. Those determined to rise above will already have a set mindset. Others have the opportunity to change their mindset. With work. 

For those who’ve lived in suffering, the challenge will be more of a struggle than for those who have never had a significant hardship. Great loss, financial crises, or violent crimes change us.

Balance with Light 

Culture, age, race, community status, familial patterns, and linguistic comprehension are all valid components of how our work will be received.  If we’re not mindful of what we say to whom, we can create a counter culture that will double down on an opposite effect. 

‘At any given moment, we can have a completely different life’, only applies to those whose basic needs are met. For others who have home, safety, or family insecurity, that whimsical advice, though perhaps well meaning, is more fuel for the toxic fire. 

Respecting one’s audience seems a best practice policy we can all easily adapt to. 

Perhaps, the darkness of our times is a call to action on how we adapt our field to meet the needs of those we seem to leave behind in our research. 

In the words of Albert Einstein, 

“If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live it’s whole life believing it is stupid” 

We, the positive psychology people, are challenged to go where the people are, to learn about their culture, and then, adapt to their strengths.  

Humans are adaptable, organic beings, capable of anything they set their minds too. Darkness when in balance, sheds light in a new and different way. One we can all embrace. 

Author: k.  Aren Henry has a masters in community psychology and an advanced graduate certificate in mental health counseling. The Light Life is part of her “happiness noir” series, copyright 2021 ©  She’s a private practitioner and researcher in the United States. Henry Healing dot com is her calling card.

“We Are The Positive Psychology People”

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So? Are we all languishing these days, or is it that we were inundated with this idea that we are? 

Languishing? 

This feeling of emptiness, or apathy as we see wave after wave of bad to horrible news is a very real concern today. In 2002, a scholar at Emory University  published an article about languishing compared to flourishing. It was in the early days of positive psychology, when we were all so excited to finally speak out loud about the good things in the world. Keyes work has followed us into the other side of despair. 

We want to flourish, of course, but today, twenty years later and two years into living in a global pandemic, I have to ask, is languishing really such a bad thing? 

Flourishing

Flourishing means that we are productive, joyful, engaged, and love all the parts of our lives. For the most part, if we are flourishing, we are also emotionally strengthened by our own sense of purpose. 

However, what happens to those who only focus on being productive, flourishing and engaging? Will they have the strength to bounce back from a longer period of languishing? Will they know how? 

For those of us who experienced terrible life events prior to the pandemic, there seems to have been a push for outward joy. We encourage productivity, community engagement online and a sense of dedicated purpose to create the pivot toward happiness.

Why are we ignoring our blah? Why not embrace it? 

For those who faltered after too many deaths, or financial hardship, languishing became survivor mode. The apathy in some cases, actually helped the human brain to cope with the sense of hope. The Feeling of being unproductive created a mental health crisis that led to aggression. 

People who had never experienced sadness and that sense of feeling stuck developed for some, into more anxiety and/or depression. Flourishing itself became irritating to those who were not mastering new languages, or fitness, or even picking up new skills. 

All that happiness online began to irritate people. 

We knew that if we paid attention to the apathy, we’d be able to neurologically develop a sense of deep appreciation for the stagnation. After all, the majority of world renowned classic artists that we cherish, have suffered a mental health crisis across centuries. 

If Van Gogh had not suffered as he did, would we be as appreciative of his sunflowers? 

There is something quite poetic and lovely in the languishing of a slower life, free of the pressure to flourish at every waking moment. 

Our emotions are not to be feared, but instead, savored as a part of the whole of being human. Embracing one’s self while blue, we paint our world with indigo light. 

To all who languish, be not afraid of the night, for there, you will more clearly see the stars. 

KH

Author: k.  Aren Henry has a masters in community psychology and an advanced graduate certificate in mental health counseling. The Light Life is part of her “happiness noir” series, copyright 2021 ©  She’s a private practitioner and researcher in the United States. Henry Healing dot com is her calling card.

“We Are The Positive Psychology People”

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I called myself a “positive psychology practitioner” long before anyone decided to make that an official title, with a certificate program.

I was in constant contact with people in the field by lending my voice to the ‘movement’ where I interacted with some of the now, biggest names in the field. I almost became a MAPP myself, before my life imploded. Implode it did. Though, I don’t share that story here, I’m not shy about what happened.

Story Telling

When we share our personal accounts of life events, or life lessons, we become vulnerable to the judgment of others. The things that were once valuable, become worthless while the things we never noticed, become a glaring awakening to our personal development.

Sharing my story turned me into a bit of an outcast in the field. In my personal life, I lost everything within a very short period of time. I almost lost my daughter to a brutal experience on top of everything else. In telling the world my story, I was met with some shocking truths about some of the individuals I knew in our field.

Two core truths:

1. Not everyone had the bandwidth or interest in hearing about grief or loss in relation to a positive psychology
2. I was also met with a great deal of rejection when I didn’t pull out of the grief that followed my loss.

Today, I think back to that time as one of great pain, and a great awakening. We learn the most about ourselves when we also go through immense human suffering.

Personal Truth

As much as I grieved the loss of so much all at one time, followed by further loss as if everything in life was a domino, I also walked through the darkest time in my life. This darkness held onto one singular truth from all that I had learned and taught in positive psychology.

Stay focused on hope. A belief that not just wishful thinking, but actual, faith driven trust in the universe that there will be something better on the other side. I am not full of sunshine and rainbows, but then, I never was.

But, I am an experienced guide through grief, having walked through it alone. Very few people wanted to travel that journey with me. Those who did, did so authentically.

When we survive trauma, grief, or hardship that others will never quite understand, we also tend to learn a deeper sense of purpose, meaning and compassion that others may never fully embrace. Today, empathy, compassion and a realistic understanding of both happiness and sadness are part of my lexicon.

Today, more and more of you are also focused on applying the positive core values toward the meaning of suffering.

I know without a shadow of doubt, that it is the responsibility of the survivors to reach back, to help guide others through to the light.

Here’s to your personal journey through the light life.

KH 

Author: k.  Aren Henry has a masters in community psychology and an advanced graduate certificate in mental health counseling. The Light Life is part of her “happiness noir” series, copyright 2021 ©  She’s a private practitioner and researcher in the United States. Henry Healing dot com is her calling card. 

“We Are The Positive Psychology People”

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Humans are disconnecting from each other through our labels, categories, and fundamental belief systems. We are forgetting that neurologically, we are all connected.

Each of us is a reflection of where we focus, yet with social media, it’s become more evident that we are also in a psychological deficit.

“We live in a society that disconnects from generations” ~ Dr. Gabor Mate

Connection is … 

Our connection to the whole person experience of being alive is the only way for us to fully embrace the existential exploration of this time in our lives. Our meaningful experiences are fueled by neurological connection to all that we absorb. 

When we allow technology to do our critical thinking, we are giving up a piece of our humanity. Why then, are we so addicted to the technological life line that brings us all knowledge? 

Our connection to the world has become increasingly harder. In tandem with our younger generations, being disconnected from forming healthy long lasting human interactions, we are trading difficult emotional connection with technological connection.

Will this mean that our next generation won’t know how to cope with hard experiences? 

Can love be experienced as a balm to soothe our soul as we navigate the global stressors we’ve been under? 

Love is … 

What is love to the extent that we are focused on the way we experience it? Love is what motivates us to want to make the world a better place. Our emotional understanding is, the connection we make to life itself.

With the emotion of love, we feel good about feeling good. It is an emotional response to all things, be it our lover, our friend, our love of learning, our pets and our careers. 

We can love art, with a deep appreciation for both the intangible and the artist themselves. Why then, do we say that artists are ‘tortured souls’?

Is it because they pour their soul onto their work, for all the world to see?

The courage to be creative in a world disconnected from passion takes a great deal of love and vulnerability.

The Budha said, “Without the many there cannot be the one and without the one, there cannot be the many” 

Love, connection, curiosity, courage, vulnerability, passion, meaning, all entangled in this art of being human, allow us the clarity to live in a time when humans are determined to stand out, instead of standing in. 

When we care about others, we are showing ourselves that we care about our species. Without the connection to the plight of others, we are voluntarily losing our humanity, our compassion and our empathy. 

To express ourselves as unique individuals, fighting to be heard over the cacophony of noise, while wanting simply to be loved, is an act of rebellious sense of self. 

In peace with love,
Aren

Author: K. Aren Henry has a masters in community psychology and an advanced graduate certificate in mental health counseling. The Light Life is part of her “happiness noir” series, copyright 2021 ©  She’s a private practitioner and researcher in the United States. Henry Healing dot com is her calling card. 

“We Are The Positive Psychology People”

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Our cognitive ability to consciously manifest our lives is a cornerstone in CBT and ACT. The whole person approach to living our lives leaning toward the positive, involves an ability to believe in ourselves. To trust ourselves to recalibrate our internal pattern of thinking. It’s not magic. It’s alchemy. 

Light Life 

By focusing on our positive thoughts, actions and feelings in tandem with beliefs, we are able to cultivate a space of healing that allows us to engage in a more balanced, happier, healthier life. 

So why then, isn’t everyone living in this positive energy field of active love of life? One that would render the need for helping or healing professionals? 

We are thrown off by the energy of others in that, some of us are strongly influenced by the singular need to be in power. Others still are unsure of their own emotions so they rely on the emotional influence of others. And then, there are some who mimic the formula of success, so that they too, can become successful, regardless of their own influence on others.

Holistic Healing Speaks volumes

I’ve seen very successful people promote positivity, yet, when speaking to them, they come off as greedy, selfish, and rude. Their energy doesn’t lie, even if they are engaged in a high volume sales pitch of their positivity program.

We’ve all met someone who feels, ‘off’. That’s something that comes from our intuitive knowing about that person’s intentions. 

I stopped practicing Reiki when I knew that my trauma was interfering with my own sense of wellbeing and health. I didn’t want my dark energy (negative thinking) to get in the way of active listening or authentic intuitive healing of the client. When we listen to our core values and beliefs while also being sincere with our clients, we are working at our highest ethical standard of practice. 

It’s not easy to be honest with ourselves when we want to believe something to be true, but when we are not energetically aligned with our own truth, we are not going to be our very best self. 

Meditation is another form of holistic healing, but the scientific crowd doesn’t want to call it that when they are also doubling down with disagreeing with how energy work heals. The same can be said for our religious values. 

I’ve had people tell me that Reiki is sent from a dark force. Others have laughed at the religions of others, as if their belief system is a part of the energy healing process. 

In truth? 

Energy Healing is a tap into the raw internal truth of one’s thoughts, feelings and ability to be purely honest with oneself. It may in part, be part of a belief system. But so is quantum physics. Not everyone believes in the electrical impulses our brains create to keep our heart pumping either. And yet, the evidence proves all of these things to be valid and real. 

In light and the power of life altering discoveries.

k. Aren 

Author: K. Aren Henry has a masters in community psychology and an advanced graduate certificate in mental health counseling. Her doctoral dissertation was in subjective wellbeing and organizational membership. The Light Life is part of her “happiness noir” series, copyright 2021 ©  She’s a private practitioner and researcher in the United States. Henry Healing dot com is her calling card. 

“We Are The Positive Psychology People”

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The parts of ourselves that were rattled with grief, remain pain points for us to focus our healing. 

The unconscious became conscious on several fronts, throughout our journey. Everything about our language, our worldview and even our friendships shifted and changed. 

Those of us who live in the United States have also realized how very divided many of us are about our fundamental belief systems, and/or systemic ideals on what the world should look like. 

Be curious

• Curiosity about the thoughts or actions of others seems to be a solution. 
• Curiosity about why people got away with despicable things, while also boasting about being above all others. 
• Curiosity about our core sense of self in relation to others became more defined.

‘Why’ is a question I found myself asking, time and time again. A character on the TV show, Gray’s Anatomy had a line that I personally, felt aligned with as I defined my purpose here. 

“I lost myself for a long time.” Christina said, as she awoke from a pattern of wholeness that felt inauthentic. 

So many of us woke up to want more for ourselves. We realized how much of our decision making was based on settling just to fit in, or, nesting under the wing of the more powerful, just to survive the collective way we now work, as we nested during this pandemic. 

Ted Lasso (another TV show award winner), had a great speech when facing down a corporate powerhouse bully. 

“Be curious, not judgmental”

Ted went on to explain that his entire life, people underestimated him based on the outside. They were judgemental toward him but they were never curious. He was bullied a great deal, but while the bullies and judgemental people disregarded his abilities, he was honing his skills into becoming an outstanding human with special talents. 

For me, and perhaps you can relate, I unpacked a great deal of the last 50+ years of my life last year. It was a bit overwhelming at times, to be honest. We’re told to disclose our vulnerabilities, right? 

In theory, that’s a brilliant idea. In execution, not as much. Unless the stakeholders in your life also welcome that vulnerability. 

I did it though. I unpacked; unleashed; and even UN-learned a great deal that my blinders-on way of living told me I had to live. 

Post Traumatic Growth

I had to shift my awareness not only to how I was living my post-traumatic-growth life, but also how I was allowing others to treat me. It was not easy, but it was necessary. 

I chose to head into 2022 as a curious person, not a judgmental person. 

It is a theme in our mass media, but it is also a theme we can all benefit from in our pursuit of happiness. 

Be curious in your pursuit of positive psychology. Not judgemental. Unlearning is part of learning the purpose of our field of choice. Vulnerability is a part of that journey. 

Don’t just settle for what is being taught to you. Question it. Question everything. Then decide what your special talents are. The collective consciousness will grow because of it. 

In Peace and Light,

k. Aren

Author: k.  Aren Henry has a masters in community psychology and an advanced graduate certificate in mental health counseling. The Light Life is part of her “happiness noir” series, copyright 2021 ©  She’s a private practitioner and researcher in the United States. Henry Healing dot com is her calling card. 

“We Are The Positive Psychology People”

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All the challenges in the world can’t take your light from you, but they sure do try from time to time. 2021 reminded us of the darkness we all experience, some more than others. It was a tester year for millions of people around the globe. It was one of those years that gave us challenges, upstarts, grief, sadness, and in some cases, trauma.

Some people experienced post traumatic growth, and positive affirmations, but not all.

The song of our choosing

When we put together our year end playlists, we think about the whole of our lives in review. The positives and the negatives. We say goodbye to those who have left us and hello to new ideas, or adventures we wish to take in the new year.

We reflect on where we are, and where we wish to go. Who we have in our lives that ignites our passion for living our best life is intertwined with those who hold us back. We are human after all. Complete with flaws to compliment our successes, there is nobody on earth who is purely good fortune all the time. If that were true, this field of psychology would not exist.

Diamond or Star particles?

We know now that we’re all part of the star particles that emanated from the very formation of our planet all those billions of years ago. When we’re faced with the challenging years, we can always feel ourselves being pulled into the darkness of the human condition but have the option to look up into the stars.

The darkness around us invites in the stars within us.

When I started writing for The Positive Psychology People six years ago, it was a way for me to connect to people outside my own small rural place on the planet where I was isolated from a majority of others in the field. I was the only person interested in the positive psychology where I was located. I was the only person teaching it at my university and I was the only one who knew the foundational philosophy of it.

It was isolating.

My connections with the IPPA and the MAPP’s of the world started in 2007. You all gave me the light and encouragement to understand that we are all connected through this common theme.

If it weren’t for you diamonds shining bright in your part of the planet, others would not have found the inspiration to continue on in the pursuit of happiness or the courage to see through their darkness.

We do not only stay focused on the light, happy, sparkly diamond to live our best life. We also live through moments of painful growth. A diamond, after all, begins as a black lump of coal, sparkling only after being put through extreme pressure.

To everyone in the positive psychology field and especially to Lesley, Iain and the supporters of these pages, I wish you the very best New Year as our adventures await.

In gratitude for your support. You kept the spark alive for those of us, who needed someone else to hold the light for a while.

K. Aren

In Peace and Light,

Author: K. Aren Henry has a masters in community psychology and an advanced graduate certificate in mental health counseling. Her doctoral dissertation focused on subjective well-being in unity with belonging. The Light Life is part of her “happiness noir” series, copyright 2021 ©  She’s a private practitioner and researcher in the United States. Henry Healing dot com is her calling card.

“We Are The Positive Psychology People”

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December is the end of a lightning-speed journey of living this year. At least, that’s the way it felt to me. How did you do? We lost people. All of us did. In my pet world, a lot of us also lost our dogs this year. Maybe I’m more aware of it because my own 16 year old buddy passed away not that long ago. A long battle with a terminal illness. 

Death Energy was on my mind this year.

I felt his energy leaving him long before he actually died in my arms. The moment he did, I also felt his energy (soul) leaving his body. I felt his spirit set free. In that moment of his last breath, I felt relief that he wasn’t suffering in tandem with profound sadness that my one and only constant companion during this pandemic was now gone. 

We are not all sunshine or bright, incandescent lights of love all the time. We can’t possibly be balanced, happy, healthy humans without also experiencing grief, suffering and sadness. 

The balance between the dark and the light is the key to the art of living. We will have wonderful upsides that lean toward joy. Surrounding ourselves with people who will support us no matter what we experience is also a pillar of living in a ‘positive psychology’ of life. 

If we knew when we were going to die, would we live more purposefully today? So often we hear that when we are dangerously close to knowing our end date, we become more aware of the life we were given. 

When I write, think, live, do, am all the parts of my own life, I also wonder about yours.

I want to know about your well-being. The well-being of the global health of our planet beyond what we are exposed to has a collective energy to it. Some of us in the field of pos psych are focused on the micro, but I’m focused on the macro at this stage in my career. 

We can be both. When we are in a dark, sad space of grief, it doesn’t mean that we are unworthy of love, respect, attention or notoriety. It means that we are human, being human in a very organic way. 

Our energy will not burn bright 100% of the time. There will be dull days where we live in the shadows of our brilliant selves. We are still doing what is best for us to be energized. Resting from time to time, is all we need to remind us that not all the glitters is gold and not all darkness is without the stars to guide us back to love. 

Sometimes, what we need is the light from a single star to remind us of our place in the world. We are energized by the reminder that love lights up our inner darkness. 

In Peace and Light,

K. Aren

Author: K. Aren Henry has a masters in community psychology and an advanced graduate certificate in mental health counseling. The Light Life is part of her “happiness noir” series, copyright 2021 ©  She’s a private practitioner and researcher in the United States. Henry Healing dot com is her calling card.

“We Are The Positive Psychology People”

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The balance sways in one direction or another over the course of our lifetime. 

On any given day, we could be weathering a storm that rages all around us, yet we feel a kindred spirit to it. We feel a solid grounding in our own personal ability to bounce back from anything.

Our needs are met, our social status has a solid foundational sense of belonging, giving us confidence in who we are.  

Shadow side

There are some people in our world who want the light, as much as the next person, yet hardship plagues us. We don’t seem to align with all the positives being shared with the world from our esteemed colleagues in our industry.

1. We see the shadow side of the industry itself. 
2. We are different somehow in the life events that shadow our lives, compared to those blessed with abundance, wealth, strong relationships, educational connections and social ties that launch our careers easily into the land of plenty. 
3. We have never felt the pain of crisis that knocks us back as waves of grief or despair interferes with our joy. One’s resilience can only take so much before we have to hit the reset button. 

Today’s work in vulnerability gives the world permission to feel our more painful emotions. All emotions are valid, real and important. To ignore them would be an injustice that is out of touch with reality.

Nature and Nurture play their part in our experiences

There are circumstances outside our control that can change someone’s life for the rest of their lives.

They lived through trauma, abuse or survived violence.

Some people survived a life event, such as domestic violence, or as we have seen of late, entire countries falling to violence, leaving it’s citizens to scramble for life itself, let alone a relatively safe space to live in. 

We don’t ask those people to be positive. That would be an insult to their experience. Not to mention an insensitive, out of touch, and rather elitist approach to their darkness. 

Instead, we honor their experience, by being respectful. We listen to their hardship.

Sometimes, being in the positive psychology business is to get comfortable with those who have to walk through their external or internal shadow side.

We all have them, but like our level of happiness itself, we have a threshold. 

When we honor people with respect and dignity, even when (and perhaps especially when) they can give us nothing in return, then we are showing our true colors.

Not the need for greed or fame or the limelight, but a genuineness of character. 

To me, this is the authenticity of a ‘positive psychology’. To show kindness, compassion, and empathy without need to be honored for it is the ideal of our micro-culture. 

Shadows happen. Let’s not be critical of those who dare to be authentic in their human experiences across the lifespan. 

In Peace and Light,

K. Aren

Author: K. Aren Henry has a masters in community psychology and an advanced graduate certificate in mental health counseling. The Light Life is part of her @happinessnoir series, copyright 2021 ©  She’s a private practitioner and researcher in the United States. Henry Healing dot com is her calling card. @InkHoneyPub is on Instagram. 

Thank you for being a part of my blogging journey here on … The Positive Psychology People. 2015-2021

“We Are The Positive Psychology People”

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