A spring clean for our minds

Use this spring energy to clear your minds from those thoughts that sabotage your inner peace and keep you in a heighten stress fuelled existence. Really examine which thoughts increase your positive emotions and make you feel life’s joys and repeat these. If we cannot change the things today which occupy our thoughts and turn us into the lower vibration of ourselves feeling anxious, continuous worry and frustrated, then say thank you to those difficult thoughts for turning up and showing you your concerns. Say to them ‘I have acknowledged these thoughts and I will put the necessary action in place to resolve these concerns to the best of my ability, but you do not need to stalk me, repeat them until I can no longer see the woods through the trees. Today is one day and as Rome was not built in a day, I will change what I can today, and I bid you farewell’. If you struggle to stay in the positive, then use techniques such as the Magic If and Emotion Memory given to us from Konstantin Stanislavski, the Russian Theatre Practitioner, in the early twentieth century. He used to get his student actors to imagine their roles and called this the Magic If or recall a memory similar to the role or situation that would draw out the required emotions naming this technique Emotion Memory. We have an imagination for a reason, so why not use it on the good stuff. This is not the only practitioner through the ages of time, who have given the use of visualisation as a tool to bring about change. Barbara Fredrickson in her ‘Positivity’ book and Sonja Lyubomirsky in her book, ‘The How Happiness’ incorporate this transformational technique to bring about happiness and positivity. What would our lives look like if we focused more of the good than the bad? What would the world be like if we focused on the positive more than the negative?

A Spring clean for our emotions

Thoughts and emotions to me are so interconnected, they are wired together, so if you what to change your emotions then make sure you also take into consideration your thoughts. So what emotions do you want to feel more of this year? What emotions do you need to release to make way for the emotions you really want to embrace in your life? As the spring offers this energy of renewal, take this renewal and spring clean your emotions. If you cannot do it alone, surround yourself with the people who make you laugh, you have fun with and uplift your mood. Surround yourself with those people who inspire you, bring in compassion and kindness and radiate this energy. Then do something you really love doing, give yourself the time to immerse yourself in it and really enjoy the gifts this activity gives you. It can be cooking, reading a good book, going for a walk, listening to music. You know what it is that your soul loves to do, so just do it.

Let the energy of spring revitalise you as you declutter and make room for the new.

About the Author: Kelly is a teacher, hypnotherapist, counsellor and positive psychologist. Her passion to help people transforms their lives has been a key value from childhood and has been the inspiration behind her work and the way she lives her life. She is the co-founder of Positive Teacher Therapy, which specialises in mental health and well-being services and resources to help teachers flourish.
www.positiveteachertherapy.weebly.com

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

The Positive Psychology People is co-founded and sponsored
by Lesley Lyle and Dan Collinson,
Directors of Positive Psychology Learning and authors of the
8-week online Happiness Course

The post Spring And An Invitation To Rebirth appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.

I recently heard a speaker ask the question: “Are you taking time for yourself or are you focusing more on committing to others?” This is how I answered in my head: “It is a real shame when others give so much to others and don’t make time for themselves or for what is important to them.”

Saying no

Fast forward this morning when I was faced with a challenge of having to say, “No” to something. I used to think I had to quit something if it was really, really bad, painful, or harmful. Well, I am learning that saying, “No” to something doesn’t mean that it is bad or harmful. All it can mean is that it is not exactly right for me at this very moment. Here is an example: Volunteering for an organisation that is truly in line with your beliefs and it makes you happy to be able to give of yourself and your time to that group. When you look at your calendar, assess where you are putting your time and energy, you find that you haven’t made time for what is truly important to you and your goals.

What I have found is that when I am doing all of these great things, some of these great activities are distracting me from my bigger goal. I have my sights set on some very big goals and I am laying the groundwork for some exciting projects. With that said, I have been faced with the decision to remove a volunteer opportunity from my schedule. Making that decision was difficult. Old patterns reared their ugly heads once again…”You’re a quitter.” “What will the others say was the reason you quit?” “You’re being selfish.”

Be the best you

Saying, “No” to something that may just be a distraction from my higher priorities isn’t selfish. It allows me to be the best me that I can be.
Do you ever feel like you are pulled in multiple directions or that you just can’t seem to keep up with all of the demands that are placed on you? A sign that you are doing too much can be if your mind is never at rest and you are constantly thinking about what needs to be done for others.

Here’s a little test to see if you are doing too much for others: Take a look at your calendar and see if you have any blocks of time set aside just for you.

If you came up with “Na da,” “Zilch,” or a big, “Nope,” as your answer, perhaps it is time to make time for yourself.

To thine own self be true.

Enjoy.

About the author: To find out more about Julie Ostrow, please click here.

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

The Positive Psychology People is co-founded and sponsored
by Lesley Lyle and Dan Collinson,
Directors of Positive Psychology Learning and authors of the
8-week online Happiness Course

The post Do What Matters To You appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.

Depression is a condition so many suffer from and you don’t realise as it creeps up and takes hold of you. It leaves you feeling lost, afraid and totally out of character. Many people often think people suffering from this are lazy and just over reacting but it is something so real.

For those of you that don’t know me, I am a motivational speaker, laughter facilitator and events organiser and love to be energizing 100’s and 1000’s of people at a time. I am very social, love people and laugh a lot. So when I say I spent months in my room not speaking to anyone and only going out twice a month to my scheduled meetings you would be shocked.

Having lost all confidence and the ability to read and understand anything I was a nervous wreck. I withdrew from everything because I just couldn’t do it. Ok I had just been diagnosed with a terminal condition and had loads of others things going on but this was unbearable.

I had just started my business and I couldn’t even face anything to do with it – and I love working. I give you this bit of background so you know that I was a totally different person. I tried really hard to pull myself out of this but it was just not happening. I guess I needed the time to reflect and to take baby steps.
Some things had to change.

I would like to share a few things that helped me find my way back to me.

Start finding out your true values

Write down what is important to you and then see if you are living inline with those values. I definitely was not, which is why I was not happy and slipped into the depression.

Once you know what you need to include in your life then it is easy to take the steps towards making it happen. Don’t fall back into old habits.

Of course having a daily laughter routine was really important to me and that was one of the things missing. So I re-started to find my funny and got back into my routines.

I found my dream values that have now made me excited about like again

Do something that gets you out and mixing with people

I needed to go out and do something that didn’t use much brainpower but which got me out of the house and working. I got a job handing out flyers at the station and very soon found my mojo coming back. I remembered I actually liked interacting with people and I liked working. Slowly but surely my brain started to return and this helped me move forward and work on my business.

I am now walking about 10 – 20k steps a day and that alone is making me fitter. The power of laughter with other people is amazing.

Trust me – I know you don’t feel like it but do it anyway.

Manage your cognitive choices

Our mind is so powerful but make sure you don’t buy into the negatives. Notice what you are doing – laugh and find the solution.

Mind Reading: Assuming you know what the others are thinking e.g. “He thinks I am fat”

Ask yourself: How can you be so sure you really know what others are thinking? Are those your thoughts not theirs? Is there another more balanced way of looking at this?

Demands: Interpreting events in terms of how things should or must be e.g. “I must do well; life should be fair”

Ask yourself: Are you putting more pressure on yourself? Setting up expectations that are impossible? What would be more realistic? Describe what you want or would like. Then if it doesn’t happen you can be frustrated/disappointed but less likely to feel righteous anger.

Emotional reasoning: Letting your feelings guide your interpretation reality e.g. “I feel bad, therefore, my relationship isn’t working out”
Ask yourself: Just because it feels bad, doesn’t necessarily mean it is bad. Feelings are just your reactions to your thoughts. And thoughts are just automatic brain reflexes

Unfair comparisons: Having unrealistic standards and comparing yourself to others e.g. She’s more successful than me”

Ask yourself: What would be a more balanced way to look at things?

Mental filtering: Focusing on the negatives and rarely noticing the positives e.g. “look at all the people who don’t like me”

Ask yourself: are you only noticing the bad stuff? Are you filtering out the positives? Are you wearing “gloomy glasses”? What would be more realistic?

I am happy to say that these few pointers helped me rise from a deep depression into a newfound interest into designing my dreams. You can do it too.

Remember to always live life laughingly. YAY!!

About the author: To find out more about Jo-Dee Walmsley, please click here.

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

The Positive Psychology People is co-founded and sponsored
by Lesley Lyle and Dan Collinson,
Directors of Positive Psychology Learning and authors of the
8-week online Happiness Course

The post From Depression To Designing Your Dreams appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.

Eyes can make you smile

My husband gave me the idea for this blog post. I love how excited he was when he was suggesting this idea for the post. You should have seen the excitement in his eyes as he was telling me this. He said, “You know how when you make eye contact with someone and it can make you smile?” Well, you should write about how, even when we are wrapped up in warm weather gear and the only thing that can be seen is ours eyes, you can still say, “Hello” to people…through your eyes. (Then he added a side note: I don’t wear my glasses when I’m bundled up like that…because they’ll fog up.) Even when someone you pass on the street is bundled up and all that you can see of them is their eyes, you can still make a connection with them.”

As he was saying this, I started to smile then he smiled and said, “See! This makes you smile! See! And I can tell from your eyes that you’re smiling.”

Chicagoland

As he was telling me this and getting excited about it, his eyes were smiling as they filled up with a few emotional, gratitude tears.
Even if you’re in this tundra we call Chicagoland*, you’re covered from head-to-toe, and you look like a wooly mammoth, you can still make a connection with someone. (*No joke…the suburbs of Chicago are known as “Chicagoland.” And, no it is not an amusement park…definitely not with this weather we have had the past couple of days: -22 degrees F (And, that’s not with the wind chill!)

No matter where you are in the world, no matter what language you speak, or what the weather is, smiling is a universal language…A language of connection, feeling, and humanity.

I am sure that when you smile at someone else, you will feel good. And, when you smile at them, I am quite certain you will be making their day just a little bit brighter.

About the author: To find out more about Julie Ostrow, please click here.

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

The Positive Psychology People is co-founded and sponsored
by Lesley Lyle and Dan Collinson,
Directors of Positive Psychology Learning and authors of the
8-week online Happiness Course

The post The Eyes Have It appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.

Unknown waters

In leadership you sometimes have to lead into unknown waters if you want things to continue to grow. Therefore, you need to feel comfortable in what is not yet to be seen and trust the flow of experience to bring you exactly at the right destination as well as guide the people you are leading. In your uncertainty you need to still provide the confidence, faith and trust as you stand in your authenticity.

To be a leader you need to learn the balance of when to let things go, which no longer serve a purpose, no matter how long the process has been in place with bringing in changes that are needed to move things forward. It is also knowing that not everyone you meet along your leadership journey will complete the whole journey with you. It is about having integrity and knowing that your leadership has a ripple effect into the world as you interact with each person you meet. This is about shining your light bright so each person you work with increases in their light as they work with you. When you keep your leadership authentic, honest and positive you will always be a blessing in this world, because you have encouraged and enhanced someone else’s self-worth and self-love. You become a beacon to make a positive difference in the world.

Being an authentic leader

Being an authentic leader is about having the necessary knowledge and skill and being able to apply them appropriately. It is also about being connected to your true purpose, staying true to your values and appreciating the work you do and the people you lead. It’s about knowing your fears and not armouring yourself against them as this blocks the flow of leadership and disconnects the relationships you build as your fears become the leader and not you. It is about active listening to all the people involved and balancing this with listening to your inner voice. It is like being the conductor in an orchestra where you bring harmony to all, as you create your masterpiece.

Authentic Leadership requires dedication, determination and drive. It requires you to do the inner work, the internal transformation work as understanding yourself with great clarity is essential. This is so your limiting beliefs, which will be there don’t restrict you. So, they don’t bound you in those fears. It helps you keep focused and liberates you into the greatness being a leader has. It is about understanding the potential within, so it can emerge into the external world. The more you get to know yourself, the deeper connection you have with yourself and the more empowering to others you become.

About the author: Kelly Seaward became a teacher in 2003, graduating from The Central School of Speech and Drama. She is also a qualified hypnotherapist, counsellor and psychotherapist. Currently she is a MAPP student at New Bucks University. Kelly specialises in mental health and well-being for teachers and helps teachers to reconnect to their passion for teaching.
www.positiveteachertherapy.weebly.com

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

The Positive Psychology People is co-founded and sponsored
by Lesley Lyle and Dan Collinson,
Directors of Positive Psychology Learning and authors of the
8-week online Happiness Course

The post Authentic Leadership appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.

Everyone knows love is good for you but what does positive psychology say about. Let’s kick start the process of love with some philosophical references such as Irving Singer (1984) who conceptualised it with as a concept associated with virtuous attributes such as goodness and Godly attributes. Further differentiating it into four components: “Eros”: desire for the beautiful, “Philia”: companionship love, “Nomos”: obedience to ones loved one, and “Agape”: preference of love over spirituality. The variant levels of love are very interesting and divulge humans into thinking about love in a very comprehensive manner.

What is passionate love? Another external expression of the feeling of love Hatfield (1988) proposed the true essence of passionate love is an intense attraction that’s entails marriage to that individual. Others extend this element that compassion, passion, satisfaction, friendship and commitment are elements of love too (Sprecher and Regan, 1998). The Zeitgeist of understanding love within an applied adult love attachment theory states that joys and sorrows of childhood come prevalent within adult love experiences (Hazan and Shaver, 1987).

The evolutionary theorist postulates that survival of species is dependent upon pro creation and attending to the helpless infant so as to build primitive emotional bonding (Mellen, 1981). Research into love has found that love, companionship, honesty, trust as main features of the notion of love (Regan, Kocan and Whitlock (1998). Others state that the process of love may motivate an inner self expansion process within the individual (Aron and Aron, 1996). Sternberg (1998) is a process of personal social construction which is experienced through life experiences.

The notion of love has been linked to happiness and positive wellbeing as human is group orientated species that need to belong (Myers and Diener, 1995). The renowned psychologist Barbara Fredrickson postulates love is a moment in which you experience warmth and connection with another being naming it Positivity Resonance. Positivity Resonance is a three part process you mirror each other’s behaviours, biochemistry and impulsive care for one another. Love and respect have layers which have been identified as attention, curiosity, dialog, empowerment, healing and self respect Lawrence-Lightfoot (2000). Gender differences have been identified as men are more susceptible to lucid behaviours and women are more prone to practical friendship gestures (C.Hendrick & Hendrick, 1986).

Collaboration of positive psychology practices

The purpose of couple therapist professionals counselling psychologist, clinical psychologists, pastoral counsellors, marriage and family therapist is to listen, respect, understand and cultivate effective communication between couples. The basic principles of counsellors is to develop dialogue that expresses authentic feelings, motivate effective communication between couples, embrace reflective accounts of challenges/processes of change among the people concerned, encourage autonomy, exchange relevant information, boost communication, set clear goals and objectives. The common core principles of relationships entail the following respect, empathy, tact, consent, confidentiality, accountability, expertise and practitioner facilitation of less conflictive behaviour with more solution based behaviour.

Relationship therapist need to take upon some Positivity Resonance tasks within their normal practices to acquire optimal level of love functioning within human relationships. I do indeed feel that in coherence to these imperative principles a Positivity Resonance approach collaborated within this framework will provide a more current form of couple therapy.

The future for love research

The future of love in Positive Psychology is imperative in understanding close relationships and clinical Psychology postulates that knowledge of love is compulsory for therapist to practice within their field (Bergner, 2000). Large body of research advocates that love does indeed prolong human life and is good for your Positive Well being with a gender bias advocating men are the superior Beneficial’s of this notion. With recent researchers such as Barbara Fredrickson defining the science of love as a Positive resonance with experiences of shared positivity amplified by the people physiological reactions and behaviours. This notion is very plausible and provides a good framework for further research to be conducted which could actually entail brain scans of people who display Positive resonance behaviours. I leave you with the thought love does indeed make the world go around even the science behind it proves this.

References:
– Acevedo, B.P., Aron A., Fisher, H. E, & Brown, L. (2012). Neural correlates of long-term intense romantic love. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 7, 145-159.
– Aron, A., Norman, C. C., Aron, E. N., McKenna, C., & Heyman, R. (2000). Couples shared participation in novel and arousing activities and experienced relationship quality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78, 273-283.
– Barbara, L. Frederickson (2013) Love 2.0: How Our Supreme Emotion Affects Everything We Feel, Think, Do, and Become. Hudson Street Press.
– Snyder, C.R. & Lopez, S, L. (2011) The Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology. Oxford University Press.
– https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Couples_therapy
– https://positivepsychologytraining.co.uk/2017/02/liberate-love/
– https://www.nationalcounsellingsociety.org/find-counsellor/types-of-therapy/
– https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201203/5-principles-effective-couples-therapy

About the author: To find out more about Fizza Shah, please click here.

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

The Positive Psychology People is co-founded and sponsored
by Lesley Lyle and Dan Collinson,
Directors of Positive Psychology Learning and authors of the
8-week online Happiness Course

The post What Is Positive Love? appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.

Because we are led to believe we have to change the core of who we are, I have always felt that making and keeping resolutions is such a daunting and overwhelming task. By definition, a resolution means, “A firm decision to do or not to do something.”

As I am writing this, I realise that the more I talk about and worry about a goal or task, the larger and more arduous it becomes. Simply re-reading the definition of resolution makes it seem quite simple: Just make a decision to make a different choice.

Choose one word

As author Gretchen Rubin suggests in her podcast, “Happier with Gretchen Rubin,” choose one word for the coming year that you would like to have as your overarching theme for that year. Examples that she shared in podcast # 201, “Choose a One-Word Theme for the Year” included upgrade, bigger, lighten up, repurpose and delegate. I really like the idea of choosing one word or term as an overarching theme for the year because, as it becomes planted in my subconscious, it will become what drives my decisions in all aspects of my life.

Good health

For 2019, I choose “Good Health.” I want every choice I make to have a positive impact on my health. And this means good health for my body, my mind, my relationships, my business, and my finances. How do I know if a choice is good for my health? I listen to my body. I listen to my heart. My body tells me if something is right or wrong for me. If an answer is, “Yes,” I have a warm, comforting feeling in my chest. If the answer is “No,” then I get a sick feeling in my stomach. As I am writing this, I am realising that in order for me to live in Good Health, I shall listen more closely to the messages my body gives me. And, most importantly, to act on those messages. Does a choice give me a positive feeling? Then I will proceed. Does that choice or option give me a negative feeling? Then I will say, “No, thank you.”

And, that, my friends is good self-care. Because I have chosen ‘Good Health‘ for 2019, I know that every decision I make in the coming year will be driven by the question I ask myself, “Is this action helpful to my well-being?”

What one word or term captures what you want the year to hold for you?
Whichever word or term you choose, I wish you good health, prosperity, and good fortune.

About the author: To find out more about Julie Ostrow, please click here.

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

The Positive Psychology People is co-founded and sponsored
by Lesley Lyle and Dan Collinson,
Directors of Positive Psychology Learning and authors of the
8-week online Happiness Course

The post New Year. New Start: Does It Mean We have to Change Who We Are? appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.

I attended a national conference for ‘Health and Well Being at Work’ earlier this year, and discovered an extraordinary spectrum of exhibitors stands, ranging from ergonomic seating, through dietary additives, occupational health recruitment to resilience training and noise protection devices. No wonder we are confused about what wellbeing really means.

Understanding what we mean by wellbeing is important though. The World Health Organisation defines good mental health as “A state of wellbeing in which every individual realises his or her own potential, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully and is able to make a contribution to her or his community.”

Common language for wellbeing

Wellbeing is an increasingly commonly used term, but there is a spectrum of meanings and even disparity in the spelling of the term (with or without a hyphen, one word or two). Philosophers have been arguing about the definition of wellbeing for centuries and economists have been debating it for decades, whilst psychologists and sociologists are relatively new to the debate. But if it’s a subjective concept and we all want to be well, does it really matter if we don’t all have the same understanding of the term? Well yes, it probably does. It seems that the language we use and our level of literacy around the concept may actually influence both our experience of, and our levels of wellbeing. This literacy effect plays out through both our self-understanding of our intrinsic experience and our social experience of the concept through education, community, and workplace interactions. The definition of wellbeing is also of course important from a scientific evidence-based perspective when assessing the efficacy of interventions intended to increase wellbeing. Differentiating wellbeing concepts is far from straight forward though. Oades and Mossman (2017) review a range of wellbeing terminologies in positive psychology literature and use six dimensions to consider in differentiating the concepts

1. Analysis at individual, group, organisation or society level?
2. Physical, mental, social domain?
3. Subjective or objective perspective?
4. Are positive attributes required?
5. Is wellbeing multifaceted/multidimensional?
6. How is it different from health?

Emotional literacy

Our level of literacy about our emotions influences our experience and our ability to control them through the mechanism Daniel Goleman termed, our Emotional Intelligence and the more granular our ability to distinguish and label emotions, the greater influence over them we have and the more successful life outcomes we are likely to have. Lisa Feldman Barrett (2017) proposes that emotions are not pre-programmed into our brains but are psychologically constructed based on our history, physiology, and environment. If our experience of wellbeing is constructed in a similar way, then our level of wellbeing literacy has the potential to influence our level of wellbeing.

Strengths literacy

A similar effect has also been reported in our ability to be able to recognise, distinguish and label our strengths. By being able to recognise and selectively apply the things are naturally good at, we feel better about ourselves and are more successful. This particularly counts in the workplace if it leads to higher engagement and productivity.

Mental health literacy

The terminology around mental health and mental illness is another area where there is a lack of clarity and where the two concepts are often addressed as synonymous. However, Corey Keyes makes a vital distinction between the two concepts suggesting that we can have good mental health even if we have a mental illness and vice versa, and not only that these concepts should be conceptualised on separate continua, but that they can be managed and addressed by different means.

Beyond Talking

Building wellbeing literacy is not just a case of defining terms or talking about it though. Literacy is developed through multiple communication channels including reading, writing, listening, speaking, viewing and creating, in multiple contexts. In order to increase the levels of wellbeing in our families, schools, organisations and societies we need to communicate about wellbeing through all these channels in a consistent, detailed and meaningful way, over and over. Through literacy we control how we use language, so wellbeing literacy is how we control the use of wellbeing language. Since the language we use influences how we think and act, it may impact our lives significantly.
So, the next time you ask someone how they are, listen carefully, give them the opportunity to express their response honestly and in detail, it might just improve their wellbeing, or even your own.

References:
Barrett, L. F. (2017). How Emotions are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain. London: Macmillan.
Goleman, D. (1996). Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. London: Bloomsbury
Keyes, C. L. M. (2005b). Mental illness and/or mental health? Investigating axioms of the complete state model of health. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 73, 539 –548.
Oades, L., & Mossman, L. (2017). The Science of Wellbeing and Positive Psychology. In M. Slade, L. Oades, & A. Jarden (Eds.), Wellbeing, Recovery and Mental Health (pp. 7-23). Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

About the author: Ali Birch has a 30+ year career history in technology and business change, IAPD certificate in coaching, an MBA and an MSc in Applied Positive Psychology.

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

The Positive Psychology People is co-founded and sponsored
by Lesley Lyle and Dan Collinson,
Directors of Positive Psychology Learning and authors of the
8-week online Happiness Course

The post We Need To Talk About Wellbeing… appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.

Emotional pain as described in this article is just one type of affect, or experience of feeling, other types being mood, temperament and sensation which would include physical pain. However, emotional pain has the capacity to effect the other described affects here, even if we don’t necessarily understand it this way whilst going through it. It can amplify physical pain, cause mood to be unstable or incredibly low and even change a persons temperament.

Positive psychology as a therapeutic model

Now positive psychology when used within a therapeutic model is usually hailed as the modality that offers a positive spin as a pseudo anaesthetic to pain, yet conversely the opposite is true. Pain exists in dark places, and ironically what we need to be doing is sitting with our pain. When we give voice to pain, we are helping to raise it to a level whereby we can deal with it. Positive Psychology 2.0 delves into this, diving deeper than its original form ever did. It’s geared towards exploring the shadows where we find trauma and pain in a way that offers longer term answers.

Rather than pain being something we should shy from, it is something that we should be sitting with. Whether it’s ones own personal pain, or sitting with someone else so that they feel open enough to look at it, exploring it is the way forward.

Bear witness to other’s pain

To bear witness to someone else’s pain is a great gift, and yet we are incredibly poor at doing this. Instead we often offer stock phrases aimed at trying to help the person steer away from the pain and focus the attention somewhere else. “Time will heal this”, “at least you still have… (insert as appropriate), and many other phrases are used to offer at least something.

Bolger who is a theorist on this subject suggests that there is a core category for pain, The Broken Self, this then breaks down to four properties: Woundedness, Disconnection, Loss of Self, and Awareness of Self. It’s not all bad news though here as she explains that as one moves through their pain in stages, there emerges the ‘transformed self’. This she explains as happening after one has moved from ‘the covered self’ which is a protective mechanism used to avoid pain by steering away from it.

A positive attitude to pain

A positive attitude when faced with pain is pretty much the use of the covered self as a means to avoid. So aiming for the transformed self. As a result of processing pain seems a logical cathartic step to healing.

What can be done when faced with pain which seems so hard to bear that avoidance seems the only way of coping? A trusted friend or therapist who is there to bear witness, listen and help you to explore and uncover is essentially the best way to navigate, process and begin to manage emotional pain. Moving through stages, much like some theorists have for many years described with grief seems to be an intuitive solution. Feeling heard, feeling safe to explore and feeling understood is part of the process to move to a place to accept pain.

This is not to say that pain can be removed in this way. But if one has to endure it, then to sit with it as an acknowledged process to move through until it becomes something that you can visit rather than live with seems a productive solution.

The more we explore emotional pain in its raw state, the more we find that we can bear it. Which is essentially what anyone enduring this needs in order to live a meaningful life.

I end this article with a quote from Parker Palmer, ‘The human soul doesn’t want to be advised, or fixed or saved, it simply wants to be witnessed, exactly as it is.’

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

The post Lets Talk About The Painful Subject Of Pain appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.

As I have mentioned before, being able to control our fight or flight responses using laughter is important for many reasons.

3 Reasons to control your fight or flight responses

1. To bypass the sympathetic nerve and activate the parenthetic nerve allowing us to remain calm
2. To stop the release of cortisol (stress hormone) into the blood stream which is toxic
3. To make sure you control your breathing so you exhale more to get rid of all the stale air replacing it with clean air while oxygenating the cells

Another big reason this is so important is that if we are constantly faced with emotions like fear and we are not shifting them we become fearful. Laughter actually helps us move that negative emotion and process it which then releases it.

Have you ever found yourself faced in a scary/uncomfortable situation and you start to laugh? This is your body’s natural response to helping you deal with it. We were born perfect knowing how to control our stress levels then educated out of it.

Time to bring back the laughter!

Laughter therapy and artificial intelligence

We’ve known of this for a while but we can’t stand still. So I’ve been pushing boundaries and mixing Laughter Therapy with artificial intelligence to fix problems which bug me. Here are my thoughts – see what you think?

• We want to help clients get better faster but it’s hard to pinpoint areas to work on and it can take ages for the real issues to surface
• It’s difficult to get feedback on what works. Why can’t we target exercises based on need and measure their impact?
• We “guess” a client’s level of “well-being” and” how they’re feeling”

Guestimates can be wrong yet that’s what we use to determine the next step for the client. (Funny, it is not always easy to express your emotions or how we are feeling deep down)
So I thought I’d share with you what I’ve been doing for the last six months.

I’ve been working with a company called TrueTalk to collect emotions and turn them into data so we don’t have to guess client feelings, so we can target exercises based on need, and so we can measure the impact of what we do. Great for us. Great for the client. After all, if we can measure emotions surely we can use that information to help us make a positive shift in them?

Emotions from voice

This is me before and after a Laughter Therapy session. My voice has been analysed to detect emotions and you can clearly see the “shift” or the “impact” LT had on my emotions.

Here, we collected emotions from the tone of voice – its not what you say but the way that you say it. As you can see the impact is clearly measurable.

To capture this we ask the same questions before and after an LT session.

Emotions from words

Here I was recorded answering a set of the same questions before and after a LT session. The voice recording was translated to text and the sentiments in the words I used were analysed.

Again, you can see the usefulness of the technique!

This has really given me an insight into how we can “shift emotions” and create a more positive outcome.

I have been trying this out with several different modalities and it always measures the shifts. And I’ve been trying it with clients; its early days but feedback suggests they’re empowered to more engage with their own issues as well as measuring how the therapy impacts them. Certainly they seem to love to learning more about themselves and I am so excited about this.

What I plan for the future of my app:

1. I see it being useful in schools where kids find it hard to express their emotions – that gets in the way of learning. This will help us track their emotions and feelings, help them understand themselves and help them make the shift to a more positive place
2. The world of work is changing. “Them and us” is fast becoming “we”. Tracking staff stress levels to make sure they don’t burn out is the responsibility of all shareholders and all employees. If its not measured it’s not managed. That is what I see my app doing
3. Even in relationships – finding love is now so popular using a dating app but many fall prey to scams and catfishing (people not being who they say they are). Emotions analysis of profiles, emails, images and voice can be used to assess “sincerity”. I would so love my app to help people measure the integrity of those they deal with on line

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Please feel free to contact me jodee@simplylaughter.com

About the author: To find out more about Jo-Dee Walmsley, please click here.

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

The Positive Psychology People is co-founded and sponsored
by Lesley Lyle and Dan Collinson,
Directors of Positive Psychology Learning and authors of the
8-week online Happiness Course

The post Use Emotions And Artificial Intelligence To Shift Your Feelings appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.