First of all, come up with a dream. It could be anything you want to achieve, a personal change or a professional goal.

Once you have your dream in mind, set up three locations. Pick three spots in your room or outdoors, and assign a role to each location. For instance, you could use three chairs or put 3 labels on the ground.

The Dreamer Location

 The first location is for the dreamer, this is where you let your imagination run wild and visualise the benefits of achieving your dream.

The Planner Location

The second location is for the planner, where you create a plan of action to make your dream a reality. 

The Constructive Critic

The third location is for the constructive critic, where you look for weaknesses and loopholes in your plan.

To help you get in the right state of mind for each location, think about moments in your life when you were in the same mindset. For example, in the dreamer location, think of times when you were daydreaming, fantasizing, or allowing your imagination to run free and relive those moments for a few minutes. Then do the same for the other two.

Once you feel ready, it’s time to walk through the Disney Creativity Strategy. 

Step One

Start by stepping into the dreamer location and reconnecting with your imagination. Don’t hold back, fully visualise your dream and enjoy the positive feelings that are evoked. 

Step Two

Then, move to the planner location and create a practical and realistic plan of action. When you’ve completed it, move to the Constructive Critic location

Step Three

Your job as the constructive critic is to look for weaknesses in the plan but it’s important to know that you are not ever allowed to criticise the dream, this is very important. You may find you need to revise the plan in which case go back to the planning location and make the necessary changes. You keep repeating the process until you have a workable plan. Only as a very last resort should you revise the dream.

This is a very powerful exercise when combined with the positive psychology concept of character strengths. Once you know your top signature strengths you can make the planning process more effective by using them.

Read more about Lesley Lyle and her other articles HERE

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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The old adage suggests “a change is as good as a rest?”. In this blog, I take a look at how Positive Psychology (PP) views the idea that both novelty and adaptation are important factors in well-being and what that might mean for us as individuals. In addition, I consider how current social changes associated with the global pandemic relate to this.

The hedonic treadmill

The hedonic treadmill refers to the idea that we are evolutionarily primed to respond and adapt to change. That is, when something good happens we are initially very positively impacted by it, but before too long we become used to the new conditions and return to some sort of equilibrium or set point. The classic example of this is the person who wins the lottery and is initially very happy but over time tends to revert to their pre winning level of life satisfaction as they become used to the big house, car and lifestyle.

The flip side of this is that when bad things happen, such as a loss or failure, while we may be initially devastated, before too long we tend towards our previous level of emotional functioning.

The advantage of this recalibration effect is that it allows us to respond more effectively to changes in our environment which need our focus while the “normal” fades into the background. The disadvantage of this is that we can, in a goal-driven society, end up never really being satisfied with what we have and always striving for the next big thing to make us happy, not realising that the boost this achievement brings is potentially transitory. So does this mean that we always end up back where we started and there’s not much point in trying to increase our happiness and well-being?

Is it really that simple?

Psychology is about people and, of course, anything involving people is not really that simple! While considerable research supports the idea of the hedonic treadmill, there are a number of caveats (Diener et al 2006).

Firstly, the “set point” varies between individuals, there is a considerable genetic effect, and for most people, the equilibrium is not a neutral state but a generally positive one.

Secondly, as with concepts such as self-esteem, the “set point” can be different for varying domains of life, so you may have different requirements for feeling satisfied with work compared to relationships and these can change in different ways.

Thirdly, the level of adaptation to change back to the setpoint does actually vary between types of experiences and not all circumstances show complete adaptation. For example, while an extra £50,000 may make little difference to the enduring happiness of a millionaire or even the average middle-class family, people do not really adapt to abject poverty or any environmental circumstances that are beyond any individual control such as noise or oppression. So although our circumstances have much less impact on our life satisfaction than we might envisage, especially at the lower end of well-being, there is an effect.

Fourthly, individuals vary in how quickly they adapt to the same experiences in ways that are complex. Individual habituation processes may be mediated by a number of social and psychological factors such as personality traits and coping strategies and these can be influenced and trained.

Finally, longitudinal studies show that enduring changes in happiness levels can occur for individuals, so it is possible to change your set point, thus habituation is not inevitable for everyone all of the time. Just as well, as this is the point of PP! There are things we can do to intentionally help make ourselves happier but understanding the adaptation processes that might impede this is an important step in doing so.

Novelty and sustainable happiness

Studies suggest that doing new things is good for our well-being and some authors have indeed suggested that novelty need fulfilment is a basic requirement for optimal functioning (Gonzalez-Cutre et al 2016). However, there is always a need for balance and being flooded with new experiences can be overwhelming. Think about how tiring a new job can be! So too much change, over too long a period, can be stressful, but on the whole, we need a certain amount of new experiences to thrive. PP interventions including things like gratitude journaling, meditation and developing our strengths obviously involve trying novel activities. Understanding how we adapt to new things is vital so we can work to maximise their positive effects.

Classic PP studies by Sonja Lyubomirsky and colleagues show that timing is important in the lasting impact of well-being interventions. For example, people who carried out five acts of kindness on one day per week had a more enduring boost to their happiness than those who spread these acts out over the seven days. The latter group adapted to the relatively constant impact.

As individuals, we need to be aware of this in implementing our well-being strategies to gain a long term effect. Although we also know establishing habits can be important in helping us adopt well-being activities, we need to experiment to find a way of mixing things up to prevent adaptation. For example, varying the time of day, duration, place and type of meditation I practise helps to keep the experience optimal. If I find some well-being activity doesn’t seem to be giving me a lift, I find a way to vary it. Change the route of your walk, don’t let journaling become a chore, work on different strengths on different days of the week. The point is to be aware of the need to avoid adaptation and find something that works for you, none of us are identical and the research can only tell us so much, you need to be your own experimenter and coach in this area.

Novelty and Coronavirus

Recent constraints on our activities due to the global pandemic have proved a challenge to all of us in incorporating novelty into our lives. The same four walls during lockdown reduced our ability to see different people and do new things and these challenges may not be over yet. Even if you find yourself having to self isolate, try to find ways to introduce novelty into your day. This can even be at a small level and involve switching activities regularly. Move rooms, get up from your computer and move around at times, stand on one leg while cleaning your teeth, phone someone you haven’t spoken to for ages. Understanding that you need novelty gives you the power to incorporate it into your life and avoid adaptation. This is particularly important if homeschooling children. Don’t expect them to sit doing the same thing for hours at a time, encourage them to regularly switch the type of activity they are doing, this will prevent adaptation and maintain interest more effectively. Sometimes, a change actually is as good as a rest, although obviously we all need rest too. Sitting on the sofa watching Netflix is not inherently bad but it may leave you feeling dissatisfied if you never do anything else.

References
Diener, E., Lucas, R.E. and Scollon, C.N. (2006). Beyond the hedonic treadmill: Revising the adaptation theory of well-being. American Psychologist, 61(4), 305-314.

Gonzales-Cutre, D., Sicilia, A., Sierra, A.C, Ferriz, R. and Hagger, M.S. (2016). Understanding the need for novelty from the perspective of self-determination theory. Personality and Individual Differences, 102, 159-169.

More about the author Sarah Monk and other articles HERE

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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Positive and negative change is all ‘life’

Life is a constant ebb and flow of happenings, some which we might perceive as ‘bad’ and some as ‘good’. Changes can be welcome, gradual and beautiful, creeping up on us slowly, like the change of seasons, our children growing from babyhood to adulthood, achieving our goals and moving from life stage to life stage. Sometimes change involves taking new steps, reminding ourselves that there is no ‘best time’ to try something we have never tried, and relishing taking risks. Yet positive change often fills our world with richness, joy, a sense of achievement and increased levels of happiness.

Change can also be sudden, undesirable and unexpected, such as bereavement, serious illness, loss of income and career challenges. What we perceive as negative change often impacts on our sense of wellbeing and psychological safety, though as many psychological studies have found, the events and experiences which call on us to overcome difficulties are often the catalysts for personal growth and the development of resilient behaviours and resources that we didn’t know we had.

Hal Hershfield, Susanne Scheibe and Tamara Sims’ 2013 longitudinal study on the effects of a mix of positive and negative emotions over a ten year period, suggests that not only is it good to experience a mixture of emotions, but it can even be beneficial to our long term health.

So how do we manage the tougher stuff without overwhelm?

Research describes multiple psychological benefits of using positive coping strategies when overcoming adverse life situations. Gratitude, hope, courage, joy and a sense of meaning and purpose, may all help us navigate our life path.

Nevertheless, when we are in the thick of a distressing time, it is not always easy to find ways to change our state, though there are some simple techniques which can help encourage positive coping and helpful thinking. Here are a few of them:

·       Mindmap or journal – psychological studies have found that writing about our challenges can help us gain clarity and offer release from stressful thoughts. Gratitude journaling seems to decrease feelings of depression and increase wellbeing, even when continued for a short period of time and mind-mapping is a simple, visual way of seeing a problem, which allows your mind the freedom to find ways to problem solve.

·       Take baby steps – break the challenge down into step by step, day by day and manage a little at a time. Seeing difficulties as a series of smaller obstacles rather than a massive mountain to climb, can help us manage better and we can often be surprised at our own tenacity as we begin to overcome difficulties which may have seemed insurmountable.

·       Mindfulness – even short bursts of meditation have been shown to decrease anxiety and increase our ability to cope when life. Stop ‘doing’, try sitting still and focussing on your breath and just noticing how that feels, just for a few minutes. Even this simple exercise can calm anxious thoughts and help with clear thinking. If you feel you need some help getting started, try one of the many apps which offer short guided meditations and build the practice into your daily routine.

So how does change give us a choice?

The way both positive and negative changes impact our lives largely depends on how we feel and think about them. One of my favourite quotes by Psychiatrist and Holocaust Survivor, Viktor Frankl, sums up the choice we have for developing resilience when life is challenging:

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves”.

Choosing to embrace change, work with it instead of fighting it and learn as we go, often helps us become better versions of ourselves, bringing opportunities for greater wellbeing and a more fulfilling life.

About the Author: Monique Zahavi

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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Are organisations ever stable anymore?

Whether the change comes from external drivers such as Brexit or technology or internal factors such as restructuring – change is omnipresent. And maybe it’s no bad thing. We need to progress. Life would be really dull without progress and development and there’s no denying that organisations that remain static in today’s challenging marketplace simply don’t survive.

In this context what do you think is the most important element of the change to focus on?

Where should we really focus our time, attention and money?

Technological advances?

Process improvement?

Organisational structure?

Streamlining?

What do you think will happen if we don’t put our most important asset – our people – at the forefront of our thoughts when planning our next change programme?…

Here’s what will happen if you don’t put your people first…

You’ll see sickness absence rise sharply, some of the absence cases will stray into the mental health arena. You’ll see ‘Anxiety’ and ‘Depression’ on self-certification forms, eventually confirmed by GPs.

If you measure it you’ll see a drop in productivity and if you don’t measure it you’ll get a feeling that ‘things aren’t running like they were’. People will be spending more time chatting in huddles and emailing each other in a quest for some semblance of support whilst you think they’re responding to customers.

Your organisational health check or employee survey will be significantly worse than you thought it would be and you’ll spend an inordinate amount of time running workshops around the theme of ‘How to improve morale’

You’ll see the number of ‘grievances’ rise as people use formal methods to make clear their feelings about how they’re being managed.

And you’ll see the number of ‘conduct’ disciplinary processes rise as people become less concerned about timekeeping, attendance and performance.

I wish I could put a cost to all of this for you because I know that would help to clarify your thinking, rationalize your expenditure and justify your actions at your next meeting…

I’d like to put a cost to it but I can’t.  Only you can do that for your business, but there is one thing that you can be absolutely certain of

…If you don’t put people at the top of your list when you are undergoing an organisational change programme They won’t want to work for you anymore. It’s as simple as that.

And once that mindset has been adopted its almost impossible to alter it. Like in any relationship – the trust is lost. Your talent will walk fastest. They’re already taking calls from agents, the calls that they usually ignore. They’ll meet people for coffee ‘Just for a chat’ and before you know it all that investment in your high potential people will be wasted.

I could go on but I won’t. You know the story and the outcome, you’ve probably seen it as many times as me…It can be different though.

How to manage your people through change…

Putting people first in organisational change isn’t easy, you simply can’t please all of the people all of the time. Tough business decisions need to be taken, but here are some steps that will make the people transition easier and reduce the business impact of the change.

1. Create and communicate your plan. Explain ‘why’.
2. Be really clear about the end goal and its benefits. Stay focused on this.
3. Tell people how it will impact them and the work that they do.
4. Communicate – even when you have nothing new to say, reiterate the end goal at regular intervals. Reassure.
5. Ask for feedback, really listen and respond to it, even if it’s to say that after consideration you’re not going to act on it.
6. Actively engage staff in change that affects them
7. Show empathy, understanding and emotional intelligence, don’t be unsettled by emotion, its normal.
8. Allow proper time for training and transition. Rushing people through training or just sending an email on ‘how to do it now’ won’t land well.
9. Do all you can to make the change as smooth as possible for people.
10. Reward acceptance and acknowledge teams and individuals who display newly required behaviours or adopt new systems early.

If you want to really look after your people help them to develop a holistic, personalised resilience plan, one tailor made for them using evidence based strategies. We use a new psychometric that does just that and is currently used by the Royal College of Psychiatrists to ensure that their clinicians remain resilient through the maelstrom of their working lives. Good enough for them, good enough for you and your most valuable asset.

Talk to me about how you can improve your team’s resilience through change

About the author: Janette Kirk Willis

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

The Positive Psychology People is co-founded and sponsored
by Lesley Lyle and Dan Collinson,
Directors of Positive Psychology Learning and authors of the
8-week online Happiness Course

The post How to help your people through change appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.

Let’s get curious

Have you ever stopped and wondered, why?  Probably, if you do, the reality is that you will make it all about you, in a way that is not very kind.  You may tell yourself, it’s because you have no will power, you never succeed at anything, you never stick to anything and other unkind reasons you make up for not having kept to your resolution. You may even have attempted the resolution more than once, and hope that this time it will be different… only to find you end up in exactly the same place all over again.

Now, let’s imagine for a minute that all the reasons you may have made up, actually have nothing to do with you not achieving your goals, yet.

Did you know that having a resolution is only step one? What is needed next is a plan, one that is rich in detail, is flexible and underpinned with some magic ingredients.

You do already know how to plan

I know that you know how to plan, you are doing it all day. You plan what you are wearing, what to eat, how to travel to where you are going. And yet, often when we think about “goals or resolutions” it can all go a little awry

Changing the programme with kindness

What if right now, you became curious about doing it in a slightly different way.  Some things need to be the same, for instance, our brain, operates in many ways like a smart phone or computer. It can only take actions it has a programme for, so we do need a plan, a direction in which to travel.

Switching goals for intentions

However, what if instead of referring to goals, you experiment with having daily intentions instead.  I have found that awaking with the intention of practicing certain behaviours or planning to take certain actions, have made it easier for clients to respond with self-kindness instead of criticism, if perchance, the day didn’t go as planned.

The magic of self-compassion

The magic in offering ourselves kindness instead of criticism when we don’t do as intended is manifold and contrary to what you may be thinking, is more likely to result in you ultimately achieving what you had intended.  Responding with criticism tends to activate our stress response as well as old stories of how we are not good enough which can then lead to increased feelings of shame and isolation, unlikely to ask for help or support, which in turn keeps our stress response activated…and the cycle continues, often resulting in us travelling a great distance from what our intention was. When we respond with kindness & compassion, we are able to respond as if to a friend, and lean into our possible frustrations with understanding, being able to reflect on our planned intentions with a view to exploring what we may need to do differently and continue on our journey to achieving what we intended.

Your plan may look something like this:

• Begin with the end in mind, what do you want and why? Ultimately for the change you desire to be authentic and sustainable, it needs to be something that is in alignment with what you want, and not someone else’s, or society’s idea of who and what you “should” be achieving or doing.  So, if for instance you want to nourish yourself with kindness, why do you? what will be different because you are now nourishing yourself differently? Begin to see yourself already having made the changes. What are doing and how do you feel? The more time you spend stepping in to the change you want, as if you have already made it, the more likely you are to achieve it.

• What is really important to you in your life, what do you value the most? When you write down the 10 most valuable things in your life, do your intentions honour them. If for instance, you value kindness as a core value, and you know you spend a lot of time being self-critical, what do you need to do differently so you are living the value. For instance if you have been intending to become slimmer and have been dieting for years, with each cycle being more self-critical, how does this fit with the value of kindness.

• What steps do you need to take, when and what is the time scale? There needs to be flexibility and patience. If you haven’t achieved what you want by the date you said, it is not a reason to give up, it may be a reason to take time to reflect on what you may need to think, feel, be or do differently… and to know that the dates we set are “made up and make believe” and its ok if somethings take a little longer… after all, you don’t get frustrated when things happen ahead of the time you set, do you

• What support will you need? What resources? Think about this in terms of people, time, skills, knowledge, and money etc.  Mostly we achieve more when we create a team around us; this can be family and friends as well as working with a Coach or other specialists who can offer you support and skills.  Developing a mindfulness practice, keeping a gratitude journal as well as practicing self-compassion, as well as other interventions are invaluable in enabling us to be present, savour and respond with kindness, curiosity and compassion to our experience.

• Do you believe you are worthy of what you want to achieve? Do you have a little voice in your head doubting you are? If you notice this, then begin to talk to yourself as if supporting your best friend…be kind and offer yourself compassion.  Explore with kindness the old ideas or stories you have lived your life by that may be holding you back.  Be grateful to them, as their intention would have been to protect you in some way… and begin to create new ideas about yourself, that enable you to see that you are worthy and that your worth is not attached to you doing, being or showing up in specific way.

• How are you going to manage the challenges you may face along the way? learning to offer yourself kindness and compassion is key.  One of the most precious of gifts to offer yourself every day, is to have a daily intention of knowing that your worth isn’t not attached to an outcome.  One way of doing this, is to say to yourself in a soothing tone… “and I am worthy of love and belonging’’ especially after you may have made a mistake or acted in a way you didn’t intend to.  This acts as a sort of magic, because it interrupts the possibility of activating your stress response, which as discussed earlier, is likely to take you off of your intentional path.

• You probably don’t live in a bubble on your own and so any changes you make, will most likely have some sort of impact on people in your life. Include them in your plan, explain what you are doing and how they can support you.

• How are you measuring your success? When are you celebrating? Most people wait until the “end” to celebrate…for about 5 mins and then move on. What would it be like for you to celebrate each step achieved and reflect and learn from every day’s experience?  Setting an intention to do this daily will result in you being happier, wiser and more resilient.

Every day of your precious life, is a new beginning, an opportunity to reflect on the days past. With a sense of wonderment and curiosity, create the intentions that ensure you are living your kindest life.

Until next time,

About the author: Helen Golstein

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

The Positive Psychology People is co-founded and sponsored
by Lesley Lyle and Dan Collinson,
Directors of Positive Psychology Learning and authors of the
8-week online Happiness Course

The post That One Special Day appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.

I know that is not so easy. Once life gets going again, in the usual treadmill, it is hard to keep up the good work and stick to your new habits.

This is what Brené Brown says about good intentions:

January 1:  This is going to be cool!

January 5:   This is not easy…..

January 10: This has failed

January 15:  I have failed

Recognise this? I do. At some point I even stopped making good intentions. If you feel that way, and you can totally understand what Brené means, then my wish for you is that the new year will bring you less perfectionism and more self-compassion. To be honest, that is what I wish for myself too. If we would all have more empathy and compassion for each other, life would be so much more comfortable.

This might seem simple, but it requires a change in mind set. We need to recognise and replace our limiting beliefs. We need to change the way we think about ourselves. It might need some soul searching, but I am sure it will be worthwhile.

Difficult change

To achieve our intentions, we need to change something. As Stephen Covey said: if we keep doing what we are doing, we are going to keep getting what we are getting.

But make no mistake, change is difficult.

Change can create a feeling of sadness. I know I had it, without even knowing why. It took me a while before a realized that those moments of sadness where actually moments of mourning. My inner self was saying goodbye to certain thoughts and behaviours, it was closing some doors to some specific memories. And as you grow older, there are things, habits, and even people you better say goodbye to.

Change can be challenging: children leaving home, going their own way.  That is a fundamental change for a parent, and I guess especially for a mother.

Change can be confronting: there are things you cannot do anymore, there are goals you cannot reach any more. For example, if I would desire to become a world champion in one or the other sport, that would be a rather unrealistic goal.

Positive change

But change can be really positive and rewarding.

You gain wisdom through your experience, you get to master the art of putting things in perspective, and my god, that does make life easier.

You realize that dark skies don’t always mean rain, you learn to accept the occasional thunderstorm, because you know it makes the journey more meaningful.

As a parent you get your ‘me-time’ back, how wonderful is that, just doing things you want to do without worrying if the kids have food or whether they will get at school in time?

You get to choose which people you let into your life, or not. And that will open doors for new opportunities and new people, who will make your life so much richer.

You learn that you do not really need an answer to all your questions. It might take away the joy of discovering the journey of life in all its stages.

Your life environment shifts, your conversations change.

And by being aware of all this, you will create a change. It might feel as just an inner change, but I can promise you, it will show on the outside too.

Gandhi said: ‘Be the change you want to see in the world’, and this is one of the most compelling ways of instigating change.

This change works inside-out. If your mindset changes, so will your intentions and actions. And that might influence others and create a butterfly effect. It is a change on the level of being.

So for this new year my wish for you (and for myself) is that you can be the change you want to see and walk the talk, even when no one is looking. Happy New Year!

About the author: Inge Beckers

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

The Positive Psychology People is co-founded and sponsored
by Lesley Lyle and Dan Collinson,
Directors of Positive Psychology Learning and authors of the
8-week online Happiness Course

Een nieuw jaar, een nieuw begin?

Een nieuw jaar is altijd een goede gelegenheid om eens na te denken over het vorige jaar. Om terug te kijken en te zien wat je hebt geleerd en hoe je de uitdagingen die het leven je heeft gegeven hebt aangepakt. Het is ook een kans om de goede voornemens  voor het komende jaar te bepalen. En misschien kan je die dit jaar dit ook echt bereiken!

Ik weet dat dat niet zo gemakkelijk is. Zodra het leven weer zijn gangetje gaat, en we weer in de gebruikelijke routines terechtkomen is het best wel moeilijk om die voornemens daadwerkelijk uit te voeren en dan ook nog vast te houden aan die nieuwe gewoonten.

Dit zegt Brené Brown over goede voornemens:

1 januari:   Dit wordt super!

5 januari:    Dit valt nog niet mee….

10 januari:  Dit is mislukt.

15 januari:  Ik ben mislukt.

Herken je dit? Ik wel. Op een gegeven moment stopte ik zelfs met het maken van goede bedoelingen. Als jij hetzelfde voelt en helemaal begrijpt wat Brené bedoelt, dan is mijn wens voor jou dat het nieuwe jaar je wat minder perfectionisme en meer zelfcompassie zal brengen. Om eerlijk te zijn, dat is wat ik ook voor mezelf wens. Als we allemaal meer empathie en mededogen voor elkaar zouden hebben, zou het leven zoveel comfortabeler zijn.

Dit lijkt misschien eenvoudig, maar het vereist een mentaliteitsverandering. We moeten onze beperkende overtuigingen herkennen en vervangen. We moeten de manier waarop we over onszelf denken veranderen. Het kan wat soul searching nodig hebben, maar ik weet zeker dat het de moeite waard zal zijn.

Verandering is moeilijk

Om onze intenties te bereiken, moeten we iets veranderen. Zoals Stephen Covey zei: als we blijven doen wat we doen, blijven we krijgen wat we krijgen.

Maar vergis je niet, verandering is moeilijk.

Verandering kan een gevoel van verdriet veroorzaken. Ik weet dat ik het had, zonder zelfs maar te weten waarom. Het duurde even voordat ik besefte dat die momenten van verdriet momenten van rouw waren. Mijn innerlijke zelf nam afscheid van bepaalde gedachten en gedragingen, het sloot deuren voor enkele specifieke herinneringen. En als je ouder wordt, zijn er dingen, gewoonten en zelfs mensen waar je beter afscheid van kunt nemen.

Verandering kan een uitdaging zijn: kinderen die het huis verlaten en hun eigen weg gaan. Dat is een fundamentele verandering voor een ouder, en ik denk vooral voor een moeder.

Verandering kan confronterend zijn: er zijn dingen die je niet meer kunt doen, er zijn doelen die je niet meer kunt bereiken. Als ik bijvoorbeeld als doel zou stellen om wereldkampioen te worden in de ene of de andere sport, zou dat een nogal onrealistisch doel zijn.

Positieve verandering

Maar verandering kan ook positief zijn.

Je wint wijsheid door je ervaring, je leert de kunst om te relativeren, en mijn god, dat  maakt het leven toch wel een stuk gemakkelijker.

Je beseft dat donkere hemel niet altijd regen betekent, je leert af en toe een onweersbui accepteren, omdat je weet dat het de reis betekenisvoller maakt.

Als ouder krijg je je ‘me-time’ terug, hoe geweldig is dat, gewoon dingen doen die je wilt doen zonder je zorgen te maken of de kinderen eten hebben of dat ze op tijd op school zullen komen?

Je mag kiezen welke mensen je in je leven laat of niet. En dat zal deuren openen voor nieuwe kansen en nieuwe mensen, die je leven zo veel rijker zullen maken.

Je leert dat je niet echt een antwoord op al je vragen nodig hebt. Het kan de vreugde wegnemen om de reis van het leven in al zijn stadia te ontdekken.

Je leefomgeving krijgt een diepere betekenis, je gesprekken krijgen meer betekenis.

En door je hiervan bewust te zijn, creëer je een verandering. Het voelt misschien als een innerlijke verandering, maar ik kan het je beloven, het zal ook van buiten zichtbaar zijn.

Gandhi zei: ‘Wees de verandering die je in de wereld wilt zien’, en dit is een van de meest dwingende manieren om verandering aan te bewerkstelligen.

Deze verandering werkt van binnen en van buiten. Als je mindset verandert, zullen je intenties en acties ook veranderen. En dat kan anderen beïnvloeden en een vlindereffect creëren. Het is een verandering op het niveau van ‘zijn’.

Dus voor dit nieuwe jaar is mijn wens voor jou (en voor mezelf) dat je de verandering kan zijn die je wilt zien en deze ook consequent uitvoer, zelfs wanneer niemand kijkt. Gelukkig nieuwjaar!

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January is typically a time for resolutions, reflection and new goals. Like many people, self regulation is near the bottom of my list of strengths, so self improvement can be a challenge!. Often, we know what we want to change but we just can’t seem to find the motivation to do it. So what are the factors which influence motivation?

Well, of course there are many ways to think about this however, one theory I find particularly useful in reflecting on my own issues and in working with clients is Self Determination Theory (SDT, Ryan & Deci 2000).

Intrinsic or Extrinsic Motivation?

Motivation may be intrinsic or extrinsic. Intrinsic motivation occurs when we do something for the love of the activity itself in the absence of external reward, such as reading just because we want to (not because we have an essay to write). This is a wonderful expression of our desire to explore, investigate, create and integrate. Ryan & Deci (2000) suggest that this is a natural evolved human propensity, perhaps akin to Rogers (1967) idea of self actualisation. Research suggests that high levels of intrinsic motivation are associated with well-being. However, both SDT and Rogers agree that conditions need to be right for  intrinsic motivation to be supported and it can be easily undermined.

Extrinsic motivation occurs when we do something due to an external pressure of some sort, such as to gain a reward or avoid unpleasant consequences. As we live in a society with other people, most of what we do is not intrinsically motivated but influenced by contextual demands. So how do we become motivated in a self regulated manner to do things which we don’t naturally want to do and how does this motivation influence the way in which we do things, our ability to keep going and our well-being? This depends to the extent on which we are able to internalise and integrate the values and responsibilities of our societal context. So a child might initially refuse to do homework because they don’t see the point, this could lead to a process of internalising and integrating such that the child does homework to avoid detention, then to please parents, moving to a means to gain qualifications to achieve a desired lifestyle. Ultimately the child could even find they love learning so that doing homework becomes intrinsically motivated (or maybe not).

Self Determination Theory

Research in SDT indicates that both intrinsic motivation and the adoption of extrinsic motivation is promoted by conditions which foster autonomy, competence and relatedness. These are seen as basic psychological needs which, if met, encourage self determination, promoting our natural inclination to growth and flourishing.

However, environments which are characterised by excessive control, undermine a sense of achievement or disrupt connectedness can lead to alienation, lack of responsibility, demotivation and in the extreme psychopathology.

As would be expected environments which foster autonomy, competence and relatedness have been seen to influence individuals to be both more productive and show greater well-being. However, these three needs are situated within a context of meaning and culture so that the expression or fulfilment of them may be seen as very different goals and orientations at different times, places, ages and contexts.

How Does It Help?

Knowing that autonomy (control), competence and relatedness are important underpinnings to motivation helps;Understand why people may be demotivated. For example GCSE students sometimes become demotivated because their predicted grades are very high and they consequently feel the most they can do is what is expected of them or fail, their sense of control and achievement is undermined, while their relatedness to parents and teachers is also threatened

• Understand why people may be demotivated. For example GCSE students sometimes become demotivated because their predicted grades are very high and they consequently feel the most they can do is what is expected of them or fail, their sense of control and achievement is undermined, while their relatedness to parents and teachers is also threatened.
• Think of ways to improve motivation for things we’re not keen on doing such as buddying with someone to exercise, increasing relatedness, or having very small goals to enhance a sense of achievement.
• Foster environments and responses to other people which encourage rather than undermine their motivation in our roles as parents, educators, managers and helping agents.

We also need to be able to look at how the psychological needs for autonomy, competence and relatedness interact with one another and are balanced. For instance, do you tend to sacrifice autonomy for relatedness? We all make these compromises frequently and it is necessary to learn how to do this as a social being, but it is worth asking yourself if you’ve got your needs in balance. For example, giving in on decision making (autonomy/control) in a relationship to preserve connection (relatedness) is a necessary compromise sometimes, but if it is a pattern it could be unhelpful, leading to resentfulness which ultimately actually undermines relatedness.

Likewise, we need to be able to consider our personal developmental histories in relation to these needs. For example, those with a very successful sibling may be very sensitive to the need to feel competent, while those with a history of loss may heavily value relatedness over other needs. People who have suffered physical attack may have a greater need for control/autonomy. Each of us has a different current and developmental context and so bring different meanings to the need for autonomy, competence and relatedness. Exploring what these are for ourselves and those around us can potentially help foster our ability to regulate motivation.

References

Rogers, C.R. (1967). On Becoming A Person. Constable.

Ryan, R.M.  & Deci, E.L. (2000). Self-Determination Theory and the

Facilitation of Intrinsic Motivation, Social Development, and Well-Being. American Psychologist, 55(1), 68-78.

About the author: Sarah Monk

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

The Positive Psychology People is co-founded and sponsored
by Lesley Lyle and Dan Collinson,
Directors of Positive Psychology Learning and authors of the
8-week online Happiness Course

The post Self Determination appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.

Because we are led to believe we have to change the core of who we are, I have always felt that making and keeping resolutions is such a daunting and overwhelming task. By definition, a resolution means, “A firm decision to do or not to do something.”

As I am writing this, I realise that the more I talk about and worry about a goal or task, the larger and more arduous it becomes. Simply re-reading the definition of resolution makes it seem quite simple: Just make a decision to make a different choice.

Choose one word

As author Gretchen Rubin suggests in her podcast, “Happier with Gretchen Rubin,” choose one word for the coming year that you would like to have as your overarching theme for that year. Examples that she shared in podcast # 201, “Choose a One-Word Theme for the Year” included upgrade, bigger, lighten up, repurpose and delegate. I really like the idea of choosing one word or term as an overarching theme for the year because, as it becomes planted in my subconscious, it will become what drives my decisions in all aspects of my life.

Good health

For 2019, I choose “Good Health.” I want every choice I make to have a positive impact on my health. And this means good health for my body, my mind, my relationships, my business, and my finances. How do I know if a choice is good for my health? I listen to my body. I listen to my heart. My body tells me if something is right or wrong for me. If an answer is, “Yes,” I have a warm, comforting feeling in my chest. If the answer is “No,” then I get a sick feeling in my stomach. As I am writing this, I am realising that in order for me to live in Good Health, I shall listen more closely to the messages my body gives me. And, most importantly, to act on those messages. Does a choice give me a positive feeling? Then I will proceed. Does that choice or option give me a negative feeling? Then I will say, “No, thank you.”

And, that, my friends is good self-care. Because I have chosen ‘Good Health‘ for 2019, I know that every decision I make in the coming year will be driven by the question I ask myself, “Is this action helpful to my well-being?”

What one word or term captures what you want the year to hold for you?
Whichever word or term you choose, I wish you good health, prosperity, and good fortune.

About the author: To find out more about Julie Ostrow, please click here.

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

The Positive Psychology People is co-founded and sponsored
by Lesley Lyle and Dan Collinson,
Directors of Positive Psychology Learning and authors of the
8-week online Happiness Course

The post New Year. New Start: Does It Mean We have to Change Who We Are? appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.

The rationale of Positive Psychology (PP) in discerning the factors which promote wellbeing, flourishing and meaning in life, implies a call to change. Even positive and desired change can be problematic. The extent to which change is possible has been a central consideration of the study of personality and the focus of diverse forms of therapy. The question of nature Vs nurture in influencing behaviour, emotions and cognitions tends to be conceptualised as one of complex interactions. It is now known that not only can genes influence our interaction with the environment but contextual factors can also facilitate or inhibit the expression of genes. Against this background both continuity and evolution of the individual psyche are shaped throughout life.

Living with an Evolved Brain

As Gilbert (2009) highlights, we live in a modern world with a brain that evolved to help our species survive in very different circumstances to those of today. Thus our unconscious mental processes can undermine our wellbeing. Our brain evolved to deal with an environment of scarcity, not the plethora of choice facing us in current Western society. Thus, our tendency to strive for more and our sensitivity to threat which enabled us to become the dominant species on the planet, leave us vulnerable to difficulty in modulating our needs and desires in the face of plenty. This is compounded by our individualistic culture with it’s inherently competitive mentality. Too often we are trapped by the modern plagues of obesity, addiction and the hedonic treadmill which causes us to always strive for the next big thing. We are not good at being content but can become stuck in behaviours of excess, which people often want to change but feel unable to do so.

The Stages and Processes of Change.

So, in a world where we are constantly called to reduce maladaptive behaviours and enhance well-being oriented behaviours, how do we conceive of and foster intentional change, and what are the difficulties associated with this?

Prochaska, Norcross & DiClemente (1994) studied people who had successfully changed problem behaviours or adopted positive behaviours without intervention, and later looked at change within therapy. They also examined the processes involved in diverse types of therapy and proposed a model of intentional behaviour change, where change is seen as occurring over time in ordered stages. Core change processes, used to a greater or lesser extent in all types of therapy, are applied differentially across the stages of change to effect progress. Consequently, the correct processes need to be matched to the stage of change of the individual.

In the first stage, Precontemplation, the person often does not acknowledge the need for change. Insight oriented change processes are needed to help the person overcome defences, experience the associated emotions and enable understanding of the advantages of change. This leads to a contemplation phase where the person is considering change and understands the advantages of change but the difficulties associated with a new lifestyle become apparent and the pros and cons are weighed. I’m sure most of us are familiar with the procrastination common to this phase of change. For the individual to progress the decisional balance needs to shift so that the pros for change increase twice as much as the cons decrease leading to the preparation phase. Here the focus tends to change to behavioural strategies and commitment to a detailed plan of action. This, coupled with adequate belief in one’s ability to carry out the plan (self efficacy), allow action to take place. This is where the noticeable behavioural changes occur. This action phase is what people typically think of as “change” and is where most intervention programmes are aimed. However, rushing to action without going through the earlier stages of change so that one is truly prepared to be different, can be counterproductive and lead to failure reinforcing a view that change is impossible and undermining self esteem and self confidence. This is one reason many “action” interventions such as dieting, exercise and anti-smoking campaigns have limited success rates.

Following the action phase, there is an important maintenance stage of Change, where a range of strategies need to be employed to help prevent relapse. This important process is again often neglected, leading to relapse (and for example regaining weight lost). In fact, this process of change is seen as a spiral pattern where people often relapse back to an earlier stage in the cycle several times before enduring change occurs and learning from relapse is an important part of the process.

This model of change is not without its critics. It has been the dominant model used in addiction recovery in recent years but is purported to be relevant to the adoption of positive behaviours too.

How Does This Relate To Positive Psychology?

So is this conceptualisation of change helpful within PP? I believe it is a useful model for helping people understand that change is a complex process and that with any change there are both advantages and disadvantages. True change is not just about action. Indeed It is easy to rush into the next “in thing” without anticipating the consequences or understanding that setbacks are part of the process. The evolution of second wave PP highlights that the path to wellbeing is not all about the positive but needs to address balancing dialectical emotions adaptive, with the acknowledgment that life is often painful and our biology doesn’t always help us.

PP practitioners need to be aware of these issues and the ethics of offering interventions which may have unforeseen consequences. Learning to meditate could expose one to difficult personal insights and emotions. Practicing gratitude could make us see our moaning friends differently. Pursuing self compassion could highlight all the times when it has been absent and adopting a healthy lifestyle might change your social circle or threaten close relationships. We all have psychological defences of one sort or another and they are usually there for a reason, whether it is a “good” one or not. Any change can influence these defences and in offering PP approaches we need to be mindful of this and use nuance and careful consideration in their application.

References
Gilbert, P. (2009). The Compassionate Mind. U.K.: Constable.

Prochaska, J.O., Norcross, J.C. & DiClemente, C.C. (1994). Changing For Good: A revolutionary six-stage program for overcoming bad habits and moving your life positively forward. New York; HarperCollins.

About the Author: Sarah Monk 

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

The Positive Psychology People is co-founded and sponsored
by Lesley Lyle and Dan Collinson,
Directors of Positive Psychology Learning and authors of the
8-week online Happiness Course

The post The Possibilities and Perils of Change appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.