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“Happiness is not merely a fleeting feeling,” Dr. Brooks emphasized, debunking the common misconception that happiness is synonymous with momentary joy or elation. Rather, he proposed a deeper understanding of happiness as a state of being, one that encompasses three essential elements: enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning. According to Dr. Brooks, these macronutrients of happiness must be in harmonious balance for true fulfillment to be realized.

Drawing on neuroscience, Dr. Brooks delved into the intricate workings of the human brain, highlighting the three distinct parts: the reptilian brain, the limbic system, and the prefrontal cortex. He elucidated how these components interact to process external stimuli, translate them into emotions, and guide our actions accordingly. Through this lens, Dr. Brooks underscored the inherent dangers of prioritizing pleasure as the sole objective in life, warning against the pitfalls of addiction and misery that inevitably follow such pursuits.

“Satisfaction in life cannot be achieved by avoiding suffering,” Dr. Brooks asserted, urging listeners to confront adversity head-on rather than seeking to evade or suppress it. In a world that often seeks instant gratification and comfort, his words served as a poignant reminder of the transformative power of resilience and perseverance in the face of challenges.

Central to Dr. Brooks’ philosophy is the importance of introspection and purposeful living. He encouraged attendees to ponder the profound “why question” of existence, transcending mere biological explanations to contemplate the deeper meaning and purpose of life. Moreover, he challenged individuals to reflect on what they would be willing to sacrifice their lives for—an introspective exercise aimed at uncovering core values and priorities.

At the heart of Dr. Brooks’ message lies the notion of intentional living and mindful habits. He emphasized the need to cultivate and nurture essential aspects of life, including faith, family, friendships, and work. According to Dr. Brooks, happiness stems from fostering genuine connections and finding fulfillment in meaningful pursuits, rather than the pursuit of fleeting pleasures or material possessions.

In essence, Dr. Arthur Brooks’ speech at the World Happiness Summit served as a rallying cry for a paradigm shift in our approach to happiness and fulfillment. By reframing happiness as a multifaceted construct rooted in love, purpose, and meaningful connections, Dr. Brooks challenged us to transcend the superficial pursuit of pleasure and embrace a more holistic and sustainable path to true happiness.

As we navigate the complexities of modern life, let us heed Dr. Brooks’ timeless wisdom and strive to cultivate a life rich in love, purpose, and genuine connections. For in the currency of love and happiness lies the true richness of the human experience.

The post The Currency of Love and Happiness appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.

“How are you today?”

“I’m fine”

Except, you’re not fine.

“Let’s go for a drink tonight”

“OK”

But you don’t want to go for a drink tonight.

“Can you lead this new project?”

“Sure”

But you’re already overwhelmed and overloaded.

When we keep hiding how we feel, saying ‘yes’ instead of ‘no’, building whole careers and lifestyles around things that don’t really fulfil us, this causes a great deal of inner pain. In an attempt to avoid conflict outside of ourselves, we end up causing a war inside ourselves.

Dr Gabor Maté’s book ‘When The Body Says No’ is full of case studies of people who were never honest about how they really felt or what they really wanted in life. And sadly, this led to much mental and physical illness for them. The distress caused by not being honest, by holding things in, by living a façade really does take its toll. It creates dis-ease. One of the top regrets on the death bed is “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me”.

We also need to understand that what you suppress will express itself in perverse ways. Suppressed sadness can turn into a deep depression, suppressed anger can turn into harmful rage, and suppressed words turn into physical violence – against oneself or others. None of this is going to lead to health or happiness for us or the people around us. “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings” was also the third top regret on the deathbed.

If we want health and happiness, we must be more honest and express and live our truth.

It can be scary to be honest

What will people think of you? Will they reject or ridicule you? Will you feel ashamed, guilty or scared when you speak and live your truth? Well, in the spirit of practising what I preach – the honest answer is yes. These things may happen.

BUT, if you can just hold the line and have the courage to remain honest, a brighter, stronger, more whole, happy and healthy version of you awaits on the other side. You might notice that your whole life starts to open up.

So, here are six tips on being honest and living with more truth

1. Your intention must never be to harm another

If you want to use honesty as a way of hurting or ‘getting at’ someone else, please don’t! Maybe they hurt you and you want to hurt them back by speaking some ‘home truths’. Maybe they’re making your work life difficult and you want to tell them all the things they’re doing wrong. This won’t improve things for you or others because the underlying intention is polluted. It will just create more pain and dysfunction, push people away and you won’t truly feel better afterwards. You won’t have gained or changed.

Instead, be honest because you want to honour yourself. Be honest because you want to be at peace with yourself. You want to care for yourself. Honesty is about you nourishing yourself, not about you intentionally hurting others.

2. Be honest with yourself first

You must admit to yourself how you really feel, who you really are, what you’re really going through, how it’s affecting you, what you want, what would make you happy – and know that there’s nothing wrong with any of it. Accept yourself fully, there’s nothing wrong with you or your truth – the good, the bad and the ugly.

This self-acceptance can take time. Practise it each day, treat yourself like a child you love – with a heart-warming, unconditional, loving embrace.

3. Choose wisely who you’re honest with

Remember, not everyone needs to hear your truth. Not everyone can handle the truth! Be discerning, choose trusted others and those who may be implicated by your honesty and thus, need to hear it. E.g., you may speak up to a boss about your struggles at work, but you don’t need to tell all your colleagues about it. You may tell close friends about your dreams and what you really want in life, but you don’t need to tell that relative who always belittles you.

Your truth is sacred. Treat it as such.

4. Speak your truth even if your voice shakes

When you feel the need to express yourself and be honest, be courageous and speak the best you can. You may not feel good about it but feel the fear and do it anyway. The way out is through.

Know that the weight that lifts once you speak your truth will be replaced by a strength and resilience you didn’t know you had. And this will help you deal with whatever happens outside of you, after you speak your truth.

Also know this is a journey of growth and learning. It’s not about getting it ‘right’ or ‘perfect’. As you learn to become more honest with yourself and others, you will gain insights about yourself, about how best to communicate honestly and how others react. This will all help you on your journey towards more authenticity, health and happiness.

5. Remember that you can’t control other people

Let’s say you want a career path that your parents don’t approve of and you know that telling them the truth will likely be met with some level of disdain. Well, we must learn to let their opinions go. We must create healthy boundaries between our truth and other people’s opinions. We cannot control what others think, nor should we try to.

You wake up each day and experience your life, not them. It’s you who deals with the full consequences of your choices, not them. So, you must live your truth, for your own health, wellbeing and happiness.

6. Take it in small steps

If you hold your truth in for a long time, if for too long you’ve not been able to be honest, it may eventually erupt out of you in a damaging and unsavoury way. It’s much safer to start practising the skill of honesty now.

Just start by being a little more honest, just say one sentence to a trusted person, just kindly refuse one social outing, just spark one conversation about what’s really going on for you. As you feel the inner burden lift, you’ll feel stronger and more able to do it again when you take the next little baby step. Go easy on yourself, especially if you’ve lived a lifetime of hiding.

The truth shall set you free

Being who you truly are, following your inner wisdom, being honest, truthful and self-accepting is a truly heightened state to live in. I hope you’ll start practising it today.

To close, I’ll leave you with one of my favourite Rumi quotes that really depicts how I feel about being honest, truthful and authentic in life and it’s this:

“Take off your mask, your face is beautiful.”

Read more about Pinky Jangra and her other articles HERE

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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Even earlier than that, Confucius and Buddha were exploring their thoughts and teaching their ideas on these subjects, so it seems reasonable to assume that ever since homo sapiens has been thinking and talking these subjects have been up for discussion. More recently, mainstream psychology has embraced the idea of ‘Positive’ Psychology, investigating the science of happiness and what makes life worth living – a change of viewpoint from a previous focus in psychology which often looked how to ‘fix’ us when things aren’t going well.

What do we mean by happiness?

Everyone has their own idea of happiness, and one of the interesting things I’ve found as I talk to people about it is how much the idea of happiness varies from person to person. Say “happiness” to some people and it makes them think of a transitory emotion, the feeling of excitement on Christmas day, a good night out with friends, or the warm contentment of feeling of the sun on their face. Others see it as something longer-lasting – the feeling of being content with their lives that they are meaningful and rich. In psychological terms, these two types of happiness are often referred to as Hedonia and Eudaemonia respectively, but a more accessible way to think about it may be to think about ‘pleasure’ and ‘purpose’.

Pleasure and purpose

The pleasure aspect of happiness comes from enjoying the moment, whereas the longer-term feeling of purpose and meaning in our lives is important to a sense of feeling ‘happy’ with our lives overall. Rather than arguing about which is best, it’s better to see it as a balance. We need to feel a sense of overall direction and meaning, but we also need to stop and smell the roses along the way.

If we think of happiness in these terms, this also helps to incorporate cultural differences in ideas of happiness. In the U.S. happiness tends to be seen as something associated with a state of high arousal – excitement, elation, jumping with joy. Amongst Hong Kong Chinese however, happiness is associated with calmness, peace, relaxation. There’s also a difference across ages – think of the noisy joy of a toddler who lives entirely in the moment, compared to the quiet joy of the grandparent who is watching.

A question of balance

An understanding of these two different aspects of happiness helps us to understand where sometimes we go wrong. If we prioritize short term pleasure at the expense of longer-term direction and meaning, we run the risk of using quick fixes to hide the fact that we feel a lack of purpose in our lives which ultimately leaves us feeling empty when the short-term fix wears off. But equally, spending our lives focussing on long term goals and achievement can mean that we miss the moments along the way that give us joy – we need a balance of both types of happiness.

The first myth of happiness –

“This simple life hack will make you happy”
There is no simple answer to the question of how to be happy. The reality is that there’s a mix of things that we need for optimal functioning, involving pleasure and purpose, which can vary from person to person, across different cultures and across the lifespan. However, despite these differences, there are core themes that arise when we investigate what makes people happy, so the more we learn about what makes other people happy, the more we can apply this knowledge to our own situation when appropriate – the goal of positive psychology.

The second myth of Happiness –

“I will be happy when…”
Another common preconception is that we will be happier when something we desire happens. We get a new car, a raise at work, a new job, win the lottery. Research shows that although this will increase our happiness for a short time, we quickly get used to new things and our happiness levels return to normal (psychologists call this ‘hedonic adaptation).

This doesn’t mean to say that external circumstances don’t impact our happiness levels – particularly if something bad happens, we encounter illness, we get divorced or lose a spouse we will feel unhappy for a while. But the good news is that in this case adaptation works in our favour and our happiness levels will improve as we get used to our new situation, and we are more likely to be resilient and cope better if our life is oriented around the things that bring us happiness in the good times, such as close relationships to friends and being in nature.

The third myth of Happiness –

“You are either born happy or you are not”.
There is some truth to the fact that some people have a happier disposition than others – twin studies show identical twins have more similar happiness levels than those of fraternal twins. But beyond genetics and circumstances, there’s still room to manoeuvre – our happiness levels will move up and down according to what’s going on around us and how we react to that, but we do have some ability to influence the way we react to what’s going on, which in turn influences our feelings. (Again there’s a caveat here – the good news is that we can influence our happiness levels to some extent, but that should not be taken to mean that people should just ‘think positively’ and all will be well – it’s not that simple, and in particular, people suffering from depression or other mental illness that affects their moods should not be made to feel it’s somehow their fault and they can just ‘snap out of ’ if they try hard enough.)

The fourth myth of Happiness –

“But I know what makes me happy”
Although we do have some idea about what makes us happy, there are also times when we are notoriously bad at predicting how we will feel. For example, in a study looking at social interaction with strangers on public transport on a regular commute, people predicted they would be happiest to read/stare out the window rather than talk to fellow passengers. Yet when their happiness levels were tested immediately after the commute, the reverse was true – talking to strangers does make us happier, despite our initial misgivings. The study also showed that the people who were talked to also felt happier after the exchange.

Likewise, another study on interacting with nature showed that when given a choice over walking across a university campus via underground tunnels, or outdoors, participants overpredicted their enjoyment of being in the tunnels, and underpredicted the benefit of walking in the open air, with exposure to trees and natural scenes – again, they underestimated the happiness benefit of being in nature.

How to be happy?

As mentioned above, positive psychology has a wealth of research into what makes us happy. It’s impossible to cover it all here, and often my blog posts cover one small area of things that are good for us in more detail, but here’s my starter at explaining some of the important themes for what makes us happy.

Connection

As humans, we evolved as social animals living in a natural world. Connecting to others is hugely important to our mental wellbeing, whether we are extroverts who like to be surrounded by people or the time, introverts who need quality time with close friends alternated with time alone, or somewhere between those two extremes. As mentioned in the study about commuting, connection doesn’t just have to be with close friends – small everyday connections with others are good for our mental wellbeing too.

We also benefit from being connected to nature and feelings of spiritual or religious connection to the wider world. Contact with the natural world, spending time in nature, gardening, growing houseplants or spending time with animals and pets makes us feel happier.

Looking after our bodies

When thinking about psychology, it’s easy to think about what’s going on cognitively and to forget the importance of looking after ourselves physically. Exercise, good nutrition, and sleep are all vital for our mental wellbeing as well as our physical wellbeing – the mind and body are closely connected and what affects one will impact the other.

Looking after our minds

In the same way, as our bodies need to be active, our minds do too. Learning new things, talking to new people, going to new places is good for us cognitively. Having meaning and direction in our life is important for us too. Lots of people talk about the importance of setting ‘goals’ and although that has value, I sometimes struggle with the word ‘goal’. It implies that we need to know where we are going before we set out, but sometimes the best journeys are the ones where we don’t know where we are going – we just set out to explore. So, if you like setting goals, great, but take time to be curious and allow yourself time to explore and ponder too.

Appreciating what we have

In happiness myth 2 we talked about ‘hedonic adaptation’ – the fact that we get used to good things and stop appreciating their benefit. But the upside is that we can try to counteract this tendency by taking time to appreciate what we have. Gratitude journaling, savouring, prayers of thanks (if we are religious), being mindful and paying attention to the moment will all help us appreciate what is around us and will increase our happiness levels. In addition, the more we pay attention to the good things in our life, the more we notice them, so this has an ongoing effect to help us look on the bright side, even when times are tough.

Conclusion

The question of “what makes us happy” is an interesting one, but not one with a quick answer. But there are common underlying themes, and the more we learn, the more we can choose to influence our own behaviour and actions, which can affect our circumstances and the way we feel. It’s also fun to experiment on ourselves – by trying different things out, we can see what works for us. Gratitude journaling might be my thing, running marathons might be yours – there’s plenty of scope for individual differences. The good thing about positive psychology is that by taking a science-based approach to understanding this question, we can start to unravel the myths from the truths about what will make us happier.

Further Reading:
The How of Happiness – Sonja Lyubomirsky

Sonja Lyubomirsky is a professor of psychology whose main research interest is happiness. The How of Happiness is written for the general reader and goes into this subject in more detail, including covering many different happiness activities that have been shown to increase happiness in psychology research. If you want to learn more and try out some happiness activities yourself, this is a great place to start.

Read more about Sarah Cramoysan and her other articles here

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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What an amazing happy, beautiful, blissful life you would lead……….Or would you? I remember reading an article from a retired Jew about how happy his life was, and how much he enjoyed his life with his family and where he lived. How much he enjoyed waking up each day, how much enjoyed feeling the hot sun on his face, how much he enjoyed spending time with his family and friends. He also stated that if he had his time again, he wouldn’t change anything.

What was so remarkable about this article was that it wasn’t written by someone who had lived a happy peaceful life, it was written by an Auschwitz survivor. Someone who had been through horrors so terrible its hard to imagine how he could ever feel like he did.

Overcoming the odds

I love to read autobiographies, from people who have made something form their lives, about how people became a successful artist, musician, a leader in their field, or just an ordinary person who did something extraordinary in their life. These books are from people in very diverse areas, diverse occupations, some are rags to riches tales, some are great sporting achievements, all very different in one way or another.

Yet there is always one common thread in all these stories, not a single one of them achieved what they did without going through hard times. I’ve read stories of great sporting champions who have had to overcome horrendous injuries, pop stars who completely went off the rails, leaders who totally lost their way, and people who have changed the world with good deeds but have had to overcome illness and depression that was so bad they almost lost the will to live.

On my wall in front of me I have a quote from Nelson Mandell talking about how we should love one another regardless of background or skin colour. It’s hard to imagine that this was once a very angry young man who was regarded as the No. 1 terrorist in South Africa. A man who had to endure 25 years in a brutal prison. And yet every image I see of him, he looks happy, he’s smiling, took great pride for his many achievements and has written some truly inspirational quotes. If any of these people had been able to alter the script of their lives when they were born, would any of them have achieved what they did?

Sowing the seeds of happiness

Although there are many people who are just generally happy people, for many people happiness is not necessarily a birthright, it’s not necessarily something that you would just stumble upon, and in a lot of cases, happiness is well earned.

Happiness is often the result of many years of toil, of pain, of getting so many things wrong, and battling adversity. I have a friend who claims he lives a happy blissful life and when you see him it’s hard to argue against it. Yet he spent over 20 years battling alcohol and drug addiction.

When I talk to people about their lives, they will often talk with pride about some of their happy times, the day they left school, got married, had kids etc. But I’ve often noticed how people light up and become animated when they talk about how they overcome adversity, or how they rebuilt their lives after a catastrophe. The pride they feel at overcoming these times of turmoil is infectious, they genuinely and quite rightly feel they have achieved something truly remarkable in their lives.

When going through hard times, it often feels as though these times will last forever, there is no light at the end of the tunnel, these times will destroy us. And yet its through these times that hope is born, it’s the start of a journey to happiness. It’s through these times we build inner strength, it what makes us who we are, it shapes our future.

The happiest people I know are often those who look back and embrace what has happened to them through challenging times and have had the courage and determination to turn what was once bad into something that is now good.

Turning adversity into good fortune

It’s hard to find anyone who has not had to endure some form of hardship in their lives. It could be losing a loved one, losing a job, a relationship break-up or an accident. I’ve noticed that the happy people I know are not those who have never had any misfortune but who have turned this misfortune into something good.

The Auschwitz survivor said he felt happy every single day because nothing he would ever face again could ever be as bad as what he experienced in the concentration camp. Often happiness is about being grateful for what we now have, the friends we have, what we experience every day. It doesn’t mean we should forget about the hard times, or pretend they didn’t happen, but as with the Auschwitz survivor can be used as a reference to compare against where we are now.

Happiness is often the feeling that you are in a better place now than you were then and are determined to embrace the good times.

A personal journey

About 5  years ago my life was a shambles, my marriage had broken up and I’d had a stream of failed relationships since, which had left me feeling very despondent. My friends and family were many miles away, I never saw anyone, and had no motivation to do anything, and if I’m honest I really didn’t see much point in my life. And yet in the five years since, I’ve made many friends, had some amazing experiences, been to University and got a degree, bought and renovated a house and I am now happier than I have ever felt. It was hard to imagine at the time, but when I hit rock bottom and in my worst state of despair, I was actually sowing the seeds of my future happiness.

About the author: Steve Emery

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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We are beginning to get the first hints of winter, but before we start hibernating I’d like to take time to appreciate the autumn.

What a beautiful autumn it has been. The season never fails to delight and by directly and consciously focusing on its ever-changing features, we are able to enhance our experience and add richness to our lives.

Somehow, I feel closer to nature when I experience change and movement. The daily transformations of the colour of the leaves, the lengthening shadows and the change in temperature, such as that slight undercurrent of a chill heightens my sense. I feel more awake, more alive and I have a stronger sense of connection with nature.

Autumnal Savouring

There are many ways to increase savouring such as taking time to deliberately stop and look around you. Take a deep breath and absorb the slight chill in the air, take in the wide range of colours as the trees put on their last display for the year, witness their multitude shades of red, yellow, orange and brown.  It is as if the tress are putting on a grand display, like a firework finale, keeping us outside for as long as possible before the chill of winter drives us indoors.

Walk Through the Seasons

The best way to experience seasonal changes in nature is to take a walk. If you live in the countryside the delights of nature are easily accessible. However, if you live in a city you can still savour the changing seasons in many ways. You can go to a public park, walk along a canal or walk the city streets and slow down so that you notice the plants in gardens that you usually rush past.

When walking you might find something that stops you in your tracks, such as catching the sunlight illuminating the short-lived red leaves at the perfect angle, which makes them stand out and seem larger than life. Or a cloud passing to reveal elongated and deep shadows. If you don’t notice it now, it will be gone, so fleeting is it presence.  Again, this factor, this briefness, helps me to feel very connected to nature and I feel in awe of what I have seen.

Savouring the Winter

So what is next? The long, cold, dark months of winter. These can be hard to endure, particularly for vulnerable groups such as the elderly or those who suffer from seasonal adjustment depression. However, there are many wonders in the winter months to be savoured, such as cosy indoor time with friends and family, comforting slow cooked meals and the beauty of the frost on seed heads.

Your Focus, Your Choice

Make a decision. Take time to savour winter. Look for the beauty in it, plan joyful activities that you will do throughout the winter and invite people to share in the experience. We all know the benefits of volunteering if you feel able, volunteer to help a vulnerable group.

I’d love to hear what activities you do to savour the winter. Let me know as I’d like to try out some new ideas.

About the author: Bryony Shaw

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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I recently attended the International Meaning Conference (IMeC) in London (July 2019), which held many inspiring talks by inspiring people. It led me to reflect on the journey of positive psychology and how it has come a long way from being all about finding happiness to a place that also values having a meaningful life. This blog reflects on a statement, inspired by Viktor Frankl, which is: Ask not ‘what makes me feel good?’ instead ask ‘what am I good for?’

Origins of positive psychology

Most people with an interest in positive psychology will be aware that the seeds were planted by the thought that we should be studying the outliers of data that seemed to buck the trend of what most people experienced in life. These outliers were individuals who, despite difficulties and challenges, still flourished and thrived. Usually psychologists would ignore these oddities (they upset their charts!), but in the late 1990s Seligman, Peterson and Csikszentmihalyi decided to explore them further.

What makes me feel good?

Most of the researchers under the umbrella field of positive psychology wanted to understand what made people happy and satisfied in life. This was important to create better well-being in society. However over time this first wave of positive psychology was challenged by researchers and critics who thought this was far too superficial and limited. Many studies began to emerge that demonstrated that chasing happiness as a means to an end in itself led to more unhappiness. It seemed that happiness was always out of reach, like the end of a rainbow. Positive psychology had attracted many critics who saw it as a ‘positive thinking’ field that sold empty dreams.

A shift towards meaning

To counteract the emphasis on happiness, a number of researchers began to promote the concept of meaning. This is not new, and the most famous academic who advocated meaning over happiness was Viktor Frankl who developed a therapy called logotherapy. Here Frankl helped his clients to find meaning in every day living, in the small things as well as big things. He recognised that it is not a healthy life to be always happy, as being in a state of happiness and expecting that life will always be a great experience brings misery. Researchers such as Paul Wong argued for a second wave of positive psychology, one that also recognised the value and necessity of the dark side that complimented the light side.
Soon positive psychology was looking for its dark side, such as through our emotions and post traumatic growth. Many books have since been written that advocate the value of so-called ‘negative emotions’ as well as positive emotions. This shift opened up research into other topics that recognised that life will always have some suffering, but it’s not the fact that we suffer it’s how we respond that makes us resilient. In fact, many commentators began to ask whether it is right to find happiness when there is so much suffering around us. This question was posed to the audience of the IMeC conference by Alexander Batthyany, a leading expert of logotherapy today.
Batthyany pointed out research results where people who focus on positive thinking will very quickly not only loose the sense of optimism, but their well-being will dip lower than previous. Instead those that build compassion into their experiences retain a higher sense of well-being due to the balance of hope with reality.
The hallmark of neuroticism, according to Frankl, are i) enforced pleasure and avoidance of pain, ii) dependence on external validation, and iii) avoidance of responsibility for one’s own living. In other words, looking away from unhappiness and responsibility doesn’t create happiness but exacerbates the unhappiness.

What am I good for?

Life has meaning when we choose to accept what we cannot control, and do the best that we can with what we have. An inspiring story told by Batthyany was of a man who had had a bad childhood. Rather than be bitter about it he chose to use his experiences to break the cycle of misery and do what he could to prevent others from suffering the same way. Rather than giving out what he had received, he sent out to the world compassion. And for his efforts he received the happiness everyone wants. Not because he looked for happiness, but because he found meaning and that meaning brought with it a sense of achievement, which in turn made him happy.
So if you want happiness, don’t go looking for it because it won’t be there. Instead do something that gives back to the world, and in return it will offer the gift of a meaningful and satisfying life.

Lisa Jones has a professional background in strategic human resources, organisational change and development. She has just completed the MAPP at Bucks New University. As an organisational change and development practitioner, researcher and coach she uses her knowledge and learning in her client work to facilitate conversations and storytelling for creating meaningful change. She also intends to undertake a PhD … very soon.

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Summer Sunshine

This is a common theme for us. Fast forward a few months to summer and the longest heatwave we have seen since the 1970s. For a few weeks this weather was amazing. Finally a summer where it isn’t raining. We can plan barbecues three weeks in the future and actually host a barbecue, rather than an “indoor picnic”, complete with soggy burgers. The holiday clothes came out and everyone commented on what a wonderful summer it has been. A few weeks of this, however, and we all started complaining again. For the first time in decades (for Scotland at least) humidity began to set in. Unaccustomed to properly functioning in hot weather and fed up of applying factor 50 three times a day, we all began longing for a little bit of rain… or wind… or cloud coverage. This week our wish was granted. Spectacular thunderstorms raged across Britain bringing with them a lot of rain and strong winds. As always, this weather has caused havoc in some areas, with flood and wind damage creating chaos. But, I swear, I heard my garden breathe a sigh of relief.

The Hedonic Treadmill

Whilst many of us are grateful for a break in the weather and some nourishment for our crops, many still are not content, wishing for the sunshine to return. We Brits are well-known for our obsession with the weather, always convinced that any weather is better than this.

In simplest terms this is a national manifestation of the Hedonic Adaption or the Hedonic Treadmill. This is where we believe firmly that a change in circumstances will make us happier. Hedonic happiness is the happiness we get from simple pleasures or material things such as designer clothes or fancy cars. Unlike Eudemonic happiness, which arises from leading a virtuous and meaningful life, this type of happiness, although potentially wonderful at the time, doesn’t last. Before long we adapt to our new situation and begin longing for more. Studies have shown that this is why getting married or buying a new house only brings happiness for a few years after which our happiness levels go back to where they had been before. It is why the pursuit of happiness is so often unfulfilled and explains why all too often we are longing for a change in season.

Escape The Treadmill

There are a number of ways to ensure that we don’t get stuck in the trap of the hedonic treadmill. Adopting a daily practice of gratitude can help you to see the positives of the current circumstances and can help prevent you from taking your situation for granted. The next time the weather is getting you down ask yourself what you are being given. The chance to spend extra quality time with family, the opportunity to spend more time in nature or simply some water to help the flowers grow. Similarly, living more mindfully and savouring the positive moments can help to centre you in the here and now and can greatly improve wellbeing.

Hedonic adaption is a part of everyday existence but we can help to combat its affects by filling our lives with things and people that bring our life meaning. Volunteering for a local charity, taking part in community events and sharing experiences with those close to us can all help us to escape the treadmill and, ultimately, lead happier lives, no matter what the weather is up to.

About the author: Katherine Halliday lives in Dundee in Scotland and works in student support at the University of St Andrews. Katherine is currently undertaking the MAPP course at Bucks New University and is loving every minute of it.

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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by Lesley Lyle and Dan Collinson,
Directors of Positive Psychology Learning and authors of the
8-week online Happiness Course

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Painful emotions however, tend to behave a little differently. This doesn’t apply in all situations but, it’s not unheard of for a middle-aged adult to have a full on emotional break down due to a difficult childhood experience that happened 30 years ago. Similarly, we all know that people can harbour intense anger and hurt many years after a relationship break up and, a person can easily be reduced into shame by bringing up that embarrassing thing they did 10 years ago.

Why is it that happiness quickly leaves us, whilst negative emotion can burden us for a lifetime? All emotions are made of the same stuff – chemicals in the body, so why don’t we experience them all in the same way?

Is it instinct?

We are wired to avoid pain as a matter of survival so that might explain why it has such an impact on us. However, our survival is also maintained by a drive towards pleasurable emotion – such as through eating, procreating and building close bonds with other humans. In this respect, there doesn’t appear to be a reason why negative emotion would leave a greater imprint on us than positive emotion, as they’re both equally important to our survival.

Is it our thoughts?

As far as we know, the predominant precursor of emotion is thought. Perhaps then, negative emotion lingers because we have a tendency to keep thinking about negative experiences. This sounds plausible except:

• there are some negative experiences that once hurt a lot but, recalling them now doesn’t make us feel any pain
• there are some negative experiences that we never even think about but, if someone brings them up we can still get upset
• and if the root is in our thinking, then continuously remembering an amazing birthday party from when you were 10 years old or your fantastic holiday five years ago, should make you feel giddy with joy. As hard as I try, I can’t seem to make that happen.

The difference is not in the emotion, but in how we process it.
We laugh until our belly aches and we smile from ear to ear. We gush with love and cry tears of joy. We bow down with gratitude, our heart beams with fulfilment and our body jitters with excitement. However, it’s a very different story when it comes to negative emotion. We avoid our sadness and hide our fear. We numb our heartbreak and are ashamed of our anger. We distract and disconnect ourselves from these painful feelings.

Therein lies a stark difference that may explain why happiness dissipates and sometimes, pain lingers. Positive emotions are usually embraced, accepted, expressed and released out of our bodies into the world. Once they’re out, they’re gone; they can only be recreated from scratch with a new joyful experience. Negative emotions however, are often suppressed, ignored, rejected and held within us. They remain entangled with the memory of the experience that caused them in the first place. They can lie dormant for decades, but instantly and intensely rear their head when a person is reminded of their pain.

The only way is out

Accepting, embracing and expressing your pain is the key to excavating old emotions, disentangling them from their memories and letting them flow through and out of the body. It’s no coincidence that many people notice feeling lighter after having had a good cry, expressing emotion dissipates it. This doesn’t mean we should have tantrums in the office, sob on every stranger’s shoulder or hurt others or ourselves. But, we can find healthy and safe outlets for our emotions. We must feel it to heal it.

About the author: To find out more about Pinky Jangra, please click here.

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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But fear can also be restrictive and stand in the way of a happy life. Behind fear lies a path that leads to happiness. It is called letting go.

How do we let go?

If you want to become a better version of yourself, you will have to let go of things that do not suit you. By letting go, there is more room to hold on to the things that you really find important. According to Buddhism, letting go is the only way to experience true freedom and happiness.

We often think that we let go when we do nothing, but that is not the case.  Letting go takes a lot of effort and does not happen automatically. We tend to consider it in a negative way. But it can also be positive and create room for something new. It can make you think about everything, and make you look differently at the world.

As human beings, we are not really well equipped to let go, we are very good at self-criticism and that is confirmed by our society that emphasizes mistakes. Learning to deal with frustration and maintaining your self-esteem is essential when you let go. It is accepting that you do not have everything in hand. We are not the main director of our lives.

Letting go requires trust – the universal trust that life always goes on, that after rain comes sunshine – nothing lasts. It also requires self-confidence: I can handle this.

Letting go is active. It is a conscious choice to no longer hold on. But letting go is not that easy. Life happens and creates all kinds of obstacles and old thinking patterns prevent us from living free and letting go. We are afraid of the unknown, there is no guarantee that what comes next would be any better.

Our old behavior feels familiar, it has become a kind of automatism. It requires quite some effort to change that. It is like growing muscles in the gym, you also have to exercise for weeks or months before you get some result. Changing thought patterns also need a lot of practice and time.

Be kind to yourself

The search for what you want to change about yourself can be quite confrontational. It is important to be kind to yourself during this process. It does not help at all to judge and to look at everything that you have done wrong in the past. Be proud that you at least have done it.

Often we remain in our comfort zone for fear, even if we realize that we are not completely happy there. Everything you have ever done has its function. You are who you are, because of the things you have done and that is completely okay. Everyone acts with a good intention and does what he or she seems best at that moment.

You can choose to let go of the negative experiences and fully choose the possibilities that will come your way.

Letting go of control is pretty scary. I always thought that being in control gave me peace of mind. But actually the desire for control often made me insecure. Thanks to NLP, I learned to release a small piece of control every day. And this creates confidence, because I know there will always be a solution and everything will be fine. The world is not going to end. Really letting go is the key to inner freedom, and it is that which gives me inner peace. I have learned to look back without regret, looking forward with confidence and experiencing life in the here and now.

It’s never too late

It is never too late to change. You can start every day again, make new choices and try new things. And if you do not like your new choice, you can choose to let go of that. Life is largely about making choices. Not even making a choice is a choice.

And what do you want to let go?

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

Hoe loslaten je gelukkig kan maken

Angst is een menselijke emotie en hoort bij ons leven. Angst kan nuttig zijn, en zonder angst kan je niet goed functioneren. Angst stelt je in staat om alert te reageren op een mogelijk bedreigende situatie.

Maar angst kan ook beperkend zijn en in de weg staan van een gelukkig leven. Achter angst ligt een weg die naar geluk leidt. Hij heet loslaten.

Hoe laten we los?

Als je een betere versie van jezelf wilt worden, zul je dingen die niet bij je passen los moeten laten. Door los te laten, komt er meer ruimte om vast te houden aan de dingen die je echt belangrijk vindt. Volgens het boeddhisme is loslaten de enige manier om ware vrijheid en geluk te ervaren.

We denken vaak dat we loslaten als we niets meer doen, maar dat is het niet. Loslaten kost moeite en gaat niet vanzelf.  We hebben de neiging om het als negatief te beschouwen. Maar het kan ook positief zijn, ruimte scheppen voor iets nieuws. Het kan ervoor zorgen dat je even stil staat bij alles, dat je de wereld anders gaat bekijken.

We zijn niet echt goed uitgerust om los te laten, we zijn heel goed in zelfkritiek en dat wordt dan nog eens bevestigd door een maatschappij die fouten benadrukt. Leren omgaan met onmacht en je zelfwaardering behouden is essentieel bij het loslaten. Het is accepteren dat je niet alles in de hand hebt. Wij zijn niet de hoofdregisseur van ons leven.

Loslaten vraagt om vertrouwen –het universele vertrouwen dat het leven altijd doorgaat, dat er na regen weer zonneschijn komt- niets blijft duren. Het vraagt ook om zelfvertrouwen: ik kan dit aan.

Loslaten doe je actief. Het is een bewuste keuze om niet langer vast te houden. Maar loslaten is niet zo makkelijk. want we botsen immers dagelijks op allerlei obstakels en oude patronen die ons belemmeren vrij te leven en los te laten. We zijn bang voor het onbekende, er is immers geen garantie dat hetgeen er in de plaats komt beter is.

Ons oud gedrag voelt vertrouwd, het is een soort automatisme geworden. Het vraagt best wel wat inspanningen om dat te veranderen. Het is zoals spieren kweken in de fitness, daar moet je ook weken of maanden voor trainen. Denkpatronen veranderen verandert net zo goed veel oefening en tijd.

Wees lief voor je jezelf

De zoektocht naar wat je nog aan jezelf wil veranderen kan best wel confronterend zijn.  Het is belangrijk om tijdens dit proces lief voor jezelf te zijn. Het helpt helemaal niet om te oordelen en te kijken naar alles wat je verkeerd hebt gedaan. Wees trots dat je het tenminste gedaan hebt.

Vaak blijven we, uit angst, gewoon in onze comfortzone zitten, zelfs als we beseffen dat we daar niet helemaal gelukkig zijn. Alles wat je ooit gedaan hebt, had zijn functie. Je bent wie je bent, door de dingen die je hebt gedaan en dat is helemaal ok.  Iedereen handelt vanuit een goede intentie en doet wat hem of haar het beste lijkt op dat moment.

Jij kan kiezen om de negatieve ervaringen los te laten en voluit te kiezen voor de mogelijkheden die nog op jouw pad zullen komen.

Controle loslaten is best wel eng. Ik dacht altijd dat controle hebben mij rust gaf. Maar eigenlijk maakte het verlangen naar controle mij vaak onzeker.  Dankzij NLP heb ik geleerd om elke dag een heel klein stukje controle los te laten. En dat geeft vertrouwen, want het komt wel goed. De wereld vergaat niet. Echt loslaten is de sleutel tot innerlijke vrijheid, en het is net dat wat mij innerlijke rust geeft. Ik heb leren achterom kijken zonder spijt, vooruit kijken met vertrouwen en het leven ervaren in het hier en nu.

Het is nooit te laat

Het is nooit te laat om te veranderen. Je kan elke dag opnieuw beginnen, nieuwe keuzes maken en nieuwe dingen proberen.  En als jou nieuwe keuze je niet bevalt, kan je kiezen om die terug los te laten.  Het leven gaat grotendeels over keuzes maken. Zelfs geen keuze maken is een keuze.

En wat wil jij loslaten?

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Dubai is not alone in that ambition. Each country strives towards this goal. A.I is reaching into our homes and workplaces and allowing us all to connect using technology more now, than ever. But in this day and age of Smart Phones and all manner of social media, the more we connect virtually, the more anti-social we become as a society. Our daily conversations are on WhatsApp and Messenger and we have lost the essential tool and natural instinct of being able to relate and react to one another face to face. Our avatars are more present than we are.

How happy are cities?

There are more built up areas connected to Wi-Fi than there are open, green areas refreshingly free of networks. So how happy are we in our overdeveloped, interconnected cities? Extensive research shows that people experience heightened feelings of safety, positivity and energy in buildings with soft lines and some essential greenery. They feel more unsafe, negative and depressed in buildings that are very modern solid structures, devoid of all nature. In fact, dense urban spaces tend to attract a profile of buyer that is creative but introverted and overly critical. Suburbs and rural areas by contrast, tend to attract more friendly, sociable and conscientious buyers who are far happier with their lives by comparison. The common thread that runs through an urban space and a rural space is human relationships. How do we live together, how do we live beside each other and how do we come together?

It is now more important than ever to be Smart about our Happiness. I have been interviewing Happiness Experts from around the globe. These experts include the world’s foremost positive psychologists, psychologists and laughter yogis as well as many other top thought leaders. I have been getting their input about how to make a Smart city a Happy City. The one thing that each of them highlight as being a key factor in our continued mental and emotional health and wellbeing is, human connection.

The impact of A.I

A.I is key in helping us to diagnose and treat many serious illnesses today. But a robot cannot give you the bedside manner and healing that a person can. In this instance, we can use technology to aid us but we cannot depend on it to carry the full burden of care. By connecting people and making a more interactive inclusive city you will help change the issues of loneliness, depression, burn-out and build a happier, healthier more resilient community.

The same applies to A.I in the workplace. Technology can streamline our systems and make our services faster, but it need not relieve so many people of their jobs. A human presence and human reaction cannot be replicated in any workplace by computers.

It is so important that we embrace the advance of technology but use it in the right way. Not to disconnect from proper interaction but rather to arrange to meet up and respond to one another face to face. A happy city, it appears, is a city that designs an infrastructure that supports elementary concepts of human connection.

I am so grateful for technology connecting me with my children, family and work colleagues, most of whom are spread across the world. Without A.I I couldn’t access my loved ones or do my job effectively. What I am proposing and what my extensive research from popular thought leaders support, is more of a balance between human connection and technology in this quickly advancing world. The goal for Smart Cities is to improve city management and the residents’ quality of life through the physical reconnection of people as well as the efficient use of resources and services. I wish to explore what intricately links us all as a community and how we can create ripples of positivity and laughter to build a healthier, happier city together.

About the author: To find out more about Jo-Dee Walmsley click here.

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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