It has been a while since I last posted about my Intentions and Preventions Model, developed to help me navigate the highs and lows of my future career and activities. The last few months have been intense finishing off my Ph.D. (finally I am on the other side, yay!). It has been a real challenge at times, and very exhausting, and so this stage of the model is very timely for. There were certainly lots of downs and what at times felt like disasters over the last 18 months, with delays and challenges that were out of my control.

How do we keep motivated when we are facing challenges and disappointments? Very rarely anything happens in a linear, straight-forward way. Usually we have to face all sorts of diversions and barriers in our intentions. So what can we do to prepare for these? Here I will share some ideas with you.

First a reminder of the model. I have previously covered Working with your Intentions, and also Meeting your Inner Vulnerability. However, if we can put in place supports to strengthen any impending problems through Preventative Actions, it can soften the impact and offer ways forward.

Preparing for the Downs and Disasters

However well you prepare, things will go awry. For me, it was when I was writing up my research and due to changes at the university where I was studying, I was indirectly affected. It slowed down my progress and I had to alter my action plan and accept that my plan would need to be amended. I also suffered health issues during this time which exacerbated the struggle. It was frustrating and also hard to work trying to navigate the challenges I faced. I had to acknowledge that I could not change what was happening, so I had to find a way of working with them and not to push against them.

This is where my preventative strategies came into play. I knew I had to look after myself and also to work out a way of being in the chaos but to still keep making some progress. Some days were easier than others, but I managed to keep going and I eventually made it to the end.

Having had so many challenges over the last couple of years I feel so much more  prepared to meet the challenges ahead of me as I shape and cultivate the next stage of my life and work.

Using the Preventative Actions

Firstly, there is no one type of activity that can help you manage any challenges. Context matters, as does your individual preferences. One approach to work out what is best for you is to use Sonja Lyubomirsky’s ‘Person-Activity Fit Diagnostic’ to identify the type of activity that you enjoy doing (https://www.edbatista.com/files/2010/09/Person_Activity_Fit_Diagnostic.pdf).

Of course, there are many more ways to build habits that help you keep perspective and manage your emotional responses that are not listed in the PAFD. A key one is to have already experienced struggles and overcome them. Savouring those moments and reminding yourself that you are strong enough to make it through can be very helpful. For me personally, the effort and challenges in the last few months of my Ph.D. has resulted in me feeling as though nothing can be as hard and exhausting as completing a Ph.D., and so my belief in myself to be able to cope with challenges has increased!

Here are a few more ideas that I found helpful, some of which have come out of my Ph.D. research, and some are actions I have used to help keep me from feeling overwhelmed.

Connections. It is not new to point out that social connections and having support around you is vitally important. I would extend this out though- especially if you do not have that many people you can turn to. My research found that other people only account for some of what is important for people to feel connected and well. Other connections include animals, nature, a favourite location, and a favourite hobby or activity. It is important that we find a few different ways to be absorbed and feel engaged to take us away from thinking about the stressor.

Solitude. A rarely noted activity when talking about wellbeing is to spend time alone. This may feel counter-intuitive but my research found that when chosen, and when felt as a positive respite from being socially active, finding time to be on your own space is really important for balance. You may be fully alone, or may be sitting on a beach, walking in a city, or sitting in café reading a book. The location is only important when it is a place you value and can find your version of solitude. The people in my studies who regularly valued some time alone seemed to cope well with the pressures of life. They also had good relationships, so we need both connection to people and connection to ourselves.

Focused Attention/Mindful Activity. It’s well established that mindful activities are good for you. Focusing the mind in something mundane takes you away from the catastrophe you are facing. I have noticed that I naturally levitate towards studying the small insects and detail within my garden. Looking at the tiny flowers and plants, watching the insects go about their business. I have now bought an insect book so I can learn about them. You might simply pay attention to process of making food, or doing the ironing. Whatever you do, pay close attention to the sensory information of the activity to draw your mind into the present and away from the worry.

Humour and Perspective. Seeing the light side of life can make a real difference to our mood and wellbeing. If you are naturally drawn to humour, comedy, having fun, then you are doing a lot of good for your psychological and physiological health. In the right context, when it feels authentic to you, find ways to lighten your day to balance any heaviness that you may feel. It tends to reduce the pressures and put the world into perspective. I might watch a comedy show, chat to a friend who I can laugh with easily, and play with my dog as ways that I like to lighten up my day and mood. There are many more, you just need to work out your approach (here is a link to more resources  https://positivepsychology.com/humor-psychology/).

Music and Dancing. Listening to your favourite music- and singing along if you can- is a great tension reducer. As is dancing, even if you do not feel like dancing, the action of dancing can feel liberating! And if you are sat at your desk all day, or have tension in your shoulders, dancing and movement is a very beneficial way of easing the tightness. It is good for your mood too.

These are examples of the things I have built into my week, regardless of what is going on, as when things are tough, when I feel down, and when there are disasters for me to deal with, these strategies are my go to strategies to cope. And because I do them regularly anyway, when the disaster does loom, I do not go straight into a strong negative reaction.

I often combine these too. I might do a dance around the garden as I am paying attention to the insects, or absorb myself in uplifting music whilst enjoying a moment of solitude. Whatever your combination, try and make a habit of them to help you manage your downs and disasters and prevent getting overwhelmed by challenges.

A few more resources

https://findingnature.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/the-nature-connection-handbook.pdf

https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/sites/newsinhealth/files/2018/February/NIHNiHFeb2018.pdf

https://www.bucks.ac.uk/sites/default/files/2023-06/BNU1308%20Positive%20Connections%20and%20Solitude%20white%20paper%20%2801-06-23%29.pdf

https://wrap.warwick.ac.uk/id/eprint/168123/1/WRAP-A-systematic-review-of-humour%E2%80%90based-strategies-for-addressing-public-health-priorities-Skouteris-22.pdf

https://onlinescientificresearch.com/articles/dance-movement-and-emotional-healing-a-review-of-the-psychological-benefits-of-dance-interventions.pdf

https://www.han.nl/nieuws/2021/10/minder-stress-door-muziektherapie/Martina-de-Witte-Music-Interventions-for-Stress-Reduction.pdf

https://positivepsychology.com/mindfulness-worksheets/

The Deep Dive Podcast

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Knowing Your Values, Who You Are, And What You Want

In my last blog I introduced the model Intentions and Preventions. I discussed how I had developed it to assist me in navigating my way into a new career in research. In this blog I want to go into more detail on the Intentions part of the model, which underpins all of the other parts. Here I will share some of the ways I developed my own intentions and the different tools and processes that are available for this part of the model.

In my own PhD research, in which I have been exploring the alone experience, I found that imagination and inner awareness are very important for people to enjoy their alone space. Having that connection with yourself and your values is part of this stage in the process. You need to know who you are and what matters to you so that you can define your intentions with a strong sense of purpose.

The Model

Here is a reminder of the model that I am working with. I developed it from time studying positive psychology and other related areas of research, and also working with coachees on their objectives. The green area is the Intentions, which remains visible and acts as a compass or navigation when working with the other three areas.

Knowing Your Values

So much of the time we automatically do things without asking ourselves why. This autopilot behaviour can lead to burnout and doing things that we do not value. It can take a serious illness to wake up from autopilot. If we know what matters to us intrinsically, we can align it as much as possible to extrinsic behaviour. We may still need to do some things that we would rather not do, but we can also offset it with doing things that do matter. Ryan and Deci’s (2000) Self-Determination Theory (SDT) is a great way to think about our motivations and how they link to what we care about.

For example, I know I want to do research that aids removing the societal inequalities. I currently undertake volunteer research with a charity that promotes positive migration narratives and I am looking to get involved in research on anti-racism. These are my particular passions and I know that if I use the social equalities lens to navigate my way my inner passion and intrinsic motivation will remain strong. However, what I do not value intrinsically is administration and paperwork! To find funding opportunities or apply for projects I need to scour the internet and complete forms, which is frustrating. So this is something I have to do for extrinsic factors, and I will use my intrinsic values to motivate me; by doing the things I don’t much like, it can lead to me doing things that do matter.

This is different to strengths, although there is a link, in that strengths highlight what you are good at, and these can also be helpful to know. But to me, using SDT is even more helpful to really get to know what drives you.

There are a number of different worksheets that can be used for exploring your values. Here are a few good ones to start with: https://positivepsychology.com/values-worksheets/

Knowing Who You Are

Once you are clear on you values it is much easier to reflect on who you are. This is self-awareness or self-knowledge. Miller and Verhaeghen (2022) propose that the act of being self-aware - by undertaking mindfulness activities - can lead to increased compassion. Your values define what matters to you so you can build a picture of who you are now and whether that person is who you want to be. You might notice that some of your behaviour is not aligned with who you want to be, and so you can ask yourself why you are doing it. A good way to get under the covers of who you are is to keep a reflexive journal for a few weeks. Notice when you feel positive and energised, and when you feel anxious and drained. Explore what is happening in these contexts.

For me, I feel really energised when I have conversations with other people about the things that matter to us, and when I can do things that contribute to and help other people in their objectives. Coaching other people, or working on shared research objectives are two things I love to do. Conversely, doing my own thing is not longer enough for me. By noticing what I like doing I am able to know who I am. Again, I’m going to use the resources from positivepsychology.com to share with you some tools for increasing self-awareness and journaling: https://positivepsychology.com/building-self-awareness-activities/

You might also want to look at authenticity assessments to check that your values and who you are have been fully explored: https://positivepsychology.com/authenticity-assessments/

Additionally, a really helpful tool to consolidate the activity so far is the Best Possible Future Self exercise. Here are some resources that explain this process:

Best Possible Self

Best Possible future Selves Exercise

The Best Possible Self Exercise

Knowing What You Want

The final part of Intention building is to get your creative hat on and have some fun! It isn’t about whether you can draw or not, it’s about opening up to exploring what you want outside of your own head and thinking space. Getting stuck in your head is never helpful. Hughes (2011) work into leadership suggests that art-based learning can be effective in bringing together inner and outer congruence and raise awareness of authentic parts of ourselves. This supports positive social action.

It doesn’t have to be drawing but sound, or movement. But do something different to sitting at a computer, or sitting thinking. By now you are much clearer on what matters to you and who you are as a person. You should also be getting some understanding of what activities energise you and de-energise you. From this point you can use the new awareness to illustrate the future you want. Here is a really nice blog that explains the value in drawing out what you want: https://tinybuddha.com/blog/want-to-change-your-life-draw-the-you-you-want-to-be/

Here is a section of my own visual representation of my future. I am a trained artist but I decided to find illustrations online to build up a board of what I wanted. I did this to share with you that you do not need to know how to draw to work with images. You will see that I have also used words and also stuck on a butterfly I had in my craft box. It is not yet finished. The final board representing the illustration of my future will have diverse creative content. I will add colour, my own drawings, different materials, and I may even find a way to include sound. By pushing myself to express my intentions through non verbal means I am moving my thinking beyond the loop and bringing it to life.

So go ahead, get creative- write a poem, a song, paint a picture, do a dance, find images that represent for you what you want in the future. Don’t hold back!

Once you have a creative piece to feel energised with, translate it into a plan or a list of actions you want to get done by a certain date. If you are like me and hate creating detailed plans, write the things you want to achieve on sticky notes and add them to your creative piece. Sing a song listing what you want to achieve and by when- I might do that one myself!!

References

Hughes, S. (2011). Behind the mask: using Arts-Based Learning to uncover, explore and improve action. Citizenship Social and Economics Education, 10(2–3), 227–238. https://doi.org/10.2304/csee.2011.10.2.227

Miller, J. T., & Verhaeghen, P. (2022). Mind full of kindness: self-awareness, self-regulation, and self-transcendence as vehicles for compassion. BMC Psychology, 10(1). https://doi.org/10.1186/s40359-022-00888-4

Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2000). Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well-being. American Psychologist, 55(1), 68–78. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066x.55.1.68

The following podcast is a discussion based on this article. It focuses on particular aspects of it.

The post Working With Intentions appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.

Over the next few blogs I will present each part of the model. Firstly, I want to give you an overview and explain my thinking in developing it.

Model: Intentions and Preventions

The figure below sets out the four parts of the model. Its aim is to set out what the Intentions are for the goal or aspiration, with the Inner Vulnerability, Preventative Actions, and Emergency Actions in place so that the journey towards the intentions can be managed.

Figure: Intentions and Preventions Model

I split up the model into the four sections as it made sense to have a clear set of intentions that could inspire to action and keep me on my path, but to also acknowledge that I will wobble sometimes. I knew I could be doing things that help me keep well during the year, and also I knew my own inner demons would be shouting at me. I think getting to know your shadow side, the parts that tell you things are awful, is important. And I know that despite all of this, things will still happen, so I wanted to be prepared with emergency actions to keep me from getting sucked into the fears.

Intentions

This part of the model encourages lots of detail and aspiration about what; the things that you want manifested and worked towards. I suggest for this to be as creative as you like; draw, write, speak, shape what you will have when you achieve your intentions. The word ‘intention’ is important because it indicates that it is an intended action, and not just a wish. Wishes are fine, but action and achievement is what will create the success! Bring to life all that you want to happen.

In the next blog I will share some tools, processes, and interventions that can help you bring your intentions to life.

Inner Vulnerability

This part of the model recognises that we hold within us an emotional vulnerability. You might think of it as the inner child that gets scared, or a critical adult that berets you for getting things wrong. It is important that we do not push away these uncomfortable feelings. I will suggest that you face it, give it a name, a face, a physical presence. That way you can talk to it, be on its side so that it doesn’t topple you. It wants to protect you, so in a future blog I’ll share some ways to turn this vulnerability into a resource.

Preventative Actions

Rather than wait for you worse nightmares to come true, prepare for them. This means to do things now that you know will help you manage the things that you fear. For instance, if you fear becoming burned out in your work, then start doing things that will help you, such as daily meditation, meeting up with friends to chat regularly, or talk to your spouse after work each evening to get the tension out so that you can relax. Prevention is the best cure and I’ll share some ideas in a later blog.

Emergency Actions

No matter how much you prepare, you will likely hit the wall or feel the fear and overwhelm at some point on your journey. So when the emotions rise up, have a plan of action that will mean you are taking care of yourself and moving through the discomfort rather than getting stuck within it. These are likely immediate actions that help soothe the situation. I’ll share some suggestions on what these might look like in a future blog.

So that’s the model. I will be developing my own intentions and preventions which I will share as examples with you, and I hope these blogs will help you shape and achieve your own intentions.

Read more about Lisa Jones and her other articles HERE

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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I am about to embark on a new chapter in my life. I’m reaching the end of my Ph.D. program and looking forward to a research career. But I’m anxious. I’m unsure of how, when, and what my initial steps are in a career transition. The quotation in the title, “All things are difficult before they are easy,” comes from the 17th-century historian Thomas Fuller. What I’ve learnt from this is that while a new enterprise may seem overwhelming at first, it will become simpler over time.  I realise my expertise of how to be a full-time researcher is still limited, and the task of finding work is unknown, unpredictable, and ambiguous. How can positive psychology assist me get through this change and build expertise?

I have an idea of what I want to do and a few possibilities in mind. You, my dear friends, hold me accountable for maintaining my spirits and perseverance! To help me navigate this ambiguous route, I will use my positive psychology knowledge to reflect and guide me. I hope that these blogs will serve as a beneficial reflection for you as you examine their own transitions and how positive psychology and related knowledge, tools, and approaches might help you succeed.

My first steps

As a creative person, I enjoy visualising things; therefore instead of setting SMART goals, I chose to build a visual representation of my future self. This is similar to the ‘Best Possible Self’ exercise, which has been shown to improve well-being (Carillo et al., 2019). The graphic I generated as part of this activity serves as the banner for this and future blogs. This approach was really useful in ‘seeing’ myself in the future doing the things I enjoy.

A difficult transition?

A recent systematic review of literature has found that data on a successful career transition is fragmented and limited (Mussagulova et al., 2023). The authors of the research intended to investigate what constituted a good job transfer and what contributed to its success. However, due to a lack of a unified concept of what constitutes a successful transition, the literature currently provides little guidance for anyone seeking to make an acceptable career change. Indeed, the research tends to pathologise career changes as undesirable rather than acknowledging that some people actively make changes or seize the opportunity to use an unexpected change to do something worthwhile.

Careers now are significantly more complex than those thirty or forty years ago, but they also provide many more opportunities to choose less standard and linear paths. It takes a certain level of courage to venture into the unknown, as well as a willingness to be flexible about what work is done in order to earn a living. My strategy is to take baby steps towards my goals, learning from the work and activities I perform as I build my confidence and talents. This is a lot easier than it sounds!

Managing overwhelm: Positive psychology tools

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy provides a useful practice for managing uncertainty. ACT is a good fit for positive psychology since it encourages people to embrace discomfort. Using the ‘quicksand’ metaphor it encourages the client to imagine themselves in quicksand (see the video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DGupVaIwEY). Instead of resisting the feeling of overwhelm, it proposes that the person relax as if they were in quicksand and open up to their emotions. By lying fully out on the quicksand and without resisting, you avoid sinking into it. This metaphor helped me to relax and keep an open mind about what could happen.

As curiosity and creativity are two of my strengths (https://www.viacharacter.org/) I also decided to utilise these words as prompts when I was feeling frustrated or disheartened. They serve as a reminder to embrace ambiguity and curiosity, as well as to find new methods to learn and progress.

Like with the ‘Hero’s Journey’ (Campbell & Moyers, 1988) I am stepping over the threshold to an unknown place. Maybe you will journey with me with your own life transition? Good luck!

References

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy ‘Quicksand metaphor’ Accessed 30/9/24 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DGupVaIwEY
Campbell J., & Moyers, B. (1988). The power of myth (reissue). Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group.
Carillo, A. et al. (2019). Effects of the Best Possible Self intervention: A systematic review and meta-analysis. PLoS ONE, 14(9) DOI: https://doi.org/10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0222386
Mussagulova, A. et al. (2023). When is a career transition successful? a systematic literature review and outlook (1980–2022). Frontiers in Psychology, 14. DOI: https://doi.org/10.3389%2Ffpsyg.2023.1141202
VIA Character strengths website https://www.viacharacter.org/

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For this blog post I want to deviate away from focusing on the individual to reflect on what it might mean to apply a positive psychology intervention at the community-level. As a researcher and practitioner embedded in third wave positive psychology I’m moving towards asking questions about the impact interventions have on whole communities and not just the individual. This post will cover individual and community-level interventions by sharing what these are, and considering whether third wave positive psychology should care about positive communities and not just the individual.

Individual and community-level interventions

When Marty Seligman first started talking about positive psychology over twenty years ago he included positive communities. Currently positive psychology is said to be in its ‘third wave’ meaning it is now concerned with systemic and environmental factors. Yet for the most part we are still focused on the individual. At an individual-level a positive psychology intervention (PPI) aims to promote positive life experiences, such as flourishing, in the individual. Definitions differ but overall the individual is invited to experience such interventions as gratitude, strengths development, resilience growth, compassion, and meaning. Often the end game is to improve psychological or subjective wellbeing.

Some of these PPIs are likely to have a knock-on effect towards the people that surround the individual, and this ‘pay-it-forward’ outcome is an implicit expectation for PPI application. Yet recent criticism points out that PPIs are often undertaken by privileged members of the population, with little regard to whether a PPI might actually harm or disadvantage other people less fortunate. A personal vex of mine is the extensive use of young college students as participants in studies! So much of our empirical data is based on how these often privileged individuals react. If we instead think about the real balance of people within our communities we can instead work with ‘real’ people for whom we can have the biggest impact.

Community-level interventions are less often discussed and developed. They have been described as targeting civic virtue and institutions, such as collective responsibility and altruism in specific locations and services. These types of PPIs may be found in education, organisations, healthcare, or the local community itself, and aim to benefit the group and not just the individual. It inevitably involves political and economic outcomes when applying a PPI.

What would constitute a community-level intervention?

Many of the current PPIs still target individuals but as part of a group, such as in an organisation where a team of employees may spend time developing their collective strengths or undertake compassion-focused mindfulness activities. Very few of these types of interventions have an objective of improving the wellbeing of the whole group. In fact, often as a practitioner I see PPIs being used with a view to helping people cope with the dysfunction of the group.  Very rarely do they address social conditions and fairness.

Positive education may be one place where positive psychology can start thinking beyond the individual by explicitly considering disadvantages in society, and actively discussing how PPIs might actually harm some populations. We need to discuss the power differentials between different groups and not assume that everyone will benefit from gratitude when some people have no voice in society. We could develop educational resources which explicitly recognise that there are disadvantages in society and our communities, not take a ‘neutral’ position, and look for ways to support all corners of society to be an active participant.

Part of this could be to work with whole communities to determine the community strengths and to shape the local area by highlighting the strengths that have been identified. Of course, taking a second wave and third wave approach means we also look at the barriers and toxicity in the community and ensure that the strengths work reduces the impact of these factors.

Another area to influence is public policy. How many of us read policy documents about wellbeing and vulnerable social groups, and ask what the big issues are facing our communities right now? What we could do is speak to the policy makers and think about how PPIs might help address some of the issues being faced. Even if you do not talk to policy-makers, is it possible to think about how a PPI might be scaled up to become a community-level intervention by working with community organisations to deliver courses and host workshops?

Why should positive psychology care about positive communities?

If we are to truly embrace diversity, social inclusivity, and do what I know we all want to do; make a real difference, then thinking about how our work and our PPIs are affecting not just the people we are working with but affecting (negatively) other people, is the first step towards a third-wave applied positive psychology and the beginning of a journey into developing community-level interventions.

Further reading

Davey, R. C.et al. (2011). The impact and process of a community-led intervention on reducing environmental inequalities related to physical activity and healthy eating- a pilot study. BNC Public Health, 11:697

Hillier-Brown, F.C. et al. (2014). A systematic review of the effectiveness of individual, community, and societal-level interventions at reducing socio-economic inequalities in obesity among adults. International Journal of Obesity, 38, 1483-1490

Montiel, C. et al. (2021). Fostering positive communities: A scoping review of community-level positive psychology interventions. Frontiers in Psychology

Proctor, C. (Ed.) (2017). Positive psychology interventions in practice. Springer

Ryff, C. D. (2022). Positive psychology: looking back and looking forward. Frontiers in Psychology

Worth, P. (Ed.) (2022). Positive psychology across the lifespan: An existential perspective. Routledge

Read more about Lisa Jones and her other articles here

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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As a coach I used to think that powerful questions were ‘clever’ questions you learn by rote, but a powerful question emerges from the relationship, from being there with the coachee, curious and genuinely interested in their story from their perspective. A question is only powerful when it is used in the right context and has been formed from the unique moment between coach and coachee during their coaching partnership.

This got me thinking about how someone in their mid-life could use this skill on themselves. In my previous posts I have suggested we spend more time reflecting and being mindful. This is not easy for everyone. We often do not listen to ourselves and like to be distracted from too much time alone with our thoughts, yet the powerful self-question in midlife might be just the wake up needed. So what might happen if we asked ourselves some powerful questions, and actually listened to the answer? Here I offer some reflective approaches to help you tune into your own powerful question.

Why midlife?

A powerful question can be profound at any stage in life but here I am thinking of those who are on their journey of discovery, have lived a life where they have (I hope) been successful but may now think that they want something different. Midlife has so much opportunity in it but we can be overcome by the changes we do not ask for- health, family dependency, or career dissatisfaction. When we ask ourselves what we do want we can push through the challenges and turn them into opportunities.

The powerful question

What do I mean by a powerful question? In coaching it is the question that a coach will ask the coachee at a particular moment in time to help the coachee go beyond their loop thinking. It brings new insights to the coachee and can dramatically shift their understanding of the topic. Just a simple ‘And what would happen if you did?’ can open up new ideas and options.

The powerful-self question

There are many, many questions you can ask yourself, and if you type into a search engine the words “powerful question” you will return many websites with a list of them. By all means take a look and get inspired by what they suggest. But as I said at the start of this post, a powerful question is not just a question learned by rote, but something that emerges in the conversation at the time when it needs to be asked. For instance, here are some popular ones:

• What would you do if you knew you could not fail?
• Who are you meant to be?
• What are you avoiding?
• What one thing can you do today to be you?

A coach will be tuned into the coachee and ask the question, but when you are self-questioning then you have to spot that question all by yourself. This can be done using an informal reflective approach, or a more formal approach.

Reflective approaches

Informal – Find a quiet space where you can be undisturbed. Take a few deep breaths and focus inwards. Notice how you are feeling, notice your thoughts. Don’t try and control them. Allow the thoughts and feelings to drift around. After a few minutes, think about the topic you want to learn more about. Planning for your future? Dealing with a current issue? Bring that to your mind and allow questions to arise within you. It may take a while or you may notice lots of questions and not always find them helpful. Don’t jump on the first one that appears. Keep focusing on your breath and remain relaxed and you will know when a powerful one turns up. It will feel right and you will be curious.

Using images – If thinking about the question isn’t working, try using images or objects. Look through a magazine, or a book, or look online. Try to remain in a relaxed state and allow the images to draw you in. Or look for objects around your house and spend time with any that you want to pick up and look at more closely. Allow your mind to wander and relax and any questions that appear to be heard. Why that image or object? What do you need to know?

Formal – there are a number of techniques that train you into being more reflective, and often come with a partner to help you develop the skill. Coaching of course, but there are also books which discuss well tested techniques such as ‘More Time to Think’ (2015) by Nancy Kline, or ‘Focusing’ (2003) by Eugene Gendlin. These do need a bit more formal training or you can find someone who uses these techniques in their coaching or counselling work. These are ways to develop your meta-cognition or thinking about your own thinking.

Whether you start with just some informal moments of sitting with yourself, or you dive into something more formal, you will find that developing the skill of being with yourself and listening to those powerful questions can make a big difference in the choices that you make.

Dealing with distress

If the process at any point becomes ruminative or strong emotions occur, stop. Be kind to yourself and do something else to move your thinking away from the too difficult feelings. Sometimes it is a good idea to try again another time as the most useful questions can feel uncomfortable at first. But you will know if what you are feeling can be worked through or not. If not don’t put yourself in any risk situation and seek help. For most people you will eventually gain some deeper understanding of yourself which you can use to make informed decisions about your life.

So give it a go. Just stop, breathe, listen, and learn.

References

Gendlin, E. (2003). Focusing; How to gain direct access to your body’s knowledge. Rider

Kline, N. (2015). More Time to Think: The power of independent thinking. Cassell

Read more about Lisa Jones and her other articles HERE

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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How to feel alive

“I don’t think [the meaning of life] is what we’re seeking. I think [it’s] an experience of being alive so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances within our own innermost being and reality so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.” Joseph Campbell

The above quote is attributed to Joseph Campbell from the 1980s American series ‘The Power of Myth’. Campbell was a writer who studied mythology and religious texts for most of his life. He became an expert at understanding the patterns within stories which can be found across the many cultures and societies we humans have created for millennia.

Campbell argues that despite the belief that we are all searching for some sort of meaning in our lives, what we really want and need is what he calls the “rapture of being alive”. This is when you feel fully alive, and all your senses are piqued and firing. It is when you know that you are in the world, on your own path of existence, and you are part of life. For Campbell, the rapture of being alive is the adventure that we are all seeking, and once we understand what is alive within us, and what we need to do to spark that life, we can fully live. So even when times are tough we can still appreciate our life, especially if we have taken the time to tune into ourselves and find our bliss, the path which leads us towards feeling rapture.

Mid-life Transitions

In some ways, the mid-life adult has overcome many of the obstacles of life. We have usually settled into our careers, have settled down with a family, and life ticks along. Yet it is at mid-life that there is often a change which may come within or be thrown at us from outside. The outside might be a change in the family dynamics of children or spouses leaving, or parents becoming more dependent. Other times it is an inner change when you realise that you are no longer in tune with the life path you have been on. You might crave a career change or simply do something that you have always wanted to do (sky-dive anyone!). Many people try to ignore the feeling. They may fear the change that answering that call might create. Will they be able to cope with disrupting their lives? There’s no need to rush into big decisions (something I pointed out in my last post), but there are things you can do to reach that feeling of being alive.

Ways to feel alive

I would suggest the first thing you do is create what Joseph Campbell terms your ‘sacred place’. This is half an hour or so in the day, where you can go to a specific place and be with yourself. It is a place to be away from external pressures and demands and to be tuned into you. If you don’t stop and spend time with yourself you will not be able to really listen to your inner voice.

When you have cultivated some time to be with yourself, you can soon start to work out what will give you moments of rapture. It might be listening to music, reading a book, walking in your favourite location, taking up a craft, or joining a choir. What are those little things you just don’t give yourself the time to do that bring you joy? Unless you are paying attention to the things that wake up your senses you might miss the opportunities to feel rapture. This is all the more important when things are tough. Give yourself some moments of amusement and shake off the demands, even for five minutes. You cannot manufacture the feeling of rapture, but you can be present for it.

As you start to cultivate more alive moments, make sure you continue to tune into your inner voice. This will offer you more information on feeling alive. There are a number of ways to do this. You can engage in regular:

Mindfulness- A way to being fully present and noticing what you are doing, and how you are feeling. If you are dancing to some favourite music, notice how it feels to be swaying. What are the emotions you are feeling? Be fully present.

Savouring – Similar to mindfulness, but about really appreciating the experience or memory. Savouring can be for something in the past of present. Explore the moment by really looking deep into the feelings, sensations, and thoughts.

Gratitude-Thinking about how good it is that you have given yourself this moment. Thank yourself and anyone else who has enabled this moment to take place. Your family maybe, or friends, or simply thank the universe for the moment you are experiencing.

Awe-If you go for a walk and see a fabulous sunset or rainbow, stop and really let that feeling of awe soak in. Or if you are listening to music and you feel a chill down your spine because it moves you so much, hold that feeling and be with it.

You’ll notice that the suggestions, and previous posts I’ve written, tend to include moments of solitude, being present, and noticing what is. Throughout my time as a researcher, these are the things that seem to be the core of what it is to be alive. It’s not focusing on the doing and achieving, but the stopping and being. So I invite you to do something to feel alive!

Reference

Campbell, J. (1990). The Hero’s Journey: Joseph Campbell on his life and works. New World Library, USA

Podcast Version

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Are the mid-life theories outdated?

There is certainly a great deal which has changed since the time many of the theories were developed, which is anywhere from the 1950s to 1980s. Much of this research is based upon men as the traditional breadwinner and women as the homemaker. Although some of the research has expanded to include career women the research is of its time and focuses mainly on men.

Erikson (1950s) created more stages of development for childhood than in adulthood, although this did cover mid-life but not in as much detail as Levinson (1978) who looked specifically at adult development.

Levinson’s work identified transitions in the adult life span where big decisions are often made as we move from one decade to the next.

Vaillant (2002) who was involved in a longitudinal study lasting over 80 years which mapped the development of a group of mostly men through their childhood through to old age (often called the Harvard Study). He identified mature defences in coping with adversity such as humour and altruism, often present when we reach middle age when we have developed more mature responses to life.

A theory I am fond of and I’m also using in my own research is by Robert Kegan (1983). Called the Constructive-Developmental Theory, it takes a different approach to many others. In Kegan’s theory, he sees adult development as a transformation of how we think. This is one of the few theories that do not tie us down to the expectation that at a certain age, we will be a certain way. We all develop at different rates and that’s normal. Importantly, it means it refrains from comparing people with each other and instead focuses on understanding where a person is in their own developmental trajectory.

But whichever theory is applied, they each offer something helpful about the patterns of development within the twenty-first century.

What about mid-life?

Infurna et al. (2020) argue that despite decades of research into adult development we still don’t know that much about mid-life development. Instead, we hold stereotypes as fact. For instance, it has become a standing joke that everyone has a mid-life crisis. This idea of a crisis has been extolled for decades and often paints this time in a person’s life as going downhill, acting like children and trying to reclaim their youth in embarrassing ways! Yet mid-life can and should be about growth and opportunity.

The Mid-life in the United States (MIDUS) study was developed to build a clearer picture of mid-life and is a big contributor to understanding what it is to be middle-aged. Studies such as these, are helping to dispel the myths and inform policy of what mid-life is really like. This takes a more serious look at mid-life, including when mental health is affected by the change in caring roles and concerns with employment and physical health. Adjusting to these changes can be hard but can also be an opportunity.

Fitting mid-life into the 21st century

Arnett et al. (2020) points out that the ‘stages’ of change that the earlier theorists propose have shifted. Young adults tend to stay at home longer and marry later. The use of technology has changed the face of relationships and working life. Caring for children is no longer the central role of the family, and careers can exist alongside raising a family. People have children later in life or not at all, and mid-life is not necessarily the mid-point in life anymore. We are living longer. We work longer and enjoy better health. Societies which are affluent enable those who live within them to make more choices than ever before.

Applying Kegan’s theory, it argues that a large proportion of the population will be in an evolutionary phase (called order of consciousness) that is focused on fitting into society for most of their adult life. This is when we want to blend in and be part of the community and occurs around early adulthood and lasts right up and beyond our mid-life. This is a good thing, especially in young adulthood when we need to shape our careers and families and be part of society. When we reach mid-life some people (but not all) start to differentiate themselves from the social group and develop more complex thinking (which is moving to the next order of consciousness). They can disagree and be comfortable with not fitting in all the time. This does not mean they reject and isolate themselves from the group, but they are able to speak their minds without fear of rejection.

Developing ourselves to be able to stand up for our own needs rather than always putting others first is a key part of the mid-life transition. Rather than mid-life being a ‘crisis’ it can be the opportunity to reflect, learn from what has been experienced, and to shape your life by doing something that brings you reward and enjoyment. This might be retiring early, having more time to support family and communities, or doing work that is more about the reward than the big salary. So how do we maximise our opportunity at this time in our life to grow and develop and see this time and our future as full of promise and opportunity?

Is Mid-life a time to give back and nurture?

Many of the adult development theories include generativity which is when a person begins to think about the generations behind them and offer their wisdom and support. Mid-life is the ideal time to think about how our activities and behaviours impact other people. And we don’t need to do big things if we have little time. Talking to younger generations and sharing some of your skills. Setting a good example in your community by litter picking or planting wildflowers for the bees. It all adds up!

Mid-life opportunities

Have there been things in your life or directions that you would like to have taken but didn’t? It may have been out of reach or just not right at that time. Mid-life is often the time when we have the resources to be able to revisit those missed opportunities. This could be just about anything from hobbies, new jobs, going back to education for the hell of it, or moving to a new location. What is that thing that you never did get around to doing that might just be the ticket to put some new interest into your life? Who do you want to be in your mid-life and beyond?  What strengths have you underused for too long?

Mid-life planning

It might be for you that to turn your mid-life into an opportunity is to stop doing something rather than start doing something. Have you developed a bit of a routine that you wonder why you keep doing it? Are there things that can be stopped to make your life more satisfying? We clearly do not want to cause harm by stopping doing something important, but if it’s something that does not serve you and is not going to cause harm then consider whether it is worth continuing with. So ask yourself what you want to still be doing in ten years’ time, and what do you not want to still be doing?

Before you rush in, reflect

Often we have not had the time to really think about what we would like to be doing. We may have work and families that take up our time. We might just try and push through even though something is calling to us. Find the time to stop and reflect each week, to really listen to what your inner messenger is telling you. What small thing can you feel bursting out of you that you just want to do? It doesn’t have to be anything life-transforming, just something small that reminds you that you have choices and the right to live your life your way.

References:

Arnett, et al. (2020). Rethinking Adult Development: Introduction to the special issue. American Psychologist, 75 (4). 425-430. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/amp0000633

Kegan, R. (1983). The Evolving Self: Problem and Process in Human Development. Harvard University Press.

Levinson, D.J. (1978). The Season of a Man’s Life. Ballantine Books.

MIDUS website https://www.nia.nih.gov/research/resource/midlife-united-states

Stevens, R. (2008). Erik Erikson Shaper of Identity. Palgrave MacMillan.

Vaillant, G.E. (2002). Aging Well. Little, Brown and Company.

Read more about Lisa Jones and her other articles HERE

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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The article by Ryff made me think of all the areas of society which impact us every day yet we are not included as variables in research studies or discussed with clients in organisations or in the practitioners’ offices. My curiosity and quite frankly excitement at the fun of being a deviant (!!) led me to think about how we can become more deviant and take positive psychology into the next phase, and in doing so address these unspoken areas. I look at the practical ways we can be positively and productively deviant and suggest how Appreciative Inquiry might be one way to bring deviance into practice.

This is not a fluffy post, but I hope it gives you food for thought and permission to use your courage to challenge the status quo and be positively deviant!

Ryff’s article

Carol Ryff is known for developing the Psychological Wellbeing model and measure (https://sparqtools.org/mobility-measure/psychological-wellbeing-scale/), and for her involvement in the longitudinal study of health and wellbeing called the Midlife in the United States (MIDUS) Study (https://www.midus.wisc.edu/). Ryff is a well-known name in positive psychology despite not considering herself a positive psychologist.

As a positive psychology practitioner and researcher myself who completed the MAPP at BNU in 2018, I have had my own concerns with the heavily commercialised approach to positive psychology (PP). On the one hand, the sharing of PP research means it is accessible to all, but on the other hand, commercialisation means it can be easily used without the necessary scientific understanding that a practitioner needs to keep clients safe.  Ryff uses the metaphor of “the for-profit cart has gotten seriously ahead of the scientific horse” (p.7, 2022).

These are concerns that all of us who are ethical practitioners and researchers should pay attention to. But for now my interest is in the second point that Ryff makes, which is that we have spent too much time being WEIRD. What I mean by this is we are using research participants which look like us, speak like us, and behave like us. We use Western, Educated, Industrialised, Rich, and Democratic societies to test out theories. I was particularly interested in her view that we should not only be studying the inequalities more often but that we should also understand the greed and stupidity which is keeping the inequalities in place. In other words, those of us who fit into the WEIRD category are also contributing to the inequalities and greed which is driving it.

Positive Deviance

The term positive deviance is a behaviour which is different to the norm and is usually considered unacceptable (Baxter & Lawton, 2022). As a society, we like to set ‘rules’ and ‘expectations’ of those around us and when someone goes against that we will tut! Where the ‘positive’ comes in is the fact that many of these so-called deviant behaviours successfully make a positive difference to the environment. These behaviours are later recognised as the catalyst of positive change, of finding new innovative solutions. It starts off being somewhat out of order from what is accepted but is soon recognised as a solution to a complex problem.

Positive Psychology Deviance

Some might say that Ryff’s article is positively deviant: it challenges the comfortable space of positive psychology and has the potential to encourage brave voices to come out and do something different. Without the rebellious voices we are doomed to keep repeating the same things with little impact. But this deviance is needed across all research. The reductionist approach assumes that research topics can be reduced to simple variables, but the complexity of the social system is often then ignored.  Lomas et al. (2020) raised this need for positive psychology to include systemic and complex problems in its research, and Ryff (2022) too raises the need for understanding these complex and often messy problems.

How to be Deviant

Baxter and Lawton (2022) offer a practical model to find and understand deviant behaviour in healthcare settings.

• Define the problem and desired outcome
• Determine the presence of positive deviance
• Discover uncommon but replicable behaviours
• Design interventions around the positive deviance
• Discern the effectiveness of the deviance
• Disseminate the behaviour out to others

You may notice, however, that this still uses a problem perspective.

The Appreciative Inquiry (AI) process, developed by David Cooperrider and Suresh Srivastva, includes a 5-D cycle of change (https://appreciativeinquiry.champlain.edu/learn/appreciative-inquiry-introduction/5-d-cycle-appreciative-inquiry/) which embraces the positives and possibilities.

• Definition of the focus of inquiry
• Discover what works now
• Dream of what could be
• Design how to bring it to life
• Destiny is creating what will be

AI starts with acknowledging the good already in place and dreams big for what is possible. Here the positive deviance can run free and wild, with no shame or discomfort of being ‘reigned in’. Rather than focus on the ‘good’ that is part of the traditional WEIRD system, it should be used to celebrate the ‘good’ in the under-represented groups, and used to celebrate those who refuse to be quiet in the face of inequality.

Back to Ryff’s Article

So how can we step up to Ryff’s challenge and make sure positive psychology deals with the inequalities and addresses the greed and stupidity of the WEIRD dominance? Positive psychology needs to pay attention to the diversity in society. Using tools such as AI it could explore the possibilities of what a society that is free of inequality looks like. Ryff (2022) encourages inclusion of the arts and nature as part of this process. I would also encourage researchers and practitioners to push the boundaries towards new ideas and creative approaches which will highlight the inequalities and offer new possibilities.

References

Baxter, R. & Lawton, R. (2022). The Positive Deviance Approach. Cambridge University Press. doi.org/10.1017/9781009237130

Lomas, T., Waters, L., Williams, P., Oades, L.G. & Kern, M.L. (2020). Third wave positive psychology: broadening towards complexity. The Journal of Positive Psychology. doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2020.1805501

Ryff, C. (2022). Positive Psychology: Looking Back and Looking Forward. Frontiers In Psychology, Volume 13. doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.840062

Read more about Lisa Jones and her other articles HERE

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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“The more space we give to stillness and silence, the more we have to give both to ourselves and to others” – Thich Nhat Hahn

“A poor life this if, full of care, we have no time to stand and stare” – W.H. Davies

The late Thich Nhat Hahn was a wise person indeed. He could see that the world with all of its rushing and busyness was not a rewarding place. There is a significant amount of research that suggests that the way we are living our lives, with speed and urgency to achieve the next thing, to rush to the next challenge, and to have what everyone else has, is making us ill.

The sociologist Harmut Rosa has recently developed a theory which proposes the metaphor of being on an escalator trying to get to the top yet the escalator is moving downwards. It is taking all of our effort just to stand still. This post is offering you an opportunity to reflect and think about your own life and where you are on the escalator. Are you running fast to stand still? Positive psychology offers us helpful guidance on how to connect rather than run.

Wanting more, conquering all

Rosa (2020) proposes that we are in a state of social acceleration. To be able to stand still we have to aim for more: More money, more growth, more qualifications, more technology to list just a few. For consumer businesses to stay profitable they need to continue to sell to the population. Inventing more things we don’t need, convincing us we must keep doing more and buying more. Here we are on the hedonic treadmill of life!

If we listen to our words we also will note we use a language of aggression. We want to conquer a mountain, overcome a challenge, and make something fit our needs. We consume the world as though it is something we have to tame, to make it do what we want it to. According to Rosa, this is creating alienation between us and the world. We are losing our connection to it.

Resonance

In Rosa’s work, resonance is when we achieve a balance between being open to the world without judgement, and the world ‘reaching’ us in some way. These are the moments in life when we feel an internal bliss, a feeling that all is well or something in that moment is just right. We cannot force this moment to occur. The more we try and create the moment the further away it moves.

Awe, Savouring, and Appreciation

Awe is a growing area of research which is interested in understanding the complex emotions involved in that feeling of utter amazement and a sense of immense wonder and appreciation. Like resonance, we cannot guarantee a moment of awe, but by noticing and savouring the world around us we offer up the opportunity to connect to it in some way. Being open to whatever you might encounter will increase your chances of experiencing awe.

Savouring is another way of experiencing the world in an appreciative way. When positive moments arrive, it requires us to stay in that moment and experience all of it. We can also savour the past and think about the awe moments we have had, or savour the future and build up our positive association towards something that will occur. Of course, expecting something to bring us awe of resonance will not work. It will be what it will be and we have to accept that.

Stillness

How often have you been still? Really still and quiet within as well as outside of yourself? Part of our alienation with the world is our inability to stop and just be. We don’t need to do anything, have a purpose, or expect anything from the moment. The process of being still is hard for many people to do but one that brings with it many rewards. If we are to ever see a sight that brings us awe, or to really and truly appreciate a moment of savouring, we need to still ourselves. Still our bodies and still our minds. Sit somewhere and allow the moment to bring to you what it wants you to see and hear. Really be in that space and expect nothing but your own stillness. Let your mind wander, your gaze move about, and be open to whatever confronts you.

Silence

It is getting harder to find a place where silence is truly present. Silence is underrated in our society with fast-action entertainment. The complete silence that generations before us would have heard as a normal part of their life is no longer accessible to many of us. Would we want that complete silence anyway? Just reducing the noise around you can make a vast difference to your wellbeing. Or being silent yourself and simply listening to the world around you. Find a spot that you feel gives you a bit of silence, put on noise-cancelling headphones, or just listen to whatever the world is sharing with you.

Try it for yourself

Have a think about whether you have given yourself enough time to be still and silent. Try it for a short time. See how different it feels to the usual rushing and action you deal with daily. Allow that escalator to travel down to the bottom. Stop trying to get to the top. Just ‘be’ wherever the escalator takes you.

I’ll end with another wise mystic, Osho, who said:

“In your silence, where there are no words, no language, nobody else is present, you are getting in tune with your existence” – Osho

Recommended Reading

Bryant, F.B. & Veroff, J. (2006). Savoring: A New Model of Positive Experience. Psychology Press

Osho. (2012). Learning to Silence the Mind: Wellness through Meditation. Macmillan

Rosa, H. (2020). The Uncontrollability of the World. Polity Press

Thich Nhat Hanh. (2015). Silence: The Power of Quiet in a World Full of Noise. HarperOne

Trip, P.D. (2015). Awe: Why it Matters for Everything We Think, Say, and Do. Good News Publishers

Read more about Lisa Jones and her other articles HERE

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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