Mid-life now in the 21st Century is a much different experience to that which our parents and grandparents experienced. Mid-life is broadly considered to be between the ages of 40 and 65 years of age. Many of the adult development theories we still rely on to define our mid-life years were researched decades ago. So much has changed for us so are these theories still relevant? And how can they be used to help us enjoy and flourish in our mid-life? This post explores this and suggests ways we can bring a positive lens to life and enjoy being in mid-life in the twenty-first century.

 

Are the mid-life theories outdated?

There is certainly a great deal which has changed since the time many of the theories were developed, which is anywhere from the 1950s to 1980s. Much of this research is based upon men as the traditional breadwinner and women as the homemaker. Although some of the research has expanded to include career women the research is of its time and focuses mainly on men.

Erikson (1950s) created more stages of development for childhood than in adulthood, although this did cover mid-life but not in as much detail as Levinson (1978) who looked specifically at adult development.

Levinson’s work identified transitions in the adult life span where big decisions are often made as we move from one decade to the next.

Vaillant (2002) who was involved in a longitudinal study lasting over 80 years which mapped the development of a group of mostly men through their childhood through to old age (often called the Harvard Study). He identified mature defences in coping with adversity such as humour and altruism, often present when we reach middle age when we have developed more mature responses to life.

A theory I am fond of and I’m also using in my own research is by Robert Kegan (1983). Called the Constructive-Developmental Theory, it takes a different approach to many others. In Kegan’s theory, he sees adult development as a transformation of how we think. This is one of the few theories that do not tie us down to the expectation that at a certain age, we will be a certain way. We all develop at different rates and that’s normal. Importantly, it means it refrains from comparing people with each other and instead focuses on understanding where a person is in their own developmental trajectory.

But whichever theory is applied, they each offer something helpful about the patterns of development within the twenty-first century.

 

What about mid-life?

Infurna et al. (2020) argue that despite decades of research into adult development we still don’t know that much about mid-life development. Instead, we hold stereotypes as fact. For instance, it has become a standing joke that everyone has a mid-life crisis. This idea of a crisis has been extolled for decades and often paints this time in a person’s life as going downhill, acting like children and trying to reclaim their youth in embarrassing ways! Yet mid-life can and should be about growth and opportunity.

The Mid-life in the United States (MIDUS) study was developed to build a clearer picture of mid-life and is a big contributor to understanding what it is to be middle-aged. Studies such as these, are helping to dispel the myths and inform policy of what mid-life is really like. This takes a more serious look at mid-life, including when mental health is affected by the change in caring roles and concerns with employment and physical health. Adjusting to these changes can be hard but can also be an opportunity.

 

Fitting mid-life into the 21st century

Arnett et al. (2020) points out that the ‘stages’ of change that the earlier theorists propose have shifted. Young adults tend to stay at home longer and marry later. The use of technology has changed the face of relationships and working life. Caring for children is no longer the central role of the family, and careers can exist alongside raising a family. People have children later in life or not at all, and mid-life is not necessarily the mid-point in life anymore. We are living longer. We work longer and enjoy better health. Societies which are affluent enable those who live within them to make more choices than ever before.

Applying Kegan’s theory, it argues that a large proportion of the population will be in an evolutionary phase (called order of consciousness) that is focused on fitting into society for most of their adult life. This is when we want to blend in and be part of the community and occurs around early adulthood and lasts right up and beyond our mid-life. This is a good thing, especially in young adulthood when we need to shape our careers and families and be part of society. When we reach mid-life some people (but not all) start to differentiate themselves from the social group and develop more complex thinking (which is moving to the next order of consciousness). They can disagree and be comfortable with not fitting in all the time. This does not mean they reject and isolate themselves from the group, but they are able to speak their minds without fear of rejection.

Developing ourselves to be able to stand up for our own needs rather than always putting others first is a key part of the mid-life transition. Rather than mid-life being a ‘crisis’ it can be the opportunity to reflect, learn from what has been experienced, and to shape your life by doing something that brings you reward and enjoyment. This might be retiring early, having more time to support family and communities, or doing work that is more about the reward than the big salary. So how do we maximise our opportunity at this time in our life to grow and develop and see this time and our future as full of promise and opportunity?

 

Is Mid-life a time to give back and nurture?

Many of the adult development theories include generativity which is when a person begins to think about the generations behind them and offer their wisdom and support. Mid-life is the ideal time to think about how our activities and behaviours impact other people. And we don’t need to do big things if we have little time. Talking to younger generations and sharing some of your skills. Setting a good example in your community by litter picking or planting wildflowers for the bees. It all adds up!

 

Mid-life opportunities

Have there been things in your life or directions that you would like to have taken but didn’t? It may have been out of reach or just not right at that time. Mid-life is often the time when we have the resources to be able to revisit those missed opportunities. This could be just about anything from hobbies, new jobs, going back to education for the hell of it, or moving to a new location. What is that thing that you never did get around to doing that might just be the ticket to put some new interest into your life? Who do you want to be in your mid-life and beyond?  What strengths have you underused for too long?

 

Mid-life planning

It might be for you that to turn your mid-life into an opportunity is to stop doing something rather than start doing something. Have you developed a bit of a routine that you wonder why you keep doing it? Are there things that can be stopped to make your life more satisfying? We clearly do not want to cause harm by stopping doing something important, but if it’s something that does not serve you and is not going to cause harm then consider whether it is worth continuing with. So ask yourself what you want to still be doing in ten years’ time, and what do you not want to still be doing?

 

Before you rush in, reflect

Often we have not had the time to really think about what we would like to be doing. We may have work and families that take up our time. We might just try and push through even though something is calling to us. Find the time to stop and reflect each week, to really listen to what your inner messenger is telling you. What small thing can you feel bursting out of you that you just want to do? It doesn’t have to be anything life-transforming, just something small that reminds you that you have choices and the right to live your life your way.

References:

Arnett, et al. (2020). Rethinking Adult Development: Introduction to the special issue. American Psychologist, 75 (4). 425-430. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/amp0000633

Kegan, R. (1983). The Evolving Self: Problem and Process in Human Development. Harvard University Press.

Levinson, D.J. (1978). The Season of a Man’s Life. Ballantine Books.

MIDUS website https://www.nia.nih.gov/research/resource/midlife-united-states

Stevens, R. (2008). Erik Erikson Shaper of Identity. Palgrave MacMillan.

Vaillant, G.E. (2002). Aging Well. Little, Brown and Company.

Read more about Lisa Jones and her other articles HERE

 

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