A positive influencer

There are a lot of themes in this second episode, but I focus on just a couple of them, as I suspect the other topics will come up again in future episodes. Steven says he wants to give useful advice to people who wish to use social media to tell their story to the world, and he encourages them to be authentic and honest because as he says, real stuff resonates.

Which is sort of ironic as the majority of content on social media is crafted to be the antithesis of. I’m so glad he points it out and calls it out for being the highly edited, filtered, and unrealistic portrayal of real life, that it is. His podcast, by comparison, is a breadth of fresh air, and I hope he inspires others to follow his lead and set a trend for being honest and authentic.

Social Media and Social Comparison

There is a natural tendency for people to compare themselves with others but it can be a highly negative pursuit, especially on social media when we can easily compare our lives with people and lifestyles that don’t really exist. Many of the followers of these apparently beautiful, clever, and successful influencers will undoubtedly feel that they’re lacking and are less than they could be.

But I can’t help but wonder if, behind the literal mask of filters and clever lighting, the followed may also be comparing their private true selves to their public facade. How do they feel when their face reflected in the mirror falls far short of their flawless online image? And when they’re confronted by the mundane and the challenges and the problems that everyone faces from time to time, does that feel incongruent with their public identity? Do they feel like an imposter in their lives?

Does living offline become a stark reality that feels flat and empty in comparison with the fantasy world they’ve created and inhabit on the internet? Are both the followed and the followers perpetuating an ever-increasing state of dissatisfaction? If so, how sad.

So I think we should be extremely grateful for influencers like Steven Bartlett, whose focus is on examining the values and integrity of the way we live our lives and the choices we make in contrast to the superficial and frivolous matter of what we might look like when we’re doing so.

Whatever your celebrity role model may tell you, a meaningful life is not dependent on laminated eyebrows, contoured face drawing, and lip augmentation.

Upward/Downward social comparison

Of course, social comparison isn’t necessarily a negative thing. We can compare ourselves to people we perceive as being better off and more successful than us and feel inspired. They can motivate us to work towards goals that lead to self-improvement and growth and increase our self-esteem. However, research by positive psychologist, Sonya Lyubomirsky found that people who frequently engage in social comparison tend to experience lower levels of happiness, wellbeing, and life satisfaction, and they’re more likely to experience the negative emotions of envy, resentment, and frustration.

Downward social comparison, looking at people we perceive as being worse off than us can cause people to count their blessings and feel grateful for what they have, but it can also lead to feelings of superiority that fosters complacency, self-righteousness, or a lack of empathy

Hedonic Adaptation

Steven talks about the pitfall of being addicted to pleasure, and he gives the example of a friend of his who is continually upgrading his flashy sports car for a newer or better model. Although few of us can afford luxury cars, maybe you recognise the behaviour by how many times you’ve upgraded your mobile phone since you first had one!

In positive psychology, the addiction to pleasure that Steven describes is called The Hedonic Treadmill. It’s a useful metaphor that illustrates how we can keep running towards something that we think will make us happy but we never actually reach that goal because we’re constantly adjusting and adapting to new things and circumstances the effect and pleasure from something new is short-lived, so we need to find something else to replace it, like a new, new phone or a new job, or a relationship or a pair of shoes.

Chasing happiness in particular is a hopeless pursuit. Whatever your definition of happiness is, it’s an experience that can only ever be felt in the present moment. You might remember feeling and you may anticipate being happy in the future, but you can only actually feel happy in the moment. So anytime you are chasing happiness with thoughts, like, I’ll be happy when I get a new job, retire, marry, divorce, have a baby, the children leave home, I lose 10 pounds, move house, go on holiday, et cetera., you may be cheating yourself with the happiness you could be experiencing in the moment.

Set-point happiness

Another element that research on the topic of happiness shows is that we tend to have a set point of happiness and whatever occurs to cause us to feel more happy or less happy has a temporary effect.

If you think about it, you’ll easily find examples from your own life. You no longer get excited by those new trainers and that argument you had with your friend last month no longer upsets you. But you might be surprised to learn of a study in the ‘70s that compared the happiness of lottery winners with people who had become paraplegic after an accident. As you would imagine, the lottery winners became happier, and those with sustained life injuries became unhappier.

But here’s the surprise! A year later, both groups had adapted to the changes in their lifestyles and their happiness levels had returned to where they were before the positive and the negative events.

A temporary experience

In other words, both positive and negative events only have a temporary impact on happiness because we tend to adapt to circumstances and return to our previous level of happiness over time. So, if something upsets you, rather than engaging in what Steven refers to as pleasure, addiction, continually chasing something to make you feel happier, you could simply decide to wait for that to happen naturally.

In episode two, Steven muses over what part money plays in happiness. His 18-year-old self thought money would provide him with the things that would make him happy but 25-year-old Steven knows that money alone is not the answer. This isn’t to say that money doesn’t play a part in making life easier and more comfortable, and I don’t think anyone would say that poverty is the key to living a happy life far from it. But if it was true that money, fame, success, and good looks would bring everlasting happiness, then Hollywood would be the Shangri La and clearly, this is not the case.

Two types of happiness

And Steven is spot on in suggesting that you’d be better off being happy with who you already are, with what you already own and the people you already have around you. In positive psychology, this sort of happiness is referred to as eudaimonic happiness that focuses on living a meaningful, authentic, and purposeful life. For example, engaging in activities that align with your values and bring about personal growth and self-actualization. Both types of happiness have their place in a person’s wellbeing, and a healthy balance of the two is most desirable. A life full of pleasure without any meaning would not feel fulfilling but living a life full of meaning without any enjoyment might be fulfilling, but not much fun!

So I do hope that Steven plans for and makes time for fun and laughter in his life, as well as working hard.

Audio Version

Read more about Lesley Lyle and her other articles HERE

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

The post Inspired by – Diary of a CEO with Steven Barlett, Part 2 appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.

Houseworking strategy

I listen to podcasts or desert island discs when I’ve got practical jobs like housework and other DIY things to do. I find it’s an effective way to tackle chores, especially the ones that I don’t really want to do. Time goes by quickly; I’m entertained and the end result is I’ve achieved a goal that I easily could have put off.

So, I knew about Steven Bartlett from social media and the BBC programme Dragon’s Den and I liked the way that he came across. So when I was looking for a podcast to listen to before tidying up the bedroom, his name popped up and I thought, “Oh, that might be interesting.”

Late to the party

Well, straight away I realised I was really late for this party because the current episode was number 230 something. But I decided to go back to the very beginning and I scrolled and scrolled all the way back to episode one and I pressed play.

That first podcast impressed me in so many ways and I wanted to comment, I wanted to join the conversation because you see my background and interest is in the science of positive psychology.

The Positive Psychology Connection

If you’ve not heard of it before, there are many definitions of what positive psychology is but one of the most simplest is that it’s the study of what makes life worth living. And it does that by looking at and talking to people who are flourishing and thriving in life to see what characteristics they might have in common. The premise of this being that if we develop those things and use them ourselves, we might improve our sense of wellbeing too.

We’re talking about things like positive emotions, character strengths, resilience and meaning and purpose in life. And what we end up with is a list of things that work well for most people most of the time. I expect Steven has a good knowledge of the subject because as he says in that first episode, he’s done his own research and read things but I doubt whether he, as an 18-year-old boy, would have known anything about it, or even had an interest in those sorts of things, although I might be wrong.

Having listened to episode one, I’m looking forward to hearing exactly how he learned to develop the skills he has, whether they were the results of role models in his life, or whether he acquired them as a matter of survival and just where did that passionate will to succeed come from?

So, as I said, after listening to that first podcast, I had lots of thoughts about what he said, especially from a positive psychology perspective. Although it might not have been his intention, here I felt he was clearly sharing what positive psychology’s principle looked like when applied in one’s life And that’s what’s so important about positive psychology – the theory may be interesting, but it’s the application of it that really matters.

Theory versus Application

You know, you can understand the theory of how an umbrella will keep you dry in the rain but unless you’ve remembered to take one with you, and unless you know how to put it up, you’re going to get wet if there’s a downpour – you know what I mean!

And that’s the whole aim of The Positive Psychology People – to share the principles of positive psychology and show what they look like when applied in the real world and also to help people improve their lives by using simple evidence-based techniques.

So after being inspired by CEO Steven Bartlett, I’ve decided to record my thoughts just as he did. It’s just an experiment, and this may never be published, but if you’re listening to it now, then clearly it was.

So here is my take on episode one of Steven Bartlett’s CEO, and if you haven’t already, then you might want to go and listen to that first.

Episode One

In episode one, Steven explains that he’s decided to share his unscripted thoughts from his diary entries.

His motive is to explain to people how he got from being a broke university dropout, living in a rough area, to become a highly successful CEO. He shares his knowledge and experience in the hope that it might help others create the life that they want. Now to me, that is positive psychology in a nutshell.

The power of narrative

Although his intention is to help others, sharing his story in this way is likely to be highly therapeutic for himself. James Pennebaker is a pioneer in the field of expressive writing, and his work shows the benefits of emotional expression and how it has positive effects on both physical and mental health. Although many of the participants in his studies were asked to write about traumatic experiences, the exercise of expressing one’s thoughts has been found to be a good tool for self-exploration and personal growth.

You see, as Steven tells his personal story, he has to make sense of his thoughts and his emotions and in turn, bring a sense of meaning to his past experiences. As an adult looking back on past events in life, he can see how they’ve influenced him and impacted on some of the decisions he’s made, which is a really powerful way to find meaning.

Psychology professor, Dan McAdams is a leading researcher in the field of narrative psychology. His work focuses on the ways in which personal stories shape our identity and contribute to our psychological wellbeing. He says that we create a sense of self by constructing our personal narrative, which is what explains who we are and how we came to be that way and this is what helps us understand ourselves and our place in the world. According to his work, people with the most coherent and meaningful personal narratives tend to enjoy greater wellbeing with higher levels of life satisfaction, self-esteem and resilience.

As Steven tells us the processes and stages he went through as he transcended from his 18-year-old self to age 27, he is in fact constructing his story, his personal narrative. I like that he doesn’t present his journey as an easy one, but emphasises that it’s been achieved through sheer hard work and that he’s had to make a number of sacrifices. He doesn’t promise “Oh, here’s the answer you’ve been looking for and I know the secret of happiness.” and nor does positive psychology. It offers no goal to lasting happiness but it does suggest that probably, possibly, you could be happier than you are right now. And if that’s important to you, Steven and positive psychology might be able to steer you in the right directions. And I use the plural because there are many ways to create positive change.

Hard work and happiness

Whilst he emphasises the importance of hard work, I’m not sure if he knew or knows that research shows that it’s happiness that is the precursor to success, not the other way around. In the book The Happiness Advantage by Sean Achor, he says that when people are happy and positive they also become resilient, creative, and productive, which are the key factors that lead to success.

Steven doesn’t think he’s got it all right. He realised that his lifestyle and work ethic have had a toll on his personal relationships. He quotes from the Harvard Grant Study, one of the longest well-known longitudinal studies in the field of psychology. As Steven says, one of the key findings was that the quality of an individual’s relationships was the single most important factor in determining their long-term health and happiness.

The psychiatrist and researcher George Vaillant was Director of this study for more than 40 years, and he summed it up in a slightly different way. He said, “The 75 years and $20 million expended on the Grant Study points to a straightforward five-word conclusion – happiness is love. Full stop”  End of quote. His book, Triumphs of Experience:  the Men of the Harvard Grant Study, summarises the findings and explores the factors that contribute to a happy and meaningful life. Vaillant reflects on the lessons learned from the study and provides insights into the ways individuals can cultivate resilience and well-being across the lifespan. It’s beautifully written, and I highly recommend it. What I took from it was that it’s never too late and it’s never too early to make positive change.

Listening to Steven explain that it was hard to develop and maintain a long-lasting relationship when he was so absorbed in working hard, I couldn’t help wondering if he’d ever considered getting a dog. Not all relationships have to be human-based. Research shows that pet owners report higher levels of self-esteem and are less likely to feel lonely and isolated.

The power of pets

As the CEO, I’m quite sure that Steven could have taken a dog to work with him if he’d wanted one. But not everyone is a dog person, and maybe it wouldn’t fit in with the amount of travelling he does. I have to confess that Molly, our dog, is one of my closest friends, confidante (she’s very good at keeping secrets), personal trainer, source of amusement and as well as all of that, she shows me unconditional love and loyalty. She has brought untold joy in my life and also to that of my partner, Iain.

So there, I’ve got that off my positive psychology chest. There are other themes in Steven’s podcast that I could comment on, and maybe I will sometime in the future, but I’m going to leave it here for now.

I’m really looking forward to listening to episode two, and who knows if I listen to all 230-whatever of them, I might end up with the cleanest, tidiest house I could ever imagine!

Let’s see.

See you next time.

Audio Version

Read more about Lesley Lyle and her other articles HERE

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

The post Inspired by – Diary of a CEO with Steven Barlett, Part 1 appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.