So here is my second episode of Inspired by Diary of a CEO with Steven Bartlett and this time I’m giving Steven’s podcast the full and correct title. Steven starts his second episode by announcing that his first episode went to number one in the podcast chart. He was very surprised I wasn’t. It was informative and entertaining, an equal measure and a very well-deserved accolade in my opinion.
A positive influencer
There are a lot of themes in this second episode, but I focus on just a couple of them, as I suspect the other topics will come up again in future episodes. Steven says he wants to give useful advice to people who wish to use social media to tell their story to the world, and he encourages them to be authentic and honest because as he says, real stuff resonates.
Which is sort of ironic as the majority of content on social media is crafted to be the antithesis of. I’m so glad he points it out and calls it out for being the highly edited, filtered, and unrealistic portrayal of real life, that it is. His podcast, by comparison, is a breadth of fresh air, and I hope he inspires others to follow his lead and set a trend for being honest and authentic.
Social Media and Social Comparison
There is a natural tendency for people to compare themselves with others but it can be a highly negative pursuit, especially on social media when we can easily compare our lives with people and lifestyles that don’t really exist. Many of the followers of these apparently beautiful, clever, and successful influencers will undoubtedly feel that they’re lacking and are less than they could be.
But I can’t help but wonder if, behind the literal mask of filters and clever lighting, the followed may also be comparing their private true selves to their public facade. How do they feel when their face reflected in the mirror falls far short of their flawless online image? And when they’re confronted by the mundane and the challenges and the problems that everyone faces from time to time, does that feel incongruent with their public identity? Do they feel like an imposter in their lives?
Does living offline become a stark reality that feels flat and empty in comparison with the fantasy world they’ve created and inhabit on the internet? Are both the followed and the followers perpetuating an ever-increasing state of dissatisfaction? If so, how sad.
So I think we should be extremely grateful for influencers like Steven Bartlett, whose focus is on examining the values and integrity of the way we live our lives and the choices we make in contrast to the superficial and frivolous matter of what we might look like when we’re doing so.
Whatever your celebrity role model may tell you, a meaningful life is not dependent on laminated eyebrows, contoured face drawing, and lip augmentation.
Upward/Downward social comparison
Of course, social comparison isn’t necessarily a negative thing. We can compare ourselves to people we perceive as being better off and more successful than us and feel inspired. They can motivate us to work towards goals that lead to self-improvement and growth and increase our self-esteem. However, research by positive psychologist, Sonya Lyubomirsky found that people who frequently engage in social comparison tend to experience lower levels of happiness, wellbeing, and life satisfaction, and they’re more likely to experience the negative emotions of envy, resentment, and frustration.
Downward social comparison, looking at people we perceive as being worse off than us can cause people to count their blessings and feel grateful for what they have, but it can also lead to feelings of superiority that fosters complacency, self-righteousness, or a lack of empathy
Hedonic Adaptation
Steven talks about the pitfall of being addicted to pleasure, and he gives the example of a friend of his who is continually upgrading his flashy sports car for a newer or better model. Although few of us can afford luxury cars, maybe you recognise the behaviour by how many times you’ve upgraded your mobile phone since you first had one!
In positive psychology, the addiction to pleasure that Steven describes is called The Hedonic Treadmill. It’s a useful metaphor that illustrates how we can keep running towards something that we think will make us happy but we never actually reach that goal because we’re constantly adjusting and adapting to new things and circumstances the effect and pleasure from something new is short-lived, so we need to find something else to replace it, like a new, new phone or a new job, or a relationship or a pair of shoes.
Chasing happiness in particular is a hopeless pursuit. Whatever your definition of happiness is, it’s an experience that can only ever be felt in the present moment. You might remember feeling and you may anticipate being happy in the future, but you can only actually feel happy in the moment. So anytime you are chasing happiness with thoughts, like, I’ll be happy when I get a new job, retire, marry, divorce, have a baby, the children leave home, I lose 10 pounds, move house, go on holiday, et cetera., you may be cheating yourself with the happiness you could be experiencing in the moment.
Set-point happiness
Another element that research on the topic of happiness shows is that we tend to have a set point of happiness and whatever occurs to cause us to feel more happy or less happy has a temporary effect.
If you think about it, you’ll easily find examples from your own life. You no longer get excited by those new trainers and that argument you had with your friend last month no longer upsets you. But you might be surprised to learn of a study in the ‘70s that compared the happiness of lottery winners with people who had become paraplegic after an accident. As you would imagine, the lottery winners became happier, and those with sustained life injuries became unhappier.
But here’s the surprise! A year later, both groups had adapted to the changes in their lifestyles and their happiness levels had returned to where they were before the positive and the negative events.
A temporary experience
In other words, both positive and negative events only have a temporary impact on happiness because we tend to adapt to circumstances and return to our previous level of happiness over time. So, if something upsets you, rather than engaging in what Steven refers to as pleasure, addiction, continually chasing something to make you feel happier, you could simply decide to wait for that to happen naturally.
In episode two, Steven muses over what part money plays in happiness. His 18-year-old self thought money would provide him with the things that would make him happy but 25-year-old Steven knows that money alone is not the answer. This isn’t to say that money doesn’t play a part in making life easier and more comfortable, and I don’t think anyone would say that poverty is the key to living a happy life far from it. But if it was true that money, fame, success, and good looks would bring everlasting happiness, then Hollywood would be the Shangri La and clearly, this is not the case.
Two types of happiness
And Steven is spot on in suggesting that you’d be better off being happy with who you already are, with what you already own and the people you already have around you. In positive psychology, this sort of happiness is referred to as eudaimonic happiness that focuses on living a meaningful, authentic, and purposeful life. For example, engaging in activities that align with your values and bring about personal growth and self-actualization. Both types of happiness have their place in a person’s wellbeing, and a healthy balance of the two is most desirable. A life full of pleasure without any meaning would not feel fulfilling but living a life full of meaning without any enjoyment might be fulfilling, but not much fun!
So I do hope that Steven plans for and makes time for fun and laughter in his life, as well as working hard.
Audio Version
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