The power of habits
While my baby daughter grows, each milestone is important and embeds the foundation of her emotional, psychological, physical and spiritual health. Seligman, the founder of Positive Psychology stated when he searched what parents want the most for their child, their response was happiness (Seligman, 2011). This helped formed his concept for Positive Education. This is also such a big
question for all parents – How do we create the foundation for happiness for our children? What is happiness? Howcan we sustain happiness? All these questions plus the juggling of the day-to-day activities. In reflection I thought I would start by looking at how the habits in our lives create happiness or despair. Also, how can I as a mother, use this information to help create healthy patterns for my daughter, so she doesn’t have to spend her adulthood unpicking stuff that just gets in the way. Is this even possible?
What is a habit?
‘A habit is a routine or behaviour that is performed regularly – and, in many cases automatically’ (Clear, 2018, p. 6). My daughter is currently building her habits like brushes her teeth every day, going to bed at a set time (on most days) and so forth. She is at the stage where observing her environment is key to her developmental learning and is a prime time to implement habits that will empower her. These habits
at the moment are eating healthy, this does not mean avoid all those ‘treats’, but to install balance. I gave up my gym membership when I was pregnant and returned to working out at home like I did during the COVID lockdowns. I allow my daughter to join in, she may just sit on my yoga mat and watch me or get involved in her own little way. But she sees me do this regularly. This has made me more motivated to
keep up with the weekly exercise schedule because I know it not only benefits me but also grows a subconscious pattern for my daughter that exercise is important. We have also focused on books and she is at the stage where she can turn the pages herself and tell us a story in her own words as she is still yet to develop her speech, however she does know how to say the word ‘NO’. She also enjoys us reading to her and will now pick the book she wants read. These seem so simple, but when looked over time, the power of loving reading will assist her motivation for studying later in life or simply being emerged in a book for pleasure and activating a more mindful approach. The exercise will not only keep her body healthy, but also her mind as exercise creates endorphins, which help relieve pain, reduce stress and improve well-being.
Focus on the System
While exploring the literature on habits, this quote stood out ‘Goals are good for setting a direction. Systems are best for making progress (Clear, 2018, p. 24). I knew this before I read this quote, but it was like I was reading with fresh eyes, a heightened awareness of some sort. Clear suggests that focusing on the end result – ‘the goal’ doesn’t help towards an embedded approach to habits. Following this method is the easiest way to revert back to your original pattern and not sustaining your habit over time because once your goal is achieved then the
momentum to continue can reduce. However, if you focus on following a system then the momentum to continue the habit is stronger and exceed after the goal is achieved. This all depends on the intended change, sometimes you may need to continue a habit over time for example exercising and eating healthy. But if the habit is a one off goal, you may not need to continue the habit or the intensity of the habit.
So why has this aspect obtained emphasis? In teaching my daughter about habits, I need to be more engaged with the system of implementing and embedding habits rather than goals with an end result. System focus allows for less disappointment
because it is the process. The exploration of this was drawing parallel concepts to Dweck’s Mindset theory (2012), where the effort should be commended and not just the attainment to develop a growth mindset. I am a crucial person in helping my daughter build her habits and the greater awareness I have, the greater impact I can have.
References:
Clear, J. (2018). Atomic Habits. Penguin Publishing Group.
Dweck, C. (2012). Mindset: How you can fulfil your potential. London Robinson.
Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness
and well-being. Atria Paperback.
Read more about Kelly Seaward-Ding and her other articles HERE