‘We see our world as we are conditioned to see it’ (Covey, 2013).

Exploring Positive Psychology and Therapy over a long period makes you identify, analyse and reflect on your inner world with a greater awareness as you explore the depths of these domains.  When becoming a mum and knowing you are responsible for the physical, emotional, spiritual and mental health of your child, the impact of those early years is paramount to the development of your child across their lifespan.  We are as parents responsible for the conditioning, those inner patterns that are created and then become the foundations for their habits and subconscious drives that either become effective contributors to our children’s’ lives or ineffective.

However, before we become effective or ineffective drivers for our children, we must apply our self-awareness to scrutinise how effective or ineffective we contribute to our own lives.  What subconscious drives, our own inner patterns are we running our own lives on?  Are they helping towards creating a flourishing life or are we on groundhog day allow our inner scripts to run on autopilot in the background and feeling discontent with life?  Do we know those inner scripts?  Do we stop and take moments of reflection before we add more to our never-ending to-do list?

 

Taking action changes lives.

The one thing I have noticed is that I know a lot of stuff about self-development and psycho-emotional development.  I have a Character Strength when completing the Values in Action (VIA) survey of a ‘Love of Learning’, so learning is an important part of my life.  I have the knowledge and at times I apply this knowledge as knowledge alone does not create transformation.  Taking action changes lives.  Before I was a mum, I was inconsistent with the application of transformation.  I wanted change, my emotional body was definitely giving me the internal messages of change, but I would start and stop the approaches that I wanted to do.  Becoming a mum has been my biggest motivator to take ACTION.

The biggest obstacle I have had to overcome in my lifetime is negative thinking.  My self-talk.  I know I am not alone on this journey as I have had the privilege of sharing this self-discovery with others who too embark on the transformation of their inner world.  During my childhood I experienced a very messy divorce of my parents.  Being the eldest child meant a huge responsibility fell on me.  The darkness of this messy divorce left a lot of inner turmoil.  My friends say I have a lot of inner strength and resilience, which I don’t always see, but has come through this experience.

The effects of my parents’ divorce did not fully explode until many years later, in fact 23 years later when my aunt died unexpectedly.  The helplessness and hopelessness of my aunt’s death opened the floodgates to the helplessness and hopelessness I felt as a teenager when my parents divorced.  It was an immense emotional release that was painful.  I was in the middle of my Applied Positive Psychology Masters feeling anything but positive.  I was grieving my aunt’s departure from this world and dealing with the teenage girl inside me that hadn’t had the time to process the divorce and the impact it had on me because I went straight into caring for my younger siblings.  The biggest lesson I learnt here was to be authentic, be honest and trust the process of this inner awakening.

 

Be Proactive.

When exploring the work of Stephen R. Covey and reflecting on the inner avalanche of emotions that transpired during my aunt’s death, I was proactive and not reactive.  The reactive version would be to blame my parents for divorcing in the first place, but we were all suffering with our own versions of pain in the breakdown of this marriage and it would not have given me the healing I needed. Convey (2013), explains being proactive as being value-driven.  Carefully thinking and selecting the values you want in your life and internalising them.  The proactive approach is to change from the inside out.  It is this approach I want to apply to being a mother.  This is the gift I want to give to my daughter – be value-driven and live by her principles.

References:

Covey, S.R. (2013). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Simon & Schuster. New York. USA

Read more about Kelly Seaward-Ding and her other articles HERE

 

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