Love is endless. Limitless. It never runs out. There is a constant fountain of it in your heart ready for you to pour on everyone that comes your way. When you focus on that fountain, when you don’t close the tap, when you’re non-judgemental about who it spills out on, you’ve reached a new level of love. A new level of life. It seems that the more you let this love pour out onto others the faster and greater the flow. Instead of running out, it seems to become even more abundant in supply! Love is not meant to be stagnant or limited, you’re not supposed to buck its current, put a plug in it or put a boulder in its way. It’s meant to flow.

 

The boulders

So why then, does love often seem so hard, so painful, so difficult? Because of your boulders. Your conditions. The boulders of ‘I can’t love you unless you give me something in return’. These boulders cause big splashes and dangerous waves in the river of love. They make the path of love longer and more treacherous than it needs to be because it must go around these obstacles, these conditions.

True love is unconditional and painless. When you make it conditional you will feel ‘bad’, sad and blocked. You’ll feel lack, struggle and pain. Love feels hard now. But it’s not the love that’s hard. It’s the boulder you’ve placed in love’s way, the condition you’ve put on the love – that’s what causes the pain. That’s what makes it hard.

How many conditions and boulders do you have in any given relationship?

“You must do this”

“You must say that”

“Give me this”

“Be like that”

“Achieve this”

“Look like that”

“…and now I can love you.”

All these boulders lie between you and the one you are trying to love, whether a child, a friend, a spouse or a stranger. Yes, you can love a stranger. If you really understand this love I speak of you will realise that you can love a stranger. If anything, it’s almost easier to love a stranger than someone you know because you carry no history, attachment or expectation of a stranger – and hence there are no boulders in the way. You don’t want or need anything from a stranger so love can flow free more than ever. To experience love for a stranger is beautiful. This is true oneness. True ascension of consciousness. That bliss that enlightened people talk about? I think this is it.

 

Stop ‘trying’ to love

There is no ‘try’ in love. It’s energy of a high frequency. It’s already here. You just need to get out of its way. Stop needing, wanting, expecting and controlling, stop loving because you want from people and start loving because you want for people. What do you want for people?

Their happiness.

Their peace.

Their greatness.

Their heart.

Their wellbeing.

Their success.

Their health.

Their joy.

Their flourishing.

If you struggle to connect with this notion of loving ‘for’ someone, I hope there has been some time in your life where you have experienced this – perhaps when your baby was born or, with a pet or other animals. You wanted nothing in return from them, you simply love them. You see, true love isn’t even about you. It’s not about you, it is you. It’s not what you do, it’s who you are. It’s your essence.

 

What if they don’t want your love?

It doesn’t matter. Love is energy, you can give it anyway. Nothing ill can come from giving pure love or should I say ‘being’ pure love. It only gets messy when you put conditions in the way, when you want something in return and the other person hasn’t engaged in this bargain with you. Now you feel pain and they feel uncomfortable or unhappy. Not because of the love but, because of your conditions. You were doing a transaction not giving love. Love is not a transaction.

I hope by now you’ve cottoned on that the kind of love I’m talking about is not romantic love, it’s not needy love, attachment love, physical love, co-dependent love, controlling love – no, these are merely psychological experiences. They are manipulations. They do not come from the true heart, the seat of the soul. True love is a pure, non-discriminatory, magnetic, high frequency energy. It is the force of all creation. It is powerful. It has nothing to do with ‘relationships’. It sees beyond the ‘human’ and sees directly to the soul.

 

You choose love

You can choose to go out there with your full, beautiful heart and overflow with love. Pour it on everyone you meet with a smile, a hug, a kind word, a gentle knowing, a little time and mostly, with your state of being, your energy and your presence. You can choose to see people’s greatness, their soul, their heart, their truth, gifts and talents rather than focussing on what you need from them or what you think they are lacking. Choosing love is not hard. What’s hard is removing the conditions you’ve placed on it.

 

Challenge yourself to do this in every relationship.

List all the boulders and conditions you have put up in each relationship and be honest about it. Do you need your children to get good grades to love them? Then, that’s not true love. Do you need your spouse to tell you you’re beautiful every day otherwise you will start to hate them? Then, that’s not true love.

 

Ask yourself– why do you need them to be a certain way to feel better, to feel love?

How sustainable is this idea that a person must meet all your needs – which probably change over time – in order to be loved by you? How many shapes must they contort themselves into? And how many tick boxes are you going to make for them? Is this love, or a job interview? Is this love, or an MOT?

 

Is there a step by step process to inviting in more love?

I wish I could give you step by step instructions on how to experience true love and invite its abundant flow into your life. I am still working on it every day, learning more about it, challenging myself to do it whenever I see myself putting boulders in its way. This is a journey of spiritual growth and expansion of consciousness. An experience of oneness with all that lives. I have no step by step because this isn’t an analytical, mechanical experience or process. It’s a state of being. I can’t box that up for you I’m afraid.

But, one last tip I will give you is this: the love you seek out there is already within you.

You may like to find that first. You may like to work on filling your own cup and then you will experience the truth of these words: “my cup runneth over” (Psalm 23:5). You’ll experience the ‘endless, flowing river of love’. You’ll experience what I mean when I say ‘you are love’ and, you’ll realise that nothing outside of you needs to change for you to have this experience. You’ll realise, even if only for a second, that:

You were racing around out there to find what was already within.

You were chasing other people to give you what you already had.

You were trying to acquire what you never lacked.

It’s as if a big cosmic joke has been played on humans! The thing we most dearly seek is what we already are. What a puzzle! But, history and wise teachers did leave us clues…

“The kingdom of God is within you.” Luke 17:21

“Love is not an emotion, it’s your very existence.” Rumi

“To love is not to ask anything in return, not even to feel that you are giving something – and it is only such love that can know freedom.” J. Krishnamurti

Don’t seek love. Be it.

 

Read more about Pinky Jangra and her other articles HERE

 

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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