When people bring their trash into scenarios that we might be involved in, if we aren’t aware that they have done this, or even that this is possible, we often take it. If you imagine that around you is a bubble, which is bigger on the inside than it is on the outside then we start to see how this affects us (this is both the psyche and self esteem). Within this bubble we hold four corners or areas and one of those areas contains our fears, our grief, loss and hurt. This area will already resemble to some extent the equivalent of a landfill site, with bags strewn all over the place. So if for example someone presents us with a bag labelled ‘you don’t speak to me properly and you are rude’, and you take that from them, then it sits inside this area within your sacred space or bubble. Now it is recognisable and magnetic to other people who are also carrying around similar bags of garbage, that other’s have given to them and they don’t know where to put and they can now give it to you.

These labelled bags of garbage then act almost magnetically to draw other bags to them, and so a pattern forms where you might be hearing the same stuff from other people who have happened upon your now refuse site for bags of garbage labelled “you don’t speak to me properly and you are rude’. You may even get enough of a collection that you begin to believe this is true of yourself, and perhaps we can take this further by saying that you will indeed then start to behave this way.

Stopping the cycle

When we become aware that this is even a thing, we can begin to refuse to take the refuse that people give us (see what I did there?). In real world terms this means that we can allow the space to hear people out, but if it doesn’t resonate with us, we consciously refuse to take it on board.

Taking out the trash

A positive step to regaining balance here is to mentally and mindfully sit down and revisit some of the preconceived notions that these bags of trash will have left us with, because this means that there is no longer a magnet to draw more of the same.
A good way to do this can be through writing, where the energy of a situation is poured out onto a page through the medium of the pen and then ripped up and mentally done with.

Visualisation is another good way to remove some of this trash and you can even use the analogy I made earlier and make a list of the labels on these bags and work through them one at a time. There might be a ‘you are not good enough’ bag, sometimes given to us as far back as childhood. There might be a ‘why is nothing I do good enough for you’ bag conversely. Whatever the bags need to be labelled, pick one at a time and mentally visualise acknowledging it within your sacred space, then see it as being placed outside of your space for the equivalent of the energy bin men to take away.

The take home message here is that you will feel lighter and have less stuff dumped on you if you allow yourself the self care to take the time to clear yourself some space for positivity by removing these bags of rubbish and clearing the way for positive energy and thoughts to replace the garbage left by others. Positive affirmations about self and others, mantras and mindfulness are all great ways to achieve this.

About the author: To find out more about Caralyn Cox, please click here.


‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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