Developing Humanity

CORE VIRTUE – HUMANITY –  Tending and befriending others.

I. Love: Loving individuals value close relationships with others, in particular those in which sharing and caring are reciprocated. Love can be expressed toward those we depend on, toward those who depend on us, and toward those we feel romantic, sexual, and emotional attraction to. This strength allows people to put their trust in others and make them a priority in making decisions. They experience a sense of deep contentment from their devotion.

Movies: Doctor Zhivago (1965), The English Patient (1996), Sophie’s Choice (1982), The Bridges of the

Madison County (1995), Iris (2001), My Fair Lady (1964)

Songs: The Rose (Bette Midler), Isn’t She Lovely (Stevie Wonder)

1. Express (verbally and/or non-verbally) to your loved ones that no matter what happens, your love for them will remain unconditional.
2. Express your love through physical gestures (hugs, kisses, cuddling, giving a gentle massage).
3. Focus on the implicit motives of your loved ones, rather their behaviors.
4. Explore and appreciate the strengths of your loved ones.
5. Arrange a date with your mate that celebrates both of your signature strengths.
6. Express your love through gifts. When possible, create gifts yourself.
7. Always celebrate days or occasions that are mutually important.
8. Express your love creatively (e.g., through a poem, notes, sketches, photographs of an important place, event or situation which reminds you of mutual love).
9. Help your loved ones with a self-improvement plan (e.g., a new class, weight loss, exercise, a new career.
10. Plan and host a dinner party with your significant other.
11. Reunite at the end of the day and discuss how it went.
12. Attend a concert, theatre, movies, or go dancing with your loved one.
13. Engage in a favorite activity (e.g., hiking, going to an amusement park, biking, walking in the park, swimming, camping, jogging) together.
14. Attend your child’s sporting events or performances (recital, play, etc) together.
15. Go out (without kids) for brunch or dinner.
16. Help your loved ones plan their future by helping them identify their signature strengths. Then, collaborate to design a future based on their signature strengths.
17. If you want to help your loved ones, first consider their strengths. Design your help around their strengths.
18. Tape record your parent’s earliest recollections and share them with your children.
19. Make a family blessing journal in which everyone writes good things that happen to them daily.

II. Kindness generosity, nurturance, care, compassion, altruistic love, “nice-ness”]: Kindness consists of doing favors and good deeds for others without the expectation of personal gain. This strength requires respect for others but also includes emotional affection. Kind people find joy in the act of giving and helping other people, regardless of their degree of relatedness or similarity.

Movies: As Good as it Gets (1997), The Cider House Rules (1999), Promise (1986)

Songs: Lean on Me (Al Green), You’ve Got a Friend (James Taylor or Mariah Carey), Time After Time

(Cyndi Lauper or Tuck and Patti), Bridge Over Troubled Water (Simon and Garfunkel or Johnny Cash), I’ll

1. Do three random acts of kindness per week for those whom you know (e.g., small favors for friends and neighbors, calling sick or sad friends, getting groceries for a friend busy in exams, or baby-sitting,
2. Do one random act of kindness weekly for someone you don’t know.
3. Donate blood periodically.
4. Visit someone who is sick and in the hospital.
5. Visit someone in a nursing home or hospice.
6. Give gifts to others which involve experiential activities.
7. Take out a friend(s) on a surprise dinner and pay for it.
8. Say kinder and softer words to people when interacting through email, writing letters, talking on the phone.
9. Cook a nice meal for your loved ones.
10. Share your belongings with others (e.g., lawn mover, snow blower, jump cables).
11. Make an inventory of your possessions, keep only what you absolutely need, and donate the rest.
12.  Donate your time to others through helpful actions.
13. Greet others with a smile.
14. While driving, give way to others or hold the door.
15. Help fix someone’s flat tire.
16. Fix a community apparatus (such as playground equipment) even if you did not break it.
17.  Stop and help someone who needs help on a highway.

III. Social Intelligence [emotional intelligence, personal intelligence]: Socially intelligent individuals are aware of the emotions and intentions of themselves and others. No matter what the social situation is, they attempt to make everyone involved feel comfortable and valued. Socially intelligent people are perceptive of others’ feelings and honest about their own, and are generally adept at fostering healthy

Movies: Driving Miss Daisy (1989), Children of a Lesser God (1986), K-Pax (2001) The Five Senses

Songs: Lean on Me (Al Green), You’ve Got a Friend (James Taylor or Mariah Carey), Time After Time

(Cyndi Lauper or Tuck and Patti), Bridge Over Troubled Water (Simon and Garfunkel or Johnny Cash), I’ll

1. Withhold a powerful and decisive argument which will win you the discussion but might hurt someone at least twice a month.
2. Listen to your friends and siblings empathically, without preparing rebuttals, and simply reflect your feelings.
3. If someone offends you, attempt to find at least one positive element in their motives.
4. Attend an uncomfortable social situation as an active observer and describe what you observe
5. Note and appreciate others in the light of their positive attributes.
6. Write five personal feelings daily for four weeks and monitor patterns.
7. Watch a favorite TV program or film muted and write feelings observed.
8. Express feelings appropriately to someone you have not done so far, and process them together.
9. Ask someone close to you about times you did not emotionally understand him/her and how he/she would like to be emotionally understood in the future.
10. Listen to others with unconditional regard.
11. Notice when your family and friends grow. Congratulate them and record specific observations.
12. Identify which of your friends relates most emphatically with others. Observe them closely.
13. When working with others, emphasize the value of being agreeable.
14. In your close relationships, speak plainly and directly about your needs and wishes.
15. Perceive and acknowledge three sincere gestures of a friend.

 

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’