It was nearly nine years ago when I first walked into a modern Jive class. “ I want to learn to dance,” I said, “You’ve come just to the right place” came the reply.

Little did I know then just how much dancing would change my life and the rewards it would bring. Over the last nine years, I have made countless friends, danced on three different continents and increased my happiness levels far higher than can ever be measured.

So what is it about dancing that makes you feel so good?

“Always look at your partner and dance with a smile on your face” my first dance teacher.

Smiling is good for us, and smiling while dancing just adds another dimension. I know when I’m dancing well because I have this big broad smile on my face, and when it’s reciprocated I just dance even better.

Smiling is the unwritten global language that connects us to one another. In her book Love 2.0, Barbara Fredrickson tells us that a smile shows that someone is paying attention to you. So during a dance, smiling at my partner and getting a smile back shows that we are both showing positive emotions that connect us.

The dancing connection

“It’s all about connection, to the music, the dance floor and your partner” My blues dance teacher

In order to thrive, we humans need to connect. We live in a society where many of us live alone or now work from home. Loneliness levels are growing as we become more isolated. Dancing is a great way to connect and engage with others. In order to dance we need to connect with our partner and the stronger the connection the better the dance experience.

You don’t have to be a particularly good dancer to have that connection, just the process of joining hands in a dance will automatically enhance your emotions. We respond to touch and have receptors in our skin that help us feel connected when we touch. What better way to do this than through dance.

A virtual love affair

“It’s like a series of 3-minute love affairs” a dancer

It doesn’t matter what our dancing level or to some degree who we are dancing with, for the 3 or so minutes the music is playing we have a relationship with the person we are dancing with. The more we both interact during the dance, the stronger that relationship is.

Barbara Fredrickson refers to this as ‘a micro-moment of love’. When we actively engage with someone (even a complete stranger) we produce levels of Oxytocin, the love hormone. There have been many times when, for whatever reason, I don’t feel up to dancing but go anyway. After 3 or so hours my mood has changed completely. I feel more relaxed and happy.

Dancing away the blues

“My life is pretty s**t, except when I’m dancing” a dancer

For many people dancing is pure escapism. I have met many people who are going through some tough times, but dancing gives them that lift that they need. For those few hours, they are dancing they can escape any of their troubles and just enjoy the dance. From my own perspective, I have got through some tough times by just taking an evening off to dance.

The great thing is, it doesn’t end when the evening ends. A lot of dancers talk about how they feel the “buzz” for hours or even days afterwards. Even though it may be quite late when I get home, I m am often feeling so high, it takes a couple of hours before I can wind down and sleep.

Authentic compliments

“All it takes is one person to say that was a wonderful dance” Steve Emery

It’s a great feeling when someone you have just danced with says “ thank you, I really enjoyed that”. We all respond to praise and there is a great feeling of gratitude and pride when you feel you have made someone happy. I don’t dance just to get compliments, but it does feel nice when someone offers a little praise.

New opportunities

Apart from the time we were locked down, dancing has been a big part of my life. I have made many friends, some of whom I see outside the dance halls. We don’t just dance, we go to pub quizzes, go walking and even go on holidays together.

Dancing also opens up opportunities when visiting a new place. I dance Modern jive and Blues and there are literally hundreds of dance venues across the world. I’ve danced all over the country, I’ve danced in the USA and Australia. In doing so I’ve made more friends and gotten to know the locals. Dance is a universal language and breaks down barriers. It increases well-being, gets you fit and helps to actively connect to others. Barbara Fredrickson refers to this effect as the ‘broaden and build theory’

So let’s turn up the music and dance!

Read more about Steve Emery and his other articles HERE

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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I felt quite strongly that suppliers were being unfairly treated by a lot of the big names, and having had to deal with a couple of big-name stores, I felt they were acting in ways which didn’t align with my core values,

But the main reason was that I simply hated it. By far the worst hour of my week was the weekly shop. What distressed me most was how many people shopping looked so miserable, I lost count of how many times I was bumped into and there were long queues at check-out. Then having to try and pack my back as quickly as the stuff was coming off the conveyor as the completely uninterested looking checkout operator moved my goods over the scanner. I would barely get half the stuff in my bag before I got “that will “£103.97”, which was followed by a look which could have said “Now hurry up, can’t you see there’s a queue”

Hated it! Hated it! Hated it!

The Decision to Change

It was a week or so before Christmas and I’d just finished a Christmas party, and standing outside waiting for a taxi I bumped into a friend of mine, a dairy farmer, who has to be said, didn’t seem full of Christmas cheer.

“ I don’t know what I am to do” he told me “ the supermarket which buys my milk has screwed me so much I don’t have enough money to buy presents for my kids” He told me he was getting out of farming and in the new Year was getting rid of his herd and moving on.

I told him I would support him by boycotting the supermarket. I know the money they wouldn’t notice at all the paltry sum that I spent every week, but there was now a principle at stake and it was my money so it was up to me how I spent it.

Local shops

Having wandered along the local high street, I worked out that I could get around 90% of what I needed from local shops and deli’s. The other 10% I could either live without or get from the local convenience store. So, one Saturday morning I ventured in to town to do my weekly shop.

I soon found out why the overwhelming majority of the population shopped at the supermarket. The first challenge was parking the car. The supermarket had a big free car park with plenty of spaces, whereas the town centre has a couple of small crowded car parks which I had to pay for the privilege of using.

The other advantage of supermarket shopping was the convenience of having everything under one roof. By the time I’d visited the 2nd High Street shop out of at least 5, I had to make a trip back to the car to drop off some bags, and then go back to finish my shop. In total, I made 3 trips to the car and back.

Finally there was the time issue, the supermarket shop would be done in under an hour but shopping on the high street was at least double that. Needless to say, I was starting to seriously doubt my decision.

The Change

Despite all the inconvenience I decided to continue with my High Street experiment. I would give it a month and then go back to my old shopping habit, at least I will have deprived the supermarket of a month’s worth of my money ( I checked the share price and my stance hadn’t made the slightest difference as the shares had actually gone up).

Sometime around week three or four, something I wasn’t quite expecting happened. I really started to enjoy it. For one thing, I was enjoying the food a lot more, as much of it was locally sourced or just better quality than what I was used to. I was eating seasonal vegetables from local farms, locally produced cheese, and some very interesting jams and pickles. I actually started to feel that I was eating healthier. I’d also cut out a lot of the snacks and biscuits etc (especially the 2 for 1 offers which were making me eat twice as much as I needed to). Was it this that was making my mood change or something else?

It felt so nice to walk into a shop and see somebody smile at me and wish me a “Good morning”. By week 4 I was on first name terms with most of the shopkeepers, and as weeks went by I got to know more about them and they got to know me. They knew about my likes and dislikes, in many cases, I was offered samples to try and asked my opinion. As weeks went by I was building up friendships with quite a number of shopkeepers, even to the point of joining one of them for a beer in the local pub.

After a while it wasn’t just the high street, I started to discover farmers markets, buying goods straight from the source. It wasn’t just food, I discovered English wines, soaps, and beers from local craft breweries.

Wellbeing

The decision to shop local has made a huge difference to my general wellbeing, something I absolutely hated became something I really enjoyed and looked forward to. Whilst the quality of food and goods felt better, what really made the difference was the people I was dealing with.

Over the last 10 years I’ve lived mostly on my own, and whilst I do have a busy social calendar, I often miss the day to day interactions with people., so going to a local shop where I feel welcome and have a brief conversation with the shopkeeper makes a huge difference. I feel part of the community, I get to know what’s going on, I learn about local events, and I’ve made friends, not just with the shopkeeper, but other customers too.

Summing up

I know I am lucky on a number of counts, I don’t have a busy job or a family so I do have a little more time on my hands to explore the local community. I can imagine that someone with both those commitments would find it much more convenient to go to a supermarket once a week.

I also live in a town where there are a number of good local shops, with a good variety of produce. I appreciate that there are many places where there isn’t very much choice of local shops.

But being in the position I’m in and living where I do I intend to take full advantage and regard shopping as an important part of my social life.

Finally, I saw this caption recently “ when you buy from a small business, an actual person does a little happy dance” Now that has to be good.

Read more about Steve Emery and his other articles HERE

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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Sh*t happens

In 2004 I was offered the chance to run my own business and it went really well. By year 4 I had ambitious plans to expand, everything felt right, I was building a team that had plenty of happy customers, and so I drew up a series of goals for the business and what I was going to do with the money I was going to make. What could possibly go wrong? I don’t think anyone saw the bank crash coming. Overnight my company went from big profit to big loss, we had to re-evaluate everything and the goals I had set up were quickly set aside. A few years later my marriage broke down and with it all my personal goals.

Ten years later my life had turned around, my business and personal life was going well, I had a whole lot of new goals and defined pathways to reach them. This time there would be nothing to hold me back, I’d put in place contingencies for another bank crash, I had a degree under my belt and was ready for new opportunities. Who would have thought that the whole world would come to a standstill because of a virus? I never saw that coming. It was like every one of the pathways to my goals had “road closed” barriers put in front of them. We were now in a very uncertain time with no idea how the world would be going forward. It was a very anxious time for me, I even went into denial and convinced myself it was all just a hoax, everything I was working towards was now up in the air.

But it’s not always been bad news.

The joy of reaching a goal

I have over the years accomplished many things and hit quite a large number of my goals. Hitting a goal has always brought some joy and a sense of achievement. However, there are two things I began to realise, first it somehow never quite felt as I imagined it. Yes, I was pleased with myself, but I often thought I would be more pleased than I actually was. The second was that there was a feeling of emptiness, the goal had been reached so what do I do now? I have heard about this from a lot of pop starts and sports stars who have achieved great things and reached the top of their profession. They have nothing else to achieve so they end up depressed and, in some case, turn to drink or drugs. I never quite got to that stage, but I was missing something when the goal was achieved, I no longer had hope.

Time to smell the roses

As the pandemic went on, things in my life started to change. Once I had come to terms with having to spend time alone, I began to get involved in activities I hadn’t been involved with before. I took a keen interest in my garden, starting growing plants form seed, learnt to cook, volunteered for a charity, and supported local businesses where I could. These were not goals as such, I had no pathway, although I did have agency, but they were very enjoyable. I loved watching my garden grow, my cooking was delicious with lots of new flavours, I made some people very happy with my charity work, and made friends with some local shopkeepers.

I discovered that by following hope theory I had missed so much. I live in a beautiful part of the world and yet a lot of my goals were based around visiting other places. The volunteering was based around dog walking, and in walking dogs, I started to discover just how beautiful my hometown is. I walked up local hills, walked to the local beach, found places in the town that I never knew existed.

Whilst doing these activities I often got into a state of flow, where I was enjoying the moment so much, I lost all track of time. I also found myself getting to know my neighbours better and had many a good chat over the garden fence. I also met people when out dog walking and even saw people I knew but had not seen for a while and enjoyed our socially distanced chats.

There is only Now

According to Eckhart Tolle there is only now, the past has gone, and future is yet to be written. Whilst I’d read the book, I don’t think I ever practised it until the future became so uncertain. What I found myself doing was living in the “Now”. Each day I would get up and look forward to doing just the simplest things and a year or so after the start of the lockdown I discovered something, I felt happier and more content. I appreciated my friends, my home, my garden and local area more, and noticed things around me.
Coming out of lockdown

So, what happens when everything opens up again, I can set new goals and the pathways will be there, but will the agency be there? I have been forced to slow down and appreciate what I have and found new skills I never knew I had. I am looking forward to being able to spend more time with my friends and family and being able to hug them again, and I have a feeling I will appreciate them more and be happy to spend quality time with them.

I have read so much about how good it feels to live in the moment, but it is probably something I would never had done until I was forced to do so. My life has taken on a whole new meaning.

Read more about Steve Emery and his other articles HERE

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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An old man says to his grandson:” There’s a fight going on inside me. It’s a terrible fight between two wolves. One is evil-angry, greedy, jealous, arrogant, and cowardly. The other is good-peaceful, loving, modest, generous, honest, and trustworthy. 

The boy asks, “Which wolf will win?”

The old man replies, “The one you feed.”

Meeting the angry wolf

Imagine walking down the street and being confronted by an angry wolf. He stands in front of you, feet planted firmly on the ground, the hair on the back of his neck standing up, he’s showing his teeth and growling at you.

What would you do?

You would no doubt go in to fight or flight mode, you may decide to fight the wolf, but it’s more likely you will back off, cross to the other side of the street, run as fast and as far away from the wolf as you can.

How do you feel?

Your heart will probably be racing, you will be sweating, and full of adrenaline.

Maybe you will feel afraid, and angry because this wolf is allowed to prowl the streets. Where is the protection from this wolf, where are the police who are meant to patrol these streets? This fear and anger may be with you for the rest of the day, and even into night-time. You may go to bed and not be able to sleep, continually thinking about your confrontation with the wolf, and thinking about all the different scenarios that could have happened. What if he had attacked you, and hurt you physically as well as mentally?

From now on you may be afraid to walk that street again, afraid of another encounter with the wolf.

Meeting the peaceful wolf

Now imagine walking down that same street, and a kind peaceful wolf was to come along and walk beside you. Imagine you decided to sit on a bench and this wolf came up and rested his head on your lap. He licks your hand, and you start to stroke him in return. As you scratch behind his ear, he tilts his head and pushes it further into your hand. He looks at you kindly and you genuinely believe he is smiling at you.

What would you do?

The chances are you would be relishing this moment, both you and the wolf would be interacting with each other. The more the wolf moves his head, the more you will stroke it.

How do you feel?

You may well start to feel a connection with the wolf, you may begin to feel compassionate towards him, a sense of joy, maybe even a sense of love towards the wolf.

It may be hard to leave the wolf, but the feelings from this encounter may stay with you for the rest of the day. When you go to bed you will sleep soundly, the compassion from the wolf still with you.

The following day you may walk that street looking for another encounter with the wolf and may even walk the streets many times and have many encounters with him, each one as enjoyable as the first.

Imagine you are the wolf?

Now imagine you are the angry wolf, snarling at everyone you meet, feeling hatred towards the people around you. How do you think that anger within you will affect other people you meet?

It is said that the anger within you is likely to affect other people you come into contact with. Those people carry that anger and pass it on to other people they meet. It is believed that the emotions you pass on to people around you will in turn be passed on to others and could be carried through three degrees of separation. This means your anger may be passed on to people you don’t know or have never met, Your anger could result in a complete stranger having a bad day, or even in extreme cases committing a crime.

It is likely that people may avoid you, not want to be friends with you. The people you are likely to attract are other angry wolves, all pooling their anger together.

But what if you were the peaceful wolf instead? You smiled at people around you, were friendly in your interactions with people, maybe even striking up a conversation with someone.

Just like anger, kindness also affects others around you. when you are kind to someone, they are more likely to be kind to someone too. As with anger, kindness can go through three degrees of separation. Your kindness could help a total stranger, someone you don’t know or have never met, to have a wonderful experience. In extreme cases, it could turn someone’s life around.

Studies have shown that kind people attract others towards them, they build stronger, more loving relationships with family, friends and work colleagues.

Summing up

Of course, as the grandfather said, there will be two wolves inside of us all. There are times when the angry wolf will be stronger and other times the kind peaceful wolf. We all have good days and bad days, happy times and sad. But imagine right now you had a choice; –

Which wolf would you feed?

Read more about Steve Emery and read his other articles HERE

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

The post The Wolf Within You appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.

With all the Covid restrictions, it’s not an easy time to become close to fellow humans. Whilst the argument for social distancing is understandable to limit the threat of the virus, it does mean that many people are yearning for some kind of connection. So can nature provide the answer?

There are a growing number of psychologists and doctors that believe that we are losing our connection with nature to a point where it is causing us anxiety. What can we do about this, and are there ways in which we can re-connect with nature, and what are the benefits?

Tree Hugging

The Icelandic Forestry commission believes they have an answer. They are encouraging their citizens to go out and hug a tree (https://tfb.institute/tag/iceland-forestry-commission/)  They claim that just 5 minutes hugging a tree can make a big difference to our moods, relieving depression, anger, fatigue etc.

In his book “The last child in the woods” Richard Louv claims that tree-hugging increases the levels of Oxytocin which is responsible for feelings of calmness and social bonding. According to Icelandic forest ranger Þór Þorfinnsson, when you hug a tree “you feel it first in your toes, and then up your legs and into your chest, and then up to your head”

So, if you are missing that big hug off someone just go out and find yourself a tree, and according to Þór Þorfinnsson any size will do, from a young sapling to an ancient mighty oak.

Forest bathing

Since the 1980’s the Japanese have been practising Shinrin-yoku, briefly translated as Forest bathing. They believe in its benefits so much that it’s actually prescribed by doctors as a treatment for a number of ailments such as anxiety and depression.

The idea of forest bathing is simple. Switch off all your mobile devices and cameras and spend 2 hours simply walking in the forest or any other nature reserve. By doing so all 5 of our senses are utilized ;

We can hear the sounds of birds or wind rustling through the trees. We can see the colours and movement of plants, trees, and animals. We can smell the trees, the grass and plants. We can touch trees, plants, water and soil. And finally, many people claim to be able to taste the air in a forest.

According to researchers the benefits of forest bathing are far-reaching, it lowers blood pressure, reduces anxiety, helps to lose weight, improves concentration and memory, improves pain thresholds and boosts our immune system.

Forest bathing is now being taken quite seriously all over the world, not just in Japan. In the University of Derby are conducting research into this topic (derby.ac.uk/research/centres-groups/nature-connectedness-research-group). Whilst the study is in its early stages, the initial results have been promising, and more research is being encouraged.

Digging in the dirt

In 2004 Mary O’Brien, an oncologist at the Royal Marsden hospital in London, injected lung cancer patients with a harmless soil bacteria, Mycobacterium vaccae. It was tested for its abilities to prolong life by improving the patient’s immune system to fight the cancer. Alas, it failed. However, there was a very interesting side effect, it actually improved the patient’s quality of life. It was found that patients were happier, expressed more vitality and had better cognitive functioning.

Apparently digging in the dirt really does lift your spirits (just ask any keen gardener). Digging in the dirt stirs up microbes in the soil which, as Mary O’Brien discovered, simply inhaling these microbes leads to the production of serotonin which in turns helps us feel more relaxed and happier.

For the last 2 years, I’ve been involved in a local project called “Parks in Mind” (bournemouthparksfoundation.org.uk/our-projects/parks-in-mind). Once a week I turn up at a local park and help clear invasive plant species and replace them with common British species. Whilst no official research has been done to the effectiveness of the project, all of the volunteers I’ve spoken to have expressed a big increase in their mood after just a few hours working in the Park.

Running up that hill

Many years ago, I went away for a weekend rock climbing in North Wales. The climbs were at the “easy” end of the scale, but even so, there was a tremendous feeling of achievement when I reached the top. Although I enjoyed the climb, I felt the real pleasure was sitting on top of a cliff face looking out at the valley stretching out below. It turns out that what I was feeling was an experience of awe.

The biologist E.O Wilson argues that humans are hard-wired to feel a special connection with natural systems which he calls “biophilia”. He believes human evolution has hardwired at a cellular level to connect with the rest of life, which is why we feel awe when looking out at a landscape.

Teams at the University of Berkeley and UC Irvine have found that feeling awe might make people help each other more. Paul Piff, and assistant professor at UC Irvine, claims “our investigation indicates that awe, although often fleeting and hard to describe, serves a vital social function” he goes on to say “By diminishing the emphasis on the individual self, awe may encourage people to forgo strict self-interest to improve the welfare of others.”

Apparently, you don’t need to climb a cliff face in Wales to experience awe. Just taking time to notice the things around you such as a starry night, or beautiful scenery. And it’s not just our ethical behaviour, recent studies have found that awe can boost our immune system, make us more creative, and can make us feel we have more time to get things done.

When people experience awe, they have a natural desire to share that experience with others. According to Paul Piff “Maybe this is yet another way that awe binds people together – by causing people to want to share their positive experiences collectively with one another.”

Finally…

Whether you decide to hug a tree, walk in the forest, dig in the dirt or climb a mountain, it appears nature has a way of replenishing us, lifting our moods, and generally improves our life. If you live in a large town or city, it may be hard to find a forest or hill to climb, but as I’ve discovered volunteering for Parks in Mind, just a couple of hours spent in a local park is often all it takes.

Find out more about Steve Emery and read more of his articles HERE

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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What an amazing happy, beautiful, blissful life you would lead……….Or would you? I remember reading an article from a retired Jew about how happy his life was, and how much he enjoyed his life with his family and where he lived. How much he enjoyed waking up each day, how much enjoyed feeling the hot sun on his face, how much he enjoyed spending time with his family and friends. He also stated that if he had his time again, he wouldn’t change anything.

What was so remarkable about this article was that it wasn’t written by someone who had lived a happy peaceful life, it was written by an Auschwitz survivor. Someone who had been through horrors so terrible its hard to imagine how he could ever feel like he did.

Overcoming the odds

I love to read autobiographies, from people who have made something form their lives, about how people became a successful artist, musician, a leader in their field, or just an ordinary person who did something extraordinary in their life. These books are from people in very diverse areas, diverse occupations, some are rags to riches tales, some are great sporting achievements, all very different in one way or another.

Yet there is always one common thread in all these stories, not a single one of them achieved what they did without going through hard times. I’ve read stories of great sporting champions who have had to overcome horrendous injuries, pop stars who completely went off the rails, leaders who totally lost their way, and people who have changed the world with good deeds but have had to overcome illness and depression that was so bad they almost lost the will to live.

On my wall in front of me I have a quote from Nelson Mandell talking about how we should love one another regardless of background or skin colour. It’s hard to imagine that this was once a very angry young man who was regarded as the No. 1 terrorist in South Africa. A man who had to endure 25 years in a brutal prison. And yet every image I see of him, he looks happy, he’s smiling, took great pride for his many achievements and has written some truly inspirational quotes. If any of these people had been able to alter the script of their lives when they were born, would any of them have achieved what they did?

Sowing the seeds of happiness

Although there are many people who are just generally happy people, for many people happiness is not necessarily a birthright, it’s not necessarily something that you would just stumble upon, and in a lot of cases, happiness is well earned.

Happiness is often the result of many years of toil, of pain, of getting so many things wrong, and battling adversity. I have a friend who claims he lives a happy blissful life and when you see him it’s hard to argue against it. Yet he spent over 20 years battling alcohol and drug addiction.

When I talk to people about their lives, they will often talk with pride about some of their happy times, the day they left school, got married, had kids etc. But I’ve often noticed how people light up and become animated when they talk about how they overcome adversity, or how they rebuilt their lives after a catastrophe. The pride they feel at overcoming these times of turmoil is infectious, they genuinely and quite rightly feel they have achieved something truly remarkable in their lives.

When going through hard times, it often feels as though these times will last forever, there is no light at the end of the tunnel, these times will destroy us. And yet its through these times that hope is born, it’s the start of a journey to happiness. It’s through these times we build inner strength, it what makes us who we are, it shapes our future.

The happiest people I know are often those who look back and embrace what has happened to them through challenging times and have had the courage and determination to turn what was once bad into something that is now good.

Turning adversity into good fortune

It’s hard to find anyone who has not had to endure some form of hardship in their lives. It could be losing a loved one, losing a job, a relationship break-up or an accident. I’ve noticed that the happy people I know are not those who have never had any misfortune but who have turned this misfortune into something good.

The Auschwitz survivor said he felt happy every single day because nothing he would ever face again could ever be as bad as what he experienced in the concentration camp. Often happiness is about being grateful for what we now have, the friends we have, what we experience every day. It doesn’t mean we should forget about the hard times, or pretend they didn’t happen, but as with the Auschwitz survivor can be used as a reference to compare against where we are now.

Happiness is often the feeling that you are in a better place now than you were then and are determined to embrace the good times.

A personal journey

About 5  years ago my life was a shambles, my marriage had broken up and I’d had a stream of failed relationships since, which had left me feeling very despondent. My friends and family were many miles away, I never saw anyone, and had no motivation to do anything, and if I’m honest I really didn’t see much point in my life. And yet in the five years since, I’ve made many friends, had some amazing experiences, been to University and got a degree, bought and renovated a house and I am now happier than I have ever felt. It was hard to imagine at the time, but when I hit rock bottom and in my worst state of despair, I was actually sowing the seeds of my future happiness.

About the author: Steve Emery

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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A sudden change in lifestyle

In the new technology era many of our daily transactions will no longer be with another human but with a machine. Amazon have already started to introduce stores where there is no human to serve you. Self-driving cars are almost here which will dramatically change how we use transportation possibly ending the era of actually owning a motor car. There have been numerous stories of AI machines diagnosing patients far better than the best skilled doctors.

With so many advances it begs the question what will be the role of humans in this new world we are entering, and how will humans find meaning to their lives?

Currently we go through a defined pattern in life; We start school at around 5 years of age in which we learn the basic skills we need to establish a career. At 18 we go to University to fine tune those skills towards a chosen career. So, what happens when we have finished University and find that we are not just competing with other potential graduates but with AI machines which can do the job faster and more reliably than we can?

AI has the potential of on one hand improving our lives beyond our wildest dreams, but it may well come with a very heavy price as the skills we have learned to negotiate our way through life will become redundant. With machines having more influence it will force us to question what it actually means to be human.

With AI challenging and even superseding our cognitive abilities, what do we have left?

It has been suggested that future machines will be so advanced that they will even be able to read our emotions. By studying our facial expressions, the tone of our voice, our body language a machine will know when we are angry, sad or excited. But can a machine actually feel those emotions? This is the part of the human experience which a machine is very unlikely to be able to replicate and so whilst it may be able to take action when it sees your different emotions it will never be able to truly empathise with you.

Taking it a stage further, a machine would have a lot of difficulty replicating the human touch. Plenty of research has been done on the effects of human touch, especially a hug. Being hugged by a machine will never replace the feelings we get from being hugged by another person.

Can empathy become the new human currency?

In our brave new world where AI has taken care of most of our daily needs it begs the question, what is the future of material wealth. When driverless cars arrive using an app on the phone, everyone will have access to the same vehicles, we will all have access to the same AI lawyer and healthcare. At what point does wealth become almost meaningless? Is this the point when we start to re-connect with our human empathy? Will this be the time when a human is measured by their empathy rather than their wealth and status?

Nobody can ever reliably predict the future, and nobody knows for sure the impact that AI will have on the human race, but like any major change their will be tough times but also opportunities. One such opportunity will be for us all to re-connect with each other using the one human quality that a machine cannot truly replicate; our empathy.

About the Author: Steve Emery is a current MAPP student at Bucks New University. Whilst not studying he runs a small business in Leicestershire supplying various instrumentation to both Industry and Education. Steve is very passionate about Positive Psychology and is looking to spread the word through a series of talks and workshops through his company subsidiary IDS Positivity

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We all carry memories from past events, hopefully many of those are happy ones we can look back on with some joy and satisfaction. In a TED talk by Shane Lopez he talks about how we are in 3 states of being; past, present, and future and these states determine who we are. Our past achievements show what we can do, our present state is who we are right now, and our future state offers the potential of who we may become. However, when we apply to a school a college or a job, we are judged solely on our past. Did we get the right grades at school? Have we performed well in our previous job? Of course, we don’t yet have the ability to see into the future so its understandable that we are judged on our past endeavours as this is all anyone has to go on. But just how much does this define who we really are, and how helpful is this to us when moving forward?

Creating a memory of the future

What happens when we take our past memories, mix them with who we are now and carry those in to the future to create new memories? By doing this we are experiencing hope. Hope is a place we create for ourselves which is better than the place we are right now or have been before. Hope is the emotion that carries us through difficult and troubled times, and yet it is often one of the most understated and least understood. With hope we can achieve anything, it just depends on how high our level of hope is. There is a direct relationship between our hope and our achievements.

How does hope work?

Try sitting for a moment and not do anything. Unless you are skilled at meditation its unlikely that you will sit and not think of anything. You may sit and think about a past event, but it’s more likely you will think of an event in the future. It may be thinking about what you are having for lunch, or a piece of work that needs to be done, or maybe a happy event you are looking forward to. As far as we know this is something unique to a human, we re the only species we are aware of that constantly thinks in the future. This is because we have evolved to think in a predictive way and as such those thoughts are causal. What we think creates our reality. If we can use those thoughts in a positive way, then we create hope. The lunch you will have will be tasty, the piece of work a masterpiece and the happy event full of joy and laughter.

The 3 elements of hope

According to Snyder’s theory, hope has three distinct elements; a goal, a pathway, and willpower. Once you have established a goal, how are you going to reach it and how badly do you want it? If it is a goal that you desire greatly then often multiple pathways will need to be found. How many times in life have you suffered a setback in something you have wanted to achieve? By trying again, often by a different route, is where the willpower comes in.

It will all come right in the end

A great line from a film when questioned “What if it doesn’t come right in the end” elicited the reply “Then it isn’t the end yet”. That’s the great thing about hope, it doesn’t matter what setbacks you have as long as you have hope you have a purpose. Reaching a goal is less about how easy or hard it is to attain but more about how much you desire that goal and how long you are prepared to wait to finally achieve it. If something is worth having, then its worth waiting for. Think back to all the great things you have achieved and think about the original goal and what you had to do to achieve it. Did it work first time, or did you have setbacks?

Nurturing Hope

As a simple exercise, write down 3 goals that you would like to achieve this year, then look closely at how you will achieve these goals. Is there just one pathway to this goal or are there many routes you can take. Then finally ask yourself just how much you want to achieve these goals, or put another way just how strong is your hope?

I hope all of you who are reading this achieve what you have hoped for.

About the Author: Steve Emery is a current MAPP student at Bucks New University. Whilst not studying he runs a small business in Leicestershire supplying various instrumentation to both Industry and Education. Steve is very passionate about Positive Psychology and is looking to spread the word through a series of talks and workshops through his company subsidiary IDS Positivity

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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I was at an Open Heart Meditation class recently, which is different from a traditional meditation class in that the meditation is done through the heart and not the head. A participant is not required to do much but sit and listen to a guided meditation prayer, but there are two important subtle differences. First of all, you need to touch the centre of your chest whilst meditating in order to make a connection to the heart. Secondly and the most important part of the meditation is to smile.

We were told to try not smiling for a few brief seconds and then smile again and see the difference it makes. It sounds so simple and yet when I smiled I noticed a distinct difference in feeling just by turning up the ends of my mouth.

Prior to this I had been reading an article on Love by Barbara Fredrickson in which she says, in order to connect with someone she recommends the SIMS model (The Simulation of Smiles Model) whereby all that’s needed is to make eye contact and smile.

Is it really that simple? I had to go and find out.

A visit to see the Nurse

The first chance I got was my five yearly free health-check at my local surgery. The lady in front of me was clearly having some trouble finding something “ I’m really sorry I’m keeping you waiting “ she said to me. I looked straight in the eye and smiled “It’s Ok” I said. I got a brief but nevertheless a worthy smile back. I suddenly felt OK about waiting. Another “Sorry to keep you waiting” from the receptionist and another exchange of eye contact and a smile and all seemed to be OK.

I sat across from the nurse ready at the computer to fill in all my health details. I looked her in the eyes, smiled “Good morning” I said. Within 10 minutes the smiles had turned to laughter, who would ever have thought that talking about my slightly high end of normal cholesterol level could actually be so funny.

A smiley walk in to town

Off  to town at lunchtime and as always, the Big Issue seller was on the corner, “Hello!” I said with a smile, “Big Issue?” she replied. “Yes of course” I said and handed over £2.50. I walked away with a smile on my face, and a copy of the Big Issue under my arm.  It was a little further down the road I realised this was the same copy of the Big Issue I had bought on Monday from the same seller.

There are times and places where it may be a good idea not to smile quite so much. Having a one to one session with a gym instructor may just be one of those moments. I found I could read his thoughts “He must be loving this, let’s throw him a few more push ups”

Time for a dance

It’s Friday evening and time to go dancing, which is something that makes people happy. So why doesn’t everybody smile? I have come to realise that my dancing goes up a gear or two when the lady I’m dancing with is smiling. This evening after having such a great day smiling I decided I was going to share the love, make eye contact and smile at everyone I danced with. It did occur to me that I may be mistaken for a crazy lunatic but then again it was a Halloween fancy dress dance, so I could probably get away with pretending I had come dressed as a giant emoji. The amazing thig was I got a 100% return. Everyone made eye contact and smiled, and my dancing got better as the evening went on. The more I smiled, the better I danced and the more I smiled because of it.

What did I learn from the day?

Smiling is infectious, the more I smiled throughout the day the more I got smiled at and the better I felt. It’s amazing how such a simple thing can make so much difference and best of all it costs nothing (although that wasn’t strictly true in my case as I bought an extra copy of the Big Issue and did at least 20 extra push ups) ?

About the Author: Steve Emery is a current MAPP student at Bucks New University. Whilst not studying he runs a small business in Leicestershire supplying various instrumentation to both Industry and Education. Steve is very passionate about Positive Psychology and is looking to spread the word through a series of talks and workshops through his company subsidiary IDS Positivity

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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What if money was spent on mental health and not mental illness? I pondered this question whilst studying happiness and work done by Carol Ryff and Corey Keyes. The work centres around how we live our lives and touches on the phrase of Psychological wellbeing. According to Keyes the optimal state is that of Flourishing whereby we live a life full of purpose and meaning. According to Keyes Mental Health is every bit as much about our Positive state of mind as it is our negative. However, when we talk about mental health we generally talk about mental illnesses much of which is related to anxiety and depression.

Mental illness has reached such a proportion that the UK government is talking about spending close to £1BN to tackle this issue especially when it comes to mental health issues in children and adolescents. Whilst this recognition and subsequent funding is most welcome, there is a certain irony in that much of the mental illness this money will help to tackle has actually been caused by the system that successive governments have implemented and supported.

What are the root causes of mental illness?

I recently heard a talk by Martin Seligman in which he made the point that we currently live in a society that is safer, has more opportunities, and more abundance than we have ever had. But at the same time, we live in a society dominated by fear, judgement and shame. This starts almost from the moment we are born. We are told if we don’t perform well in schools tests our future will be bleak. If we don’t have the right looks, body shape, hair, clothes then we are ugly and unworthy. We routinely get punished for making innocent mistakes and left to take blame for situations often out of our control.

The result of this is in many cases, is the onset of mental illness related to stress, anxiety and depression. All this in a world of abundance.

What can be done to deal with growing mental illness?

In the world of Physical Health we often hear that prevention is better than a cure. As such immunisation programmes are set up to prevent once fatal diseases. We are told to exercise more and live healthy lifestyles to prevent physical illness. The government spends a good part of the health budget on funding such schemes. So why not the same when it comes to mental health? If we can use some of the near £1BN budget to finance programmes designed to improve our mental health then surely this has to be better than spending money on therapists and drugs to treat symptoms of mental illness.

How can we prevent mental Illness?

According the His Holiness the Dalai Lama the very purpose of life is to seek happiness. He goes further in that humans are naturally compassionate and trusting. There is a biological reason for this in that we nurture our young far longer than any other animal species. Most children stay with their parents for 16+ years. From the moment of birth, a baby needs to trust its mother to provide food and warmth, and likewise a mother needs to show compassion to care for her young. Strong family ties are built on compassion and trust and many of these ties last a lifetime.

However, this is done in a backdrop of living in a society of fear and judgement, which we are subjected to at a very early age. When children enter mainstream education, they are continually subjected to tests which ultimately judge how much they understand topics such as maths and English, and yet there is no measure for positive attributes relating to character strengths, happiness or compassion. If what the Dalai Larma says is correct, we are being taught to go against many of our natural human attributes. We are introduced to concepts such as fear of failure, fear of being judged and shame in under achieving. Is this the reason why there is a need to spend an exorbitant amount of money down the line to help people with mental illness?

Is there a better education system?

The Finnish education system is now regarded as the best and most successful in the world. There are some interesting aspects of the system. Children don’t start school until they are 7. It is deemed that the early years should be spent learning to play and building social contacts. They also get almost no homework for the very same reason. Social contact and happiness is deemed as important as academic results. And it seems to work. Finland has more high achievers per capita than any other western country. Furthermore, Finland routinely comes top or near top in just about every happiness league table.

How can Positive Psychology improve our education system?

It would be an interesting experiment to see what would happen if part of the government funding was to be spent with Positive Psychologists especially working with Early years. What if children could be taught that everyone has strengths and is valued by society regardless of academic ability? What if we could tap in more to those human attributes of trust and compassion as an antidote to fear and judgement?

Personally, I would love to live in a society whereby we don’t need to spend £1BN on extra funding to treat mental illness. As John Lennon once wrote “You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m sure I’m not the only one”

About the Author: Steve Emery is a current MAPP student at Bucks New University. Whilst not studying he runs a small business in Leicestershire supplying various instrumentation to both Industry and Education. Steve is very passionate about Positive Psychology and is looking to spread the word through a series of talks and workshops through his company subsidiary IDS Positivity

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

The post What if Money was Spent on Mental Health and not Mental Illness? appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.