by Steve Emery | April, 2022 | Positive Psychology, Steve Emery
Dancing my way to happiness It was nearly nine years ago when I first walked into a modern Jive class. “ I want to learn to dance,” I said, “You’ve come just to the right place” came the reply. Little did I know then just how much dancing would change my life and the rewards it would bring. Over the last nine years, I have made countless friends, danced on three different continents and increased my happiness levels far higher than can ever be measured. So what is it about dancing that makes you feel so good? “Always look at your partner and dance with a smile on your face” my first dance teacher. Smiling is good for us, and smiling while dancing just adds another dimension. I know when I’m dancing well because I have this big broad smile on my face, and when it’s reciprocated I just dance even better. Smiling is the unwritten global language that connects us to one another. In her book Love 2.0, Barbara Fredrickson tells us that a smile shows that someone is paying attention to you. So during a dance, smiling at my partner and getting a smile back shows that we are both showing positive emotions that connect us. The dancing connection “It’s all about connection, to the music, the dance floor and your partner” My blues dance teacher In order to thrive, we humans need to connect. We live in a society where many of us live alone or now work from home. Loneliness levels are growing as we become more isolated. Dancing is a great way...
by Steve Emery | February, 2022 | Life, Steve Emery, Uncategorized
Did you know using to your local shops may improve your wellbeing? A few years ago I made a decision to stop using the major supermarket in the town and start using the local shops instead. There were a couple of reasons for this; I felt quite strongly that suppliers were being unfairly treated by a lot of the big names, and having had to deal with a couple of big-name stores, I felt they were acting in ways which didn’t align with my core values, But the main reason was that I simply hated it. By far the worst hour of my week was the weekly shop. What distressed me most was how many people shopping looked so miserable, I lost count of how many times I was bumped into and there were long queues at check-out. Then having to try and pack my back as quickly as the stuff was coming off the conveyor as the completely uninterested looking checkout operator moved my goods over the scanner. I would barely get half the stuff in my bag before I got “that will “£103.97”, which was followed by a look which could have said “Now hurry up, can’t you see there’s a queue” Hated it! Hated it! Hated it! The Decision to Change It was a week or so before Christmas and I’d just finished a Christmas party, and standing outside waiting for a taxi I bumped into a friend of mine, a dairy farmer, who has to be said, didn’t seem full of Christmas cheer. “ I don’t know what I am to do” he told...
by Steve Emery | June, 2021 | COVID Life, Steve Emery
Whilst studying for my Positive Psychology degree I came across hope theory by C.R.Snyder. Hope theory basically consists of 3 components, a goal, a pathway, and agency. It is something I instantly recognised as I realised, I’d live by this theory for most of my life. I had goals for everything, business goals, financial goals, health and fitness goals, relationship goals etc. Every time I put my hand to something I would set up a goal. The idea is quite simple, I achieve these goals and I would be deliriously happy. However, it never quite turned out that way because I discovered hope theory has some major flaws. Sh*t happens In 2004 I was offered the chance to run my own business and it went really well. By year 4 I had ambitious plans to expand, everything felt right, I was building a team that had plenty of happy customers, and so I drew up a series of goals for the business and what I was going to do with the money I was going to make. What could possibly go wrong? I don’t think anyone saw the bank crash coming. Overnight my company went from big profit to big loss, we had to re-evaluate everything and the goals I had set up were quickly set aside. A few years later my marriage broke down and with it all my personal goals. Ten years later my life had turned around, my business and personal life was going well, I had a whole lot of new goals and defined pathways to reach them. This time there would be nothing to...
by Steve Emery | February, 2021 | Emotions, Steve Emery
There is a tale of unknown origin. An old man says to his grandson:” There’s a fight going on inside me. It’s a terrible fight between two wolves. One is evil-angry, greedy, jealous, arrogant, and cowardly. The other is good-peaceful, loving, modest, generous, honest, and trustworthy. The boy asks, “Which wolf will win?” The old man replies, “The one you feed.” Meeting the angry wolf Imagine walking down the street and being confronted by an angry wolf. He stands in front of you, feet planted firmly on the ground, the hair on the back of his neck standing up, he’s showing his teeth and growling at you. What would you do? You would no doubt go in to fight or flight mode, you may decide to fight the wolf, but it’s more likely you will back off, cross to the other side of the street, run as fast and as far away from the wolf as you can. How do you feel? Your heart will probably be racing, you will be sweating, and full of adrenaline. Maybe you will feel afraid, and angry because this wolf is allowed to prowl the streets. Where is the protection from this wolf, where are the police who are meant to patrol these streets? This fear and anger may be with you for the rest of the day, and even into night-time. You may go to bed and not be able to sleep, continually thinking about your confrontation with the wolf, and thinking about all the different scenarios that could have happened. What if he had attacked you, and hurt you physically as well as...
by Steve Emery | November, 2020 | Steve Emery
“Nature is one of the most underutilized treasures in life. It has the power to unburden hearts and reconnect to that inner place of peace” Janice Anderson With all the Covid restrictions, it’s not an easy time to become close to fellow humans. Whilst the argument for social distancing is understandable to limit the threat of the virus, it does mean that many people are yearning for some kind of connection. So can nature provide the answer? There are a growing number of psychologists and doctors that believe that we are losing our connection with nature to a point where it is causing us anxiety. What can we do about this, and are there ways in which we can re-connect with nature, and what are the benefits? Tree Hugging The Icelandic Forestry commission believes they have an answer. They are encouraging their citizens to go out and hug a tree (https://tfb.institute/tag/iceland-forestry-commission/) They claim that just 5 minutes hugging a tree can make a big difference to our moods, relieving depression, anger, fatigue etc. In his book “The last child in the woods” Richard Louv claims that tree-hugging increases the levels of Oxytocin which is responsible for feelings of calmness and social bonding. According to Icelandic forest ranger Þór Þorfinnsson, when you hug a tree “you feel it first in your toes, and then up your legs and into your chest, and then up to your head” So, if you are missing that big hug off someone just go out and find yourself a tree, and according to Þór Þorfinnsson any size will do, from a young sapling to an...
by Steve Emery | April, 2020 | Happiness, Steve Emery
Imagine you were born holding the script of your life in your hand. Imagine if you, your mother your loved ones could erase all the bad things that were going to happen to you. Imagine if your life were to be one of total bliss and happiness. Imagine if nothing bad ever happened, the accidents never happened, the bad relationship never happened. Imagine you met the perfect partner first time round, lived in your dream home and had perfect kids who went to a perfect school and had perfect friends and everything in your whole life was just day after day of complete perfection. What an amazing happy, beautiful, blissful life you would lead……….Or would you? I remember reading an article from a retired Jew about how happy his life was, and how much he enjoyed his life with his family and where he lived. How much he enjoyed waking up each day, how much enjoyed feeling the hot sun on his face, how much he enjoyed spending time with his family and friends. He also stated that if he had his time again, he wouldn’t change anything. What was so remarkable about this article was that it wasn’t written by someone who had lived a happy peaceful life, it was written by an Auschwitz survivor. Someone who had been through horrors so terrible its hard to imagine how he could ever feel like he did. Overcoming the odds I love to read autobiographies, from people who have made something form their lives, about how people became a successful artist, musician, a leader in their field, or just an...
