by Sarah Monk | November, 2021 | Sarah Monk, Self-compassion
My favourite Positive Psychology book of the year (so far) is “Fierce Self-Compassion” by Dr Kristin Neff. Self-Compassion is one of my key areas of interest and in this blog, I hope to outline the new insights into this concept described in the book and how they might be useful in everyday life. What is Self-Compassion? Self-compassion is treating yourself with the same kindness and caring that you would show to a good friend. The research shows us that being high in self-compassion is associated with wellbeing in a variety of ways. self-compassion has three components: ● Mindfulness of suffering without overidentification. That is, being aware of the difficult emotions you are feeling, without being too caught up in them and overwhelmed by them. ● Recognising that your experience is part of Common Humanity. This means you realise that your hardship is a normal part of what it is to be human and that many other people may have similar experiences. This is not intended to negate your experience but to put it in perspective and help you feel connected to others rather than isolated from them, because feeling isolated makes suffering worse. ● Acting with Self-Kindness rather than self-criticism in difficult moments. Self-Criticism amplifies suffering. Self-compassion has traditionally been represented as a way we relate to ourselves internally. This Tender Self-Compassion is characterised as manifesting the three aspects of self-compassionas Loving, Connected, Presence and is about accepting ourselves the way we are. Self-Compassion and the external world In “Fierce Self-Compassion”, Neff (2021) unpacks how we can use self-compassion in our interactions with our outer environment to...
by Sarah Monk | March, 2019 | Sarah Monk, Self-compassion, Uncategorized
The success culture When we think of the word failure, we do not think of well-being but the opposite. We live in a world where we worship success and achievement. We are conditioned to strive to constantly be better, thinner, more beautiful, richer, more successful, more perfect. Somehow, even if we think we don’t buy into this, we do have a model in our minds eye of what “success” looks like. Hand in hand with this model is our inevitable comparison of how we measure up. No one can be the best at everything so we all fall short in some ways, we all fail. This is part of the human condition. The plus side of failure Our ability to evaluate our current situation and envisage a desired different outcome allows us the chance to change. The striving to be different that comes from perceived failure provides the motivation to change. Being able to imagine what success looks like allows us to set goals for improvement. Research shows us that setting goals means we are more likely to be successful especially if we are able to break these goals down into small achievable steps. However, change is rarely a smooth road. The failures or setbacks we experience along the way and how we understand and respond to these are an important stepping stone to progress. Seeing failure as learning “another way that doesn’t work” is helpful and more likely to lead to an ultimate positive outcome. Using setbacks as a trigger to revisit our expectancies and strategies employed is healthy. Our ability to reflect on what went well and...
by Sarah Monk | November, 2018 | Sarah Monk, Self-compassion
Defining Self Compassion I have previously blogged about my ongoing journey towards a more compassionate self. Here I talk about some of the reasons that some people find it hard to be kind to themselves. Self Compassion (SC) is defined by Neff (2011) as comprising three interrelated components: Mindfulness: of our own suffering in a state of balanced awareness such that we don’t avoid difficult feelings but also don’t get caught up in ruminating on them. Common Humanity: Recognising our suffering is part of being human and feeling connected rather than isolated through this experience. Self Kindness: Treating ourselves with kindness and support when facing challenging situations, as we would a friend rather than using critical self judgement. There is also a motivational and active component to SC concerned with wanting to alleviate our own suffering and acting in ways to do this. Kind To Others, Kind To Self? So, SC is being kind to ourselves in the same way we would be to a friend, or is it? Are these processes equivalent? Gilbert et al (2011) suggest not necessarily. Indeed the exact definition of compassion and how its relationship to SC is conceptualised varies between schools of thought. This might not seem important, but in terms of research and understanding the underlying mechanisms it is highly relevant. Some studies have in fact found that the relationship between compassion for others and SC can be variable (Lopez et al 2018, Neff & Pommier 2013). Gilbert et al (2011) suggest that having compassion for others, the ability to receive compassion from others and having compassion for ourselves may represent...
