by Janette Kirk-Willis | November, 2022 | Janette Kirk-Willis, Life
Guess what? Disney Christmas only exists in films. If that’s a blinding glimpse of the obvious to you then you need to read no further but for those of us who struggle every year with the concept of what we’d really like to do and what we feel obliged to do, read on This week, whilst chatting on the phone, one of my friends said to me “I just can’t do Christmas dinner for 17 people again this year” (!) She meant it. It’s too much. This year she simply has too much on but regardless there is an expectation that she will continue to ‘create magic’ for the family. Some of us seem to feel the pressure to either host or join in when in truth we’d really much rather be doing something else. How can we manage boundaries at Christmas or any other time? What is a boundary and why would we set them? What does a Christmas boundary sound like? and what should we think about when setting our boundaries? What is a boundary? One definition of a boundary is “The emotional and physical space needed in order to be the real you without pressure from others to be something that you’re not” (like a party person, or a perfect guest) Some people feel guilty for setting boundaries but we shouldn’t Establishing boundaries helps people to be clear about where they stand with you (and everyone likes to know where they stand) Boundaries are also a way of taking care of ourselves and we have a responsibility to look after ourselves. Setting boundaries...
by Janette Kirk-Willis | September, 2022 | Janette Kirk-Willis, Mental Health
Where do you think you might be on the mental health spectrum today? (don’t worry it changes regularly) just today…are you struggling or thriving? unsettled or excelling? It’s important to really stop for a while and connect with what you’re thinking and feeling to try to establish just where you are. Important because once you understand where you are you can begin to take really good care of yourself or to seek help that will support you through any difficulties that you might be experiencing. There are 5 points on the mental health spectrum, from left to right; 1) In Crisis 2) Struggling, 3) Unsettled, 4) Thriving and 5) Excelling You may well be able to instinctively pinpoint where you are, but if not here are some descriptions of each of the areas to help you identify. In Crisis When you’re in this state you may well be feeling very anxious, unable to think clearly and could often be exhausted. You may well be physically ill, and have pain (there is a very close connection between psychological health and physical pain) You may not be sleeping well and this in turn will undoubtedly be affecting your day and maybe your performance at work. You may have started relying on substances like alcohol or drugs, or you may have become isolated. Struggling If you’re struggling you may well be tired, anxious, sad or even depressed. You may have a poor appetite or have lost weight. You may be simply unable to concentrate for significant periods of time and your self-esteem may be noticeably dropping. You could be present at work...
by Janette Kirk-Willis | February, 2022 | coaching, Janette Kirk-Willis
Why use Appreciative Inquiry in your coaching practice? We have so many positive psychology interventions to choose from, so why would we choose appreciative Inquiry (AI)? Positive psychology has a close relationship with AI, both start at a positive standpoint and look at the positive over negative, the potential of an individual rather than their weaknesses or areas for development and it’s forward-thinking – it really focusses on the future rather than dwelling on and revisiting the past. What is AI? AI was developed in the United States by David Cooperrider, originally as a change methodology for organisations going through transformational change. AI was then ‘adopted’ by the Positive Psychology movement as a tool for individual development because AI helps people to create an image of the future that will help to ‘pull’ them towards a new, preferred way of living. The position that AI comes from is that every situation offers the opportunity for learning, development, and personal happiness. AI is a person-centered approach to change, and a form of ‘positive questioning’, focused on the individual, they are actively involved in their ‘change process’ from the very start. The process of positive questioning enables them to reframe their personal narrative and grow as a person through their current challenges. AI and strengths AI is a process that looks at life through a strengths lens. Strengths are defined as qualities that we have and use such as creativity, curiosity, wisdom, compassion, persistence, love, tenacity, perseverance, courage and kindness (as opposed to a skill like using Excel or being good at woodwork) We know that when we use...
by Janette Kirk-Willis | August, 2021 | Janette Kirk-Willis
The term ‘psychological safety is used increasingly lately, but what is it, what does it feel like, how do you create it and why is it important? What is psychological safety? “Psychological safety is being able to’ be yourself’ without fear of negative consequences to your own self-image, your status or your career. In psychologically safe teams, team members feel accepted and respected” What does psychological safety feel like? Psychological safety feels comfortable. It feels like acceptance, regardless of your viewpoint or experience. It feels like this is a place where you can express yourself without being concerned about any repercussions. How do you create psychological safety? It’s a leader’s responsibility to create a safe team, one where the team can easily and without ‘fear of retribution’ say ‘I don’t know what I’m doing’, ‘I don’t understand’ or ‘I made a mistake’ They know that they can say this and they will not be ridiculed or reprimanded. Lead by example When creating a psychologically safe space it’s really important that leaders ‘lead by example’ by being approachable, listening to the views of others with an open mind, encouraging questions and acknowledging their own mistakes. They also need to ensure that feedback works both ways downwards as well as upwards. Once the team sees, hears and experiences this they are much more likely to follow suit. Communicate well Creating some ground rules on how the teamwork together and communicate will also help, for example, simple things like not interrupting anyone when they’re speaking, being open to ideas from the entire group, encouraging the quieter members of the team to speak...
by Janette Kirk-Willis | June, 2021 | COVID Life, Janette Kirk-Willis, leadership
Change. It’s been quite a year. A pandemic, economic uncertainty and technology changing at the speed of light. Change can be exhilarating but continual change can create anxiety and eventually health issues like burnout and depression. How can you as a manager support the complex and varied needs of your team during this tumultuous time? Keep talking Talk to your team more than you think you need to. Teams that talk less experience increased feelings of isolation and anxiety. Obviously tell your team about any company changes and updates, inform them about any changes to your flexible working policies and what the implications are. Help your team to prioritise their workload and understand where the ‘give’ is in your team’s agenda. Support a culture of teamwork and collaboration. Give feedback in a timely manner. Develop a culture of praise, use appreciate enquiry where you can [1] Be available for your team as much as possible. Be vulnerable If you can be vulnerable with the team or individuals about your own wellbeing it will build trust. Being open helps us to develop and deepen relationships. Be sure to only share what you feel comfortable with sharing there is no obligation for you or others to ‘over share’ [2] Check-in with each other Don’t view it as yet another Zoom meeting…checking in with individuals and teams is critical, do it regularly and with commitment. It’s not always easy to tell if someone is struggling, especially remotely. You can start with ‘How are you?’ but don’t end there…really listen and understand the response, ask follow up questions that show that you’re listening...
by Janette Kirk-Willis | April, 2021 | COVID Life, Janette Kirk-Willis
An invitation to be vaccinated… I have occasional health anxiety, I know what caused it, how it gets triggered and how to manage it. The pandemic didn’t help and when I was invited for my Covid vaccination I had very mixed feelings. Of course, I was going to have it, but I wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. It was almost impossible to avoid the international debate and concern about the Astra Zenica Oxford vaccination and this worried me, perhaps I’d be offered a different type of vaccination and the side effects would be negligible… On the dreaded Tuesday, I went along to the vaccination centre. We live in the country and the local exhibition space most often used for agricultural shows had been transformed. There were over 200 people in the queue when I got there and we waited outside for a while next to a shed that said ‘Sheep Shearing’ (We moved out of London 7 years ago, I’m a townie at heart, these things still amuse me). As I stood in the immaculately organised, quiet queue I reflected on the conversations with 3 different friends who had rung to describe to me a variation on the theme of ‘actually I’ve been quite ill, but don’t let that put you off’. Having the vaccination really felt counterintuitive. (I know, I know, I understand the science but the feeling remains) When my anxiety started to rise and I began sentences with ‘What if…” my husband would always respond with “Sweetheart, it’s going to be absolutely fine” Holistic preparation, safety behaviours or adaptive coping strategies?… I’d been ‘preparing’ for...
