by Bryony Shaw | July, 2021 | Bryony Shaw, Forgiveness
Forgiveness! Now that is a superpower. It is a chance to reclaim control of your emotions, your thoughts and your behaviour. There is a strength OF forgiveness as identified by the VIA Character Strengths and I would like to explore that as well as the strength IN forgiveness. By examining these two aspects together, I believe that we can gain a greater understanding of both the components of forgiveness and the power of forgiveness. Forgiveness as a character strength The VIA Character strengths explain forgiveness as the ‘means to extend understanding towards those who have wronged or hurt us. It means to let go. In many cases, this is the letting go of some or all of the frustration, disappointment, resentment, or other painful feelings associated with an offence.’ VIA classify forgiveness as a strength that comes under the virtue of temperance, which is the ability to manage habits and protect against excess. This makes me wonder about which habits we are managing in forgiveness, and which excesses we are protecting against? Is one of them rumination? When someone has harmed us we may ruminate and replay the hurt that we are experiencing. This can become a self-destructive habit. We may also wish for retaliation. Both of these responses take a great deal of cognitive and emotional energy, they harm us more than the person who has harmed us. Therefore there is a strength in forgiveness, it is a strength that benefits us and those we care about. As we are taking control of our response to the hurt, we are more present and available for those around us....
by Sarah Monk | September, 2019 | Forgiveness, Sarah Monk
Knowing your strengths Knowing and developing one’s signature strengths is a core feature of Positive Psychology. Regularly using our top strengths, rather than focusing on our weaknesses is an evidenced based means of promoting well-being. That’s not to say we should ignore our weaknesses, just that being true to our natural and authentic patterns of behaviour, thoughts and feelings brings greater return in terms of performance, energy and happiness. Carrying out a strengths based assessment such as the Values in Action survey (free at viacharacter.org) can help identify personal character strengths. One thing I have noticed personally and with clients and colleagues is that people are often somewhat disappointed by their top strengths. My top strength is forgiveness. My initial reaction was, “what kind of a useless strength is that?” Why can’t I have courage or creativity? People often fail to recognise their top strengths, simply because they are strengths and come easily and naturally. This can lead to undervaluing them, assuming everyone finds them easy and not looking for ways to embrace and refine them. What’s so good about forgiveness? Forgiveness is the tendency to grant pardon to those who have done wrong, show mercy and let go of negative responses to wrongdoing, accepting the fallible nature of humanity. Forgiveness is the antithesis of hate. Forgiveness is not the same as justifying, pardoning or condoning wrongdoing. Neither is it equivalent to reconciliation, which refers to mending relationships and restoring trust. Forgiveness does allow a more positive view of the transgressor and potentially opens the door to relationship healing. Perhaps in a world with so many divisions, forgiveness is...
