Step into the shoes of others

As a psychologist, I am fascinated about why people do certain behaviours. What was their rationale, their motivating force and what are their beliefs? This is where the field of qualitative research is a super tool, it enables us to discover the answers to these questions. Qualitative research allows us to step into the shoes of the people we are working with, to understand the world from their perspective. By using open questions that allow people to respond in their own unique way we can gain insight into novel and unexpected phenomena. I consider this to be a privilege. Often qualitative research is conducted through in-depth interviews that may last one to two hours or more. This gives the interviewees time to relax and time to go into detail about their own experiences and perceptions. Through people sharing their thoughts and experiences in this way, it can help research expand in unexpected directions as subtleties and nuances are illuminated.

Where will these shoes take us?

Now we’ve stepped into other people’s shoes, where will these new insights take us? When Covid hit, the world was dealing with so many unknowns and yet certain functions carried on regardless, such as the progression of pregnancy. Soon-to-be parents were not able to have check-ups and support during pregnancy in the way that they had expected. Prenatal care was disrupted and soon-to-be parents had all the typical worries and concerns as well as those that stemmed from Covid.

So how best to allay these worries and provide support? Well, the first step is to find out what the worries and concerns are such as in the research conducted by Eman et al (2022). Then tailored strategies and support can be put in place to reassure and minimise fear. If we assume we know what is going through the mind of others, we can miss the opportunity to provide the very thing they need, the thing that will support them the most.

Wearing these shoes can give us a new outlook

Qualitative research can also help us to re-imagine long-held concepts, let’s take passion as an example. Often in society, we are encouraged to view passion as a strong emotion that we have about someone or something. Qualitative research by Halonen & Lomas (2014) has proposed an alternative model of passion. One in which ‘passion is a way of being, or a quality, that the individual holds, rather than passion being a strong desire towards a specific activity’ (p24). This idea of passion as a way or being may be helpful for those people who feel daunted because they do not have a passion for a particular thing. This makes passion more accessible, it is not related to a specific activity and we can be passionate about multiple things, we do not need to have a single passion that defines us.

Where will qualitative research take us next? I am excited that I do not know the answer to this. There are so many possibilities and opportunities.

References

Eman A. Abu Sabbah, Sondos B. Eqylan, Dua’ Yousef Al-Maharma, Fida Thekrallah & Reema R. Safadi (2022) Fears and uncertainties of expectant mothers during the COVID-19 pandemic: trying to reclaim control, International Journal of Qualitative Studies on Health and Well-being, 17:1.

Halonen, S. M. & Lomas, T. (2014) A passionate way of being: A qualitative study revealing the passion spiral. International Journal of Psychological research, 7, (2), 17-2.

Read more about Bryony Shaw and her other articles HERE

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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Ignore All Adjectives

I passed on to a friend some praise that someone else had said about them. My friend gave a completely unexpected reply, she said ‘I am ignoring that, I ignore all adjectives.’ Wow, I had to know more, what did she mean ‘ignoring all adjectives,’ how does one even do that? She said for the last year she has been ignoring all adjectives that she hears about herself, the good ones and the bad ones and it has been really liberating.

What an interesting concept. While receiving compliments is rewarding in the short term, it is only one person’s opinion and only their opinion at that particular time. On another day or another occasion they may say something completely different about us. They may no longer be pleased with what we are doing as it doesn’t fit with their expectation. On top of that we have to consider all the different people we come into contact with, some will show praise or respect in some way, some will be neutral and others will convey their disappointment.

Take Control

If we react to everyone’s fluctuating opinion of us, we can be on an emotional rollercoaster, our mood rising with the compliments and falling with the complaints. However, by disassociating ourselves from the adjectives people use to describe us, or describe what we do, it can give us the freedom to take control of the situation, to respond to it rather than reacting to it. It also allows us to keep a growth mindset and keep trying challenging tasks because we are not scared of what people will say if we fail. We know that failing is very informative and is a crucial component in the process of learning.

Self-Compassion

Ignoring the adjectives people use to describe us is also an act of self-compassion. We are not beating ourselves up if someone is less than satisfied with what we have done. We are taking control of the situation because we have consciously made the choice that our self-worth isn’t contingent on someone else’s opinion.

Humility

By ignoring the adjectives people use to describe us, it can also help us to keep a sense of humility. When things are going well and we are riding high, we can get caught up in the wave of our own success. While this may be enjoyable, we know it won’t last forever as we will eventually get to a task that tests the boundaries of our experience and knowledge. Ignoring the adjectives helps to keep our feet on the ground. It means that when we come off the success wave, we are not thrown by this change in state. Once again we are in control of our response.

Well I’m going to start to put this into practice and see what effect it has on me. Sure I’ll miss the compliments, but do I really need them.

Why don’t you try it out too? Let me know how you get on with it.

Read more about Bryony Shaw and her other articles HERE

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In my recent work with a sports team, I taught them how to use self-compassion to develop deeper connection as a team, as well as developing personal resources to deal with stresses such as competition anxiety or fear of failure.

Self-Kindness

Encouraging the athletes to be kind to themselves and not harshly judge themselves, helps to reduce fear and anxiety. Encouraging them to treat themselves as they would treat a friend is a valuable tool because we are often harder on ourselves than we are on others.

Common Humanity

Helping the athletes to accept that it is normal to experience fear, and that failure is a crucial part of becoming a successful team because you can learn from it. This helps to dampen the stress response and allows the athlete to fully focus on their game.

Mindfulness

Guiding the athletes to acknowledge and turn towards their painful emotions such as fear, anxiety or shame which can arise when reliving a missed shot or poor pass. This helps them to make an intentional act to stay with these negative emotions and to use them as a basis of constructive action.

Courage

Practising self-compassion helps athletes to stop avoiding those situations that bring up negative emotions where they feel vulnerable such as trying a new skill or playing against a much better team. Instead, they develop the courage to face experiences with a more positive mindset. It also reduces choking which is sub-optimal sporting performance, which can happen when the athlete is under pressure such as taking a game-deciding shot. Amy Baltzell (2019) describes how practising self-compassion can cultivate courage by helping the athlete to tolerate negative thoughts. This in turn strengthens their ability to accept what is occurring. This means that the athletes stop avoidance tactics such as giving up or playing for a team below their level. The athletes gain more experience of being in situations where negative emotions are likely and they become used to responding constructively which Baltzell (2019) considers to be an act of courage.

Field of Impact

Self-compassion has been used to improve performance in many sports including basketball, tennis, football, hockey, cross country, skiing, swimming, golf and running. It can be used to tackle many difficulties such as competitive anxiety and fear of failure, both of which can result in a freeze behaviour. It can also be used to help athletes who are returning to their sport after injury. Often these athletes can be impatient to get back to the level they were at before their injury and this means they run the risk of pushing themselves too hard too soon, which reduces the likelihood of a swift recovery.

Self-compassion can benefit us all whether we play sport or not. Give yourself the gift of self-compassion and let me know what a difference it makes in your life.

References

Baltzell, Amy & Röthlin, Philipp & Kenttä, Göran. (2019). Self-compassion in Sport for Courage and Performance. 10.4324/9780429435232-17.

Neff, K. (2011). Self Compassion. London: Hodder &Stoughton Ltd.

Read more about Bryony Shaw and her other articles HERE 

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For those of you who have read my previous blogs, you will know my calling to help people to increase the amount of positive emotions they experience. This is because there are so many healthy consequences that result from increasing the amount of positive emotions such as joy, happiness, hope and inspiration. One healthy consequence is that increasing the frequency and intensity of positive emotions we experience, creates a protective, buffering effect for those difficult times that lie ahead of us.

Summer

This includes those times when we are relaxed or when we are immersed in a pleasurable experience such as swimming in the sea, having a bbq with friends or watching a beautiful sunset. These are the times when it is easy to cultivate and savour positive emotions.

Autumn

We can’t all stay on a high forever. Our moods level out and this can be compared to the transition to autumn. Gone are the long sunny days, however, the gentle wonder of the changing seasons is present, providing us with less intense positive emotions.

Winter

This is when then things go wrong in our life, or things are spiralling out of control, and we can be flooded with negative emotions such as fear, despair or worry. They can be over powering and bring us to a standstill. These are difficult days to get through.

Spring

Here, we are recovering from the hardship of the difficult times we have just experience in a winter of our life. Just like plants that burst from the ground, we are beginning to recover and rise our head above the trauma, the shock or stress we have experienced. We are now strong enough to look around and assess our situation and take stock. This is a time of putting down roots and putting on growth.

Harvest Time

So we can see the changing nature of our emotions and if you look back on your life you might find that they follow a similar cycle to the seasons. Winter is inevitable, we will all experience difficult times, it is part of life. However, knowing this will happen and knowing that winters do not last, gives us the agency to prepare ourselves by reflecting on what action we can take to shorten the winter and lessen the impact of negative emotions.

Barbara Fredrickson’s broaden and build theory of positive emotions has shown that positive emotions act as a buffer to negative emotions, reducing their intensity and longevity. Therefore, taking time to deliberately create and experience positive emotions and to harvest (by savouring) these positive emotions helps increase our resilience in the difficult times ahead.  So take time to cultivate positive emotions such as joy, inspiration, gratitude and serenity. Draw up a plan of activities you would like to do that you will find enjoyable. They might be small things like finding time to savour a coffee every day. The positive experiences all add up and add to our resilience armour.

Read more about Bryony Shaw and her other articles HERE

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10 years old

To celebrate the 10-year birthday, Bucks New University’s annual symposium returned, after a break due to Covid. I gave a talk at Bucks first ever symposium based on my dissertation which researched practical ways to bring Growth Mindset into the sixth form curriculum. At that time the symposium was a relatively small affair with a single talk being given at one time and running for just one day. Now it has grown into a 2-day event with parallel sessions being held, and researchers from different universities giving talking and running workshops.

Far-reaching impact

It was inspiring to see other students from later cohorts and witness their enthusiasm and hear about the positive impact of taking Positive Psychology out into their own specialist fields. This meant it was hard to decide which talks and workshops to attend as they were so compelling. The themes were varied and topical including talks on the impact of Covid and the role of Positive Psychology post-pandemic. It was wonderful to witness the way that Positive Psychology was being integrated into many diverse fields such as start-ups, poetry, education, neurodiversity, the armed forces, leadership and of course, coaching.

Respectfully adapt

One of the things that I love about Positive Psychology at Bucks New University is the way that researchers challenge existing theories. Remembering back to my time studying on the MAPP, a great deal of time was spent discussing the theories and how well they could be applied to life. When limitations were revealed, they were held with an appreciation of what this told us. Should some part of the theory be adapted? Or could the theory be applied in only certain situations? It was growth mindset in action, ‘what can I learn from this?.’

Adapting Positive Psychology

It is exciting to see the way that Positive Psychology is adapting as a discipline. The diverse research areas shared at the symposium showssvgfdg how Positive Psychology is being applied to the new challenges that we face as a society such as living in a post-pandemic world. It is also being applied to help people with their individual circumstances such as being neurodiverse or working in a particular sector.

Join me with a sense of anticipation, to look forward to seeing what new topics will be reported on in 10 years’ time, at the 20th Positive Psychology symposium.

Read more about Bryony Shaw and her other articles HERE

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Step into the shoes of others

As a psychologist, I am fascinated by why people do certain behaviours. What was their rationale, their motivating force and what are their beliefs? This is where the field of qualitative research is a super tool, it enables us to discover the answers to these questions. Qualitative research allows us to step into the shoes of the people we are working with, to understand the world from their perspective.

By using open questions that allow people to respond in their own unique way we can gain insight into novel and unexpected phenomena. I consider this to be a privilege. Often qualitative research is conducted through in-depth interviews that may last one to two hours or more. This gives the interviewees time to relax and time to go into detail about their own experiences and perceptions. Through people sharing their thoughts and experiences in this way, it can help research expand in unexpected directions as subtleties and nuances are illuminated.

Where will these shoes take us?

Now we’ve stepped into other people’s shoes, where will these new insights take us? When Covid hit, the world was dealing with so many unknowns and yet certain functions carried on regardless, such as the progression of pregnancy. Soon to be parents were not able to have check-ups and support during pregnancy in the way that they had expected. Prenatal care was disrupted and soon to be parents had all the typical worries and concerns as well as those that stemmed from Covid.

So how best to allay these worries and provide support? Well, the first step is to find out what the worries and concerns are such as in the research conducted by Eman et al (2022). Then tailored strategies and support can be put in place to reassure and minimise fear. If we assume we know what is going through the mind of others, we can miss the opportunity to provide the very thing they need, the thing that will support them the most.

Wearing these shoes can give us a new outlook

Qualitative research can also help us to re-imagine long-held concepts, let’s take passion as an example. Often in society, we are encouraged to view passion as a strong emotion that we have about someone or something. Qualitative research by Halonen & Lomas (2014) has proposed an alternative model of passion.

One in which ‘passion is a way of being, or a quality, that the individual holds, rather than passion being a strong desire towards a specific activity’ (p24). This idea of passion as a way or being may be helpful for those people who feel daunted because they do not have a passion for a particular thing. This makes passion more accessible, it is not related to a specific activity and we can be passionate about multiple things, we do not need to have a single passion that defines us.

Where will qualitative research take us next? I am excited that I do not know the answer to this. There are so many possibilities and opportunities.

References

Eman A. Abu Sabbah, Sondos B. Eqylan, Dua’ Yousef Al-Maharma, Fida Thekrallah & Reema R. Safadi (2022) Fears and uncertainties of expectant mothers during the COVID-19 pandemic: trying to reclaim control, International Journal of Qualitative Studies on Health and Well-being, 17:1.

Halonen, S. M. & Lomas, T. (2014) A passionate way of being: A qualitative study revealing the passion spiral. International Journal of Psychological research, 7, (2), 17-2.

Read more about Bryony Shaw and her other articles HERE

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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Your negativity bias is an evolved function whose purpose is the keep you alive. This means you are hard-wired to notice and act on negative information more than positive information. By noticing the dangers in the environment, our ancestors were able to take action and protect themselves so that they survived. They passed this bias down to you, but unfortunately, it is not very helpful in the way we live today.

Your negativity bias in action

Take this example, you want to make a point in a meeting, you believe it will help the problems being discussed, you have found a solution and can’t believe no one else has thought of it. However, you don’t usually volunteer in meetings, you find it stressful to get your voice heard. So instead of speaking, you notice your negativity bias yelling at you, saying ‘don’t say anything, you’ll make a fool of yourself, everyone will think it’s a stupid idea, they’ll laugh at you. Is this what you want to be remembered for?’ Your negativity bias is so loud, it is screaming to keep your attention.

Why won’t your negativity bias shut up?

It won’t shut up because it believes it hasn’t done its job. Its job is to keep you safe, and you haven’t listened to it, you haven’t acted upon what it is telling you, you are still in danger. So your negativity bias needs to get louder, it needs to make sure you hear it. Your negativity bias will do anything to keep you safe, it will give you tunnel vision so you only focus on the danger. It’s no good ignoring your negativity bias as it will only get louder.

Love your negativity bias

The logical part of your brain knows you have a good point to make in the meeting, so how can you tame your negativity bias and get this point across? This can be achieved by taking time to mentally tell your negativity bias that you are safe and thank it for looking out for you. Reassure it that nothing can harm you here. Thank your negativity bias for all it is doing to keep you safe. Actually say the words ‘thank you for looking out for me, thank you for keeping me safe. I can hear you, you’re doing a great job of keeping me safe.’

Then spend a few minutes thinking about the benefits of doing what you’re doing, e.g. making the point in the meting that will help solve the problem. People will see you as a solution seeker. Even if it doesn’t solve the problem completely, it will be a novel starting point and may generate other new ideas.

A two-pronged approach

The two-pronged approach of reassuring your negativity bias and focusing your attention on positive outcomes will be more effective than just reassurance alone. This is because it will generate more positive emotions and positive emotions provide a psychological buffer protecting us from our negativity bias.

Make a plan

What will you say to your negativity bias? How will you reassure it? Make a plan, write down some phrases that you can use next time your negativity bias kicks in. Show it that you are thankful for everything it is trying to do.

Read more about Bryony Shaw and her other articles HERE

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What is positive education?

Positive education focuses on teaching students practical ways to boost their wellbeing. Students are taught ways to increase the amount of positive emotions they experience. Frequently the positive education curriculum is based on the PERMA model proposed by Martin Seligman. This model proposes that there are five factors that can be developed in all of us to aid flourishing.

P stands for positive emotions. These are cultivated through activities such as gratitude, kindness and savouring.

E stands for engagement which describes how involved students are in their tasks. Their involvement can be strengthened by helping students to identify and use their strengths when working on a task. When students are deeply engaged, they may enter a flow state where the degree of challenge is created that is appropriate for their skill level.

R stands for relationships, this includes improving the quality of our social connections, we can achieve this by helping students to feel part of a community and encouraging them to contribute to that community.

M stands for meaning and this involves helping students to find a sense of purpose and meaning in what they are doing. Often this is achieved by helping students to see how what they are doing is connected to something bigger than them such as a just cause.

A stands for accomplishment which refers to striving for achievements that help us grow as an individual. We can help students in this through scaffolded goal setting in order that they gain a sense of achievement which builds confidence.

Related Education

Often the five factors are described as separate entities, however, I view them more as related self-perpetuating factors. For example, being engaged and in a state of flow boosts the positive emotions such as joy, satisfaction and interest. Experiencing positive emotions makes us more approachable and we are better able to build relationships with others. Finding a deep sense of meaning can boost feelings of awe and gratitude.

The positive helps with the negative

The rising tide of poor mental health of our young people is a deep-seated worry for many educators, psychologists and parents. Typically poor mental health has been addressed after the student has experienced this distressing state. This is where positive education has a large role to play. A positive education curriculum can be part of the preventative measures schools and colleges take to boost mental health. By helping students to feel a sense of connection, to find a sense of meaning and to boost their positive emotions, we can help build resilience in our young people. They will have internal resources that they can draw upon in times of difficulty which in turn has a buffering effect against potential negative experiences. Students become more resourceful and they are able to deal with successes and setbacks in a constructive way that promotes good mental health.

Positive education endows students with the skills to flourish that they can use throughout their lives.

Read more about Bryony Shaw and her other articles HERE

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Individualised Support

I believe the answer to this lies in Positive Psychology, as Positive Psychology’s philosophical roots are firmly grounded in Humanistic Psychology. The branch of psychology known as Humanistic Psychology views humans from the perspective that they are unique, self-determining individuals. So therefore it is best to tailor the amount of support we give to those we care about according to their individual needs at any specific time. Sometimes they may want direction, at others they may want practical tools, while at others they may just want to know we are there in the background providing encouragement and stability. We are fortunate in that we all have different roles to play in different people’s lives.

The Dark Side of Support

While our care and support may be wanted, it is best if we tread carefully when providing this support. If we can manage to stay in a mindful and reflective state so that we can fully tune in to what the persons wants or needs, we will be able create a more nurturing environment that facilitates growth/ enables ha individual to grow. However, if we think we know what is best for them or the best way to achieve something, we may actually be hindering them. We may be preventing them from acting in their unique way to become their full unique self. Positive Psychology and humanistic psychology suggest the best form of support is that which allows the person to become the best version of who they are meant to be. In other words to self-actualise.

Positive Psychology Interventions

Fortunately, we have many Positive Psychology tools we can use to help others develop through self-discovery and self-reflection. Activities such as identifying and using strengths enable the individual to complete tasks in their own preferred style which is energising. Encouraging them to cultivate gratitude can be very powerful especially in times of change and uncertainty. Helping them to develop self-compassion can help when trying new things or when the individual is starting out on their own path.

An Example From Nature

I was recently reminded of the pros and cons of support while observing the lavender in the picture above come into bloom. This always provides me with a sense of joy and anticipation, while watching the shoots appear, then the buds and finally the blue of the flowers becoming more and more vivid.

You may notice that the lavender on the left is a strong plant with many shoots, it has a dense shape and deep colour that can be seen from afar. While the plant on the right, circled in red, is spindly. It has only a few blooms that instead of standing tall, flop to the ground. This is because this second plant grew behind another plant, Saxifraga Urbium and the flowers from the Saxifraga propped up the emerging lavender blooms. However, once the Saxifraga had been cut back, the lavender flopped. The plant that had initially supported it, had actually done the opposite. On the other hand, the lavender that was free to grow naturally, supported through soil, sun and water and unimpeded by plants or props, grew into a strong healthy vibrant plant.

That is one of the reasons I find Positive Psychology so compelling, we have such a wide variety of tools available to us, that enable us to become strong, unique, supportive people.

Let me know what Positive Psychology Interventions have you shared with others to help them through their journey of personal growth.

Read more about Bryony Shaw and her other articles HERE 

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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There is a strength OF forgiveness as identified by the VIA Character Strengths and I would like to explore that as well as the strength IN forgiveness. By examining these two aspects together, I believe that we can gain a greater understanding of both the components of forgiveness and the power of forgiveness.

Forgiveness as a character strength

The VIA Character strengths explain forgiveness as the ‘means to extend understanding towards those who have wronged or hurt us. It means to let go. In many cases, this is the letting go of some or all of the frustration, disappointment, resentment, or other painful feelings associated with an offence.’  VIA classify forgiveness as a strength that comes under the virtue of temperance, which is the ability to manage habits and protect against excess.

This makes me wonder about which habits we are managing in forgiveness, and which excesses we are protecting against? Is one of them rumination? When someone has harmed us we may ruminate and replay the hurt that we are experiencing. This can become a self-destructive habit. We may also wish for retaliation. Both of these responses take a great deal of cognitive and emotional energy, they harm us more than the person who has harmed us. Therefore there is a strength in forgiveness, it is a strength that benefits us and those we care about. As we are taking control of our response to the hurt, we are more present and available for those around us.

Who benefits from forgiveness?

Sonja Lyubomirsky (2007) backs this up as argues that forgiveness is for yourself and not for the person who wronged you. She argues that this is because forgiveness is correlated with many positive states such as happiness, improved health and empathy. This is a strong argument to develop the skill of forgiveness.

Developing the skill of forgiveness

So how do we develop the skill of forgiveness? One way is to use the REACH model as proposed by Professor Everett Worthington. REACH stands for:

Recall the hurt. 
Do not deny that you have been hurt, acknowledge it. Then from this basis decide to forgive. Take control of the situation.

Empathize with your partner.
Empathy is the vicarious understanding of another person’s thoughts, emotions and behaviour, it is showing concern and consideration of another’s perspective. This increased understanding may lead to increased compassion and sympathy for the person who has harmed you.

Altruistic gift.
Altruism is the selfless concern for others, doing something for them that may even be at a cost to ourselves. Everett Worthington proposes that forgiveness is an altruistic act.

Commit.
We may have a fleeting impulse to forgive then not act on it so Everett Worthington suggests that we write a note to ourselves saying who we forgave and when.

Hold onto forgiveness.
The notes we wrote serve as reminders in case we doubt that we actually forgave the person. By re-reading our notes we can return to the place of strength where we forgave.

Forgive wisely
Forgiveness is very powerful, it has the power to free us from the chains of hurt. However, we must be prudent when forgiving. Ivtzan et al (2016) state that forgiveness can be harmful if a person tolerates a destructive situation as it may lead to ongoing abuse. This means that we have to keep in mind what forgiveness is not. It is not condoning the person who hurt you, or excusing them, they are not absolved of responsibility for their actions. However, we have the power to respond to hurt in a way that is constructive. By forgiving we take control of the situation and reclaim our lives.

Mindful, considered forgiving, is a skill that we can develop and share with others.

Let me know how you get on.

References

Ivtzan, I., Lomas, T., Hefferon, K., & Worth, P. (2016). Second wave positive psychology: Embracing the dark side of life. London & New York: Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group.

Lyubomirsky, S., (2007). The How of Happiness: A scientific approach to getting the life you want. London: Penguin.

https://www.viacharacter.org/character-strengths/forgiveness

Read more about Bryony Shaw and her other articles HERE

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