The classic “go to” piece of advice when you find yourself worried, anxious, grieving,  broken hearted, or angry is near enough always the same: “distract yourself” or “try to take your mind off of things”. These phrases are much more easier said than done. We may find they go over our heads along with the other valuable pick me up points “things will get better”, “just try to stay positive” that our loved ones wrap us in when feeling low. We grow bored and frustrated at ourselves for feeling down, but do not have the energy or information about what to do to pick ourselves up. Which arguably, results in then feeling even worse. Welcome, the vicious cycle of negative thinking. We may be able to identify we need to change something, but when has anyone asked “when are you finding yourself in flow?”

The founder of Flow

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi is a highly respected researcher within the field of positive psychology. Interestingly, his research began following the devastation that followed World War II. Csikszentmihalyi became interested in the science of happiness and how to create more of it after witnessing so much pain and suffering. The way in which Csikszentmihalyi first came to investigate happiness I feel is particularly significant. When are we most likely to look for happiness? When we are down and when we are suffering.  Yet, when we are happy, how often do we pause to reflect on the present moments that are making us feel joy, contentment and love? Not enough. Perhaps the moments in which we find ourselves blissfully happy we should actively pay more attention to, not only to practise gratitude but to actually enable ourselves to have a greater understanding of what we are doing, who we are with, when we are happy.   Csikszentmihalyi (2000) describes “flow” as the moments in time in which we find ourselves thinking creatively and productively, stretching our minds to its limits. If you’re unsure if you have ever experienced flow have a think about the following:

Do you engage in any activities in which you enjoy so much you lose track of time?

Have you ever found yourself so immersed in a task you have completely forgotten about any troubles from earlier on that day?

What do you find rewards you and fulfils you?

What challenges you, but excites you at the same time?

What do tasks can you perform at ease, but with enjoyment?

What challenges you just enough that you enjoy it but not so much that you dread it?

These are the points in time in which you are likely to be experiencing flow. Neurologically, when we experience flow, evidence suggests there is a decrease in prefrontal cortex activity. During this down-regulation the prefrontal context may cause distortion of time and limit self-jeopardising thoughts (Dietrich.,  2003).  This allows for concentration of neurological activity within the creative parts of our brain that allow us to be creative and imaginative to become active. The state of flow has also been found to increase levels of dopamine and therefore our feelings of reward and pleasure (Dietrich., 2004).

Apartment project

This year, I have begun to battle with regular low mood. Not only did I grow tired from negative thoughts and experiencing low self-esteem, I noticed those around me were becoming frustrated too. We can pay for the most expensive therapy we can find, or hear the best advice in the world, but I strongly hold the belief that unless an individual wants to make a change themselves, it will not happen. The desire to change has to come from within an individual. I was motivated to change my mood but struggled to think of how.

Finding a new project, hobby or interest I have come to believe is key to getting over the inevitable negativities in life. I decided, I wanted to do something for myself,  that I could be proud of. So I decided to begin the process of buying my own property. Change can be good, and whilst I appreciate my ‘project’ was rather extreme, there is nothing to say trying a new sport, starting a new cooking class or getting a new pet can’t free your mind in the same way. With a new space to fill and a new chapter of my life set to begin I have channelled all my energy into colour schemes, furniture renovation and creating mood boards. I found myself looking at my phone less and the negative thoughts I was experiencing back in January… well quite simply I did not have time for.  I was meeting new people and learning new things I never had to contemplate before e.g. the role of solicitors in buying a house.  I found myself laughing again and motivated to get up in the morning. Having a new project seemed to realign my perspective and remind me of what I truly value. I was consistently experiencing, flow.

Find your own

All our problems and heartaches must be dealt with and treated correctly for us to move on. I am under no illusion they should be ignored in favour of a new project, pet or sport. Negative feelings need to be acknowledged and adhered to. However, I have come to believe the process of acknowledging those feelings is considerably easier to do when you find your own flow activity. If nothing else, flow reminds you that life continues regardless of how you may feel at the present time. I encourage anyone who is feeling a bit down to start something new and channel negative energy as soon as they can. The energy we have to be sad, angry, disappointed is arguably better channelled on something rewarding than wasted in a bottle of wine, argument or wasted week on the sof

References

Dietrich, A. (2003). Functional neuroanatomy of altered states of consciousness: the transient hypofrontality hypothesis. Consciousness and cognition, 12(2), 231-256.

Dietrich, A. (2004). Neurocognitive mechanisms underlying the experience of flow. Consciousness and Cognition, 13(4), 746-761.

Seligman, M. E., & Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2014). Positive psychology: An introduction. In Flow and the foundations of positive psychology (pp. 279-298). Springer, Dordrecht.

About the Author: Amy Poole a University of Essex graduate and currently a second year Positive Psychology Masters student with Buckinghamshire new university. Amy has several published pieces and displays a keen interest in mental wellbeing, humor and gratitude. Amy works in partnership with Wellbeing Suffolk to manage a team, whom give advice to individuals suffering work related stress and anxiety.

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Laughter is the best medicine

Most of us are familiar with the phrase ‘laughter is the best medicine’. Laughter has been found to ease the mind and relieve tension, however, in a corporate, overworked, tired, 9-5 world how often can you honestly say you share a giggle with a colleague, neighbour or friend? Do we make enough time to laugh? Do we prioritise seeing the people who we know are going to make us smile? Who can we be silly with?

This year, I have aimed to prioritise spending time with friends who make me feel the most empowered, motivated and happy. I have noticed a strong correlation between how comfortable I am with someone to how often I laugh around them. I wonder if this is because humour is buried so far deep from what we allow people to see in our day-to-day lives? To be able to freely laugh do we need to be around those who allow us to be comfortable and perhaps the most authentic versions of ourselves?

From the occasional hard day at work, I have no shame in prescribing myself a night with my best friend, watching our favourite TV programmes, eating food vital for the soul e.g. chocolate buttons and vegetable crisps. I think such prescriptions are vital for our overall wellbeing. I do not think it is surprising that I long to spend most of my time with the friend that I laugh the most with. Evenings with our friends can often be viewed as unproductive, but I fully believe they are critical to reward ourselves from the hardships of life, if we want to remain physically and mentally well.

Laughter and health

Laughter improves our health for a number of spectacular reasons. First, physical laughter triggers the release of serotonin. Serotonin is the chemical in our bodies that helps to regulate mood, reduce depressive symptoms and manage anxiety (Lucki, 1998). Evidence has found that laughter therapies, such as ‘laughter yoga’ can reduce symptoms of depression after just a thirty minute session! (MacDonald, 2004). With mental health therapies in such high demand, I think something as pure and genuine as laughter should not be overlooked when considering how to improve mood.

Similarly, laughter can result in a reduced level of stress hormones. If major stress hormones such as glucocorticoids and catecholamines are present within the body for too long we can start to become ill. Stress hormones negatively impact our immune system, can cause us to gain weight and can impact the cardiovascular system leading to increased risk of heart failure and heart attack. The anticipation of laughter alone reduces such stress hormone levels. I am not suggesting a night down the comedy club should replace the gym in your weekly routine, however, it cannot be ignored that laughter is physically good for you.

Laughter creates bonds

My personal reason for valuing the act of laughter so much is the bonds it creates between people. Laughter is something that can be shared during any human interaction that all parties can enjoy and savour. My own experiences have shown me that laughter can be an effective tool for relieving tension, putting people at ease by showing a ‘human’ side and simply enjoying. When we laugh our bodies release oxytocin. Oxytocin is released during our moments of loving interactions such as cuddling, breastfeeding and sexual intercourse.

So spend time with the people who make you laugh the most, it’s healthy!

References
Ivtzan, I., Lomas, T., Hefferon, K., & Worth, P. (2015). Second wave positive psychology: Embracing the dark side of life. Routledge.
Lucki, I. (1998). The spectrum of behaviors influenced by serotonin. Biological psychiatry.
Lyubomirsky, S. (2007). Health benefits: Meta-analytically determining the impact of well-being on objective health outcomes. Health Psychology Review, 1(1), 83-136.
MacDonald, L. C. M. (2004). A chuckle a day keeps the doctor away: therapeutic humor & laughter. Journal of psychosocial nursing and mental health services, 42(3), 18-25.

About the author: Amy graduated the University of Essex last year and is currently a second year MAPP student. Her dissertation on kindness and wellbeing is due to be published later this year.

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

The Positive Psychology People is co-founded and sponsored
by Lesley Lyle and Dan Collinson,
Directors of Positive Psychology Learning and authors of the
8-week online Happiness Course

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Working between a small town in Suffolk and the city of London, it is fair to say I often find myself swept into the caffeine fuelled, fast paced, largely westernised, hash tagged bubble of life. Despite working in the field of mental health, recently I have found it all too easy to ignore the need for the pin that needs to regularly enter our lives, pop that bubble, bring us back down to earth and remember what is truly important. For me, that pin came in the form of some home truths from a dear friend and a trip to Cornwall.

In Newquay this year, I was given the opportunity to take part in a “beach clean-up”. A volunteer activity ran by an environmental group ( “Save our Seas”) that aims to collect litter from our beaches and coast lines in a bid to save the environment. The action for happiness organisation lists ‘giving’, ‘relating to others’, ‘learning’ and ‘becoming part of something bigger’ as four of the ten keys to happier living. The beach clean-up encompassed these four keys perfectly, so I did not hesitate in signing up. Plus I was completely swayed by the images presented to us of sea turtles trapped in food packaging and seals with raw skin abrasions from beer bottles. I and my two friends headed down to Fistral beach on the Cornish coast at dusk. We were kitted out in reflective vests and hard top hats, armed with our litter pickers and thatched bags. We were part of a group of forty likeminded litter pickers which in itself created a sense of belonging and familiarity that just isn’t obtained by a double tap on Instagram.

I find days where I have watched the sunrise to be carried out with increased attention to detail and gratitude. Watching the sun rise above the sea created a self-awareness in myself, in my body, posture and mind that I had been oblivious to for months. I found myself to be motivated, calm and thankful for the day ahead. A stark difference from my usual mornings of guzzling an Americano and swapping my trainers for heels after I have successfully ran from the station to the office door.

My friends and I began exploring caves, rock pools and pathways to collect plastic, glass and foreign objects from the beach. It was almost like some sort of treasure hunt. We were so proud of the fishing nets, glass bottles and micro-plastics we removed from the beach. We spoke of sea turtles swimming back to their mothers and seals swimming freely in an organic blue ocean, free from pollution and harmful substances and objects. We were laughing and interacting with strangers who shared the same interests, we were whispering in caves that allowed our voices to echo. The innocence of what we were engaging in felt authentic, playful and rewarding. We purposely left our phones at home, but found ourselves feeling more connected to others and the world around us than we had in a long time.

Being Kind

Stefan Einhorn (2005) once wrote that being kind is the most important factor in achieving success and satisfaction in life. Without objective statistics to back this claim, it could be easy for one to write such quote off flimsy or ignorant to the crux in how difficult life can be. However, positive psychology researchers have conducted studies that have in fact proved kindness leads to increased happiness. Lyubomirsky (2001) noted practising acts of kindness as one of the nine steps to happiness and improved wellbeing within an individual. When I think about kindness, I tend to picture the altruistic human behaviours we often demonstrate between ourselves. The ones that, dare I say I witness less of, on the eight thirty morning tube into Paddignton as elbows and running heels prioritise only the need of the self than I did picking up my vegetables from a farm shop in Newquay as the shop assistant offered to help me with my bags. I picture doors being held open for strangers, food being given to the homeless and seats being given up on the bus for children and the elderly. Until my recent trip to Newquay I had never considered the effect being kind to the environment could have.

Playing a small part in the “save our seas” campaign I felt proud, fulfilled and part of a community that wanted to also share this kindness with me. True to the broaden and build theory (Fredrickso,1950) , I had never opened my mind up to consider scale of beauty and wonder found in nature. The fact that all I am, all I have and everything I will ever need can be found in the environment. By taking part in the beach clean-up I felt as though I was saying thank you. I also felt connected to ancestors that came before technology and survived purely on what the natural earth had to offer. I would recommend popping the fast paced westernised bubble that so many of us live in regularly, and by giving back to what serves us most. Our natural environments.

About the author: Amy graduated the University of Essex last year and is currently a second year MAPP student. Her dissertation on kindness and wellbeing is due to be published later this year.

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

The Positive Psychology People is co-founded and sponsored
by Lesley Lyle and Dan Collinson,
Directors of Positive Psychology Learning and authors of the
8-week online Happiness Course

The post Giving Back To The Ocean appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.

When actually, the only person we can ever 100% count on to ever fully answer any of those questions is in fact, our self.
We tend to accept self-criticism as the norm, for instance, ask yourself this: how often do you wake up in the morning with a thought loaded with negativity? As a young woman in the 21st century, common thoughts that occur to me following the most peaceful of nights rest include: “I look fat in this dress” “The bags underneath my eyes reach my chin” or “it’s so embarrassing that the only person who shares this bed with me is my dog” Any of these sound familiar?

If so, ask yourself how you would feel if your best friend said any of those things to you? Is it even likely you would still want that person to be your friend? If so… you need new friends and new standards of friends. More to the point, how offended would you be? How long would the impact of such comments last? So why are we so blasé about saying those things to ourselves when it would hurt to hear it others?

Research from Miraca U. M. Gross (2002) found that some of the most common expectations in friendships include: understanding, encouragement and playfulness. How then, can we begin to expect these things of ourselves, from ourselves? And how can we practice the behaviours that allow us to become our own best friend?

Now more than ever, I feel it is important for people to feel independent, self-reliant and good about themselves. It is all too easy to be swept up in the toxic wave of comparison, doubt and desire to impress others (others, who in reality, probably won’t be impacting your life in ten years’ time.)

Understanding

Take regular time to fully understand yourself. All too often our energy is put into others. The quality of relationships we share with others can affect our wellbeing. This can be a good thing when considering our most positive relationships, however if we do not take the time to become the best version of ourselves, we cannot possibly be our best for others.

I recently attended a talk from Andy Puddicombe who created the headspace app. He drew on the increasing “compassion fatigue” within the NHS. Our healthcare professionals often spend so much time looking after others, they fail to look after themselves. This can then result in the care they provide being of a lower standard. The same can happen in relationships.

Ways to understand

Get a week to view diary. At the back, write what you would have like to have achieved by the end of certain days, months, the entire year! And take steps throughout your week to ensure you are working towards those goals. When something is written down, we tend to conform to it more. For example, you want to lose 4 pounds by the end of this month? Great! Well write in the days you are planning to exercise and use your diary to meal plan.
You cannot be a good friend to yourself by letting yourself slip into irresponsibility. Understand your own goals and desires and take the time to mind-map what you need to do to get there. This isn’t a scary task- it’s exciting. It’s your future and you’re in the driving seat.

Become aware of what you look forward to, what or who makes you feel anxious?

Where do you feel safe? What makes you belly laugh? What are you doing when you get so lost in an activity you lose track of time? Whose name do you dread appearing on your phone? Why?

As humans we are great at identifying what others excel in. Take time to consider, what you love to do, how can you tailor your career to ensure you’re not walking into the office every day for financial motivation alone. Try to understand what makes you happy.

Encouragement

Those who encourage us make us feel good. This is because they show belief and faith in us by pushing us out of our comfort zones or simply supporting us. Something which if we do often enough allows us to gain new experiences and grow in confidence.

Ways to encourage

When looking to encourage yourself, think about the end goal. How will you feel when you have achieved what it is you’re looking to do? Nothing in life is going to change if you never step outside of what you’re comfortable with. So remind yourself every day that life is short and too short to waste opportunities due to fear or doubt. Attempt to separate your thoughts into what is rational and what is emotional. Put the emotional side on the back burner and crack on with what is rational. The only person you can blame for not giving you an opportunity is yourself.

Think about situations where you have surprised yourself before, what it feels like to have achieved something? Compare this feeling to walking away from something you wish you had the confidence to have done? One of the best people you can ever feel proud of is yourself.

Playfulness

It is well documented that laughter predicts levels of happiness (Vlahovic., 2012) But how often do you prioritise having a good time? Letting your hair down? Or doing something fun for the sake of having fun? With family and work ties, prioritising playfulness can seem futile, however, in order to be your own best friend you need to.

Ways to Play

Just as setting goals is important, organise specific time where you know you are going to be having a good time for no other reason than taking care of yourself. Whether that be meeting every week for a drink on a Friday afternoon with a colleague, blocking out the whole of Saturday to jump in puddles with your children or organising a spontaneous holiday with your best friend. Why not? In life all we have left is our experiences, these are what we will remember and be remembered for. So take every opportunity you have, to have fun. If you’re working hard in all other areas of your life, you definitely deserve some time to let your hair down and let go. Play feels so much better when we are rewarding ourselves for the hard work and energy we have put into something.

It is important when being our own friend we do not allow ourselves to become lazy either. Would you want to watch one of your closest friends with buckets of potential pouring energy into things with no tangible outcomes for their future? Down the pub every single night? No. So save the pub for a Friday when you can share that ‘end of the week feeling’ with likeminded people and hit the gym twice a week, read a chapter of your favourite novel each night, or walk the dog with your neighbour. Produce work your proud of and reward yourself often. By having play time to look forward to, the work we produce and the way we interact with others is more positive, zestful and productive.

About the author: Amy graduated the University of Essex last year and is currently a second year MAPP student. Her dissertation on kindness and wellbeing is due to be published later this year.

The Positive Psychology People is co-founded and sponsored
by Lesley Lyle and Dan Collinson,
Directors of Positive Psychology Learning and authors of the
8-week online Happiness Course

The post Being Your Own Best Friend appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.