Learning to shift into uplifting emotional states that reverse the energy drain caused by stress is easy and empowering. With just a bit of practice it can become like shifting gears while driving. It’s crucial because it’s mainly in our feelings where our stress lives.

The most powerful energy boosters are the feelings we all want more of: appreciation, gratitude, compassion, forgiveness, love, etc. These feelings regenerate and sustain us through creating hormonal mixtures that nourish our cells and reduce fatigue. In contrast, negative feelings seriously sap our strength.

Our emotional state is up to us – it’s not a given fact

Most people seem to take their inner emotional state as a given. Not many of us know that we have the power to shift into positive emotions at will – even in moments of acute stress. And yet, it is so simple that I ask myself why we haven’t been taught this life-changing practice before.

Feeling an emotion such as appreciation or gratitude creates a more harmonious state often referred to as “flow”, or “the zone”. It can be easily done with an exercise that takes only a few minutes. The Institute of HeartMath defines this state of internal and external connectedness as “coherence”. It has developed research-based tools and technology that help to cultivate it.

How would I like to feel instead?

Coherence is directly associated with improved health and cognitive functioning as well as increased access to intuition. Another remarkable benefit is that each time the system is in a state of coherence, it is building up resilience to stress or any form of adversity.

Such a practice involves recognizing how we really feel. This can be done by asking ourselves several times over the course of the day what exactly we are feeling. Recognizing how bad we feel doesn’t have to lead to more self-blame, as many people seem to fear. We can simply accept that and then ask ourselves: “How would I like to feel instead?” And then we can simply go on with shifting into that desired state.

It is also quite easy to take stock of what gives us energy and what takes it away. When we know which situations drain us, we can do the exercise before hand or at exactly those times. With more awareness of which kind of draining emotions we feel on a regular basis, comes a higher level of determination to switch gears.

Feelings make stronger impacts than thoughts

Once again: Scientific findings clearly show that positive feelings have a powerful physiological effect, pushing us to feel and perform better. The pre-dominant emphasis in self-development literature on re-programming our thought patterns doesn’t yet take this fact sufficiently into consideration.

Consider this: The heart’s electrical field has 40 to 60 times more amplitude than that of the brain, while the heart’s magnetic field is approximately five thousand times stronger than the field produced by the brain (McCrathy 2004). Generating a heartfelt emotion therefore has a way more powerful impact on our wellbeing than thinking a pleasant thought.

About the Author: Ute Devika Meinel is Life Coach, certified trainer of the HeartMath Institute and teacher of Laughter Yoga who facilitates workshops internationally. She was born to German parents in India and lives in Egypt Devikacoaching.com

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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Are you aware of the fact that women and men de-stress in entirely different ways? Now this is one piece of important information. Research shows that women tend to release stress through doing chores while chatting to others. They enjoy brewing coffee or tidying up while talking to each other about a zillion of emotional issues.

This was quite easy to accomplish in traditional settings of living in extended families or tribal societies in natural surroundings where women spend a lot of time in the company of other women and shared some burdens of housekeeping.

In today’s post modern societies with their large numbers of single households or married couples without children, de-stressing that works for both partners seems to be a massive  challenge.

Most people know that many men de-stress by going into the famous cave. A state of mindlessness is the preferred mode. Perhaps this is a state women could benefit from understanding and cultivating within themselves.

The Importance of the Empty Box

A stressed man is not exactly well equipped to deal with a stressed out woman who wants to chatter a stream of words into his ears while she moves many items around. This is likely to become unsettling for the standard stressed man and can easily aggravate him.

Mark Gougon brilliantly brings this message across in his “Tale of two brains”. He cracks people up with his poignant truths. His term of that particular part of men’s brains says it all: “The Nothing Box”.

Men can be completely braindead for hours, he says. And this particular box in their brains is their favorite (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Huy-oOiDMLE).

In stark contrast “womens brain’s are made up of a big ball of wire and everything is connected to everything”. Like the internet superhighway and driven by the energy of emotion. ”

Their minds never stop”, says Gougon. And nothing irritates them more than seeing a man in his Nothing Box. Now such a situation is obviously not conducive for effective stress reduction in both partners.

What can men and women learn from their stress responses?

Books on the differences between men and women, such as the Mars and Venus series, have become very popular. And many know already that men and women are so very different from each other. However, how many of us took all this information that has  emerged during the past decade seriously enough to aim for a change of communication styles?

To take an honest look at how we generally communicate as men and women takes courage. What will emerge is not exactly a rosy picture. Such an examination is particularly relevant when reducing stress is an essential goal.

One of the essential feminine strengths is nurturing. And it seems that in order to get in touch with the feminine side within, getting out of the noisy realm of the mind is pertinent. It simply nurtures the soul when we think and do less of anything – such as sitting in silence, listening to uplifting music, taking a bubble bath, going for a walk or attending a yoga class.

Laughter is another awesome way to go beyond the mind. You can’t possibly think about anything while you are really laughing your head off.

However, it doesn’t really matter what we do to reconnect to what some people have called “the bliss field”: this ultimately inexplicable inner realm of peace and joy. What matters is the conscious choice to do it, again and again.

Nurturing inner peace & communicating with kindness are essential

Cultivating more states of inner peace and silent joy then seems particularly worthy to learn more about for women who suffer from their relentlessly spinning minds and also make others around them suffer from it.

Instead of stone walling from within the cave, many more men could quite easily calm their stressed partners down by acknowledging their presence through learning how to gently say a few kind words or even sentences. Sounds very easy, doesn’t it?

It seems clear to me that we could in fact quite easily fundamentally improve men-women relations when more of us would learn some of these essential lessons ingrained in our genders from each other.

Just imagine how different this world would look like if we were more conscious about our reaction patterns to stress. Imagine most of us would learn simple and effective ways to reduce stress and communicate more gently with each other.

About the author: Ute Devika Meinel is Life Coach, certified trainer of the HeartMath Institute and teacher of Laughter Yoga who facilitates workshops internationally. She was born to German parents in India and lives in Egypt.

www.Devikacoaching.com

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Polly Vernon recently wrote an upbeat article about 2015 fads she has openly embraced – Pilates, Uber, summer cocktails, sobriety, Instagram and Almond milk to name a few! As a style journalist, trends are kind of her bread and butter.

I reflected on my own indulgence in the ‘latest craze’.  Reading anything to do with my role, listening  to Engage for Success podcasts, attending Happiness seminars and making new connections at Culture Meet-Ups all hold great appeal. The concepts of pre-approving ideas, celebrating failures and transparent salaries draw me to explore them more deeply and practically. I rejoiced in International Happiness Day with my team this year and I’m currently exploring the synergy between Culture and Brand.

Well-Being at work

No surprises then how animated I get about mental and physical well-being at work!  When I found the nef research on the Five Ways to Wellbeing, I knew my next intervention lay right there….

“The Five Ways to Wellbeing are a set of evidence-based actions which promote people’s wellbeing. They are: Connect, Be Active, Take Notice,Keep Learning and Give. These activities are simple things individuals can do in their everyday lives.”

Mental Health in the UK is currently in the spotlight, spearheaded by famous names such as Ruby Wax and Stephen Fry, but the spectrum of mental health issues tend to be poorly understood by the general population. As a result, stigma and a lack of support prevail, often worsening the issues.  But what if we could do something preventative? Something easy to build into our everyday lives?.  Wouldn’t it be great if more employers realised that employees everywhere are under increasing pressure to deliver more with less, at home and at work?  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if they embraced their responsibility to look after their people.  And can you imagine how brilliant it could be if they actually did something about it?!

Practical Well-Being

The Five Ways to Well Being provide a really simple framework, making it easier to implement small changes with the power to positively effect our ability to cope with the strain of modern life.  Keen to practice what I preach, I’m currently planning a Well-being week at ANDigital which will help our team members be more mindful of the five principles.

I know ANDigital are not the first organisation to host a Well-being Week but neither will we be the last.  Well Being is just one of the Hot Topics I’m continually researching.  Does this mean it’s here today, gone tomorrow and in 2016 I’ll be cringing about how absurd an initiative my well-being at work programme was? Of course not!!  I can’t conceive of a time when physical and mental well-being would ever be irrelevant to our work performance and satisfaction.

So Polly Vernon may not be Planking or drinking Brit Spritz into 2016, but I am firmly committed to keeping Well-being on the agenda.

About the author: Debbie Martin is a self-confessed Happiness Geek!

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Stanford psychologist Dr Kelly McGonigal has written a very interesting book called “The Upside of Stress. Why stress is good for you (and how to get good at it)” (2015, Penguin Random House, London).

You may, like me, be surprised to learn that your relationship to the stress in your life is a bigger determinant of its harmfulness than the existence of stress itself. So if you believe the stress in your life is bad for you then you will most probably be right. On the other hand, if you believe you are doing something meaningful and the stress your experience is giving you energy and resources to lift your performance to meet the challenge – then you are probably also right and also healthier.

What matters is your mindset about the stress. Kelly McGonigal’s point is that we only feel stress when we are engaged in something meaningful that is being challenged in some way. Avoiding stress would, at the extreme, mean avoiding doing anything meaningful and that does not offer a full and satisfying life.

Using Stress to your Advantage

So how do you get a positive mindset about the inevitable stress that comes with making things happen in the world that you care about? A very powerful intervention is to write about your most important values and how your day’s activities relate to those values. Writing about your values for 10 mins helps you see meaning in your life and how your activities support what you want to be true – even if they are stressful to do sometimes. Even better it seems you need only do it once to have lasting effects because it creates a mindset change.

For example, you might be a carer at home with either young or old people and at times you experience some stress from tending to their needs – possibly for little acknowledgement or thanks. By writing about your underlying value of caring about others who need help, you can reconnect with the meaning behind these activities and hopefully re-frame your stress in terms of undertaking a challenge you wish to rise to and manage well.  Alternatively, you may find giving a presentation at work very stressful. You might choose to dodge it and end up not getting your thoughts and ideas across to others. Alternatively you can shift your mindset to embrace the challenge by writing about the values you express when you do communicate your thoughts and then do the presentation despite the stress.

To quote Kelly McGonigal “ It turns out that writing about your values is one of the most effective psychological interventions ever studied” (pg70) – and it only takes 10 mins!

About the author: Dr Rosie Miller is a positive psychology coach and leadership transformation consultant. She runs Resilience for Performance programmes for people who want higher resilience and performance in themselves. You can find her profile at:

uk.linkedin.com/in/rosiemiller

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Question:

Is being happy the same as doing happy?

I would argue that it is not.

Doing happy is what I do at the office. As a CHO I focus on other people’s happiness at work and how to improve it to drive up their enjoyment of work and ultimately their productivity.  I do this through various interventions both remote and face-to-face.  I could recount many a meeting that I’ve been invited to and the opening gambit is “I wanted to meet with you because I’m not feeling happy”. And all of a sudden I feel, and am assumed to be, responsible for someone else’s happiness. So I would definitely say I DO happy.

But would I say I AM a happy person? Probably not. I tend to be a bit glass half empty to be honest. Even when I can see the funny side in how dramatically sh*t things are. I tend to over empathise and internalise other people’s emotions which can lead me to feeling overwhelmed. And when my job is listening to other people’s emotions it’s hard to stay resilient and happy in the face of what can feel like a mountain of doom.  Counsellors have supervisors to help them manage the weight of what they hear in the line of duty, but no such role exists for CHOs.

Plus (and here comes the spoiler alert) I have a history of depression and have been taking anti-depressants for the last 8 months following the death of my beloved grandmother.

So no. It would be fair to say that I am not being a happy person right now. But I’m trying really hard if that helps?

Helping others to be happy

Exploring the dichotomy between doing happy and being happy got me thinking about how many leaders aren’t naturally good at the things they lead in. Do you have to be the best sales person to lead a team of sales people? Or do you just need to be able to bring the key skills and qualities out in other people? Maybe the best leaders in financial services have stronger interpersonal than numerical skills? Maybe the best football coaches weren’t the top goal scorer at school but excelled in sociology instead?

There is a huge strength in drawing the best out of others even if no one could hope to draw that thing out of you. So despite my own current psychological predicament, I still believe I have the qualities and desire to measure, analyse and drive up other people’s happiness. Just don’t expect it to be with a rainbow over my head or you’ll be disappointed.

*Footnote: I have been inspired by some very brave friends who have also “come out” about the demons they are battling, otherwise I would never have had the guts. I believe mental health issues are frequently ignored and I hope that in discussing them we can all increase tolerance, understanding and treatment.

About the author: Eleanor Brent is a guest author

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Some of my blogs have tended to lean towards the academic side of Positive Psychology…..this one however is much more personal in nature…

2015 has been a big year for me. There have been massive changes in my personal circumstances. I have had to rediscover who I am and find a new way of ‘being’.  It’s been challenging at times and downright mentally and physically draining at others. Living the principles of Positive Psychology has helped me to ride the storm. Just as Barbara Fredrickson [1] promises, harnessing more positive emotions has built my resilience and cultivated a growth mindset [2]. Looking for, appreciating and expressing gratitude for the positives in my day, every day, has shown me just how much I have to be thankful for, despite the challenges. The power of altruism in action has worked its magic – offering help and support to those around me when they needed it, and even when they haven’t, has helped me redefine who I am, and the person I want to be. Sharing and celebrating all the successes I’ve had along the way, however small, has reinforced how achievement can rebuild self-esteem.

How friends help

However, nothing has been more crucial in my journey this past 12 months than the support I’ve received from friends and family around me. In the brilliant ‘The Happiness Advantage’ [3], Shawn Achor tells the story of his training in the Texas Fire Service. In the midst of flames, smoke, searing heat and low oxygen levels, his partner was literally his lifeline. His point? To invest in your social network in times of distress, not hide from it, like so many are prone to do when the going gets tough. In ‘Love 2.0’ [4], Barbara Fredrickson highlights how even everyday ‘moments of connection’ – authentic eye contact and a friendly smile – can build ‘social resources’. And the father of PP, Martin Seligman, advocates the building of positive relationships as one of the 5 elements that lead to ‘flourishing’ (the ‘R’ in his PERMA model) [5]. Although advocated by all of these giants of PP, I didn’t need the academic endorsement to understand the value of what I have. The help, love, generosity, ‘shoulders to cry on’ and ‘ears to bend’,  given freely to me by lifelong friends and by those I’ve only got to know relatively recently,  have been my salvation. Without them and their kind patience, I would have surely struggled and maybe would not have been in a balanced enough place to have written these words.

So in a way, this is my ‘gratitude letter’ (a PP exercise whose effectiveness in building positivity has been proven through research time and time again). I am, and always will be eternally thankful for the kindness of others. A little help goes a long way. As humans we are absolutely better together.

[1] Fredrickson, B (2011), Positivity: Groundbreaking Research to Release Your Inner Optimist and Thrive. Oneworld Publications.
[2] See Dweck, C, (2012). Mindset: How You Can Fulfil Your Potential. Robinson.
[3] Achor, S (2011), The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology that Fuel Success and Performance at Work. Virgin Books.
[4] Fredrickson, B (2014), Love 2.0: Finding Happiness in Moments of Connection. Plume.
[5] Seligman, M, (2011), Flourish: A New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being – and How To Achieve Them. Nicholas Brealey.

About the author: Nikki Ayles. With a passion for helping people to achieve their potential, Nikki designs and delivers capability development programmes using positive psychology principles and brain-friendly techniques. Nikki is currently expanding to design and deliver positive psychology based interventions which promote individual and employee flourishing.www.greenwoodorchid.com

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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The evolutionary benefits of negative emotions in evoking the ‘fight or flight’ response (and so preventing death by sabre toothed tiger) are widely known. However, the power of positive emotions to ‘calm and connect’, features much less in public awareness. As positive emotions fuel connections with others, they foster co-operation and interdependencies within social groups – vital for human survival.  So our capacity for positive emotions has been handed down to us via our genes through Darwinian natural selection.

Positive emotions act like ‘tiny engines’ for growth, broadening our awareness and building personal resources (see Broaden and Build).

Fredrickson highlights 10 positive emotions of joy, serenity, amusement, awe, pride, gratitude, interest, inspiration, hope, and love. She reasons that, as positive emotions are nourishing, consciously experiencing more of them on a daily basis can improve health and well-being. Extensive research has suggested that increasing instances of felt positive emotions, relative to negative emotions, above a ratio of 3:1 can predict a whole variety of psychological[1], psychosocial[2] and physiological benefits and increases individual’s self-reports of life satisfaction.

In 2005, Fredickson collaborated with Michal Losada[3] to mathematically calculate the tipping point of the positivity ratio as 2.9013:1 (i.e. 3:1), above which an individual is said to be flourishing and below which he/she is languishing. Although the robustness of this modelling has been called into question[4], behavioural research has continued to provide support for the 3:1 ratio[5], with 6:1 suggested as the ideal ratio to strive for.

Many positive psychology practitioners, including graduates of the MAPP programmes in the USA and UK have devised practical techniques for injecting  more positive emotions into everyday life – such as keeping a daily gratitude diary (Gratitude), identifying and using more of your signature strengths (Pride) (see VIA), and meditating (Serenity).

[1] Schwarz, R,M and Reynolds, C,F.(2002). Optimal and normal affect balance in psychotherapy of major depression. Evaluation of the balanced states of mind model. Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapy, 30, 439-50.

[2] Gottman, J.M and Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York, Three Rivers Press.
[3] Fredrickson, B, and Lodsada, M., (2005). Positive affect and the complex dynamics of human functioning. American Psychologist, 60, 678-86.
[4] Brown, N.J.L, Sokal, A.D., and Friedman, H.L. (2013). The complex dynamics of wishful thinking: the critical positivity ratio. American Psychologist, 68, 9, 801-813.
[5] Fredrickson, B.L.,  (2013). Updated thinking on positivity ratios. American Psychologist. 68, 9, 814-822.

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

Nikki Ayles

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Psychology was by far and away my favourite subject at senior school, and although my career, through and post university, took me in a different direction, I never lost my intense interest in, and passion for everything Psychologically-based. Relating to people and understanding what makes them tick has long held enormous appeal. It is for this reason, that not so long ago, I reconnected with Psychology in a formal academic sense and engrossed myself in an MSc. I rediscovered my zest for learning, as well as being captivated by the idea that so much of human experience is constructed through emotions and active engagement with others and our environment.

Something missing

Something was missing though. Something about the traditional take on Psychology just wasn’t sitting right for me. That was, until I was introduced to Positive Psychology. Suddenly everything fell into place – and just like the great Martin Seligman says is true for so many, it felt like a calling. The idea that every individual, no matter what their life circumstances, has the power and resources to enhance their experience of life and to flourish not merely ‘get by’, is immensely inspiring.

Transformational effects

Since that first introduction I have devoured books and research articles, attended workshops and seminars, and sought out and connected with all kinds of people involved in Positive Psychology. But more than this, I have personally embraced the principles of Positive Psychology, integrating them into my everyday life. That’s one of the things that’s so fantastic about Positive Psychology – it’s so applied and highly practical – its not just a bunch of dusty theories languishing in a research lab. The people at the vanguard of the Positive Psychology movement truly believe it should be ‘lived’ and are passionate about making it accessible for all. Through living and breathing it in this way, I have reaped the benefits, finding more joy in the little things in life, experiencing deeper and more meaningful social connections and developing a more resilient and optimistic outlook. I know it works – not just because there’s abundant research evidence to support it, but because I’ve experienced its transformational effects for myself.

I am a convert and an advocate and am deeply committed to expanding my own knowledge and skills in order to create initiatives which can help others to achieve their potential and to thrive –  at school, at work and at play.

Nikki Ayles (Young)  greenwoodorchid.com

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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