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If your hope is being tested, this article should help, so keep reading.

We’ll explore what hope looks like in action, how it feels and ways in which you can activate it to improve your chances of success.

What do we mean by hope?

Hope Theory, which was developed by Psychologist Charles Snyder consists of 2 fundamental elements. First, it’s belief in an ideal future with an optimistic mindset (agency). Hopeful people have positive expectations of achieving the goals they want. Second is being able to find multiple ways (pathways) in which to achieve those goals. There will always be things that try and stop us, but being able to overcome obstacles is crucial.

So what does hope feel like?

It can feel like having butterflies or the lift of your stomach on a rollercoaster ride. We might notice our hearts beating faster or a change in our breathing rhythm.

Hope can be measured on a scale of hope and fear. Psychologist Reece Coker believes that when we hope something will happen, we fear it won’t. And when we hope something won’t happen, we fear it will. When feeling hopeful, we can’t wait for something to happen, whereas when we feel fearful, we want to avoid it happening.

While we may feel momentary discomfort, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Our body has a primitive reaction to uncertainty in the future, but it doesn’t know whether it’s hope or fear that we’re experiencing. It’s our mind which makes that judgement. Though we may not be able to control our initial feelings of hope and fear, we can alter our mindset and the way we respond.

How you can be more hopeful

I invite you to try the following activities, as they have been proven to be effective and will help activate hope in your life. You may want to try journaling as it helps reorganise thoughts, make sense of them and separate them from emotions.

1. List all of your past successes (marrying my amazing wife – passing a driving test – giving up smoking – donating blood – getting a promotion). Briefly look over this list when your motivation or willpower is fading. These will create a boost of positive emotions that help broaden our perspective to opportunities in our lives.
2. Anticipate future obstacles and setbacks, as they are inevitable. If (x) happens, then I will (y). When you’ve already thought about how to respond, you will be less likely to react when your judgement is clouded by temporary emotions.
3. Over 500 studies to date have demonstrated that the 24 VIA character strengths improve our well-being. We can use these to help see different perspectives (like camera lenses if you will). Simply ask what would (character strength) do in this situation? For instance, what would kindness do? What would creativity do? Imagine they are different cartoon characters if that helps.
4. There are always alternative pathways. Think about what options you haven’t tried. If you haven’t found them, ask other people for their perspective.

There you have it. In just a few steps you can start feeling more hopeful in your life.

Read more about James McIntyre-Ure  and his other articles HERE

The post How To Cultivate Hope In Your Life appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.

Bored with the tasks you do as part of your job? No energy to start any projects of your own? Not keeping up with what’s going on in your field? No longer finding your work challenging? If you find yourself answering yes to these questions, it is an indicator that you may be feeling stuck and in need of a healthy change. At least you’re not alone (because 70% of people feel the same way) and continue to spend over 50% of their waking hours frustrated.

Feeling stuck in your career can have a knock-on effect to other areas of our lives. The smallest things our colleagues do at work start to become more noticeable and less bearable. We become resentful of the powers that be and end up feeling cynical, and in some cases burnout from the endless emotional drain. We may even notice that we have a shorter temper when with our loved ones, or a feeling of emptiness when talking about our days at work. Continue reading for practical advice to help you come unstuck and forge a path toward a fulfilling and purposeful career.

Reflect on energisers and drainers

Think of your career as a ship sailing through stormy waters. While you will get momentarily thrown off course by setbacks, you still want to be heading in the right direction. Some storms are inevitable, but if you find yourself experiencing constant waves, it could be a key moment to pause and reassess. What are the stars that are guiding your professional journey? Reflect on your values, interests, and long-term aspirations. Take note of the parts of your job that energise you. These will serve as your North Star, providing a sense of purposeful direction.

Are there treacherous waters that you can avoid? Identify the aspects of your current job that drain your energy and stifle your growth. By recognizing these obstacles, you may be able to navigate around them, or at least become better at surfing the waves. If they cannot be avoided, how might they be minimised?

While we may not be in the position to immediately change jobs, we are in immediate control of changing our mindset. What have you learned from previous situations? What skills have you gained? Reflecting on our setbacks is an opportunity to gain valuable experience that will act as a stepping stone to something better. It’s always good to keep a list of these (in a notebook or on a word doc) for when interviewing for a new job.

Find self determination

Feeling stuck can often be a result of a lack of inspiration and motivation. To explore this further it helps if we use Deci and Ryan’s Self-Determination Theory, as this is a proven way to understand our own drivers:

• Autonomy: We all like to feel a sense of control in our professional lives. Taking control of your career can feel less overwhelming if you take a moment to reflect on your day-to-day tasks. “What are three tasks you enjoy doing at work and why? Are these energising tasks something you can offer to take the lead on? How can you have more say in your work and decision-making?”
• Competence: Feeling mastery in what you do not only motivates, but also provides a sense of purpose. Are you having an impact with your skills? Are you in a role which requires you to develop new and different skillsets? Have you considered upskilling with free online courses? By continuously developing your skills and knowledge, you’ll gain the confidence to overcome everyday obstacles.
• Relatedness: It’s important to feel a sense of belonging or to be part of a community in our careers. Consider your professional network and connections. Do you feel part of a community? Perhaps remote work which seemed like a good idea at first has taken that away? How can you nurture meaningful relationships within your field? What steps can you take to engage in supportive professional communities? People we see on a regular basis have a huge influence on our potential. On the other hand, choosing to spend time with complainers becomes contagious.

By nurturing these psychological needs, you can reignite your passion and drive, enabling you to navigate change and uncertainty with greater confidence.

Invest in Continuous Learning:

Continuous learning is a powerful tool for overcoming feeling stuck and embracing career growth. When we upskill, it not only increases our confidence, but also opens our eyes to different opportunities and specialisations in our field. We can discover different professional groups and with a careful bit of networking, learn about roles that specialise in different areas. What courses, workshops, or certifications align with your interests?

Seek out mentors or coaches. Mentors not only provide us with the ins and outs of a certain job, but also connect us to other people in the field. Think of ways in which you can find someone people in your desired field, Linkedin is a great avenue for this. People who do enjoy their job are often more than happy to share about their positive experiences. If you’re worried about people not wanting to be your mentor, think about what value you could provide by being a mentee.

Stay updated with industry trends: What emerging technologies, methodologies, or practices are influencing your field? How can you incorporate these trends into your skill set? What resources, such as books, articles, podcasts, or webinars, can you explore to stay informed? If there aren’t any that spring to mind, then this could be a great ice breaker with someone in the field.

Apply Design Thinking to your career:

Design thinking is a human centred problem-solving process which we can apply to our career journeys. It helps us challenge assumptions, redefine problems so they are actionable and create innovative solutions. Think about how you can adopt these 5 steps in your journey:

• Empathise: It’s okay if you haven’t figured it out yet, focus on where you are at right now. If you’ve got time to read this, you’ve also got time to give your career that much needed attention. Instead of making excuses, accept that this is a problem, remind yourself that you’ve made it this far and you are now ready to move forward.
• Define: Get clear on what it is that’s missing. Is it money, impact or expression (the chance to be creative)? Perhaps even one of the motivational factors mentioned earlier?
• Ideate: Time to get creative and explore possibilities and all you need is a pen and paper. What alternative career paths or options have peaked your interest? Sometimes the things we enjoyed as a teenager can be a telling sign of something we’re passionate about. What have you not thought of? How can you put a career idea into action? Have you thought about setting up informational interviews? These are brief talks with people in the field about their job.
• Prototype and test: Any plan without action is just a thought. What short-term projects, volunteering opportunities, or internships can you pursue to gain firsthand experience in different fields or roles? What have you learned from your prototypes and tests? Did you find it energising or draining?

In summary, feeling stuck can leave you yearning for change, uncertain about your next steps, and struggling to navigate the ever-evolving professional landscape. However, recognising your energisers, motivators and opportunities for growth can help you break free from the limiting beliefs and uncertainties that hold you back. Life design thinking empowers you to be the architect of your own career, enabling you to overcome feeling stuck and design a professional journey that brings fulfilment and purpose. Through careful reflection, you can gain clarity and lay the foundation for a more meaningful and satisfying career path.

Summary

Feeling stuck in your career impacts multiple areas of life, with many experiencing frustration. To combat this, reflect on energizing aspects and draining elements of your job. Use Deci and Ryan’s Self-Determination Theory to address autonomy, competence, and relatedness in your work. Continuously learn, seeking mentors and staying updated with industry trends. Apply design thinking to your career: empathize with your current situation, define what’s missing, ideate possibilities, and prototype/test options. This empowers you to architect a fulfilling career, breaking free from constraints, and establishing a satisfying path.

The post What to do when feeling stuck in your career appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.

Being connected to something greater

Fortunately, we are not alone, as these needs can be explained with Developmental Psychology. Erik Erikson outlines 8 stages of psychosocial development and specifically as we enter the mid-stage of our lives, we all have a hope to be connected to something bigger and nurture future generations. This is a likely reason people start to question the meaning of life, their legacy or whether it’s too late to have children. Knowing the meaning of life is extremely complex and subjective, which makes us feel uncertain and sense a lack of control. I want you to know that these feelings are completely normal and felt by us all, but they are also what makes life worth living. After all, a predictable future would take the element of surprise and excitement out of our lives.

Regret of inaction

Research has shown that the regret of inaction is far greater than the potential regret of taking action. When people regret the things they didn’t do or opportunities they missed, it can leave them in a helpless state of doubt; one which can never be satisfied. On the other hand, when we choose to do something we later regret, it isn’t as bad because we would have felt some element of control in the matter.

Let’s consider the top 5 five regrets of the dying recorded by a palliative nurse (see below).

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Notice that most of these regrets exemplify inaction. It’s clear that those who take risks tend to be happier and more satisfied with their lives, so here are some reflective questions to ask yourself: Is inaction worth the long-term feeling of regret? What are the rewards and benefits of taking action? What’s really holding you back?

Other people’s expectations

It’s also important to be aware of external influences that may be holding us back from pursuing our passions and living our best lives. From early on in our lives, we’re told what to do and a lot of our expectations are set by our parents, for instance, which subjects to study at school. In some cases, family expectations continue to have a strong influence over the careers we pursue. Expectations of our friends can even have a hold on the way we behave. You may have heard of fight, flight, and freeze modes but there’s also one called fawn (which is a people-pleasing fear response).

What we really need to be asking ourselves is whether other people’s expectations align with our own needs and values, because when they don’t, we are likely to lose motivation and feel resentful with the consequences in the long run. It’s easy to get caught up in societal expectations, but it doesn’t mean we have to let them continue to dictate our everyday choices and actions. While set expectations aren’t easy to change, it’s never too late. Reflective questions to ask yourself: What are some healthy expectations you wish to set? Which external influences are holding you back?

Acting in alignment with your core values

What do we value most in life? It could be family, relationships, community, serenity, health, personal growth, equality…the list is endless. Our core values are the fundamental principles that drive our emotions and motivation. If seeing inequality makes your blood boil, it means you value fairness. Whether you do something about it or not is a question of whether your behaviour aligns with your values. Though we may not notice it on a daily level, over time it will leave you feeling a sense of purpose, while in its absence you will be left feeling unfulfilled. Though our careers may not be our top priority, it’s useful to remember that we spend 1/3 of our lives engaging in them, so either way, our choice of career will affect our wellbeing.

It’s not so clear cut though. Our emotions can be triggered in other ways and affect the decisions we make on the spot. When acting out of fear, we might make decisions that please overs instead of ourselves. When we make emotionally charged decisions in the moment, they are more irrational, and potentially something we will regret later.

Until we have a clear understanding of our core values, we are likely to continue doing a job we don’t care about or make decisions we later regret. Even though friends and family can negatively influence the things we value, they can also be a means of bringing you closer, as they know you better than anyone. It could be a time to step back and reflect on what is truly important. What are your core values? Did a recent decision you made align with your core values? Are you persisting with something meaningful or out of compliance?

Being part of a community

Volunteering and giving back to your community can also be a great way to find purpose during midlife. Being part of a community is being part of something greater than yourself, potentially leaving a legacy for future generations. It’s also a great way to make new connections with like-minded people and offers a range of health benefits. In fact, helping others releases endorphins and is sure to make others feel good too. Finally, it provides a sense of fulfilment and belonging, so the benefits are rather extensive. Reflective questions to ask yourself: How can you give back to your community? What volunteer opportunities align with your values?

Whatever the reason may be, it’s important to remember that finding your purpose during midlife can be a challenging but also rewarding experience. Finding your purpose is not a one-time event, but a lifelong journey that changes and evolves as we grow and learn. While we may not be in control of what others think of us, we are in control of the expectations we set. Being clear on what matters allows us to better allocate our finite mental resources and feel a greater sense of purpose in our lives.

References

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying

Read more about James McIntyre-Ure and his other articles HERE

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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A key skill that helps us during these times is empathy and it’s becoming quite the buzzword. Empathy allows us to connect on a deeper level, understand perspective, and respond to needs in a more compassionate and rational way. Speaking to emotions makes people feel accepted and heard, whereas when they are not acknowledged, it can make them feel resentful, rejected or unimportant.

Read on for a step-by-step approach on how to remain empathetic, during difficult conversations.

Avoid mind reading

Has your partner ever responded to you with “Don’t tell me how I feel!”? If so, this is completely plausible because you’ll never be able to fully understand another person’s lived experience. The best you can do is be curious about gathering enough information to help you imagine what it’s like to be in their shoes.

The minute you start jumping to conclusions is the minute you start mind reading, and we are all so bad at this. Even the likes of Derren Brown (famous mentalist and illusionist), would admit they can’t actually mind reading but are experts at creating enough illusions to make it seem to be the case. Other reasons we are bad at mind reading are because people’s challenging situations can trigger an emotional response that clouds our judgment, not to mention 24 cognitive biases at play.

Allow time to vent

During times of distress, being able to express feelings is cathartic. As opposed to letting someone bottle up their feelings, we should provide people with the chance to release any emotional tension they may be experiencing. Engaging with your emotions is the first step to accepting them. Without acceptance, they become buried with the potential to resurface in an unhealthy way.

It’s important to provide a space for people to express their feelings and this means letting them speak without interruption. Doing this not only makes people feel heard and valued but also enables them to gain a sense of clarity. Being able to communicate helps one reorganise thoughts, known as the cognitive theory. Such thoughts could have been circulating for some time and become further distorted with each circulation.

Finally, allow time for mini pauses. We’re so used to jumping from one conversation to another that mini periods of silence appear somewhat unusual. In response to this, people feel the need to fill natural pauses with speech, and this can become a habit if not careful. While you might be removing some discomfort by filling these pauses with noise, you might be stopping someone from having that crucial realisation. Sometimes that sense of clarity is just around the corner.

Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is another powerful tool for remaining empathetic during difficult conversations. By being present and fully engaged in the conversation, we are better able to tune into our own emotions and those of the other person. This can help us remain calm and centered, even in the face of challenging emotions or conflicting viewpoints.

One way of doing this is to practice deep breathing using the 4-5-6 pattern. First, inhale for 4 seconds, then hold your breath for 5 seconds, finishing with an inhale of 6 seconds. This pattern is only a guide so if you’re not used to deep breathing, practice it beforehand (you wouldn’t want to let out a big exhale while they are speaking).

When people are venting, it can be tempting to either engage or stop them. Thinking of how to respond is also an immediate sign of you losing presence and mindfulness. Even if you do think you’ve understood the situation, let them finish and be careful not to slip into mind-reading mode. Stay curious.

Listen actively

While everyone likes a good listener, what they mean is an active listener as opposed to a passive one. Active listening is also a vital skill to practice during difficult conversations. This involves focusing on what the other person is saying, asking questions for clarification, and reflecting back on what you have heard to ensure understanding. When we listen actively, we demonstrate that we value the other person’s perspective and are willing to hear them out, even if we don’t necessarily agree with their point of view. While it’s good to acknowledge speech with the occasional ‘hmmm’, careful not to overdo it, as it can come across as ingenuine or make people feel pressured to finish.

Hold on a minute Sherlock! (Avoid giving solutions)

Sometimes the right thing to say is nothing at all. I have this thought when someone close to me announces the tragic news of someone passing. (If I put myself in their shoes, there’s nothing that I want to hear or that can be said to make me feel better). There is no solution to this problem other than to bring the person back.

When you hear that someone is in a difficult situation, your immediate instinct may be to help them and what that does is push us into solution mode. While we may feel better because we think we’re being helpful, your partner or friend isn’t always in need of your opinions or solutions.

In order to have a greater influence over others, you need to speak to people’s emotions and understand what makes them tick, in other words, use your emotional and social intelligence. People possess all the solutions they need, it’s just a case of helping them access them. Once people come up with their own solutions, they will feel much more empowered.

Read more about James McIntyre-Ure and his other articles HERE

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

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Values in action

The VIA Character developed a strengths survey to measure what people value. VIA stands for Values In Action and 24 values were chosen because they fulfilled a list of criteria that were both universal and improved people’s well-being. They went through a rigorous selection process and were chosen by the founder of Positive Psychology Dr Martin Seligman, and famous psychologist Christopher Peterson. You can take the FREE survey online here.

Once you know what you value, then you design 30-day goals based on a particular value. For instance, your value could be kindness, which means you would choose goals related to being kind (e.g. offering to help someone, telling someone you’re grateful for something they did or volunteering). You would then design a plan where you act in alignment with your values and then after a month, meet up with your group and share experiences.

Why do people start them?

Perhaps if you’ve been meaning to make a change in your life for some time and just need a push, then this could be a great way to make it happen for two reasons. First, value-driven motivation is much more effective than trying to force ourselves to follow through on changes. Second, accountability has been proven to help people accomplish more. We can all come up with the perfect plans to be happier, though implementing them is a whole new challenge. It’s easy to come up with excuses for not doing something, much easier than it is doing it. When it comes to giving excuses to other people, then we start to feel more responsible.

How to form a group

Leader

Someone should be responsible for organising people, a time and a place. That said, it is not a daunting task. Plenty of people naturally talk about things that can be tied to their happiness, it just may not always be obvious. The leader is just someone to initiate those discussions and has a solution-focused mindset.

People

The size of the group and the combination of personalities will affect the social dynamics. When choosing how many people, you can go two ways;

• Keep the group open to invitations.
• Choose a limited number.

It might be a good idea to start out small and expand gradually. Don’t be put off by some personalities clashing, as it’s better to have a mix for perspective.

Place

You then need to choose a place to meet. You don’t want a busy and loud environment, at the same time hosting at people’s houses may place additional pressure on group members. Cafes with separate rooms work quite well. The option of food and drink without having to prepare it is also a good option.

Initial steps

I started my group by emailing people who I knew had an interest in personal development. After receiving confirmation about who was interested, I made a brief survey on Google Forms in order to establish people’s availability and preferences. After reading the survey responses I was able to select a day, time and place for the first meeting.

Things to consider

Establish ground rules

In the early stages of the first session, it’s crucial to outline a few ground rules such as no interruptions, crosstalk, or judgments. It’s important for people to feel heard and if interrupted, some people may feel disrespected and withdrawn.

Assume you are wrong

Everyone has their own definitions of happiness and it’s hard to define, so it’s important to explore different ideas and keep an open mind. Your idea of happiness is likely to be different from others, so accept it as opposed to challenge it. Where do we learn the most valuable things in life?

Ignore those monkeys

When the day of the first group meeting arrived, I was feeling rather anxious. What if people didn’t have ideas for the discussions? What if people didn’t show up? What if they asked me things that I didn’t know the answers to? I let these thoughts (monkeys) constantly occupy my mind at the time and they weren’t helpful. What I later realised, after the session was underway was those monkeys were imaginary. It turned out that people were very grateful for initiating something meaningful and different.

Late arrivals

Even after the fact that people are excited and everything is in place, there could be latecomers. It’s polite to wait but at the same time, other people may need to leave when the session finishes. It’s important to stick to your start and finish times; it’s part of being a responsible leader.

Agendas

Having a clear agenda provides some structure to sessions and can make you feel more at ease. It also serves as a useful reminder of stages in the session, a reference for timing and a place to take useful notes. I tried to take some notes at the time but was also mindful of the fact that I needed to ‘be present’ in order to facilitate a rewarding session.

I’m so grateful I had set up my happiness group because I achieved so much in one year (e,g writing a book and enrolling in a course that changed my career). What are you waiting for?

Read more about James McIntyre-Ure  and his other articles HERE

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

Podcast Version

‘We Are The Positive Psychology People’

The post How to Form a Happiness Project Group appeared first on The Positive Psychology People.