Responsibility – If it’s to be, it’s up to me

Responsibility – If it’s to be, it’s up to me

A frequent saying from someone with Responsibility is, “If it’s to be, it’s up to me.” People with responsibility are especially talented at taking psychological ownership for what they say they will do. Managers were asked what their two favorite StrengthsFinder talent themes are in their associates – responsibility and harmony were considered the two favorites.  And it makes sense.   People with responsibility are going to do what they say.  People with harmony are going to get along with people. Responsibility is ranked number 2 out of all 34 strengths and interestingly out of the top 5 talent themes between men and women, we have the same 4 out of 5 and responsibility is one of those 4.  They are committed to the values such as honesty and loyalty.  There is this sense to mankind to help and they thrive on this ownership and responsibility to help others. People with responsibility are the owner.  They’re loyal, they’re servants, responders, great volunteers, diligent, loyal, dutiful, dependable, committed, and sacrificial. When you look at the balcony of responsibility these are folks that are so trusted, great at follow through, conscientious, accountable, and committed.  They are key members of teams.  People with responsibility can be trusted and thrive on independence.  You don’t have to micromanage them.  In fact they hate being micromanaged. So they’re not just the renter, they are the owner.  They’re the person that can be trusted, they keep their promises and follow through on their commitments.  They are dependable and loyal, but they need freedom to take ownership.  They value gaining the respect of others. They feel energized when they are respected. When others look up to them, there is something in their bucket of positive energy gets filled up. Power – Joy – Beauty – Hope...
What Winter Has To Offer

What Winter Has To Offer

The challenges of winter Many people find the short, cold, dark days of January and February a challenge. This is hardly surprising as our body clocks are disrupted because our daily routines are not aligned with the natural daylight hours. Unlike our ancestors who adjusted their days to fit with natural light, we behave in an unnatural way; the sun rises after we have woken and sets before we return from work meaning that we do not have enough daylight to maintain our serotonin levels. Low levels of serotonin are associated with depression. In addition, the increased levels of darkness means that more of the body’s sleep hormone, melatonin is produced leaving us feeling sluggish and lethargic. In Denmark where daylight hours are very low in winter, you would expect rates of depression to be high, but it is one of the happiest nations on earth. What can we learn from the Danes to help us through this time of year? Recently I heard about the Scandinavian concept of ‘hygge’, a difficult word to translate as its meaning seems to include a mixture of well-being, the pleasure gained from comforting and soothing things, a feeling of contentment and connection. How positive psychology helps To me, this idea reflects some of the practices documented and researched in the field of Positive Psychology such as savouring, positive connections and self-compassion. Hygge can include many actions and thoughts, such as lighting candles, stoking an open fire or the smell of freshly baked bread, but let’s take cooking a winter’s stew for friends. When planning the meal and preparing food, we can do...
Energy, Re-vitalisation and Exhaustion

Energy, Re-vitalisation and Exhaustion

Strengths and exhaustion The other day I was at the end of a long teaching session, and I was struck by the fact that I was lacking energy and feeling exhausted. I was reminded at that time of something I learnt from Alex Linley, who said, that when we are using our character strengths we feel energised by what we are doing. So was I doing something wrong? I reflected on the day it started some weeks before as I coordinated service users and lecturers, about thirty, and two hundred students. Changing regular groups, briefing individuals and enthusing them, then checking rooms were available and equipment present. The computer didn’t work so I needed to get another one. So the events of the day went smoothly and students were happy with the lessons learnt, but then I felt exhausted, no energy left to do anything. Strengths and energy It struck me that actually what I was facing was the need to contextualise the lessons learnt, so the energising from character strengths did not mean that I would never be tired, but rather that during the process I would feel energised by the process. So it is that I need to look at, for those things in life where I am re-vitalised, energised and also what saps my energy. Re-vitalisation Re-vitalisation comes from when I have remembered to rest, this is interesting because sometimes this rest is simply changing what I am doing and sometimes it is remembering to go to bed. Other things that re-vitalise me are where someone gives me genuine affection, hugs are an important thing for...
The Self-Improvement Trap

The Self-Improvement Trap

Many of us are interested in self-improvement, self-help, personal development or whatever you want to call it. But how many of you fallen into the self-improvement TRAP?! This trap is the fine line between self-improvement and self-degradation. The fine line between ‘I want to be better’ and ‘I am not good enough’. Although these statements sound like they are pointing at the same thing, there is a subtle but important difference. Some examples of the self-improvement trap I should fix my negative thoughts because they are messing up my life I must stay in the present moment otherwise I’ll never be truly happy I have to love myself more because I’m so unconfident I need to banish my insecurities because they hold me back What energy do you feel from those statements? They are the kind of statements that I have said to myself. They are laced with a negative undertone, an uphill battle, a dis-ease and a dislike for myself as I currently am. Many people come at self-improvement from this angle. It can be a catch 22 because we need to see what’s ‘wrong’ before we can see what’s ‘right’. And feeling the negative energy of what’s wrong is a totally normal part of our emotional guidance – so we’re not going to banish that, we don’t want to banish it. So what’s the problem? The problem is that we become trapped when we carry a prolonged and greater affinity with what’s wrong, than with what we want to achieve in terms of improvement. Unknowingly we put more energy into fighting the old, rather than building the...
Your Strengths Narrative

Your Strengths Narrative

From the stories you tell to your strengths narrative “The more we share our own stories, the closer we all become.”[1] Who did you get those strengths from? What stories have you been told about yourself that relate to your strengths? Have your strengths always been there or have they grown in you? How does it feel to know you will be passing them on to the next generation? Perhaps you’ve answered most of these questions as you reflected upon your character strengths (those positive traits shown in feelings, thoughts, and actions, which are the foundation of optimal life-long development and thriving[2]). But what would you discover if you directed these questions towards your friends and family? What if you used them on your coaching or therapy sessions? From wondering to working Lately, I have wondered about these questions as well as the potential of considering our character strengths a part of our identity and life narrative. So based on the idea that our experiences gain significance from being embedded in our narrative[3] and that positive questions are a powerful means towards positive change[4]. I developed a Narrative-Appreciative Character Strengths Interview. Inspired by David Epston and Kay Ingamells[5] I aim at fostering a positive perspective of the interviewees on their character strengths as idiosyncratic traits which have a story, a legacy (both inherited and transferable) and a future to be framed in a coherent narrative wholeness. The narrative-appreciative interview into practice Before I empirically tested this interview on a group, measuring participants’ happiness and strengths use before and after applying it, I tested it on my father. It was...