Discipline – Getting Your Ducks in a Row

Discipline – Getting Your Ducks in a Row

Discipline is fairly rare and is ranked 31 in frequency out of all 34 StrengthsFinder talent themes. Discipline is most likely paired with the Responsibility talent theme at .42%. It’s least likely paired with Ideation at .00%. People who are especially talented in Discipline enjoy routine and structure. They love precision and a detailed plan. They crave getting their ducks in a row. They are described as organizers, planners, and architects. They have great structure and meticulous predictability. Orderly, perfectionistic and exacting. When you look at discipline from the balcony perspective they bring us high productivity. They break down complex situations into simple steps. They promote efficiency, automation and organizational effectiveness. They decrease mental and physical clutter. Who wouldn’t benefit from getting your ducks in a row? Raw or immature discipline may appear mechanical or rigid, overbearing, almost obsessive compulsive. They hate chaos and confusion. Likely resistant to change. Flying by the seat of their pants may create fear. Therefore they need to have their personal and professional ducks in a row. Discipline say’s, I meet deadlines because it makes me feel good. Responsibility says I meet deadlines because it makes others respect me. Even the Bible teaches in 1 Corinthians 14:40, “But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way.” There’s this place for order and discipline in our lives. If you manage someone with Discipline, help them actively create checklists and management systems. Partner them with others who need better focus, follow through, and structure. If you have the strength of Discipline, put yourself into organizations that lean on and appreciate your organization and discipline. Create automated systems and files that help yourself and others...
We Are The Experts In Ourselves

We Are The Experts In Ourselves

Shared Decision-Making and Positive Psychology I’ve recently heard a talented researcher speak about the topic of shared decision-making, stating that no one can hope to know exactly how another person feels or what works best for them and their circumstances, that person will be the expert in themselves. This is precisely the stance I felt informed my exploration of flow experiences and positive psychology generally. To hear it now in the early stages of my PhD journey in reference to an approach to decision making within psychotherapy caused one of those wonderful ‘lightbulb’ moments as I’ve attempted to tease out how my previous knowledge ties in with my current research focus. The realisation came hard and swift that: shared decision-making falls firmly under the scope of positive psychology, MY positive psychology. In an earlier post ‘What positive psychology means to me’ I stated that to me, positive psychology is not simply about the pursuit of happiness, but about the pursuit of excellence, of people working at their best, with that excellence being defined by their own standards, enjoyment, and satisfaction when working towards their greatest potential and excelling themselves. I truly believe that a shared decision-making approach to psychotherapy fulfils this remit. Optimising for the client, based on the client As mentioned previously, shared decision-making is at the core of the pluralistic approach to counselling and psychotherapy (Cooper & McLeod, 2011). An approach utilising shared decision-making seeks on the one hand to involve the patient or client in their own care, potentially resulting in a sense of empowerment in tackling their illness or disorder. Yet, it also seeks to...
Playing To Strengths…Through Style?

Playing To Strengths…Through Style?

Identity and style On the heels of divorce, I hadn’t been feeling great, awkward in everything I wore, not sure whether to look available or aloof. My empty handed shopping expeditions left me frustrated and feeling old. When your identity changes, so does style, but what was my identity now? Trying to achieve one’s style is linked to identity and how we see, portray, and feel about ourselves. Yet, the pressure to follow trendy styles made me feel foolish and out of place. Who I am/was/would be and what I was wearing did not reflect my current state. I was surprised to discover the role clothes played in how I saw myself and hesitated writing this blog, Seriously? Fashion, style, and positive psychology?! How our look affects us I’m not talking about spending thousands on clothes or hours in a spa, nor a narrow focus on appearance to the exclusion of intellect, or personality, rather, playing up physical strengths that make us unique and beautiful to bring out the best in ourselves. In fact, Mausch and Hefferon (2014) are on the case; how we look affects us. Consider a haircut; it’s not major, but enough to refresh you for a time. Changing our look can disrupt the habitual ruts in which we find ourselves, transform identity and be a source of positive emotion. While standards vary, we easily spot beautiful people. Not the usual runway models, they are individuals who confidently express their identity through a carefully developed sense of style that suits them well (cut, color, size), demonstrates self-respect for the body (no gratuitous cleavage, purposeful thong lines,...
The Essence of Faithfulness

The Essence of Faithfulness

Back in Canada, I knew a lovely Spanish lady whose kids were in the same school as mine. We were talking about parenting one day, and she said the secret to a happy life was to raise children with all your heart and expect nothing in return. It sounded like wise advice, and given the genuine peace and joy that she radiated, I decided to use her words as my own True North. In the years since, it’s not been a perfect journey by any means, but for the most part I’ve managed to hang in there. Lately though, I’ve begun to wonder whether the advice now needs a bit of tweaking. Human Doubt We all have our share of moments where we question what we do. For me, one such moment was a couple of weeks ago. I had been feeling unwell, and not seeing the level of care and compassion from my children that I would’ve wanted, I began to feel rather hurt. Give the mind an inch and it’ll take a mile. It took advantage of a weak moment and instantly presented me with a legal case of my endless giving and their general ingratitude. Needless to say, the hurt soon turned into anger. True, they had upcoming exams and a lot on their plates. Also true that they had tried to show real concern in certain ways. But I could see that it was not easy for them and I began to question my friend’s advice. By being indifferent to reciprocity, was I making them less kindhearted people? By not expecting gentle words and caring...
Communication – Savvy, Steak, and Sizzle

Communication – Savvy, Steak, and Sizzle

Toastmasters & communication People with the StrengthsFinder Communication strength like to explain ideas. When Communicators encounter a new idea, they want to express it and bring that idea to life. They also want to entertain and capture people’s attention. Communicators love finding the right story or the right image to express an idea. The Toastmasters organization helps people develop their communication and presentation skills. I have been a part of Toastmasters for the past ten years. It is an incredible organization for anyone who wants to grow their communication and leadership skills. Communicators are often wordsmiths. They love vocabulary and like to use dramatic, inspiring words, making them, not only great speakers, but great writers, as well. Communicators know how to use words to influence, sell, and open your mind. One way a communicator can maximize their strength is to keep a story or quote file. I’ve been doing this for years. When I have a personal experience that I think is worth sharing, I write it on a three by five card and keep it on file. (Some people keep story or quote files on their computers.) A sounding board Communicators want and need a sounding board in order to identify which stories are exciting to other people. Having a sounding board for feedback helps a communicator hone and refine their storytelling skills. A book for communicators that I absolutely love is called Money Talks: How to Make a Millionas a Speaker by Alan Weiss. He’s a skilled speaker and communication consultant, and, in his book he talks about how people with communication and presentation skills need to have a balance of savvy, steak, and sizzle. Savvy Communicators can develop their skills by...
The Fear of Success

The Fear of Success

As I hemmed and hawed over this article it was for good reason and perfect timing that there was as delay. Two days ago I received a call from my younger brother, who at 47 years old has decided to pop the question to his girlfriend. While we all have seen movies such as the Runaway Bride, or maybe even been on the end of thinking what if the answer is no, a shadow question is what if the answer is yes? Fears are common to many of us when we are at the crossroads of a decision. I wonder how many of us have considered our fear to be the what if of success. Out of the Comfort Zone As we all settle into our jobs, our lifestyles and ways of being in the world, it can become a comfortable and familiar place that is hard to leave. In some cases we use cognitive dissonance, or the bartering ability to justify and reason between our place of comfort and the possibility of a future shift that causes us discomfort. If you have been reading these blog articles written for The Positive Psychology People page, you might remember the article by Maia Aziz that challenge us to remember that element of discomfort was like a fire poker sticking in our side, pushing us outside our comfort zone and to consider possibilities. So what about this fear of success? Why might a person fear being promoted, becoming a parent, a spouse, becoming closer to the type of person they desire to be? While we celebrate the optimal moment of acknowledging...